Finding Solace (17 page)

 
With all my love, Sadie

 
I stared at
that letter for days. I cried over the fact I would never be able to give it to
him. Why is life so unfair?

 
Two weeks
later Heather and I were up at ‘51’ for the big coming back party. College classes
started back up on Monday. It was Saturday night and it had been too long since
we have all been together. Everyone was there. I looked over at Colt and it was
like I was looking at a magazine model. It was almost as if I forgot just how
gorgeous he is. He caught me gawking at him and sent me back a huge ass grin.
Shawn has been managing the place while all the students went back home. It had
to be a pain in the ass scheduling when all of the employees were gone. Now
they are all back and Colt is back to help. The bar was packed. It was like the
whole town showed up. Heather and I started our annual shot line up and all the
guys came over to join. Pretty soon I was drunk and back out on the dance
floor, which was becoming my second home when I am here. I love to dance. I
have danced most of my life. Music just has an effect on my body. I don’t know
how else to explain it. Heather joined me and we lit it up. It always seems
that men think they can just come up behind you and grab whatever body part
they want. That’s when we have the most fun though. Tonight it happened to her
first. So I left her there to suffer for a while before I grabbed her hand and
jerked her away from him. Next, it was my turn and
eewwww
,
this guy stunk. I couldn’t see his face, but I could smell him from a mile
away. Heather thought me gagging was so funny that instead of helping me, she
left the dance floor completely. Bitch! I attempted to dance away from him but
within seconds, he was behind me again. I couldn’t shake him. The final straw
was when his hand attempted to go up my skirt. I flipped out! I turned around
to slap him but never got the chance before he was lying on the ground. Colt
stood over him making sure he was not stupid enough to get up, while Shawn came
to escort him out. I just froze. Did that just really happen? I turned to Colt
to say something but he cut me off before I had the chance.

 
 
"Don't, Sadie. Just don't. I told you
this was going to happen. It doesn't help that you dance the way you do,
practically begging men to fall all over you."

 
"What
the fuck, Colt! I didn't ask for any of this to happen. I was just dancing. You
can't be serious right now."

 
"I'm
dead fucking serious. You…"

 
"Colt, stop."
Heather was there, thank God, and Jason and Mike were right behind her.
"She didn't do anything wrong and you know it. If it's anybody’s fault,
it's mine, for leaving her out here with him."

 
"Fine,
Heather,
then
it’s your fault too. Can't you guys just
have fun without acting like total fucking sluts?"

 
"Watch
your fucking mouth, Jennings! Don't talk like that to either of them ever
again. Do you understand me?" Mike was in Colt’s face and if I did not do
something fast, this was going to get even uglier. I just couldn’t get past the
fact he called me a slut. Those words kept me locked in place. My heart was
telling me he didn’t mean it. That he was just pissed. But my head was saying
do not fall down this path again. This is how it started with James. I couldn’t
move. Heather noticed me and grabbed my hand, squeezing it for support. It was
enough to snap me out of it and get between them.

 
"Colt,
what is your problem? If you don't want me here, fine. I won't come back. It’s
bad enough having to come here and pretend you haven't fucked half the girls on
this dance floor. But for you to call me a slut, fuck you. You judgmental
prick." I turned around to walk off the dance floor when I was stopped by
someone grabbing my arm. I looked over my shoulder and found it was Colt.

 
"Sadie,
can I please talk to you in private?"

 
I pulled out
of his grasp and continued to walk away.

 
"Sadie.
Please!" He shouted it so loud it drew quite a bit of attention. More than
I was comfortable with. If I kept walking, was it only going to get worse?

 
I stopped,
but I did not turn around. I let him come to me. When he finally reached me, he
walked around me so we could be face to face.

 
"Please,
my beautiful, please just come talk to me."

 
That was the
first time he called me ‘my beautiful’. It was a term of endearment I had not
heard from him yet. I looked him in the eye and said, "You have five
minutes."

 
"I will
take anything you’re willing to give me right now. Just please come with me
into the office."

 
I followed
him into the room not even wanting to be there. I just wanted to leave. But if
it made him feel better and he wouldn’t cause a scene that was what I was going
to do. I sat down in a chair opposite of his desk and crossed my arms. I just
sat there and waited. He would’ve had to have lost his fucking mind if he
thought I had anything left to say to him.

 
"Sadie,
please don't hate me. I'm so sorry. I never should have gotten mad at you or
Heather. And I never should have said what I said. That word is- that word
isn't you."

 
"That
word? That word? You had no problem saying it out there in front of fifty
fucking people but you can't say it now. Say it, Colt. Say slut. I'm a fucking
slut!"

 
"Stop
it, Sadie." He was up and out of his chair and in front of me in no time.
"You know how I feel about that. I've told you time and time again how
much I am amazed by you. I was pissed off. I watched that guy touch you and I
lost it. I can't be jealous. I don't have the right to be. But I acted on my
own feelings and then that pissed me off. Then you were about to tell me how
wrong I was and how I should have never took it out on you or Heather. It was
wrong, Sadie. I was wrong. Please say something to me."

 
"Colt,
what I was going to say out there was thank you. That guy was more than I could
handle. It shocked me when you punched him, but it shocked me more when you
punched me. You are one of the only people who know my past. You said that to
hurt me, Colt. You hit me where it would hurt and you did a mighty fine job. It
hurt. It hurt a lot."

 
"Sadie,
I'm not trying to diminish that what I said hurt, but people do that a lot.
When people are mad they say things to hurt the other person. It’s not right,
but it is what people do. If you think even the best people don't get mad and
say something mean, you are going to be disappointed in humanity. I shouldn't
have called you a slut because you aren’t one. I love having you here. I get to
see you smile and have fun. It makes my day better. Please don't go. I know men
are going to hit on you. Look at you. You’re fucking beautiful! It’s hard to
watch, but I promise I can handle it. It’s the fuckers that go too far that
make me lose it. I'm glad you’re okay with that part because that's one promise
I can't make anymore. I care about you, Sadie. I don't want anyone to
disrespect you. Including me! How can I get you to forgive me?"

 
"Colt,
it hurt. I've explained that. But you have said you’re sorry and I need to
accept that too. But I swear to you, you ever say something like that again,
whatever we have that's between us, is gone. Do you understand me?"

 
"Yes. I
do." He stood and grabbed my hands to pull me up from the chair. When I
came to stand, I was pressed against him. He grabbed my face and kissed me so
lightly on the lips. “I will always try to make you smile and never hurt you
again." And then he kissed me again. This time I let him in. His tongue
met mine and I exploded with want. I grabbed his crotch and started to rub up
and down. He moaned in my mouth and pushed forward into my hand. Then he pulled
back and took my hand away. "Sadie, there is nothing more I would like to
do right now but we are in my office at my work. I can't."

 
As hard as
it was to reign myself in, I did understand.

 
"I
know. Let’s get out of here before I choose to forget."

 
"Girl,
you are going to drive me crazy for the rest of the night, you know that."

 
"I'm
going to be your little slut tonight."

 
"Holy shit!
Go, get out of here now."

 
He pushed me
toward the door and slapped my ass on my way out.

 
I found Heather
at the bar with Jason and Mike. I walked over to them and ordered a drink.

 
"Everything okay, Sadie?"
Mike asked. He always
did have my back. Best big brother award goes to him for the night.

 
"It is
now. You guys ready to get your drink on with me?"

 
Jason leaned
over and said "Whatever you want, it’s done."

 
Colt walked
over and put his hands on Heather’s shoulders. "Hey girl, I'm sorry about
what I said."

 
"No
harm, no foul. You just watch your tongue next time, okay?” Heather looked very
serious.

 
"Yes ma’am."
And then he leaned down to kiss her cheek. “I have to head back to work now,
but you guys have fun."

 
And so we
did. It ended up being a great night, especially after the bar closed, when
Colt and I finished it off with a bang.

CHAPTER
20

 
It
was spring and we were all hell bent to spend a day outside. Winter was awful
as far as the weather went, so I decided a picnic was in order. I rented a
pavilion in the local park. Colt said he would handle all the barbeque and
Shawn was bringing the alcohol. Heather and I made all the side dishes the
night before and were loading them all in the car when she dropped a huge bomb
on me.

 
"I
forgot to tell you last night, well, I didn't forget you were just asleep with
Colt when Jason called and I didn't want to just walk in but anyway, Shawn
dropped the charges!"

 
"Shut
the fuck up!" I started jumping up and down.
"Oh my
God!
Oh my God! Oh my God! That is awesome!"

 
"Yeah,
Jason is so relieved. He has felt horrible for so long and now it’s finally
over. Isn't this the best day ever, I mean it was technically yesterday, but
you know what I'm saying."

 
"Yeah,
I know exactly what you are saying. This is great! Let’s finish getting all of
this in the car so we can head over and celebrate."

 
 
We grabbed the remainder of the dishes and
packed them into the trunk. We had everything ready to go so we jumped in and
drove to the park. On the way there Heather said, "Hey, maybe we shouldn't
say anything about Shawn and Jason. I don't want them to be embarrassed or feel
bad. I just want it all to go away."

 
"I
completely agree. But I am going to celebrate whether they know it’s for them
or not."

 
"Sounds
like a plan."

 
We pulled
into the park and could see that Colt and Bryan were already there setting up.
I parked my car and we started to unload the trunk. Both guys noticed our
efforts and ran over to help. In no time we had everything set up. Dave was
next to show and then Geoff. (Who invited him?) Shawn backed his car up to the
pavilion so they could unload all the drinks. Jason and Mike walked up with a
washer set. Megan and Jeff even came. I had apologized to her after that night
at ‘51’. It was wrong of me to judge whoever she likes and makes her happy.
Bryan brought a radio and soon the party started. A washer tournament began
with Heather and Jason against Megan and Jeff. Colt was manhandling the grill.
Geoff went and grabbed Hoosier Golf from his car (who would have known he'd be
good for something) and started a game with Dave, Bryan, Mike and Shawn.
All just seemed right with the world.
I went over and sat on
the picnic bench next to where Colt was busy grilling the meat. When he noticed
me sitting there he said, "Having fun yet, beautiful?"

 
"It couldn't
be better.
Great weather and great friends.
What a ‘great’
idea of mine, ha
ha
."

 
"Look
at you turning in to my little jokester. It was a ‘great’ idea though. Good
call on the location too. I knew you were good for something."

 
"
Har
har
, don't be a jerk. You
know I'm good for a lot of things. Do I need to list how many times you called
my name the other night when I..."

 
"Enough,
I take it back. You’re wonderful, spectacular, amazing, the best of the best,
the...."