Finding Solace (16 page)

 
The only
response that came out was, "Which one?"

CHAPTER
19

 
I
wish I could tell you all that I got a call or a visit that night from Colt,
but that didn’t happen. In fact, aside from Monday nights at the bowling alley,
I haven’t seen him unless I want to go to ‘51’. He has not been an asshole or
anything. He just hasn’t been himself either. I don’t know if it all stems from
that night or if something else happened. I have asked around but no one seemed
to even notice the change, except me. The last time we had some sort of stale
mate, it was me seeking him out. That won't happen again. Whatever crawled up
his ass, he can get over it. What's fair is fair.

 
Everybody
had decided to go to the winery today. Even though it’s December, they have an
indoor area that I had heard was beautiful. We were all pumped up for it, so I
hoped Colt was over his issue by now. Heather, Jason, Mike and I were all
riding up there together. The boys were supposed to be here any minute and I
have to say, as we waited I couldn’t help but notice that Heather and I looked
fabulous. I was wearing a chocolate turtle neck sweater, I paired it with a
denim skirt, chocolate and cream zig
zag
tights and
dark brown knee high riding boots. Heather picked blue jean sailor pants and an
olive green, wide collar, fitted shirt with camel high heel boots. Both of us
chose to leave our hair down. Heather had me curl hers while I just left mine
in beach waves. I had just gone back upstairs to put my earrings on when the
door opened and I heard the boys come in. I walked down the stairs and Mike
turned and whistled. He always knows how to make me smile.

 
"What's
up, guys? You ready for some fun on this road trip because Heather and I only
know how to do it one way."

 
Heather
started laughing and said, “Maroon Five, baby!" as she held up the CD.

 
"Oh, Hell no!
I'm not going to hear you girls talk
about how hot Adam Levine is the whole time we are in the car." Jason was
so jealous of Heather’s fixation with Adam.

 
"I
don't mind a little Adam, if we get in some Pink." Everyone started
laughing their asses off at Mike. For a fighter, he had some of the
girliest
taste in music.

 
"What?
She's hot!"

 
That only
made us laugh harder. We all filed out of the house and down to the car, where
the debate started over who was driving. These brothers never knew when to
stop. So I just said, “Who’s driving home? Whoever wants to stay sober, the
other can drive us there."

 
 
Jason was determined he would not be drinking
so Mike got to drive. The whole fight wasn’t really about driving. It was the
fact neither one wanted to sit in the backseat, but Jason wanted to sit by
Heather. I could care less where I sat, as long as we could get out of there
and be on our way. Finally when they all agreed, Heather and Jason were in the
back and Mike and I were in the front. Twenty minutes after we left the house,
Jason was sucking Heather’s face off. So what was the big deal about being in
the back again?
Dorks.
Mike started telling me about
another fight he was going to start training for after Christmas. That made
this trip one of the last times he would be able to drink for a while. It
amazed me how he could eat like shit and drink like he did and then flip a
switch and be in top fighting form in no time. If only girls could be that
lucky. We stopped to fill up on gas which allowed Heather and me to utilize the
break by going to the bathroom.

 
"So I
see you and Jason are back to good."

 
"Today
we
are,
who knows what it will be like tomorrow. His
trainer won't let him enter any matches until all this stuff with Shawn is
settled. It makes him like
a
yo
-
yo
when it comes to his moods. I'm just going to
focus on today and make sure it’s a damn good one."

 
"Sounds
like a plan to me!"

 
After we
drained our bladders, we washed our hands and were back to the car before Mike
was even done pumping gas. Who ever said it takes girls forever to do anything,
has never met the girl power Heather and I have going on. We got back out on
the road and were driving about five minutes when Mikes GPS lost signal. What
the heck do we do now? Heather had navigation on her phone as an app. That
wouldn’t even work. Where ever we were, no cell towers could be reached. I knew
we were good for at least another ten miles because I had looked at the GPS
back at the gas station to see how much further we had to go. So we just kept
driving. When we reached the ten mile mark, no one knew what to do. So we kept
driving. We had to have been on that road for another twenty minutes when the
GPS kicked back on. The whole car was screaming with joy. We ended up having to
turn back around, but in the end we made it there. Just took us a little longer
than the others who had either been here before, or were smart enough to print
from MapQuest.

 
I jumped out
of the car as soon as it came to a stop. I loved them, but riding in a car for
that long with them was enough to make me need a drink. We all walked in
together, but Heather and I stopped and gasped at how beautiful this place was.
It sat on top of a huge hill that almost seemed like a mountain. The view was
amazing from all 360 degrees. The stone fireplace stretched to the ceiling and
everything else was made from wood. Breathtaking is what it was. The group had
all made
themselves
comfortable on couches around the
fire. I walked over and sat next to Dave.

 
"How
was the drive up, Sadie?"

 
"Eventful
is a good word for it. No, I'm kidding, really it wasn't bad. How was
yours?"

 
"Bryan
and I went and picked up Shawn and Colt. It was all good."

 
"So
where does a lady get herself a glass of wine around here?"

 
"Follow
me. I’ll show you." As we walked over to the sample bar, Dave asked,
"So what's going on with you and Colt?"

 
"Why
would you ask that?"

 
"Just
noticing a change lately and then on our way up here Shawn said something about
you and Colt went dead silent. Something happened, Sadie, do you even
know?"

 
"Nope,
I don't have a clue. Honest. Ever since that night I came up to ‘51’ and you
told me about Colt changing the rules for me, he has been different."

 
"I
forgot about that night. Wasn't that the night you were hooking up with that
Ash guy you went to school with?"

 
"I was
not hooking up with him."

 
"Well,
I saw your tongue in his mouth so whatever you want to call that, is fine by
me."

 
"Funny,
Dave, real funny."

 
"Okay,
it’s all making more sense now. Oh Sadie, you go on and try the samples, then
order a glass or bottle of whatever you like. Got it?"

 
"Sure
do."

 
"Alright
then, I'm going to go sit back down."

 
As I watched
him walk away, I caught Colt looking at me. But when he noticed, he turned his
head back to everyone else. Whatever! He did it too. I ordered a bottle of
Riesling and walked back to join my friends. This time I sat next to Shawn.
Everyone seemed comfortable and that meant a lot. Jason even joked around with
Shawn and we all laughed. The day went by without any drama. By dark, it was
time to pack up and go home. Jason stayed sober, as promised, so that meant
Mike and I were in the back seat. The drive home was easier to navigate so we
were back in half the time it took to get there. I was exhausted by the time we
pulled into our apartment complex. I said good bye to the boys and Heather. She
was going to go home with Jason and then I headed inside. After I took a
shower, I got on some comfy clothes and went downstairs to lie on the couch. I
was thinking about what a fun day it turned out to be when someone knocked on
the front door. I got up and answered it, only to find Colt standing there.

 
 
I couldn't believe my eyes. They had to be
deceiving me. Colt was just standing there looking as good as he always does.

 
I looked
around but I couldn’t see his car.

 
"How
did you get here?"

 
"I had
Dave drop me off on our way back. Can I come in?"

 
I hadn't
realized that I was blocking the door, so I moved to the side and said,
"Sure."

 
He walked
past me and then sat down on the couch. He was looking down at the floor when I
realized I was still standing there with the door open unable to move. Colt was
in my house. Who would have thought this was going to happen? Not me.

 
"You
gonna
close that any time soon, because I'm freezing over
here?"

 
Oh shit, I
hadn’t felt the cold until he said that. I closed the door and then walked over
to sit on the opposite couch.

 
"What's
going on, Colt? Is anything wrong?"

 
He looked up
for the first time and there was hurt in his eyes.

 
"Sadie,
there has been a lot wrong lately. How can you even ask me that?"

 
"I’m
not sure I'm following you. Did something happen that I don't know about?"

 
"Sadie,
we need to talk about that night at ‘51’. I have been out of line for the last
month. You had every right to be with that guy. I don't have any right getting
upset about it. I'm sorry I reacted that way and I need to know you can forgive
me."

 
Wow! I
totally didn't see that coming.

 
"You are
right. If that is the only reason you have been acting cold to me, you should
be sorry. Thank you for apologizing."

 
"So,
I'm forgiven?" As he asked, he moved from his couch over to mine.

 
"Sure.
Just don't do that again, okay. I missed you."

 
"I
won't. I promise."

 
He leaned in
to kiss me and at first, I pulled back a little. I was trying to decide if I
should say anything about the chick he was with that night. But all train of
thought was lost when he pushed forward and kissed me again. Holy cow, I missed
those lips. We kissed for what seemed like forever when finally Colt pulled
back.

 
"I
missed the hell out of you, too."

 
We laid
there cuddling on the couch until I started to fall asleep. Colt got up and
walked through the kitchen to go out on the deck. By now I knew what he was
doing. It seemed he and
pot were
becoming the best of
friends. I didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask if he just enjoyed it or was
using it as a coping mechanism. I knew he was under a lot of stress. I didn’t
really care that he smoked. Only if it were something I could take the place
of. I climbed the stairs and went to brush my teeth. Minutes later Colt joined
me and asked if he could use my toothbrush. How things had changed. Gone were
the days when I cared about sharing germs with him. After he was done, we went
to my room and crawled into bed. Colt grabbed me and pulled me into our usual
sleeping position. Once again I was back to my favorite place in the world.

 
All the
chaos seemed to cease and everything was going as perfect as it possibly could.
That was, until the holidays. For Christmas break all the boys went back home.
Well, all of them with the exception of Shawn and Jason. College gave them
practically a month off of classes, so that meant a month for me and Heather
with none of the guys. With my line of work, the Christmas holiday is a nut
house. Everyone and their brother needs to get in and wants to look the best
that they possibly can for the family functions to come. So with that, at least
for me, it meant that I was slammed and did not really have time to think until
after the holiday came and went. The first weeks of January are always one of
the slowest times of the year. With all that time on my hands and no sign of
Colt, I found myself sitting down writing him letters.

 
My dearest Colt,

 
What can I possibly say? Let me make clear
what I mean by that. I have plenty to say, but no words will ever be able to
come out of my mouth without fear of what will come afterwards. I knew what I
was getting into. I made that agreement with you that we would keep things
simple. But simple is the last word I would use to describe what's in my heart.
These last couple of weeks without you have only reaffirmed what my heart
already knew was there. I'm so in love with you, Colt Jennings. You have
brought light into some of the darkest places in my world. You allow me to be
myself and you taught me that it was okay to be exactly who I am. And selfishly,
I'm asking for more. I want more. More of you,
More
of
us, more of everything that we could share together. Please give me the chance
to show you that we could make this work. How can I make you see that you are
perfect for me, just the way you are. I know that you will probably never see
this letter. I know this because I'm too scared of what the consequences would
be if I gave it to you. So I guess I will continue to keep my feelings in
hiding, because I will always take whatever I can get, as long as it means
you're going to be a part of my life.