Finding Solace (19 page)

 
What an
asshole!

 
"Well,
that's kind of funny that you mention it. In the bathroom at ‘51’, they talk
about your dick all the time. It’s my favorite subject as well of course, so we
have talked, plenty. Was there something specific you want me to ask
them?" I couldn't help myself. I stayed in place as if I really was
requesting an answer.

 
This time it
was Colt who stood there like a deer in headlights. I waited as long as I felt
needed to make my point, and then after no response, I walked out the door.

 
Once I was
in the hall, I lost it. Heather followed me, but was smart to stay quiet and
let me vent for a minute. After I started to cool down, I really felt bad. He
didn’t offend me. He didn’t say one thing about me. All he did was
try
and make a joke, to take the pressure off of both of us,
and I blew up. What the hell is wrong with me lately? I turned around and
walked back into the room. I closed the door before Heather could follow me
back in. Colt was standing with his back to me looking out the sliding door.
How do I even start?

 
"Please
don't turn around. It will be easier for me to say what I need to say. Do you
remember all the times you felt jealous when you shouldn't have? Don't answer.
Do you remember all the times you felt more than you knew you should? Don't
answer. I feel all those things too. I hate feeling them too. I don't want
anything to happen between us that we are not ready for. All it will do is tear
us apart. I love what we have, but I hate feeling like a dirty secret. I hate
that I walked into ‘51’ and saw you feeling up a girl but you can't even kiss
me in front of people. I agreed to the arrangement. I know we said we wouldn't
do serious. I don't want to get married, Colt. Not anytime soon at least. But
why can't we find a balance? Okay, answer."

 
Colt turned
around and I was scared. He didn't look mad. That's not why I was scared. I was
scared because he held the power to rip away the one thing that made me whole.

 
"So I
guess now is when we finish that conversation, huh? I don't know what you want
me to say. I'm not ready to be tied down. I'm not ready to feel like I'm
cheating on you if my friends see me making out with another girl. I sound like
a selfish prick. I hear myself and wonder who I've become. There is something
about you Sadie that makes you different. Maybe it’s our friendship. I respect
you and care about you. But I want you to really hear me when I say this. I
don't want to hurt you. If you feel yourself falling for me, leave this. Walk
away from whatever this is. I'm really serious about that. I'm not ready for a
relationship. I don't want to lose you but if it will keep you from hurting,
I'm willing to let you go."

 
I think my
biggest fear just happened. How do I back pedal? What do I do? Tears are
starting to form in my eyes. Hell no.

 
"Here's
the deal, Colt. When I said find a middle ground, I was speaking of respect.
There has to be a way to take the secretiveness out of what we are doing. We
are two adults who enjoy each other sexually, and happen to also be friends.
There isn't anything wrong with that. So why do I feel so cheap? You can tell
me not to develop feelings but you have to follow your own advice. So it comes
down to this, do you enjoy spending time with me?"

 
"Absolutely"

 
"Do you
enjoy having a sexual relationship with me?"

 
"Does
that even require an answer?"

 
"Do you
want this to stop?"

 
"Never."

 
"Then
that's it. The only thing we change is the secret part of it. We see other
people, we do our own thing but when we are together, we are together. Sound
good?

 
Colt grabbed
me and threw me on the bed. He kissed me with so much passion behind it I
wondered if he meant anything he just said. He broke long enough to answer,
"Best idea of yours yet" and then went back to kissing me. He started
to kiss down my neck. Then his hands were up my shirt cupping my breasts. Colt
shoved me down on the bed and then stripped his clothes off. He had every
reason to stand proud. He was built like a Greek God. I pulled my shirt off and
was wiggling to get my skirt over my hips when he grabbed it and jerked. I was
left in my underwear but that was removed faster than I've ever seen him move.
Foreplay went out the door. We both felt such a crazy need for each other that
he just climbed on top of me and plunged in. He rocked back almost all the way
out and then plunged in again, hard. This wasn't the soft loving kind of sex
he's been giving me. He was back to marking what was his. I didn't mind that a
bit. He may say he's willing to share me but actions speak louder than words
and this was a claiming. I came so hard that at one point I thought I might
squeeze him out. That's when he exploded in me, without a condom!

 
"Colt, holy fuck.
What did we just do?"

 
"Oh my God!
I'm so sorry, Sadie. I got carried away and
didn't even think... Oh fuck, what did I do?"

 
"I'm on
the pill. I have been for years, but I have to ask you, any diseases I need to
worry about?"

 
"No. I
get tested regularly. What about you?"

 
"Same.
I'm sure it will be just fine."

 
I got up to
go to the bathroom and clean up the mess we made. He came in behind me, grabbed
the washcloth, ran it under warm water and them pressed it between my legs
cleaning me off. He stayed behind me. I could see him in the mirror and he
could see me. We never left our eye lock. He just moved forward and rested his
chin on my shoulder.

 
"I'm
glad that happened with you, Sadie. I don't mean I'm glad it happened. I mean,
if it had to happen, I'm glad it was with you."

 
"Me too, Colt."

 
We finished
cleaning up and then got dressed and went to find all of our friends. It was
only a couple hours before we would be leaving for the fight tonight. I was
ready to get a drink and for reality to set in. He was not mine.

 
When Colt
and I made our way down to the lobby, we found the whole gang. I gave everyone
a hug and it was then I noticed Mike wasn't there.

 
"Where
is Mike?"

 
Dave
answered before anybody
else."He
went to meet up
with his brother and parents."

 
"Are
they staying here in the hotel?"

 
"I
think so.”

 
Jason walked
over and clarified, “Actually, my grandparents live a couple of blocks away. My
parents and Tony are staying there. Mike is with his trainers."

 
"Are
you going to go over there or are you hanging with us today?"

 
"Heather
and I had breakfast with all of them this morning. I'm meeting up with them
later again, so I'm all yours if you want me. I'm intrigued now after your
performance upstairs."

 
Before I
could laugh or more or less even respond, Colt was right there.

 
"Not
cool, dude."

 
"I'm
just teasing her, okay. I meant no harm. Besides, Heather has her beat by a
mile. I'm not giving up what I got for nothing."

 
"Good
to hear."

 
"I'm
right here boys. Colt, I think we need to find a place where we can get
something to eat."

 
"Worked
up an appetite, did you?" Jason just couldn't help himself. Before Colt
got mad, I quickly said, “I walked right into that one didn't
I
?"

 
"Sure
did, Sadie."

 
Colt grabbed
my hand and pulled me away from Jason before I dug my hole deeper. We walked
back over to the larger group and I asked if anyone was hungry. When Shawn said
he was starving, Dave, Bryan and Geoff agreed that food sounded like a good
idea. Jason and Heather weren't hungry but they came with us anyway. Being it
was already eleven thirty, I was forced to skip breakfast food and eat lunch.

 
We all
walked around downtown Chicago arguing about what sounded good. Trying to agree
on one place with this many people was a pain in the ass. I was getting crabby
because I was so hungry. All hope seemed lost until Jason found a sub shop that
he said was great. He visits his grandparents often and eats there every time
he is here. At this point, I could eat my arm off so a sub sounded great. After
I scarfed my entire sandwich down, we decided to check out the Navy pier. Colt
and all of the guys from out of town had never been. I have to say, it’s a must
see if you ever get the chance to come to Chicago. After we all went there,
everybody wanted to see something different, imagine that. I convinced Colt
that we needed to go to the American Girl Doll store to grab something for Maddie.
To say that he was a little overwhelmed when we walked in would be an
understatement. Trying to make a decision on which girl to pick was probably
the easiest part of the whole thing. Then there was the DVD and the
accessories. We left three hundred and fifty dollars later, but I knew there
was going to be one happy little girl at the other end of this excursion we
were taking. Next, was the Lego store, I never had any idea there was a little
boy that was hiding inside Colt or how excited he was to see all of the things
made from Legos. It was actually kind of cute. By the time we were done
sightseeing, we realized we needed to get back to the hotel to start getting
ready for the fight that night. The cab driver was crazy and traffic was
horrible. It took almost an hour to get back. Everyone else was at the hotel by
the time we got there.

 
Heather and
I were back to sharing a room while we got ready. I showered first because I
knew it was inevitable I would be doing her hair as well as my own. I chose a
pair of black skinny jeans, a bright purple,
quarter
length sleeve backless top and paired it with silver strappy four inch heels.
Silver dangle bracelets and huge silver hoops. I was contemplating wearing my
hair up when Colt peeked in the door and said he loved it down. I agreed to
wear it that way for him but when I turned around to grab my hair brush he came
up behind me and grabbed my ass. He leaned in so his mouth was right at my ear.

 
"Never
in my life did I think the view from behind would be better than seeing your beautiful
face. Today is the exception. Damn girl, you are going to get me in a fight
tonight with this outfit. It doesn't help that you have an ass that I could
bounce quarters off of. I think I will just walk behind you all night. That
might save me a beat down or two."

 
"You're
just being silly, Colt"

 
"Oh no,
he's not, Sadie. Colt, my man, you’re screwed." Jason patted Colt on the
back and then went to see how Heather was progressing.

 
After
another hour of hair and makeup, Heather and I were ready to go. The guys had
been ready a long time ago, so they started the party early in their room. When
we walked in, it was a sight for sore eyes. Four of the most gorgeous men God
graced our planet with were sprawled out around the room with beers in hand. I
say four because Jason had left a while ago to meet up with his family. We got
cat calls and were whistled at when we walked in. Both Heather and I spun
around, only to egg them on. Bryan got up to grab us a beer and then we just
had to sit back and wait until it was time to go.

 
"Is
anybody else nervous?"

 
I turned to
Heather and responded, "Absolutely!"

 
Dave looked
over and said, “Mike will be fine. It won't be an easy win, by any means, but
he can hold his own against Reynolds."

 
"I saw
him training the other day and that dude is a machine. I'm just excited to
watch this in person," said Shawn.

 
"Colt,
didn't you wrestle around with Mike? How did he hold up against you?"
Apparently now Geoff wanted to kiss Colt’s ass. Colt came back with," Mike
has skills even I don't have. He is going to kill Reynolds." I was proud
of Colt to not make this about him, but Geoff kept going. I wasn't sure if he
was kissing his ass anymore or trying to start a fight.

 
"But
didn't I hear you wrestled for team U.S.A back in the day. You’re supposed to
be some big shot that E.I.U was lucky to get. How does he know more than
you?"

 
What the
fuck is this dude's problem? Does he just want to be Colt? He always does shit
to get a rise out of him. It makes no sense. I looked over at Colt and he was
squeezing his hands into fists. Dave tried to save the day, "Geoff, you do
understand that Brazilian Jiu
Jitsu
and wrestling
have some similarities but aren’t one in the same. There are going to be things
Mike does that Colt doesn't predict and vice versa."