Finding Solace (57 page)

 
"Sadie,
please think this over? You and l have always been perfect together. I could
make you never think of Ash again. "

 
"You’re
right, you could. And I could be making the biggest mistake of my life by
choosing him. If it turns out to have been a mistake, then it was my mistake to
make. I love him, Colt, so much. I never wanted to hurt you and I'm so sorry
that I did."

 
"You
need to do whatever you think is the right choice. Don't worry about hurting
me. Paybacks are a bitch tenfold. I'm just kidding, girl. I wish things could
have turned out different, but I knew it was a long shot right now. I still
feel like you will one day be mine."

 
"Don't
hold on to the hope, but remember, what's meant to be will be."

 
"Corny, Sadie."

 
"But
very true!" I leaned over to him and kissed him. Not anything crazy, just
a soft, gentle kiss. Then I pulled back and said, "I need to go find Ash.
I'm sorry, Colt. I love you, always will."

 
"I love
you too, beautiful and I am never giving up. When he screws up, and he will,
you come find me."

 
"If that
day ever comes, you will always be the first person I think of."

 
One last hug
and I was out the door. I got in my car and sat there. Did I, Sadie Warren,
really turn down a wedding proposal from Colton Jennings? I did. Now I was
going to find the man I am going to love forever!

 
I went to
his house and he wasn’t there. I drove by his parents,
sister’s
,
Kaleb’s, even Tony’s. I didn’t want him to know I was coming. But how do I
accomplish that if I didn’t know where he was? I went everywhere I could think
of. I was on my way back home when I passed the firehouse and saw the Camaro. I
loved that car almost as much as the man who drove it. I pulled around back and
parked next to it. I had never been to the house with him. I wasn’t even sure
it was appropriate to just show up unannounced. I walked around to the front
where the doors to the garage were and heard a whistle. I was on a mission to
find Ash, so I didn’t even look for the source. Then another one was heard.
Then a couple cat calls mixed in with the whistles and finally, "Damn, let
me get myself between those thighs, I could eat for days." Okay, I had had
enough. I spun around and said, "Has anyone seen Asher Williams?

 
No one
answered me directly. I just got to hear, "Figures", "That
explains it", "Why do the hottest girls go after the pretty
ones?"

 
"Have
you seen him or not?" I was getting annoyed. I waited for any of them to
answer and when I didn’t get one, I turned around and left. I began to cry
again. "This day is the shittiest day ever!" I drove back over to
Tony’s and ran into the house. He was on the couch in his family room watching
TV. He looked up at me and said, "First things first. Knocking is
something you need to learn how to do." Then he was off the couch and I
was in his arms.

 
"Aw
Tony, so much shit has happened!"

 
"Oh
girl, Colt stopped by here. He told me to take care of you and make sure you
were okay, and to call him if you weren't."

 
"So you
know?"

 
"He
pretty much gave me the short version. Men don't do details like you women
do"

 
"It was
awful, Tony! I have waited forever for today. Then today comes and I turn it
down? Am I crazy? I went to find Ash and couldn't so..."

 
"Wait,
Ash knows?"

 
"He
doesn't know every detail as you put it, but he knows Colt was here. I told him
I wasn't sure I could move in with him and he knew it had to be because of
Colt."

 
"So let
me get this straight. Your lease is up tomorrow and you told the man you were
going to move in with, you can't. Then you told the man who proposed, no. Where
are you going to live?"

 
"I
don't know. I tried to find Ash, but the guys at the fire house were assholes.
His car was there but I never saw him. Tony, I need to talk to Ash. I need him
to know I choose him."

 
"I
can't believe you did by the way. Not that I think you made a mistake, I just
thought for sure Colt was the one you would have picked."

 
"Why?"

 
"Because
for some crazy ass reason, you always put up with whatever he was willing to
give you. Now that he finally has his shit together, you say no?
Doesn't make much sense to me."

 
I sat down
on the couch and thought about what he just said to me. Had I always really
just waited for him to determine how my life would turn out?

 
"Colt
was more than that to me. He always will be. He taught me so much about making
hard decisions for myself. That was the hardest one yet. I love Colt and always
will, but I'm in love with Ash and I need to find him."

 
"Maybe
you have finally grown up. I'm proud of you, girl. You do need to go talk to
Ash. See what he wants. Then you have another decision to make."

 
"My
decision has been made regardless of the outcome. I want Ash."

 
"Then
why are you still here?" He moved over to me and took my hand. I was
standing again and being led to the door.

 
"If for
whatever reason it comes down to you needing a place to stay, my house is yours
for as long as you need it."

 
I leaned
forward and kissed him. I pulled him into one last hug. "Thank you. You’re
the best."

 
"I
know. I know. Now go."

 
I was
walking out the door when I turned around and said, "How am I going to
find him?"

 
"Don't
take no for an answer."

 
"Good
advice."

 
"Now
go."

 
"Why
are you trying to get rid of me?"

 
"Because if I don't
now
, I might
have you permanently here.
Now go!"

 
He was
smiling but I got what he was saying. I blew him a kiss and got back in my car.
Was I really going to go back to that firehouse? If it meant finding Ash, then
I would walk through fire.

 
I drove back
over there and parked next to his car again. This time, I waited outside. One
of the firemen happened to walk outside and noticed me. I felt silly just
standing there. I hadn’t looked in a mirror in hours but I knew I was a fright
to look at. He approached me and said, "Can I help you, ma’am?"

 
"My
name is Sadie Warren. I'm looking for Asher Williams. This is his car. Do you
happen to know where I can find him?"

 
"Well,
it is nice to meet you, Sadie Warren. I'm Mario, Ash’s Captain. He went on a
run a while ago.
House fire in the east
block
.
I just got word that they got it under control a little while ago. The truck
should be back within the hour. Can I get you anything while you wait or would
you like to just come back then?"

 
"Thank
you so much, Mario. I will wait, but I don't need anything. I can just stay
here until he gets back."

 
"No,
No. I insist you let me give you a tour at least. You can see how the real men
live."

 
"That
would be great. Thank you."

 
"My
pleasure, follow me."

 
I walked
behind the Captain through the garage doors I attempted to go through the first
time. The same men were there. The one with the foul mouth came at me again.

 
"You
come back to give me that snack?"

 
I didn’t
have time to think of a response. Mario grabbed him and said, "Would you
like hose duty for a month, Simmons?"

 
"No, sir."

 
"Then
keep your mouth shut. That goes for the rest of you assholes as well. This
woman is my guest and you will treat her with respect. Her name is Sadie and
you will address her as such."

 
"Hello,
Sadie." came out in unison.

 
"Hello, boys."
I waved uncomfortably. I wanted to
run out of there, but I needed to stick it out if I was going to see Ash. Mario
took my hand gently and led me through a break room where he explained that the
guys would hang out there before or right after a call. Then I followed him up
the stairs into a full kitchen, family room combo. The bedrooms were not what
you would consider nice, but they were sufficient for sleep. The showers were
what left nothing to the imagination. This is how the men that risk their lives
for us are forced to live while on duty? It seemed sad. Mario asked me when he
was done with the tour, "So, what do you think?"

 
Could I
answer him honestly? No.

 
"I
think it’s nice."

 
"Nice
would be the word I use to describe your comment. This place is a shit hole.
But it’s our shit hole."

 
A loud noise
was coming from outside when he said, "Well, it looks like your prince has
arrived earlier than I thought. Let’s go greet him, shall we?"

 
I was
suddenly very nervous. Would he be mad that I was here? Mario looked at me and
could obviously tell I was not excited to go.

 
"Sadie,
you’re all he talks about. You have no reason to think anything other than a
smile is going to come from that boy. Besides, he is one of my
favorites,
you just can't ever tell him I said so. He has
more potential that most that come through here. I wouldn’t let you in here if
I didn't already know what that boy thinks of you. You’re his heart. Just don't
break it, okay? You break it, you break him. That just won't do."

 
"I
won't, Sir. He owns my heart as well."

 
"Good
to hear. Now let’s go surprise Ash and make his day."

 
He walked
down the steps and I followed with a half-smile. What if he thought more about
it and decided I was too much to take on and not worth the risk. The last time
I talked to him I
was doubting
my feelings for him.
Why? I don't know. He really is everything I have ever wanted wrapped in one
perfect looking package. When we got to the bottom of the steps, there were men
dressed in full firefighting gear shuffling around everywhere. Soot covered
them so it must have been one hell of a fire. Lots of eyes shifted in my
direction. Surely because there was only one female in the mix and that was me.
Not one of them made a derogatory comment this time. I was sure it was thanks
to Captain Mario who was standing by my side. Each one filtered off and I never
once saw Ash. That was until Captain tapped my arm and then pointed to behind
the truck. Walking slowly toward me was a very leery Ash. He did not wear the
smile I was looking forward to. He was as nervous as I was. I had never seen
him look so sexy and he was covered in black smut. The clothes he wore looked
heavy but he carried them well. No wonder he needed that eight pack. Everything
in me wanted to throw myself in his arms but I needed to see if he was ready
for that. I didn’t realize I was shaking until he took my hand, but his eyes
never left mine.

 
"What
are you doing here, Sadie?"

 
I did not
know how to answer with a crowd watching. So I went with my heart.

 
 
"I came here for you, to talk to you. Can
I, please?"

 
He didn’t
stop looking into my eyes but his mouth or body never moved. It was like he was
trying to read what I was about to say. Then he spoke.

 
"I
would rather you not. This is my job. I don't want to do this here. Please go,
and I will come by your place later."

 
"I
can't. I can't go one more second without telling you..."

 
"No.
Not here, please. I will see you later, Sadie, goodbye." And then he
walked away from me, leaving me in a crowd of men and one sorry Captain Mario.
I turned to the Captain and said, "Thank you for your kindness. It was
nice meeting you." I didn’t wait to hear if he or anyone else said
anything. I walked out of the station and to my car trying to hold back tears
that wouldn’t listen to me. I wiped under my eyes, got in, turned the ignition
and gunned it out of the parking lot. I didn’t know where to go. Heather was
still at
work,
Tony prepared me for this, so crying on
his shoulder would not do. If I went to my parents, they would know a little
too much about my private life. I couldn’t go to his family. I knew Kate would
welcome me with open arms, but that was his family, not mine. I did not want to
go back and sit in that apartment and wait. So I drove and drove. And drove
some more. I wasted a tank of gas driving around nowhere. I finally decided
enough was enough and drove home. When I pulled into my parking space my head
lights found Ash sitting on my porch. I quickly turned them off so I wouldn’t
blind him and then I turned off the car. I didn’t get out though. I stayed in
my car staring at the man I wanted so much and wondered if this was the end for
us. Ash got up from the porch and walked over to my car. When I didn’t move, he
opened the door. He crouched down so that we were eye level and said, "You
can come into the firehouse, but you can't get out of your car?"