Finding Solace (54 page)

 
When I
finished my last client and was walking out the door, I remembered I left my
phone in the break room hours ago after taking to Ash. When I saw it laying on
the table the light was blinking again. This time when I checked it was a
private text from Colt.

 
Colt: I'M
GOING TO ASSUME U STILL WORK THE SAME SCHEDULE.
PLAN ON ME
WAITING OUTSIDE FOR U WHEN YOU’RE DONE.

 
No way! I
walked back out and sure enough, there he stood. I walked slowly over to him
thinking, wow he looks so good. And he did.
Very, very good.

 
"Hello,
Sadie."

 
"Hey."

 
"I'm
glad you came back out."

 
"What?"

 
"You
saw me, and turned around to walk back inside."

 
"No, I
forgot my phone."

 
"Well,
that makes me feel a lot better. You look good."

 
"Thanks, you too."

 
We stood
there staring at each other for forever with no words. Finally, Colt broke the
silence.

 
"You
didn't respond to my message. I know you read it, Mike told me."

 
"I
hadn't heard a word from you and then I was supposed to act as if that didn't
happen and just pack up my stuff and come visit you. The only reason I'm seeing
you now is because of Bryan being in town. You’re not here for me. You can talk
big on a computer but in person I get nothing. What did you really expect me to
say?"

 
"Wow,
you really are mad at me. My beautiful Sadie has finally grown to respect
herself. It really looks good on you,
ya
know?"

 
"I have
you to thank for that. Ironic, isn't it? The one
person
who made me feel I was worth something, threw me away."

 
He grabbed
me so fast. One second I was standing my ground, the next I was wrapped in his
arms.

 
"Don't you
ever, for one single second think I threw you away. I saved you. "

 
"How
did you save me, Colt? You crushed me! The last time I saw you.... I can't even
go there it hurt so much. Can't you see that what you thought I needed was the
very thing I didn't."

 
"Sadie,
did you want me to break your heart? That is what would have happened."

 
"I
can't do this, Colt. I'm with Ash now. I'm in a great place. I don't want to re
hash all this baggage. Can we just accept that we are still friends and go see
Bryan?"

 
"We can
go, but I'm not even close to being done with you, beautiful. Not by a long
shot."

 
"Well,
we need to get going. I will see you there?"

 
"You
don't want to ride together?"

 
"I
think it’s best if we don't."

 
"If you say so."

 
I walked
away with my head held high. When I got in my car and drove away, all that
confidence went to shit. Tears fell from my eyes as flashbacks took over my
brain. He is the same man I loved. Nothing has changed. Yet, everything has.
What do I do now?
Nothing.
That's the answer.
Nothing.
He was going back to where he lives and I was
staying here with Ash. I pulled in to ‘51’ and Colt pulled in right behind me.
It really was stupid to take two cars. I needed this time alone though. I wiped
my eyes before he made it over to my car. Colt offered his hand to help me out
and then closed my car door for me.

 
"You
ready to go inside?"

 
"No
Sadie, I need to talk to you."

 
"We’ll
talk inside then. We have friends waiting on us."

 
I walked
away from him and went inside, not turning around to see if he followed me. I
spotted Mike immediately. His size made it nearly impossible to miss him. I
walked over and gave him a hug.

 
"Where
is everybody?"

 
"Back table, as usual.
I am just waiting for Colt. He
texted me he was on his way here almost an hour ago."

 
"Oh, I
just saw him outside. He's here."

 
I walked
away before any questions could come at me. Walking to the back I got to see a
group shot of my friends. It was nice to add Bryan back in it. There was
Marissa standing next to him. She was just as cute as I remembered. As I got
closer, she was the one that noticed me first.

 
"Sadie,
you made it!" She grabbed me into a hug. I wondered how many strings they
had to pull to get a minor in here. I hugged her back and said, "It’s good
to see you too."

 
"Where
is Colt?"

 
"Huh?"

 
"I
figured you guys would come together."

 
Bryan must
not have told her. Then again, why would he? Her last time seeing us was at his
house. Of course she would think we were still together.

 
"Colt
is....."

 
"Right here.
How are you doing, Marissa? It's good to
see you again."

 
"I'm
awesome. It’s so exciting coming here to go to school. Having you guys here
only makes it better."

 
"He is
not here anymore. Colt moved away a while ago. Didn't you?" After I
finished saying that I walked away and over to Bryan. He looked so much more
tan than he ever got being here. It must be California.

 
"You
look great, Bryan. California looks good on you."

 
"Thank
you, Sadie. You’re just as beautiful as ever."

 
"Isn't
she though, I don't think I have ever seen her look so good."

 
Colt was
right beside me again. This was going to be a long night.

 
"Thank
you both. I'm going to go grab a drink. Would either of you like
something?"

 
Bryan held
up his beer and said, "No thanks, I'm good."

 
Colt on the
other hand said, "Sure. I will go with you."

 
We walked a
couple of feet away when I turned to him and said, "Are you going to
follow me all night?"

 
"That
depends. Are you going to be mad at me all night?"

 
"I'm
not mad, okay? I just need space."

 
"Don't
you think we have had enough space lately? I want to spend time with you.
Please Sadie, stop being like this. I missed you so much."

 
I couldn’t
help but understand where he was coming from. I missed him too. Having him
here, in front of me, kept me from denying it any longer.

 
"I
missed you too."

 
"There's
my girl. Let’s go get a drink."

 
I didn’t
correct him on that comment. I missed so much about us. He and I walked up to
the bar and ordered three shots a piece. I was desperate to numb some of what I
was feeling. After we drank all three, we walked back over to the group where
Heather and Jason were now sitting. The look on Heather’s face was scary. She
stood up and walked over to me and said, "Sadie, I have to use the
restroom, will you come with me, please?" She didn’t form it as a question
at all. More like a command.

 
"Sure."

 
I followed
her into the bathroom and as soon as the door closed, she was on it.

 
"What
are you doing?"

 
"What
do you mean?" I had to play stupid. Of course I knew what she meant.

 
"Sadie!
You’re with Ash now. Do you remember him?
Your
boyfriend?"

 
"Don't
be a bitch, Heather. I can't forget about him and you know it."

 
"Which
one are you talking about right now?"

 
"That's
not even funny."

 
"It
wasn't meant to be."

 
"I was
just talking to him. When did Colt become the bad guy I needed to stay away
from?"

 
"He
isn't and never was. Everything he went through justified his actions. Yours on
the other hand, never did. Sadie, I love you and I want you to be happy no
matter what. I just don't want to see anybody get hurt any more than they
already have been. If you think you’re ready to open up to him finally, you
just might get that forever after with him that you have always dreamed of. If
not, don't play with fire, because you’re going to get burned."

 
"It’s
just so hard."

 
"No one
said love is easy. Just follow your heart, girl. I love you
unconditionally."

 
"Same here, Heather.
Thank you."

 
"Now if
you will excuse me. I really did need to pee."

 
"Do
your business. I'm going back out."

 
I walked
back to the table everyone else was sitting at and noticed the only chair left
available was of course, next to Colt. I sat down and noticed my buzz was
kicking in strong. We all sat around, drank and talked for a while. Then my
need to dance kicked in. I went out on the dance floor and did my thing as
usual. After a couple more drinks, I was officially wasted. So closing my eyes,
and letting my body take over, felt natural. It was so freeing to not think for
a minute or two. Marissa and Heather came out with me after a while and the
three of us had a blast. Doing the man pull that has traditionally been mine
and Heather’s game with little Marissa was classic. She didn’t even know how to
react to all the yucky guys getting up on her. Bryan watched from the table,
but he knew she was in good hands with the two of us. As the night progressed,
I felt more and more comfortable with Colt. It was as if we morphed back to a
year ago when things seemed perfect for us. The only thing different was
then,
he would have hidden his affection toward me. Now he
was not hiding anything. The touches, the flirting, he was putting it all out
there. Bryan left earlier than I wanted, but he had to catch an early flight
and Marissa was drunker than drunk. I think we all were, but he wanted to get
her safely back to her dorm. Everybody hugged and said we would have to get
together again sooner than the wedding. I hoped we could, but with everyone.
Heather and Jason called it quits not long after because they were ready for some
alone time. That left Mike, Colt and me. We stayed until the bar closed.
Laughing and joking. Just like old times. I couldn’t help but get wrapped up in
all my old feelings for this man. I loved him. He gave me so much. Mike
announced he was leaving and said he would see Colt back at his place. We
hugged and gave kisses goodbye and then it was just me and Colt left.

 
"So
you’re staying with Mike while your here?"

 
"Just for tonight.
I have to get back tomorrow. Why
don't you come with me?"

 
"What?
No way. I have work and Ash and....."

 
"Please
Sadie, can we not talk about him. I don't want to think about you with anyone
else ever."

 
I had to
respect that. I couldn't imagine how much it would hurt to hear he moved on.

 
"I want
so badly to change my choices from back then."

 
"Me, too."

 
Maybe I
shouldn’t have said that. But I don’t think I could have seen what came next,
even in a sober state. One minute we were talking, the next his mouth crashed
against mine. I didn’t have time to think about why I shouldn’t do this. This
was Colt.
My Colt.
And he was back. I missed the
feeling of his lips and tongue. Of his body as I slid my hands over him. I
missed all of it. He was so much of the good that came from my life. He brought
me to such a great place. His kisses always brought me to my knees. This one
was no different. A moan came from me when...

 
What the hell am I doing?

 
"Stop,
Colt, Stop."

 
He wasn't
stopping. He wanted more.

 
"Stop!"

 
I pulled
away from him, and ran out of the bar. With way too much to drink in my system,
I should never have gotten behind the wheel. But I had to get out of there. I
peeled out of the parking lot before he could catch me. I didn’t live that far
from the bar, so when I went to pull into the gas station to park and call a
cab, I changed my mind. My phone immediately started to ring, but there was no
way in hell I was answering it. It wouldn’t stop ringing though. I turned the
radio up as loud as it could go, just to drown it out. With my focus being
awful, everything in me was trying to concentrate on the road. The radio was
too much of a distraction so I was forced to turn it down. Then there was that
God awful ringing again. I had to turn my phone off or I was going to go
insane. I reached over to grab my purse when it fell on the floor board of the
passenger side. I looked up to make sure I was still on my side of the road.
Thank God I was, because a car was coming from the other direction. I waited
until it passed and then reached down again to grab my purse. Only this time
when I bent over, I must have taken the wheel with me. Seconds later I crashed
into something hard and then I was asleep.