Finding Solace (65 page)

 
"Thank
you for the invite, Sadie. It’s always good to see you. I meant no
disrespect."

 
Ash’s dad
left the kitchen and it seemed like only then, did Ash take a breath.

 
"So how
do you want to do this? Will it be wedding then baby, or baby then
wedding?"

 
"It
seems it has got to be baby before, but I hate the idea of them not caring
about the wedding after that."

 
"We
will just have to wait and find out."

 
We walked
into the dining room carrying the spaghetti and bread. There is always hope
when food is added, that no one will get up and leave. Everyone made their
plates and said grace. Surprisingly, everyone was enjoying themselves. Maria even
commented on the sauce my mom taught me how to make. She said it was delicious,
that was a shock. Ash looked at me and I knew that the time had come. My voice
was lost to me. I looked over to him in panic. He just smiled and I knew he was
going to drop the ball instead of me.

 
"Everyone,
we would like to discuss how things are going to work over the next few months.
Sadie and I have decided that we would like a small wedding, containing it to
only close friends and family. As far as the date goes, within the next month
or at the farthest, two would be ideal."

 
My mother
did not look happy and Maria just looked confused. The men didn’t seem to care.
My mom was the first to ask questions.

 
"Why,
Sadie? You have always wanted a fairy tale wedding.
Always.
Why are you sacrificing your dreams now, when all of the rest of them seem to
be coming true?"

 
"Ash,
you are not pushing her to do this your way, are you? Son, a girl’s wedding is
one of the most important days of her life. Sadie deserves whatever she
wants."

 
I felt
awful. I could not let Ash take the fall for all of this. It was my choice
also. "Mom, Maria, please listen to me. My dreams changed. They all came
true when Ash asked me to marry him. How lavish the wedding is doesn't
represent how much we love each other. We don't need an elaborate event to do
what we want to do. And all that is, is to say our vows before God and the
people we cherish most."

 
"Well
said, Sadie girl."

 
"I
completely agree, Bill."

 
Well, it
seemed that we had the fathers on our side for the time being.

 
"But
honey, how do we plan something so fast and around Christmas no doubt?"

 
"Mom,
it shouldn't be hard. If everyone comes together for the holidays anyway, why
couldn't we squeeze in a wedding?"

 
"Alright,
that's it! Squeeze in a wedding? What is going on?"

 
My mother
had lost her patience. We were screwed.

 
"Now
Linda, please calm down. Sadie and I are trying our best here. Please don't
yell at her. We just feel it would be nice to....."

 
"I'm
pregnant!"

 
I couldn't
hold it in any longer. Ash was trying so hard to diffuse a situation that had
not even come to blow yet. The whole table gasped for air. I looked at Ash and
he took my hand and mouthed, "Together."

 
Everyone
started screaming at once. We stayed locked with our eyes, zoning the room out.
If we could just let them calm down, it could be handled. All of a sudden, we
were ripped away from each other when my mom grabbed me and surprisingly,
Michael grabbed Ash.

 
My mom
squeezed me so tight screaming, "We're going to have a baby!"

 
I heard over
my shoulder Michael telling Ash congratulations. When all of this sunk in, I
was able to pay better attention to the mood of the room. Everyone was
ecstatic. Maria grabbed me next, but instead of squeezing me, she placed her
hands on my bump. She looked me in the eye and tears began to fall down her
face.

 
"I am
so proud. My first grandchild is going to be born to the most amazing woman.
Congratulations, my beautiful. You both will make exceptional parents."

 
I was
balling. Never in my wildest of dreams did I think we would get this kind of
response. I needed my dad. Maria moved over to hug Ash as I walked across the
room to find my dad. He wasn’t in the dining room any longer. I walked into the
foyer and saw him out of the corner of my eye, on the front porch. I opened the
door and he glanced back over his shoulder. When I saw his face, my heart
broke. I closed the door behind me and went to stand by my father.

 
"Dad,
it’s going to be okay."

 
"Oh I
know it is, Sadie girl. Everything couldn't be more perfect."

 
That shocked
me to my core.

 
"Then
what is wrong, Dad? Are you disappointed?"

 
He turned to
look at me and for the first time made eye contact.

 
"Never.
Never could I be disappointed in you. You have
it all. Everything a father could hope for their child. That man in there would
lay
down and die for you. I couldn't ask for a better
man to take care of my little girl. And then, to think that you are going to be
a mother, I just didn't think my heart could feel this full. I'm not
disappointed, Sadie. I'm fulfilled. I couldn’t be happier than I am at this
very moment."

 
I was a
soppy, balling, hyperventilating mess.

 
"Then
why are you out here away from everyone else?"

 
"Because a grown man doesn't cry in front of people.
Now, let’s get you back inside so we can plan this wedding."

 
"Okay,
Dad. Let’s get this done."

 
He took my
hand and led me back to the chaos. As soon as I saw Ash, my heart unfolded. He
was standing tall and proud. All of the stress over how this was going to
go,
was over. He walked over to me and picked me up to kiss
me. When he put me down, he turned and said, "Now, who's ready to plan the
best wedding in a short amount of time?"

 
Both mothers
went crazy. Ideas were being thrown back and forth. Between the two of them, I
would need to do nothing. The dads went to watch TV. Ash and I just sat back
and smiled. Everything was going to be okay after all.

CHAPTER
51

 
When
I woke up my first thought was "Did I seriously get even bigger over
night?" I reached over to ask Ash, but he wasn’t there. That was because
Maria insisted that he stay away for one night.
The night
before our wedding.
I sat straight up in bed. "I'm getting married
today!"

 
I got out of
bed and brushed my teeth. I took a shower last night before bed so my hair
would be ready for today. I put on my button down shirt and some jeans and was
out the door.

 
Maria, Kate,
Heather and my mom were meeting me up at my work for hair and makeup. When I
walked in, they all started to scream.

 
"Aren’t
you so excited?"

 
Heather
seemed more excited than me, and it was my wedding day. Too damn funny.

 
Kate walked
over and grabbed my belly. She put her face down to it and said, "Let your
momma shine today, okay, squirt?"

 
"I have
never heard anyone, other than Ash, say that phrase. Did you guys learn it as
children?"

 
"What
phrase?"

 
"Time to shine."

 
"I have
no idea what you’re talking about, Sadie. I just said what came to me in the moment.
I just want you to have the most amazing day ever."

 
That was
spooky weird. It was incredible at the same time. That phrase has become my
anthem.

 
"Thank
you, Kate. I love you, girl. It’s crazy that I am officially going to have a
sister in a couple of hours."

 
"Even
crazier is that you are going to have my little brother as your husband."

 
"That's
not crazy. That's magical."

 
Only my
mother can jump in and say something like that.

 
After our
hair and makeup was done, we all headed to the church. My dress was waiting for
me there. We went into the back room and I got undressed and ready to put it
on. The last time I wore it was my final fitting. That was two weeks ago and I
had my fingers crossed it would still fit. I stepped into the dress as my
mother pulled it up from the floor. Soon it was at my waist, and I took over to
pull it up all the way. Maria had the idea for it to be lace up versus a zipper
or buttons. As the two women tugged and pulled, I tried to remain calm. When they
announced that they were finished, I put my arms down and turned to the mirror.
Everyone in the room took in a breath, including me. Both mothers were wiping
tears. Kate and Heather were saying how breathtaking I was. I looked at my
reflection and saw beauty. I felt beautiful, truly beautiful,
completely
beautiful. Gone were the days of self sabotage. I
had finally come to a place of solace for myself and it felt wonderful. My hair
was down and curled loosely. The sides were pulled back just enough to anchor
the tiara. My veil came out from under the tiara and cascaded down my back over
my hair. The dress, oh the dress, it was a strapless bodice covered in lace and
pearls with accents of crystals scattered throughout. It hugged me until it was
past my hips where it then fell in layers upon layers of fabric. All covered in
the same material as the bodice. I looked like a bride. I was ready to marry my
prince.

 
I looked
back over my shoulder to Heather and Kate both adorned in champagne bronze
floor length strapless dresses with chocolate belts. Pure unattested beauties
they were, with complimenting hair styles, yet strikingly different with Kate
having dark hair and Heather having light. Both of them wore it down with one
side pinned back. Our mothers looked radiant. Maria wore a silver metallic
floor length gown while my mom was in a light copper color.

 
The florist
came into the room to hand us all our bouquets. Mine almost touched my knees in
length. The flowers cascaded down like water in rich red, copper, burnt orange,
green and fall yellow. We had the bridesmaids’ bouquets be a shrunken version
of my own. It seemed too real once the bouquet was in my hands.

 
It was time
for everything to get started. My father came into the room to collect me. He
began to tear up when my mother yelled at him.

 
"Bill,
you know full well if you do that she is going to cry and ruin her makeup, pull
it together."

 
She failed
to mention that she cried herself. My parents cracked me up.

 
"
It’s
okay, Dad, mom cried too."

 
He walked
over to me and took my hands.

 
"I
couldn't give you away to a more deserving man, but it still breaks my heart.
Sadie girl, you make one stunning bride."

 
"Thank
you, Dad. I love you so much."

 
"My
love for you has never faltered."

 
My mom
walked over to us and said, "Knock it off, you two. Now you have the whole
room in tears. We need to get going, let’s go."

 
I looked
over and sure enough, Maria, Kate and Heather were wiping their red swollen
eyes.

 
"Sorry,
guys."

 
"It is
perfectly okay, Sadie. The love between a daughter and her father will always
create tears. It is inevitable."

 
Maria was
truly the best mother in law I could ever ask for. In fact, the whole family was.
It made it even more special to know that when I take Ash’s hand in marriage, I
get all of them with it.

 
The doors
opened and closed as each of them went through. I couldn’t see Ash, but I knew
he was there, waiting for me. When it was finally my turn, the doors opened and
my dad and I walked through them. In my peripheral vision I saw everyone stand.
They were not what I was focusing on at all. One man was all I cared about and
he was standing at the end of this aisle. God, did he define perfection. His
tuxedo had to have been custom made because it fit his beautiful frame like a
glove. What pulled at my eyes the most was his smile. It radiated light like
the sun.
To his left, stood Kaleb and Tony.
When he
first told me he would like to ask Tony, I was shocked. Tony and Ash had become
very close over the last six months and being he was also one of my best
friends, nothing could make me happier. My father and I reached the altar and
he was asked to give me away. He placed my hand in Ash’s, kissed my cheek and
then turned and went to sit next to my mother. She was already a basket case of
tears by this point and we hadn’t even said our vows yet. I turned to face Ash
and again our eyes locked like they always do. He mouthed, "Simply
breathtaking." I just smiled up at him and winked.