Finding Solace (55 page)

 
The ringing
woke me up. The God forsaken phone needed to shut up. Then it dawned on me
where I was. My car! Oh God, Oh shit, what did I do? I have been drinking. I
was so fucked. I got out
to see
what I hit. Everything
was dark. I felt like I was going to pass out again. My head hurt so badly. I
walked to the front of the car and saw I hit a guard rail head on. Holy shit! What
do I do? What do I do? I jumped back in and tried to start the car. It sounded
awful, but it started. I backed up and prayed that nobody saw me. My head was
still pounding, but at least my phone had shut up. I drove straight to Ash’s
house. I don’t know why, but at that moment, I needed him to fix this. Fix me.
We had long ago exchanged keys. I even had a garage door opener. When I got
there, I parked in his space in the garage. As I got out of my car I thought I
was going to throw up. My head was pounding harder than it ever has. I walked
in, closed the door behind me, climbed the stairs and went straight to bed.

CHAPTER
45

 
My
head was still killing me and that fucking
phone,
I
was going to throw it away. My head wouldn’t stop pounding. I forced my eyes to
open but the light was too bright, I couldn’t do it. Then it occurred to me
that my phone didn’t beep. It was not a ring I was hearing at all. I tried
again to open my eyes when I heard my mom say, "Oh my God! She's awake.
Somebody get in here, please my baby is awake, please!"

 
She was
screaming and needed to stop. Wait. Why was my mom here and freaking out? What
is going on? I still couldn’t open my eyes. Every time I tried, the light felt
like a knife going straight into my brain. Someone else came in the room. I
could hear the shoes, they were different. And then, "Hi Sadie, my name is
Rhonda. You had an accident and are at the hospital. I am your nurse and I just
need to run a few tests, okay? Can you open your eyes for me?"

 
Oh my God, what
did I do? I tried to open my eyes again and could not.

 
"It’s
okay, sweetheart. Let me turn the lights down, that might help a bit."

 
I felt my
Mom’s hand take mine. The nurse was back. I could tell by the shoes again.
"Now let’s try this again. Sadie, can you open your eyes?"

 
I opened
them as much as I could, but I couldn’t see anything. I guess the pain in my
head was really messing with my brain because I thought I had opened them
already. I tried again but the same thing happened.

 
"Sadie,
can you follow my finger?"

 
What finger?
I couldn’t see anything. Why would she ask me that unless she was trying to
figure something out? What the hell is going on? I started to panic, but Nurse
Rhonda grabbed me and held me in place. I tried to speak, but my throat hurt so
bad that I couldn’t.

 
"Sadie,
you need to calm down. Your throat is going to hurt, okay. Don't try to talk
yet. Can you follow my finger for me, Sadie?"

 
This time I
shook my head no. I did not understand what was happening to me. Why could I
not see? Tears started slipping down my cheeks. How the hell did I get to a
hospital and how did my mom get here so fast?

 
"Okay,
thank you for trying for me, Sadie. Don’t cry, honey. It’s alright. Your pupils
are dilating properly. This just means the message is misfiring to your brain.
It is very swollen still, so none of this is surprising. Please just try to get
more sleep and let your body heal itself."

 
She walked
over to my mom and whispered something I couldn’t hear clearly. I decided sleep
just might help after all. Maybe I could wake up and all of this could just
have been a nightmare. I was almost back to sleep when I heard the sweetest
sound.

 
"Did I
hear the nurse at the desk say Sadie woke up?" He was at my side
immediately. "Can you hear me, girl? Can she hear me?"

 
 
My mom answered him with, "Yes, she can,
she just can't speak right now. Her throat is too sore."

 
"Hello
then, princess. I missed you. Please get better for me. I need you." Then
he kissed my forehead and I fell asleep again without even wanting to this
time.

 
The next
time I woke up, my head didn’t hurt as bad as it had. Do not get me wrong, we
are still talking Mack truck running you over kind of pain here. It was just
better than it was. When I attempted to open my eyes, it was blurry, but I
could see forms. Tears were falling again. You have no idea how much you take
your sight for granted. I felt a thumb graze me cheek and then, "Don't you
cry now, woman. We are almost in the clear." Ash pressed his lips to my
hand and said, "Sadie, you scared me to death. I thought I was going to
lose you. When I found you, I have never been so scared. Oh Sadie, I was so
scared." I squeezed his hand. When I tried to talk this time, it was not
as gravelly. Ash got the nurse, telling her I was trying to talk again. Rhonda
came back in with a cup of water. She sat me up and had me take little sips. It
hurt at first but the rocks seemed to wash away. When I finished the water, I
handed her back the cup. I tried again, this time it was like Janis Joplin was
speaking through me. But hey, I was talking.

 
"Ash,
where is my mom?"

 
He shot up
out of a chair and said, "Let me go find her for you.”

 
"That's
very good, Sadie. Don't talk too much at first but very good. You will be better
in no time." She patted my leg and walked away.

 
They must
have given me some medicine because my head was really starting to feel better.
My mom came rushing in. I could tell that blur from anyone.

 
"Hi Mom."

 
"Oh my
God, Sadie girl, I have never wanted to hear your voice so much in my life. You
scared us to death. Why did you drive after you had the accident? What did you
hit and why didn't you call the police or one of us? Ash had to find you
unconscious in his bed. Do you know how scared he was when he called us? You
put us all in hell, girl."

 
"Let’s
not make her feel bad or make her talk right now. I want her to get better as
fast as she can."

 
The accident.
That's why I was here. Shit. I was going to be
in so much trouble. Did they know I was drunk when it happened?
Poor Ash, to have to find me like that.
I had so many
questions and no way to get answers without telling them the truth. Everyone
was going to be so disappointed with me.

 
My dad
walked in and broke my train of thought.

 
"Sadie
girl, I have never been so grateful for prayers being answered. Thank God almighty,
for your health."

 
"Dad,
I'm sorry I worried you."

 
"Oh
sweetheart, none of that matters anymore. You’re safe and going to be okay.
That is all that matters."

 
Tears
started to form again. My God, Tony was right. I am a cry baby. I blinked and
they fell.

 
"Sadie,
it’s all going to be okay. Don't worry anymore. Mom and I will make it all
okay. We already have your car in the shop. It will all be fixed."

 
"Thank
you, Dad."

 
"You’re
so welcome, honey. I'm going to take your mom to go get some dinner but we will
be back soon, alright. Ash, if anything happens or you need us, you have my
cell number."

 
"Yes
sir, I do."

 
"Alright
then kids, we will see you soon."

 
My mom
leaned over and kissed my forehead. Then they both walked out the door. I
looked in Ash’s direction and said, "Does anyone know I was
drinking?"

 
"No. By
the time I found you and the ambulance came, your blood alcohol level was
normal. Sadie, I didn't get home until the next night. Do you know how fucking
awful it was? What were you thinking? I am not mad at you, I promise, but I
need to know why you would drive after you drank. You know better. I called you
frantic when I didn't hear from you. You never answered. I had no choice but to
think the worst, which wasn't even the worst. I thought you and Colt.... I
never thought you would be at my house the whole time."

 
"Ash,
I'm so sorry."

 
"It’s
okay. You’re okay. That is all that matters to me. I love you more than you
will ever know."

 
"I love
you too."

 
"Sadie,
I don't think I could have picked a worse time for this, but with everything
that has happened
,
I just can't lose you. I want you
with me as much as I can have you. Will you move in with me? You don't have to
answer me now. Hell, I should have waited. Don't answer at all. Just
think..."

 
"Yes."

 
"What?"

 
"Yes, I
will."

 
"Oh Sadie.
You couldn’t have made me any happier than
you just did. What a great day. You’re going to be alright, and you’re going to
live with me."

 
He leaned
down and kissed me so softly, as if I was going to break. Then he grabbed my
cheeks and said, "I just love you so much."

 
"I love
you too. And I'm so sorry."

 
"Everything
is going to be just fine. Heather has been blowing up my phone, by the way. The
hospital would only allow one person at a time, so your mom, dad and I have
been taking turns. Tell me when you’re ready for visitors and I can let her
know."

 
"Right
now I just want to sleep."

 
"Then good
night, my angel, I will be right here when you wake."

 
The next
time I opened my eyes I could see a lot clearer. Things were almost back to
normal. Rhonda came in to check on me and remove my catheter. Ouch! No wonder I
felt pressure down there. She explained that my sore throat was because of the
IV fluids. I had been under for four days with no true liquid on my throat.
Four days! How did I do this to myself? Ash was there just like he said he
would be. He held my hand and did anything I asked. He is the best thing that
ever happened to me. I loved him more now than ever.

 
Pretty soon,
I was ready for my friends. They lifted the ‘only one in the room’ rule, so
that let everyone come as they wanted. With my sight back to normal, I was
looking forward to getting the hell out of there.

 
Heather and
Jason were my first visitors. She was balling her eyes out before she got to my
room. When they turned the corner, my heart broke. I have never seen her so
upset.

 
"Hey
chica
, I'm okay you know. Don't cry."

 
"We
almost lost you, Sadie. Don't you ever do that to me
again.
Do you understand me?"

 
"Yes ma'am.
Never again."

 
"Hi Jason."

 
"Heather’s
right. That was awful. We love you, girl."

 
""I
love you too. Where is Tony?"

 
"Oh
he's a mess. You think Heather is bad, wait to see him. He's going to kill you
himself."

 
"Great."

 
"Yeah,
good luck with that."

 
"Guys,
leave her alone. She's been through so much already. Sadie, I will talk to Tony
also. I don't want anybody doing anything but making you feel better."

 
"Ash, I
appreciate that but I'm not made of porcelain. I don't break that easy. These
are my friends. I can take it."

 
"I
agree with Ash. Jason you talk to Tony too. Nobody needs to upset Sadie.” I
don’t think I can remember Heather being so serious.

 
"People!
I'm a big girl who fucked up big time. I
deserve the riot act."

 
Ash looked
down at me and said, "You will get it. I promise you.
But
not now.
You need to rest and get better so we can go home."

 
"Home?"
Heathers brows perked. She caught that.

 
"Yes,
home. Sadie is moving in with me when she gets out of here."

 
"That's
great news! I will miss you, but it's not like it used to be anymore
anyway."

 
"Thank
you. I'm very happy about it."