First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (39 page)

“Whatever…he was touching her…like he liked it!” I said through angry bursts. “I wonder who took that picture.”

The afternoon whittled away with me obsessively scouring the
Internet for anything about the band and Jake. Marshall planted himself on my bed watching You Tube videos and texting Bobby. I hated everyone, my sister for being right, Nadine and Nicole for abandoning me, and my entire life. Staring at Marshall, with a soft smile painted on his face, it was hard for me not to be jealous. I believed Jake when he told me he cared about me. I also thought that meant he cared enough not to flirt and hang all over other girls. Apparently that wasn’t the case.

I stared at my phone, with my palms sweating, confused and fuming with malicious thoughts, day dreaming about ripping that girl’s hair out. Marshall’s voice rang out grabbing my attention.

“Bobby says they’re heading to Arizona now, then home.” He informed me as his fingers punched away at his phone screen.

“Great,
” I said, dryly. “Freakin’ asshole. I’m so upset I don’t know what to do.”

“Call him and just ask him what the eff man.” Marshall sat up, egging me on. “I w
ould, no sugar coating, Aly.”

             
My phone pinged with a text message and we both whipped our heads around staring at it. I sat frozen. Scared it was Jake, and how I would respond to him.

             
“You check. I can’t do it,” I said, burying my head in my hands.

             
As Marshall picked up my phone, I heard the doorbell ring. I wondered who it was. Normally I would be the one bounding down the stairs, but I would let Allison deal with it.

             
Marshall held out the phone to me. “It’s Mike.”

             
I gulped, sinking two levels. “I’m gonna ask him. He’s been cool about stuff. I bet he knows what’s going on.”

“Aly, don’t fool yourself,” he said looking at me as if I had two heads. “Friends cover for friends. Look what you’ve been doing. You think they aren’t doing the same?”

              Ignoring his painfully truthful words, I read Mike’s text and a new emotion took over me.

-
       
HEY ALY. WHATCHA DOIN’? I’M BORED. JAKE’S ASLEEP. WE HAVE A LONG DRIVE AHEAD. TALK TO M
E


My heart raced. I felt uplifted to receive his text, deceitfully happy now that I’d been doing it behind Jake’s back.

“You know what?” Marshall said, closing the laptop lid. “I betcha Mike likes you, why else would he be talking to you.”

I huffed. “Thanks a lot,
” I said shoving his shoulder. My breathing sped up thinking of that possibility.

“Seriously, why else would he?” He reiterated.

“I didn’t want to think that, but you’re right. Why else?” I said, trying not to smile.

I wasn’t going to pretend I wasn’t happy
, besides this is what Jake gets. What girl wouldn’t want guys to like her? I ignored the fact that this may have been true for some time. Thinking back, he was always attentive, in his scumbag way. No wonder Jake said he didn’t trust him. His guts told him right.

“I refuse to feel guilty,
” I said, punching my fists into the bed, trying to convince myself. “Jake’s off doing whatever, and the only reason I’m talking to Mike is because he offered to keep me in the loop. I didn’t ask him.”

“I’m dying to hear what Mike has to say, text him back.”

-
       
HEY MIKE, YEAH LONG DRIVES SUCK THE BIG ONE. I SAW PICTURES FROM LAST NIGHT. DO YOU KNOW WHO THE GIRL WAS SITTING ON JAKE’S LAP?

Marshall and I sat frozen, barely breathing in anticipation of his response, finally a ping.

-
       
NO, I DON’T KNOW HER. I JUST TOOK PICTURES LIKE I ALWAYS DO AND POST THEM FOR THE FANS TO SEE WHAT WE’RE UP TO.

I replied:

-
       
DON’T TELL JAKE I ASKED. I’M JUST BUMMED AS YOU CAN IMAGINE. TYPICAL I SUPPOSE.

-
       
ALY, THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS THAT GO DOWN WHILE ON THE ROAD. IT’S PART OF THE JOB DESCRIPTION. WHY DO YOU THINK I DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? JUST SAYIN’. SORRY, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT WENT DOWN.

38

Jake

              The thing I hated most about being on the road were the long drives between states in the West and Midwest. I shook my head while giving the evilest of eyes to the dry, barren Arizona desert. As if this God forsaken land was staring back at me, I flipped it the bird through the window, for good measure. Now there were two things: the long drives between venues and being away from Aly; and being away from her blew harder than anything I’d ever known before.

Moving uncomfortably in my seat, I stared at her digital image on my phone. Each minute that crawled by meant I’d be home sooner. Waves of nausea washed over me thinking about last night’s antics. I kicked myself for drinking too much and acting like an ass. Regret consumed me for allowing myself to be coerced by Mike and Rachel into doing shots and playing Flip Cup. I should’ve stuck with Flip Cup and stayed away from that fucking devil juice, I thought, holding my stomach. I should’ve just not drunk at all. Now I had some random g
irl, who I can’t really remember, texting me. Running my hands through my hair, I wanted to rip it out by the roots. Fuck. Every time, without fail, it happens. It’s like I lose my mind or something. If I could punch myself in the face real good, I would. I worried I’d be like my father. How many other women had he been seeing? Or was she the only one? I swore to myself I wouldn’t be like my dad.

             
Sitting up, I stretched my arms high above my head taking in a deep breath. I could smell the faint, boozy aroma that was seeping out of half the occupants riding in the van. I wanted to puke. The aftermath of the night we had wasn’t my gig anymore. The regret ran too deep. Getting up I moved to the front passenger seat next to Notting. I wondered what he thought. Why do I care? I’d never given a shit about what he thought, whether he knew or not about our carrying on. I wondered if he could smell what I smelled, or if it was just me being sensitive and hung over. I was anxious inside and really wanted to pick Notting’s brain.

             
“How much longer,” I whispered to Notting and looked back over my shoulder. I was startled to lock eyes with Mike, sitting a few rows back. My blood began to simmer. Something still gnawed at me about him and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

             
Notting’s voice pulled me back. “Six-seven hours, depending on any stops,” he replied and reached over grabbing my shoulder. “Might as well get some shut eye, you look like you need it.”

             
“Yeah,” I agreed softly, glancing down at Aly’s image. “How long did you wait?”

             
“Wait for what?”

             
“For Mom.”

Notting stiffened at the question. I slouched lower into my seat in an atte
mpt to muffle my voice.

             
“Notting, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with Aly,” I whispered, not believing what I was hearing myself say. “When did you know you were in love with Mom? I know you guys think I’m not aware of what’s going on, but I am.”

             
He stared out the window and I wondered if he would open up.

             
“I’ve always been in love with her, Jake.” He admitted his voice barely audible, “For as long as I can remember.” He nodded pensively.

             
I admired Notting’s honesty.  With his hardened good looks and everything else he stood for, he really was one cool package. It didn’t bother me hearing his admission. I assumed he meant he loved her even when she was married to my father. I wondered if he new of my dad’s affair. I was too chicken to ask him outright. Notting always doted on Mom. Even when he was in other relationships, they always had a special bond. Maybe he did know about my dad’s infidelity and felt sorry for her. But thinking back to one particular moment in time when I spied them in an intimate conversation, he had brushed the hair away from her face and looked lovingly at her. I thought it was brotherly back then. Now I knew it was much more than that. He looked at my mother the way I looked at Aly.

             
“I can’t explain it,” I said in a hushed tone, hoping no one could hear me. Dump and Sienna were nearest and appeared to be asleep. Rachel was at the back asleep next to Mike, and Bobby had his iPod earphones in.

             
“Jake, you can’t choose who you fall in love with. You just have to hope that person loves you back, enough that it’s worth it.”

             
I contemplated his words, wondering if Aly felt the same way, or if I was just an infatuation. I fully believed in our connection, the invisible energy that pulled us together in the beginning, the same binding sensation that kept me wanting more. I thought of my father, and an unfamiliar ball instantly formed in my throat. I loved him and missed him even though he wasn’t the man I thought he was. Who was I to ruin his memory for everyone else? No, I’d keep the secret and bury it down as I’d been doing.

             
Notting let out a big sigh and it startled me to attention and my heart started to race. His mouth hung open like he was about to say something.

             
“I’ve had a lot of guilt, about loving your mother, Jake.” He gripped the steering wheel tightly, forcing the muscles to shift underneath his tattooed forearms. “Love for me has been a complicated matter, I’m not sure I’m the best person to be having these discussions with. I’ve broken cardinal rules, son. I coveted another man’s wife for years longer than I care to admit. I almost walked away from the both of you when you needed me most because of the thorny, convoluted situation.”

             
“You don’t have to go there, man,” I suggested. “I didn’t ask the question to pry, I asked because I don’t know how I’m gonna get through this.”

             
“You’ll figure it out.” He breathed heavily and reached over grabbing my shoulder again. “I knew one day this moment would come.”

             
We sat in silence for a long time and all these question’s filled my head.

             
“When did you and mom get serious?”

             
“We weren’t for a long time after your father’s death and we’re still not that serious, Jake.”

             
“Really?” I said quietly. “Is it her, or you?”

             
“She can’t let go. She’s told me she feels guilty about how her feelings for me may have affected their marriage and she needs time. After so long, I just let her be. I figure it will happen when it happens, or something else will happen.”

             
“How many years does it take, geez?” I stated dryly. “Anyway, I’m just looking for my own answers, Notting. Thanks for sharing. I know it’s gotta be weird talking to me about it.”

             
“I don’t have the answers, Jake.” He breathed in deeply. “Just do the best you can, make no promises you can’t keep. Be honest and if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. I must say one more time though, you’re messing with fire with her being so young.”

             
I began to relax, mulling over my thoughts and his advice. I didn’t realize I drifted off to sleep until Mike’s loud mouth woke me up as we pulled into an inconspicuous strip mall in some Podunk town. The van doors swung open and the heat slapped me in the face.

             
“Shit, it must be 120 degrees out here!” Bobby said loudly as he stepped out. “I need to piss.”

             
One by one, they got out, scuffling away from the van.

             
“I could fill a fucking five gallon water bottle,” Dump said as he stretched tall. “Guess there, huh?” He said to Sienna, pointing to the building. He grabbed Sienna’s hand, taking long strides toward the local drug store. I shut the passenger door and followed everyone in.

Half the store appeared to be for personal care, everything from make-up to hair products. All of it targeted toward girls. While Notting searched for pain meds. I wondered the aisles looking for nothing in particular, until I noticed the shampoo bottles. Smiling, I made a beeline toward them looking around to see if anyone else was near. I was the only one in the aisle and I quickly picked out a strawberry scented shampoo. I hoped it would be the same scent as Aly. Strike one, I thought, and quickly placed
it back on the shelf and moved to the next one.

I went from brand to brand until I found what I was looking for. Suave Naturals was the name. I closed my eyes holding it under my nose picturing her wet hair, smooth legs and lying next to me. I wanted to go home. No more hanging out with fan girls. If I’d only picked up the phone when I wanted to last night, I would have spent the night talking to Aly and not acting like a total dick.

A sudden hard shove at my back knocked the bottle free from my hand and the gel-like contents squirted out all over the place.