First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (44 page)

Tell me it’s not for nothing

Tell me it’ll be
alright

Tell me you’ll be there after the fight

Broken made new

I hate to admit it’s all you

Loud voices startled me awake and my heart began to race in anticipation of my confrontation with Mike. I text Bobby asking him to come
over, pronto, I needed him there too.

“
Wait here
.” I heard Notting’s voice firm and loud.

Untangling myself from the blanket, I turned and Notting was staring at me.

“Uh, hey,” I said, smiling weakly.

“Hello.” He replied flatly. “How are you feeling, your hand?”

“It still hurts.”

“Mike called looking for his things, he’s out side. You ready to do this?
I don’t want to drag this out. I’m tired and not pleased, as you can imagine.”

I gulped. “I wanted Bobby to be here for this, you know, since this whole thing involved him too.”

Notting sighed loudly. “Dump wants to talk to you. I’ll send him in. I want this shit over with.” He repeated as he headed back outside. “I won’t be surprised if Mike quits on his own, he may have already left.”

Dump stomped in like a grizzly bear and before I could speak he laid into me. “Wh
at the fuck is going on, man?” His voice grumbled. I could tell he was trying to control himself. “This better be good.”

“You have no idea Du
mp, don’t fucking start with me,” I said defensively.

“Start with you, you fucking left us stranded there, with no way to get our shit back.” He yelled. “What? You swallow a selfish pill or something? So fucking what you and douche bag got in a fight, shit happens. You don’t leave your band, your friends
…” he said pausing for emphasis. “Stranded in another state.” He paced back and forth taking his cigarettes out of his pocket. “I need a smoke.”

We walked through the kitchen into the backyard, Dump with his lighter at the ready. Puffs of smoke surrounded his head by the time I turned around.

“Look, man, Bobby’s gonna be here soon. Mike’s gotta go, you know that.”

“Yeah, and?”

“And there’s more to this whole shit mess than just me leaving you guys in Arizona, but it didn’t start out that way.”

“You’re not making any sense.”
He spoke and puffs of smoke trailed behind every word.

“It’s because I have to talk to Bobby first, you know. I’m a little caught off guard.”

“About what?”

“Just, everything!” I shouted in frustration.

“Does all this have to do with Aly?”

Overwhelmed, I tip toed wit
h my words. “You’ll probably think it all has to do with her.”

“You’re probably right and you’re confusing me. Stop being evasive, it’s pissing me off.”

“Dude, I’ll fill you in soon enough. Let me just get rid of Mike.”

By the time I walked out to the front of my house, Mike was leaning against Cara Walter’s c
ar. He’d already loaded all his stuff in. Bobby was in the garage sitting quietly on a stool, brooding, as if ready to spring into action if needed.

Taking in a deep breath, I let unplanned words fall from my mouth. “Hey man, you wanna step in?”

“Actually, no, I don’t,” he said cynically.

Without mincing words, I let it out. “Dude, I don’t think this is gonna work out…”

“Yeah, well considering you fucking broke my nose, I figured as much,” he said interrupting me. “Whatever, Jake, it’s your band, your plan and no one else has any stake in what’s going on anyway. You all like to pretend this is a band,” he said loudly, gesturing to everyone standing there. “But it’s not. It’s some fucked up excuse for you to use people to get you to where you wanna go.” He sniffed, opening the car door, “Whatever, good luck finding a replacement.”

“Mike, come on,
” I said, surprised I was feeling bad for him. “Dude, you gotta admit it’s been jacked. We’re just not going the same speed.”

“Same speed? You’re kidding right? Dude, the problem here is you actually think I give
a shit.” He laughed. “This is hysterical. You know, I caught on when your chick decided not to trust you.”

Mike slammed the car door hanging his arm out and stared at me with a disturbing smirk. I wondered if my jaw actually dropped to the ground as I watched Cara speed away. Mike flipped me off as they vanished around the corner. Everyone stood around sweating with mouth’s open, literally. The heat was as intense as the moment. I took my t-shirt off wiping my face. I didn’t notice Dump had joined Bobby in the garage. They, including Notting, stood there quietly staring at me, waiting for me to say something.

“What? You feel the same way he does?” I yelled, holding my arms out to the side, waiting for them to agree. “What the hell is he talking about? My girlfriend, what?” I asked looking everyone in the eyes.

I felt like everyone knew something I didn’t.

“I have no idea.” Bobby motioned with his hands.

“Man,” Dump assured.
“Dude’s just tryin’ to save face.”

“Alrighty then, now that that’s taken care
of,” Notting announced. “Enough of this bullshit. What’s next?”

My mind reeled. What the hell did Mike mean about Aly? “I’ll be right back,” I said, pointing toward the door silently stewing. “What ever happened to the girls?” I wondered out loud.

“Dropped them off on the way here,” Notting mumbled.

“Thanks
.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, and I knew Notting didn’t want to hear any more of my excuses. I was just glad it was all over with.

***

It was incomprehensible to the parental units, or to Dump, that I could become “
So disconnected from reality to not care about how my actions affected everyone around me.”
Those words poked at me throughout the finals days of summer. It wasn’t that I didn’t care. It was that I cared too much. I cared too much about Aly and wanted so badly to prove to her that I was
more
than what people perceived me to be. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t anything like my father. I was paralyzed by fear of making another wrong decision, about not making my dream happen. I was fearful of failing in so many ways, for the band and for my mother and Notting, on top of not being able to decide on a guitarist.

Fear made me angry.

I kept tossing around the idea of being a 3-piece, but I couldn’t commit. My hand was still in a cast, any other show dates had to be cancelled. My days were spent writing new songs and obsessing about how the recordings had come out from our last studio session. The only people that had heard them were the band and the label I was hoping to sign with, and we hadn’t heard back good, bad or otherwise. It was slowly killing me.

I still wasn’t committed to home schooling. Bottom line I wanted to go to school with Aly. Experiencing normalcy and sobriety was a nice change, and a girlfriend without an ag
enda and a summer filled without travel…I was happy I’d broken my hand.

42

Alyssa

              A new text message flashed in front of my eyes. It was from Mike. My heart thumped from the shock hitting my fingertips, tingling. It had been a couple of weeks since I’d last heard from him and I was relieved he had left me alone. At the same time I was stoked that he still wanted to be my friend. One more senior to know in high school made it that much better, and being he was popular and hot, made it even better:

-
       
HEY ALY, THINKIN’BOUT U. READY FOR TOMORROW?

-
       
H
I
YEAH, EXCITED & NERVY. HOW R U? WHAT HAVE U BEEN UP 2?

-
       
DON’T B, IT’S NO BIG. IF ANY1 GIVES U SHIT, SEND’EM MY WAY. LOL. JOINED A NEW BAND AND IT’S MORE MY SPEED. THINGS GOOD W/ U & J?

-
       
OH, COOL ON THE NEW BAND! CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. J & I R FINE.

-
       
COOL. C U TOMORROW THEN.

-
       
KK. BYE.

I looked up to see my reflection in the mirror, and it had a stupid smile plastered across it, it surprised me. Ok, I had to admit, I was happy Mike reached out. I could be friend’s with him even if Jake wasn’t, right? He was always nice to me and I hated people who took sides. I refused to be a jerk to Mike just
because Jake hated him. This was what I told myself as I hopped off my bed to find something to wear. Thankfully the heat wave we’d had all summer was going away and it was cool. I looked at the time. Nadine was supposed to be here by now. It was already 11 o’clock. I sent her a quick text –
WHERE R U?
– Just as I hit send, there was a soft knock at my door.

Nadine’s
face was tear-streaked. I was choked for words and stammered. “Oh my god. What happened?”

She sat at the edge of my bed with her head hanging between her knee
s, hyperventilating and handed me her phone. It was lit up with a message from Chris telling her he had an awesome summer and that with school starting he wouldn’t be able to hang anymore. Not believing it could be true, I read the text over and over again.

I was speechless.

I didn’t know what to say to her, so I just sat there bewildered, rubbing her back and my own paranoia crept in. School was starting the next day and today was suppose to be the raddest day prepping for our first day of high school.

             
“Nadine,” I said, taking in a deep breath. “You didn’t, like, you know. I hoped she would get what I was trying to ask, and by the looks of it, she did. With a snivel, she choked out a word that surprised me. “No,” she answered as she ran the palm of her hand up her runny nose. “I need a tissue.”

             
Her phone pinged with a new text message and she looked at the screen. Nadine cleared her throat as she placed her phone on my bed, pointing at it. “That was Nicole. She’s coming over here. I hope you don’t mind.”

             
My stomach sank to my ass. “Really, she’s coming here?” I said dryly. “Huh, that’s a shocker.”

             
“Well, I text her what happened. I obviously couldn’t go over there. I told her I was coming here. Come on Aly, she’s been hurt by this whole thing with you too. We’ve both been kinda bummin’.” She explained. “And I think it’s really shitty that neither of you tried to call each other.”

             
“Are you kidding?” I said, miffed. “You guys are the ones talking shit on me, gossiping to each other about stuff that included all of us. We all want the same thing, Nadine.”

             
Nadine sat with her mouth slightly open, considering my words. “Yeah, well, it just seemed you got full of yourself and…”

             
“Can’t you be happy for me?” I interrupted loudly. “Let’s go back a day or a week, before you read the break up text from Chris.” My voice pitched higher, strained. “I was so super stoked for you, Nadine. Happy that you had a guy that you wanted and he was into you, but what do I get? I get a bunch of shit just because my guy isn’t part of our group. And you guys think the worst of me just because I’m not around. That’s so lame.”

             
A tap came at the door and stifled my rant. “Come in,” I barked.

             
It was Nicole, and my nerves were instantly on edge. This was the first time I’d seen her since our fight. I stood there, frozen. Her hair had grown out longer in the front and the layers that had framed her face were now united with the rest of her golden highlights. Her tan was deeper, leaving her light eyes to stand out even more. In an instant, I felt like I wanted to ball my eyes out. All of the angry emotion I kept bottled inside me turned to mush and a lump began to grow larger and larger in my throat. My chest slowly began to heave and I failed miserably to control my feelings. Still, no words came out of my mouth. Nicole began to shake her head and her arms extended out toward me, her lips trembled and she too began to cry as her arms wrapped around me.

“Aly, I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” She sniffled, tears pooled in her eyes.

I returned her gesture, holding her tight. We both babbled like idiots, yammering apologies on top of each other.

We were all one big sob fest, including Nadine.

              “Nadine, I’m so sorry. If I’d known my brother was such an asshole, like a real one, I would have told you. I never saw this coming,” Nicole said remorseful.

             
“Yeah, I know.” Nadine said shaking her head. “I wanted to believe in it, you know.”

             
I grabbed a handful of tissues, wiping my face, giggling. I was stuck on Nicole’s dialog. “A real one!” I laughed harder. “What’s the difference? You’re either an asshole or you’re not.”

             
We all laughed together, feeding off of the energy that’d been bottled up. I was beyond happy that we were all together again, there was so much I wanted to share with them and so much I wanted to find out.