Flawbulous (19 page)

“I haven't had a man warm my bed in a very long time.
Frankly, I'm not sure if I'm ready to go there again.”

 

–
Kina Battle

 

It was a Christmas of firsts. It was the first Christmas Kina had in her new town house, the first Christmas Kina didn't spend with her cousins Lawson and Reginell, due to their sibling rivalry, and the first Christmas Kina shared with Elvin and Kenny.

After the presents had been opened and the football game had been watched on television, Kina, Elvin, and Kenny gathered around the table for dinner.

“Kina Anne, you sho' know you can do some cooking!” extolled Elvin, sucking his fingers. “That was one fine meal there!”

“If you like my Christmas dinner, you ought to come back next week for New Year's,” boasted Kina. “I make a mean pot of collards.”

“Is that an invitation?” Elvin winked at her.

Kina winked back. “If you want it to be.”

“I'd love to come back that night.” Elvin swallowed hard. “Truth be told, I'd love to come back every night.”

Kina froze, not sure how to respond to that. “Um, Kenny, why don't you run downstairs and take the clothes out the dryer for me?”

Kenny chuckled. “Real subtle, Ma. Is that your way of getting rid of me?”

“Boy, I don't need an excuse! If I want you to go . . .” Kina dropped the act. “Yeah, it's my way of getting rid of you, so would you be a good boy and take the hint?”

Kenny slid his chair back. “Let me know when the coast is clear.”

Kina waited until Kenny was gone before laying into Elvin. “Now, what's this about coming back every night?”

“I think it's something we should consider.”

“Moving in together?”

“Yeah. Why not? I think you could use a man around here, and I want to get to know my grandson and be in his life. I want to be in your life too.”

“Elvin . . .” Kina was still blown away by the proposal. “We're not even a couple! All we've done is go out a few times and share a few kisses. Sure, I've known you for fifteen years, but the reality is that we don't know each all that well. Do you really think living together would be a good idea?”

“I recognize that we haven't been around each other that long, but, Kina, I don't think I've been imagining what's happening between us.”

“No, you haven't,” she admitted.

“Granted, a lot of people like to take their time and muddle through this and that, but I'll be sixty in four years. I ain't got time to waste that way. I follow my gut, and my gut tells me that this is right.”

“I follow the Holy Spirit, and He hasn't said anything like that to me. The Bible is very clear about sexual immortality and the marriage bed being undefiled. I couldn't blatantly go against the Lord's Word like that. Elvin, I enjoy having you around, but living together? As a Christian, I can't sanction shacking and fornication.”

“I don't mind crashing on the couch for as long as it takes for you to get comfortable having me in your bed.”

“Who knows how long that could be? It could take years,” mused Kina. “I haven't had a man warm my bed in a very long time. Frankly, I'm not sure if I'm ready to go there again.”

“It could be that you're not ready because you haven't opened your heart up to the possibility of finding love again.” He clasped Kina's hand. “I know you're scared, and I know you've been hurt. Most of it has been at the hands of my own son, but don't let fear keep you from giving us a chance. This feels right to me. You can't tell me you don't feel it too.”

“The main thing I'm feeling presently is mass confusion.”

“Kina, we were two lonely people who found each other against all odds. Where's the confusion in that?”

Kina concluded that there was none. “So if we did this, and by no means am I saying we are, would I be your roommate or your landlord or—”

Elvin cut her off. “You'd be my lady.”

“As in we'd be a couple?” she asked for clarity.

“Of course. This would be one step toward building our future together.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Not that long. But coming over and spending time with you and Namon has shown me what I've been missing in my life since my wife died. I want that back. I want my life to have purpose again. I miss having somebody to come home to and a woman to take care of.”

“What about Brenda? What about E'Bell? You're his father. Being with you romantically wouldn't be right.”

“Says who? Kina, your husband is dead. So is my wife. How can our being together hurt either one of them?”

“I'm sure a lot of the members of your family wouldn't approve of us having a relationship.”

“What does that matter? They don't have a heaven or hell to put me in or take me out of!”

“How would we even begin to explain this to Kenny?”

“That boy of yours is smarter than you think. He's not blind. He knows what's been going on around here.”

“Then he knows more than I do, because I had no clue,” voiced Kina. She was still hesitant. “This all feels so rushed. You showed up out of the blue a few weeks ago, we've had a couple of dinners, and now you're talking about moving in. What's the big hurry?”

“There's no hurry, but why wait, baby? Why wait on love and happiness, huh?”

“Love?” repeated Kina.

“Yeah,” replied Elvin. “We're both old enough to know what we want.” He tilted her chin up and captured her in his gaze. “And I know who I want. That's you, Kina. I don't know if you've noticed or not, but I've been falling for you since the first time I came over.”

While her ex-girlfriend Joan had professed her love for Kina, no man had even hinted at being in love with her since she met E'Bell in high school. Kina felt a declaration of that magnitude at least deserved her consideration and attention.

Kina was flattered. “I'm sorry for not being more eloquent and gracious with all this. Truly, I'm at a loss for words.”

“You only need one word—yes. Say yes, Kina. We both know that time ain't promised to nobody. Let's make the best of it and go for happiness while we can.”

“What if it doesn't work out?”

“What if it does?” asked Elvin. “If we're honest with each other, I can't make you any more guarantees about the future than you can make me, but I'm willing to try. I'm willing to find out what's out there for us. Imagine waking up together, trips, late nights in front of the fireplace, spending holidays with one another. It can be a New Year and a new start for the three of us. All I need is for you to say yes.”

“You make it sound so easy . . . and wonderful.”

“Because it is. You only have to reach out and grab it.” He pulled Kina into a loving embrace. “So what's it gonna be, Kina?”

“I know you would never hurt him intentionally, but unintentionally
is a different story.”

 

–
Lawson Kerry Banks

 

“Sorry I'm late. Traffic was a beast today,” explained Lawson as she joined Sullivan at their favorite Spanish restaurant a few days into the New Year. “Did you order?”

“Not yet.” Sullivan gave Lawson a hug. “Happy New Year!”

“Same to you. It was kind of weird not seeing any of you over the holidays. What did you and Charles do?”

“We had a quiet Christmas at home. We tried to make things as merry as we could for Charity, but it was hard. We'd planned to be opening gifts with both of our children. Of course, we spent New Year's Eve at Watch Night and kicked back New Year's Day. Were there any Christmas miracles at the Banks household?”

“None worth noting. Reggie and Mark were no-shows at my house on Christmas, and I'm assuming Namon spent the day with them. He didn't call, but he did include me on a mass ‘Merry Christmas' text. That's the closest thing I had to an actual miracle.”

“What about Simon?” asked Sullivan. “Having him there should've made for a lively Christmas.”

“Simone flew back home for the holidays, so Simon was with her most of the time. Garrett and I ended up going to see his family in Alabama.”

Sullivan adjusted Charity's bib. “Is Simon still with his mother?”

“No, Garrett has him. Simone dropped him off before she flew back to New York last night.”

“You should've brought him with you. I wanted to see him.”

Lawson's suspicions were raised. “You sound disappointed.”

“I am. I thought he and Charity could have a little playdate. Plus, I had something I wanted to give him.” She held up a gift bag.

“That's sweet, but you don't have to keep buying him presents.”

“I know, but I love doing it. Besides, you know I'll use any excuse to shop.”

Lawson picked up a menu. “Well, I'll be sure to give him a big hug and let him know that it's a gift from his auntie Sullivan when I take it to him. Thank you.”

“No. I want to give it to him myself. I'll come by the house tomorrow. I want to see his face light up when he sees it.”

“He-he has an, um, doctor's appointment tomorrow,” spluttered Lawson.

“Okay. How about this weekend?”

“We'll probably be busy. Garrett was talking about driving up to Atlanta to take him to Legoland.” Lawson stared at the menu, unable to look Sullivan in the face while lying.

“Oh, that sounds like fun! Let me know if you decide to go. Charity and I might tag along too. In the meantime, I could just follow you home and bring him the gift today.”

Lawson looked down at her feet. “Um . . . this is awkward.”

“What?”

“I don't think you should be buying him gifts, Sully.”

Sullivan grinned. “If you're worried about me spoiling him, don't be. He's one. He won't even remember it, and he'll probably have more fun playing with the box than the actual gift.”

“It's not just that.” Lawson exhaled and set the menu down. “I don't want you to see Simon today.”

“Why not? Is he sick or something?”

“No, but I think you may be.”

Sullivan fluttered her eyelashes. “Excuse me?”

“Sullivan, I don't think it's healthy for you to spend so much time with Simon.”

“Why not?”

“I'm scared you may be becoming a little . . .” Lawson held her breath before finishing.
“Obsessed.”

“With what? Simon?”

“Look, I'm not saying that it's inconceivable that you would be somewhat clingy where he's concerned. It wasn't that long ago that you lost your son. Anybody can see why you'd develop a fixation with Simon. I just think it's best that you don't come around right now, for his sake and yours.”

“My God, Lawson, I bought the kid a gift. I didn't claim him as a dependent on my income taxes!”

“I'm not just talking about the gifts. What about all the visits and the pictures you've been taking of him without my knowledge or permission?”

Sullivan was dumbfounded. “What pictures?”

“The ones you have on your phone.”

“Those were innocent selfies!” argued Sullivan. “You wanna see them?”

Lawson shook her head. “It's not innocent when you factor it in with the gifts and the visits and everything else.”

“Lawson, I'm never alone with him for more than five minutes. What could I possibly do to him behind your back in that length of time?”

“Children have been taken from their homes in less time than that,” said Lawson.

Sullivan was horrified. “So you think I'm going to kidnap him or something?”

Lawson nervously bobbed her knee up and down. “I don't know.”

Sullivan studied Lawson's face. “You're serious, aren't you?” she asked incredulously.

“I know you would never hurt him intentionally, but unintentionally is a different story.” Lawson tried to smolder the fire erupting in Sullivan's eyes. “I'm not saying that it'll always be this way. Only for time being. You understand, don't you?”

Sullivan crossed her arms. “Not at all!”

“It's no different than you not wanting Kina around Charity and Charles after Charles's stroke.”

“So this is your way of getting me back for that?”

“Of course not.”

“Need I remind you that your cousin actually did prove herself to be a threat? She did everything in her power to destroy my family, and she did it on purpose. My situation is nothing like that.”

“Yes, it is. Kina had just lost her husband, and you've lost your son. You both responded by acting out in a lot of destructive ways. Sully, these days, I never know which version of you I'll get. You're sad. You're elated. You're angry. You're sweet. You're drunk. You're sober. You're just as unpredictable now as Kina was then.”

“I won't deny that I've been all over the place since the accident, but I've been feeling better lately, Lawson. It's mostly because I've been spending time with Simon.”

“I've noticed, but that concerns me even more. Getting closer to Simon shouldn't be the reason you feel better.” Lawson folded her hands together. “I think you need to use this time to focus on your own baby, not someone else's.”

“Lawson, spending time with Simon hasn't made me delusional. It's given me hope. It reminds me that my son is happy and is playing like Simon is, only he's doing it in heaven. Otherwise, I'd be focusing on the fact that his body is decaying in a cold, dark grave six feet underground, where I can never get to him or hold him or see him. I know I've been lost without Christian, but I'd never do anything to Simon or any other child, nor am I sitting around trying to replace Christian with anyone else. That's crazy! And the mere fact that you think I would . . .” Sullivan shook her head. “I have to be honest. It hurts, Lawson.”

“Sullivan, you are my oldest and closest friend. You know I wouldn't do this unless I was genuinely concerned.”

“Concerned about me or Simon's safety?”

“Both,” admitted Lawson.

“I see.” Sullivan snatched up her purse. “So my best friend thinks I'm a baby-snatching nut job! It's eye-opening to know what your friends really think of you.”

“I
am
your friend, which is why I want you to get help and don't want to see you get attached to a child who doesn't belong to you. Plus, I'm his stepmother. It's my responsibility to look after Simon as much as it is Garrett's and Simone's.”

“Look at me, Lawson!” commanded Sullivan, raising her voice and looking her squarely in the eyes. A few nearby patrons took notice. “This is me—
Sullivan!
When have you ever known me to endanger anybody's child? You know me, or at least I thought you did.”

Lawson lowered her voice, hoping that Sullivan would do the same. “People change, and I think Christian's death changed you, Sully. I'm sorry, but I can't say definitively that you can be trusted around children right now.”

Sullivan rolled her eyes and announced, “This coming from a woman who tried to abort her own grandchild” loud enough to gain the attention of the restaurant's manager. She fumed and began gathering up Charity's belongings. “But I forgot that when it comes to you, it's always
different.
”

“I'm not perfect, either, Sully, but I have to do what I think is best for Simon.”

Sullivan stood up. “You do that, okay?”

A manager approached their table. “Is everything all right over here?”

“It will be.” Sullivan slung her purse over her shoulder. “I'm out of here!”

The manager seemed satisfied and left their table.

Lawson tried to stop Sullivan. “Wait. Don't you think we need to talk about this?”

“So is it you I should be talking to or a shrink? I'm confused, but that's probably because I'm so darn crazy, right?” Sullivan unbuckled the high-chair strap and lifted Charity out of the seat.

“I never said that.”

“Right. You don't have to worry about me coming around with all my grief and psychosis ever again. Consider Simon safe. Now, if you'll excuse me, Charity and I are going to the park. It's such a lovely day today. I'm sure I can find at least one child left unattended whom I can take home and pretend is my dead son. Good-bye.”

“Please don't leave like this!” pleaded Lawson. “We're best friends. Don't go away angry.”

“You don't want me to go away angry, but you do want me to go away, don't you?”

“I never said that,” Lawson called after her. “Sullivan . . .”

Sullivan ignored her and marched Charity out of the restaurant without looking back.

Lawson sat down. She grappled with the fact that she had alienated not only her son and sister, but now her best friend too, and was left to wonder if being right was worth being lonely.