Flirting With Chaos (18 page)

“I don’t think we should have sex again.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. It hurt to hear that. It shouldn’t have, but it did. I had hoped he would say that he craved me and couldn’t get enough of my body. That he’d rather die than not touch me again. It was how I felt. Plus, that’s what happened in all of my romance novels. The hero and heroine met. Electricity charged between them, and then they made love. Don’t get me wrong. Jude and I would never be in love like a man and woman in a relationship, but I guess I yearned to be pined for.

Did he hate the sex that much? No. It couldn’t be. He claimed it was intense and emotional. Just stop thinking about it. He said no, so be cool with it. We’re back to how it used to be.

“Rainy? Do you understand why?” He broke through my scattered thoughts, leaving my insecurities to flood my head.

“No. I don’t understand.” I pushed my rose-petaled bubble mountain away and watched it drift and then smash into the other side of the tub. “But in the end, it’s your choice. I won’t hold it against you.”

“It’s not that you weren’t fucking amazing, because you totally blew my mind. I’ll be thinking about tonight for the rest of my life, but…I don’t like it that…intense. It makes things complicated.”

Complicated.

I’d heard him say that word before for reasons why he didn’t call a female back again.

“She’s too complicated,” he’d claimed. How many times did he yell that out before dismissing the woman? And now, he’d written my name down on the complicated female list only a few hours after sex.

“I’m not complicated,” I countered.

“Yes, you are. The whole time your wet pussy was tight around my dick, I just kept thinking that maybe I’m not good enough to be inside of you.”

“That’s insane.”

“I know, but it’s what I thought at the time, and even afterward when I carried you back to our car. All these doubts filled my head. I’ve never felt that way before. Usually, when you’re around me, I question the person I am, but this time…after the sex, I felt like I’d wasted so much time with others…”

“Others?”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Okay.” I twirled the water in front of me with my fingers until it looked like a whirlpool that I could sink into and hide. “I’m complicated. Fine.”

“I do think you’re amazing.”

“Cool.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“I do.”

He captured my waist and pulled me into him. Water swished around my body and spilled out of the tub. His erection pushed into my behind. “Do you feel that?”

I more than felt that. I longed to have him back inside me, even though I was sore. “Yes. I feel it.”

“So trust me when I say that I really want to fuck you again.” His grip tightened on my waist as he blew out a long breath. “The more I pushed into you, the more I didn’t want to leave. I could have stayed out on that beach with you until we died.”

He glided his right hand down my waist and to my center. “Even now, I’m reconsidering my answer.”

I arched into his hand. “If we’re never going to have sex again, then you should stop.”

He stroked my clit. It swelled in response. “Make me.”

“I don’t want to. In fact, I’m disappointed that you don’t want to make love to me anymore.” I rested my head on his shoulder, forgetting about the bubbles and anything else. He placed his fingers on the sides of my throbbing bud and traced tiny circles on it.

Goodness. Now I get why Vicky and other girls have sex all of the time. This is what I’ve been missing.

I focused on his wonderful fingers. “Make love to me just one more time.”

“I can’t, Rainy.”

I sucked my teeth. “Please, make love to me.”

“That’s the other problem.” He shoved a finger into me and grabbed my breast with his other hand. “I only made love to you tonight because it was your first time. I usually only fuck, and there’s nothing slow or gentle about what I like.”

“Show me.”

He groaned and pinched my nipple hard. “You’re sore.”

“I’m fine.”

“Fuck, Rainy.” He nipped at my shoulder and rubbed his cock against me. “You’re a good girl. Stay that way. We have a good thing going right now. We’re friends. We hang out and never argue that much or anything. Let’s keep it that way.”

“What does arguing have to do with fucking me?”

He released my clit and pushed me forward so he could get up. Spinning around, I stopped him by placing my hands on his shoulders. “Just one more time, please. We can just fuck and nothing else. We don’t even have to talk about it again, just keep our little secret. What happens in the Bahamas, stays in the Bahamas.”

His gaze traveled down to my moist breasts. “Promise me that you’ll tell me to stop if it gets to be too much.”

“What? The sex or the intensity?”

“Everything.”

“Okay. Now you’re scaring me. Is it BDSM or something?”

He scrunched his face up in horror. “No.”

“So no whips, chains, or knives?”

“Knives?”

“Do I need a safe word?”

“Hell no. Safe word? What the fuck do you read in college?”

“I like dirty books.”

“Now you’re scaring me, Rainy.” He drew me forward and pressed me against his body. “Do I have to take away your library card, Miss Kenner? What happened to all the sci-fi and fantasy books you used to read?”

“I still do. It’s just sometimes the alien chains the sexy human female up and whips her a little.” I straddled his waist. I did the kiss that he’d been doing to me for years by kissing his forehead, his left cheek, right cheek, the tip of his nose, and a tiny one on his chin. “Sometimes the vampire likes to bite the innocent heroine on her special place.”

“You’re no longer allowed to buy books without my supervision.” He guided me down on his dick. He was right. I was still sore, but who cared? Not me. I yearned to have him, if only for one more time. The head of his cock pierced my tender opening. I bit my lip as the tiny sting merged with pleasure.

“Damn, you feel so good.” His body tensed. “Why the fuck do you always feel so good?”

I tried to take off his glasses.

He moved his face out of the way. “Keep them on.”

I lifted up a little and slid back down on his cock. “But I want to see what’s going on in your eyes.”

“There’s nothing to see.” His face shifted to serious. He stopped me from moving on him. “This is only sex right now. Nothing more.”

I waited for him to laugh or say he was joking. It never came out, and his dick slowly softened inside of me.

“Now who’s being so intense?” I said.

“I just don’t want you to…I don’t know.”

“Relax. I’m not going to rush out and buy matching Mr. and Mrs. Everett T-shirts. Just fuck me.”

Neither one of us moved. He just studied me through his sunglasses. It shoved me right back to the edge of uncertainty. I had no idea what he was thinking.

“Get up, Rainy.”

“What?”

“Let’s not do this.”

“But—”

“Let’s just end it here as far as sex goes. We stay friends without sex. Okay?”

I sighed and rose off of him. His body trembled as I moved away, but I paid it no mind. In the end, he’d refused me, and I wouldn’t push it.

He climbed out of the tub, reached for a towel, and wrapped it around him. “We should leave soon.”

All of a sudden he’s in a rush to leave? Or is he in a hurry to get away from me?

“Okay.” I stood and grabbed the towel he handed me. The whole time, he avoided looking my way, as if I was disgusting or grotesque, or even worse—as if he was afraid.

He combed his fingers through those wet curls. “I have a big day tomorrow, so I’ll just drop you off at home. Lots of work and stuff.”

Sure he had a big day.
Liar.
He’d never had to use the word “work” in a sentence before. If he’d claimed he was busy, then it meant parties, women, and writing music. It was funny that earlier today he’d begged me to spend time with him all summer, and now after having sex with me, his schedule flooded with activity that didn’t involve me.

Whatever.

I hadn’t expected more than this, but I had hoped that his reaction would’ve been better. My heart sank in disappointment. I waved it away, dried off, and kept my head high as I strolled out of the bathroom. If he expected a meltdown or tears, sadness, or a fight from me to spend time with him, then he’d be disappointed. I never longed to claim him. Jude would never really belong to anybody. Plus, he’d chosen
rock star
as a choice for a career. My dad and his father, Kaden, represented my definitions of rock stars, which never served as the type of man I dreamed about falling in love with.

I had imagined myself settling down with a quiet guy, the type that could sit next to me and read his own book, and it wouldn’t be weird or uncomfortable while I was reading mine. My dream guy wouldn’t shy away from me. He’d understand everything he craved. He wouldn’t be moody and close up.

Maybe it’s good that we didn’t have sex again.

I dressed and kept my face as neutral as possible.

“Is everything okay?” Jude climbed into his pants.

“Everything is fine.” I tossed him a smile and turned my back on him as I finished with the rest of my clothes. “Thank you for tonight.”

And I meant it. I’d asked him to take my virginity, and he had with a flight to a secluded and exotic island, a pianist, and awesome food. He’d made my first time as special as it could be and imprinted in my mind and on my body a moment that would never leave.

Isn’t that what I’d asked for all along? Not for a relationship or more sex afterward, but for the most memorable first time of my life.

After I finished dressing, I headed over to him with determination in my step and a huge smile on my face.

Everything will be fine. We were never meant to be anything more. We were always only friends, and I like it this way.

Fully dressed, he stood next to the bed. His shoulders appeared stiff and full of tension. Those sunglasses stayed right over his eyes, shielding them. “What’s up, Rainy?”

“You rock.” I tackled him with all my weight, shoving him forward. We crashed into the bed. The headboard bounced against the wall. I tickled him under his arms.

Chuckles burst from his shocked face. “You’re insane!” He rolled me over and held me down, laughing some more. “What’s gotten in to you?”

“It seemed weird a few minutes ago. I didn’t want to have the whole plane ride be awkward.” I collapsed back on the bed. “I just wanted to tell you how amazing you are, and thanks so much for giving me a great first time.”

“No regrets?”

“None.”

“Yeah?” He looked relieved.

“Yes.” I pushed at his chest. “Now, let me up.”

He stared at me for a few seconds and then got up. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Maybe I don’t deserve you either.” I gathered all of my hair and put it into a big ponytail so it wouldn’t dry into a large mop of fuzzy curls. “And I understand that you’re busy tomorrow, but let’s do something this week. Pick a day. I’ll paint. You write.”

“Okay.” He watched me as if he was unsure of what to say next.

We finished putting our stuff together and left the hotel in silence. I figured he would’ve been back to normal after my tackling him, but still he acted odd and kept distance between us. Usually when we walked, we held hands, even before he’d taken my virginity. Tonight, as we left the hotel and headed to T-Bone, who was leaning on the side of the car, I tried to grab Jude’s hand. He moved away and put it in his pocket.

“You’re being weird.” I twisted my lips to the side. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” He dug his other hand into his pockets.

“Did I pussy whip you?” I headed to the door.

He snorted, and in that moment I believed things would return back to normal. He was my Jude, and I his Rainy.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
But still, quiet continued on the drive to the airport. He sat in the passenger seat next to T-Bone instead of in the back with me. It pissed me off. He had never sat up in front when T-Bone drove. Blues music blasted from the speakers, and this time, the lyrics weren’t funny to me. They just made me sad and regretful. That same song that T-Bone had put on earlier was playing again from his iPod.

“He’s no good! Oh Lord, he’s no good!”
the blues woman sang.
“Lord, show me your plan. ’Cause I can’t get over this man.”

“You okay back there, Rain?” T-Bone gazed into the rear view mirror.

“Of course.” I leaned back into my seat and threw on my own sunglasses. T-Bone had given me a new pair, of course, possibly to commemorate my virginity being taken away. I don’t know when Jude told him about everything, but clearly he had, because all over my new glasses were little apples with a bite taken out of them. Knowing T-Bone, he’d gotten the glasses before we’d left the States since he had helped Jude plan all of the activities in the Bahamas.