Flutter (23 page)

The house was incredibly subdued. Mae didn’t tend to
Bobby. Immediately after he was stable, she returned to her room.
Ezra stationed himself in Milo’s room to monitor Bobby, but Jack
later confided in me that Ezra had been crashing in the den with
him the last few nights. Mae has all but kicked him out of their
room.

Milo didn’t feel right being around Bobby, and he was
positive that Bobby would hate him when he woke up. I couldn’t
convince him otherwise, but he wanted to bunk with me, and really,
I didn’t mind.

Milo cried in his sleep, but I didn’t say anything.
After what he’d been through, I didn’t blame him. I don’t know what
I would do if I did anything to Jack, and then I pushed the thought
from my mind.

I would
never
do anything to him, even if
that meant I had to wait months and years to do things with him. Or
maybe never do anything with him. I wasn’t going to hurt him, not
like that.

Not like that.
I had to amend everything with that now, because I was clearly
okay with hurting him other ways, as seen by me making out with
Peter.

That situation didn’t want to resolve itself quite so
easily either. When I got up in the morning, I bumped into Peter in
the hall. There was this awkward exchange where neither of us knew
what to say and just kind of stared at each other.

It was almost a full day after the transfusion that
Bobby started to really come around. He’d had some hazy
conversations before that, but he hadn’t been lucid. Milo was too
afraid to go in and talk to him, even after Bobby had started
asking for him.

I even went in to talk to him, and Bobby repeatedly
assured me that he didn’t blame Milo for what happened, and he
still loved him. He was pale and tired, but otherwise, he seemed
okay.

Milo’s plan was to hide away from Bobby, so he went
down into Mae’s room with her. Mae was abnormally useless in the
situation. Jack and I ended up getting Bobby food and clothes and
doing all the maternal/nurse things that Mae usually did, leaving
him to survive entirely on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and
Campbell’s soup.

He mostly slept at first, so I let it slide, but I
wasn’t going to let Milo just hide while I took care of his
boyfriend. I gave Milo another night to sleep on it, but the next
day I would make him see Bobby.

When I went to fetch Milo from Mae’s room, I brought
Jack along with me. Milo was still pretty fond of Jack, and I
thought he might listen to him, even if he wouldn’t listen to me.
Stupidly, I thought Mae would encourage Milo to get up and deal
with Bobby, but that wasn’t how new sulky Mae rolled. They were
curled up in the dark, listening to Norah Jones.

I flicked on the bedroom light, even though I didn’t
really need it to see anything. I just felt like they needed a
flash of something to wake them up. They both squinted at me and
groaned, and Milo buried himself deeper in the blankets and
pillows. “Milo, come on,” I said. “Bobby wants to see you.”

“He does not!” Milo pulled the blanket entirely over
his head, so his protests came out muffled.

“I’m sure he does, love,” Mae sounded almost like her
normal self. I don’t know if it was our presence or the light, but
it momentarily snapped her out of her funk. She scooted a bit
closer to Milo and pushed back his blanket. “He loves you, and you
know he does.”

“I can’t see him!” Milo said, fighting back tears.
“Not ever!”

“I know it seems major, but it’s really not as bad as
you think.” Jack sat at the down at the end of the bed to coax Milo
out. “I mean, it would be major for normal people, but he
understood what he was getting into when he got involved with a
vampire.”

“Well, maybe I didn’t!” Milo whined, and he almost
never did. Mae pushed back his hair from his forehead, and he
rubbed at his eyes with the palm of his hand. “I don’t know how I
can ever face him again.”

“Just face him the same way you did before,” I
shrugged. “You haven’t seen him, but if you had, you’d understand.
He really doesn’t hold anything against you.”

“But he should!” Milo pulled himself out from
underneath the covers a bit more, but he just stared up at the
ceiling. “I nearly killed him. He should hate me. Something should
happen. There should be repercussions for my actions.”

“You don’t think there are?” I asked. “Look at
you!”

“It’s not enough,” Milo said. “I mean, I’m a monster!
I should be locked up and kept away from people forever!”

“You’re not a monster, love.” Mae ran her fingers
through his hair. “You’re just young, and you have some things to
figure out. That’s all.”

“The fact that you’re beating yourself up so much
about this proves you’re not a monster,” Jack said. Milo looked at
him, sniffling, and I thought Jack might have gotten through to
him.

“Have you ever done anything like that?” Milo asked
him, sounding hopeful. If Jack had behaved somewhat like this, then
it would make it okay that Milo had done this.

“Well… no,” Jack replied hesitantly.

“And you haven’t even bit
anyone
, so you have no
idea what I’m going through,” Milo said to me, making me feel like
an idiot and a loser.

I really hated that he had more experience in all of
this than I did. I wanted to be able to advise him and comfort him
through this, but like everything else in life, he knew more about
it than I did. I was completely useless to him as an older
sister.

“I have,” Mae said reluctantly. Milo and Jack looked
at her with surprise, and she gave Jack a weird look out of the
corner of her eye. “It was a long time ago, but I remember it very
clearly. I know how terrible it feels, knowing that you almost took
a life. But I also know that it’s something you can get past.”

“So what happened?” Milo asked. The tears were drying
under his eyes, and at least Mae had been able to distract him from
his misery. “Was it with Ezra?”

“No, he was a human, but he didn’t die, and that’s
what matters.” Mae forced a smile, but there was something pained
about it.

“How come I’ve never heard about this before?” Jack
looked confused. They had been very close, and Mae loved sharing
things. “Was it before I turned?”

“Yes, it was.” Mae shifted in the bed and tucked a
curl back behind her ears.

She sat up more and refused to look at Jack. Right
now, he only felt bewildered and intrigued, but I got the
impression that there was something that she wasn’t telling us, and
it made me nervous.

“Did he need a blood transfusion too?” Milo
asked.

“No, but it doesn’t matter how he survived. The point
is that it doesn’t make you a monster for drinking too much.” Mae
purposely turned more towards Milo, so her back was more to Jack.
“It’s easy to forget how fragile humans can be, and that’s why it’s
important to always be careful.”

“Well, how bad was he?” Milo started to doubt her
story since she couldn’t provide any details, but I knew she told
the truth. She just left something out. “Did he lose a lot of
blood?”

“Yes, he was almost dead.” She closed her eyes and
rubbed at her forehead. “His heart had completely stopped
beating.”

“So what did you do?” Milo sat up straighter, and
Jack looked very interested in her story.

“We were… gone, and Ezra wasn’t there.” Mae sighed
and shook her head. “It was a long time ago. I don’t know why all
of this matters so much to you.”

“I just don’t understand what happened. If he was
that bad, how did he live? Did you take him to a hospital or
something?” Milo asked.

“No, there wasn’t enough time.” Mae opened her eyes,
but she stared intently at the bedspread instead of looking at any
of us. “It’s so easy to lose control, and that’s why I only drink
bag blood anymore. I never want to feel that way again.”

“Mae, what happened?” I demanded as gently as I
could. A sick feeling was building up in my stomach.

“We…” Mae exhaled shakily. “Peter turned him.”

- 23 –

Mae closed her eyes tightly, and for a second, nobody
said anything. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the
room. Milo’s brown eyes were even larger than normal, and he looked
back and forth between Mae and Jack.

Jack didn’t seem to feel anything. Then this shocked,
nauseated panic spread out over him. His heart hammered in his
chest.

“What are you talking about?” Jack demanded, his
voice quavering.

“Jack, love.” Mae reached out for his hand, but he
leapt up off the bed before she could touch him. Tears formed in
her eyes. “It was a long time ago.”

“No,” Jack shook his head, refusing to believe or
understand what she said. “I followed two girls into the club, and
then…” He ran a hand through his hair and stared off, trying to
think. He’d never really remembered much about turning. “You told
me that you found me in the alley, that they left me for dead.”

“Nobody left you for dead, love.” She got up off the
bed and took a step towards him, and he took a step back.

“What really happened to me?” Jack shouted. She
flinched at the anger in his voice.

“You were at the club, and…” She trailed off. “You
know how these things happen.”

“No, I want you to tell me exactly what happened,”
Jack glared at her. “I deserve to know what you really did to
me!”

“You were at the club, and I was hungry. I picked up
people there a few times before, and I didn’t think anything of it.
So I took you to one of the back rooms,” Mae said hurriedly, and
Jack closed his eyes. “I didn’t mean to, Jack! Honestly! I never
meant to hurt you! I didn’t even realize what I had done until it
was too late! You weren’t breathing and your heart had
stopped!”

“I thought you couldn’t turn if you were dead,” he
said but didn’t open his eyes.

“I don’t know why it worked, but it did.” Mae walked
closer to him, and he didn’t move. “I called for Peter, and he said
the only thing we could do was turn you, so he did. And then we
took you back home and took care of you and loved you.”

She put her hand on his chest, and he let her, but he
was visibly shaken. His heart beat erratically, and the color
drained from his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Jack asked as
evenly as he could.

“The last thing you remembered was following the
girls, and everything was confusing and frightening enough in the
beginning,” she said. “We didn’t want to add to it, so we let you
believe that the girls had done it.”

“So you lied to me?” When he opened his eyes, they
had gone icy. “You lied to me for the past sixteen years? You
thought that was a better alternative?”

“No, we just… I didn’t know how to tell you,” Mae
floundered.

“Whatever.” He pushed her hand off him and stormed
out of her bedroom. I went after him because I felt I should, but I
had no idea how I could help him.

“Jack!” Mae called, running after him. She tried to
touch his arm, and he jerked it back from her. “Jack! Please! It
doesn’t change anything!”

“It changes everything!” Jack made it as far as the
living room before he whirled on her. “You killed me! You…” He ran
his hands through his hair, and he couldn’t process what she told
him. “And you covered it up! How could you lie to me about
something so important? What else have you been lying to me
about?”

“Nothing! This was the only thing, and it wasn’t
lying!” Mae looked away from him and shook her head, her eyes
swimming with tears. “We just let you believe what you wanted.”

“Bullshit!” Jack yelled. “You let me believe what you
wanted me to believe! You didn’t want to tell me that you had
almost left me for dead! And if Ezra had been there, instead of
Peter, you would have! He never would’ve let you turn me!”

“What’s going on?” Ezra asked, coming down the stairs
at precisely the wrong time.

Sometimes, it really sucked being able to feel
everything Jack felt. He had his arms wrapped around himself, and
he was very close to throwing up. He’d always thought they’d been
so moved by his plight that they saved him, when really, he had
just been a casualty.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me Mae killed me?” Jack
shouted, turning his anger on Ezra. “You made me live a lie the
entire time!”

“You’re being melodramatic,” Ezra said calmly.
“Nothing has been a lie.” He gave Mae a disparaging look, and she
shied away from it. Apparently, he didn’t approve of the way she
told Jack.

Cautiously, I took a step towards him. Jack wasn’t
mad at me in particular, but he felt kinda mad at the world. He
stood in the middle of the living room. Ezra and Mae were in the
living room doorway, and Mae started crying. Milo had smartly
decided to stay behind in Mae’s room to hide.

Somehow, Milo’s pep talk had turned into this, and I
felt sorry for him. He probably didn’t feel any better about his
situation when he saw Jack reacting this way.

In fairness, I don’t think Jack was that upset about
what happened. Or at least, he would’ve gotten over it a long time
ago. He just didn’t like knowing he had been lied to about
something that was such a major event in his life.

“Jack, you know they love you,” I said, and he looked
at me uneasily.

“
How do I know that? How do I know
anything they ever said was true?” Jack asked me
honestly.

“You know how much you mean to us!” Mae insisted.
“Look at everything we’ve done for you and tried to do!”

“You know what? I really don’t wanna hear from you
right now,” Jack snapped at her. He turned and headed for the
stairs. “I don’t wanna hear from anybody!”

When he ran up to his room, I followed him. He had no
reason to be mad at me, but he didn’t really feel like he wanted me
around. He paced in his room, and I stood awkwardly in the open
doorway, so I wouldn’t be intruding on his space quite so much.