Flutter (3 page)

Once I was fully conscious, fed, and the pain had
gone away, I wanted to fill in the missing gap. The last thing I
remembered before surrendering into the transformation was that I
had just drank Jack’s blood, and he was about to battle Peter.

But here we were, in Jack’s room, with him by my
side, and we both seemed alright.

“What happened?” I asked, forcing myself to sit up in
his bed.

“When?” Jack played dumb. He sat at the end of his
bed, watching me.

“How are we both alive?” I asked, and he laughed,
completely distracting me.

His laughter, which had always had power over me,
rippled through me. It was almost too miraculous to really
comprehend the actual sound.

“You look totally in awe right now,” Jack smirked at
me.

“I am but… don’t change the subject.” I blinked to
focus myself. “How are we alive? Is Peter…”

Jack’s lips tightened into a thin line at the mention
of him. Maybe it wasn’t the sound of his name quite as much as my
underlying concern, but he pushed aside his feelings and decided
that I deserved an explanation.

“No. He’s alive.” He let his words hang in the air,
and I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t.

“How? How are you both alive?” I asked.

“I broke the bond.” The glimmer returned to his eyes
and an easy smile spread across his face, enchanting me. “When you
drank my blood, whatever tie you had with Peter was severed.”

That should’ve been obvious. As soon as I thought of
Peter, I didn’t have that physical ache for him or that fluttery
feeling in my heart. While I had concern for his well-being, the
only things I felt physically were a dull bloodlust and a pull
towards Jack.

“So we’re… bonded now?” I spoke cautiously, afraid it
was too good to be true.

After all this time trying to figure a way around it,
around Peter, it almost seemed impossible to believe that while I
was sleeping, it had happened.

“What do you think?” Jack smiled crookedly at me.
Breathing him in, feeling the way my body felt magnetized to his, I
knew we were bonded.

My first big clue was when Jack had opened his veins
in the den, and I had been unable to resist the scent of his blood.
It tasted wonderful, and my mouth watered at the thought of it. But
no vampires’ blood should be that appealing to humans. People
aren’t meant to have bloodlust, but I did, for Jack.

“So then what happened?” I continued, ignoring the
delirious happiness taking over me. My heart sped up and my thirst
intensified, but I wanted my curiosity satisfied before I dealt
with my other pressing needs.

“I don’t know.” Jack furrowed his brow, but more out
of displeasure over the subject. “I was in the den with you, and
Peter went crazy in the other room. I was afraid he would hurt you,
so I ran out to find out what happened. He was destroying the
house, and Ezra could barely contain him. But he didn’t seem to
care about me when I came out.”

“But why? If he didn’t want to hurt you, why was he
so angry?”

“He felt it break.” He lowered his eyes from mine.
“The bond. If you hadn’t been out, you would’ve felt it. And if you
hadn’t bonded with me, you’d still be feeling it. Apparently, it’s…
incredibly painful.”

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” He shifted and hesitated before
continuing. “Physically, I guess it’s similar to turning, but on a
smaller scale. But… something happens emotionally too. And Peter
was so riled up from everything else that had been going on.”

Jack didn’t like talking about the fact that Peter
had actually cared for me. He didn’t want to believe it because of
how Peter treated me and how much Jack loved me. If he admitted
that maybe Peter did truly love me, then what Jack had been doing
with me suddenly became a betrayal, and Jack did not see it that
way.

“So where is he now?” I asked.

“Nobody knows. He’s just gone, for good this time.”
Jack shrugged, as if it was of no consequence to him.

“Good,” I lied and hoped he didn’t notice. Then I
swatted his arm, probably harder than I meant to from the surprised
grimace on his face.

“Thanks?”

“That’s for being the biggest idiot ever! How could
you do something so stupid?” I yelled at him, and it was a tough
decision not to hit him again. “You were going to kill yourself! If
the bond hadn’t been snapped or whatever, you would’ve been
murdered!”

“I didn’t have a choice,” Jack said, and he
suppressed a laugh at my mini-outburst. “There was a good chance
that I would die no matter what I did. In case you haven’t noticed,
I’m a lover, not a fighter.”

“That’s not an excuse,” I said, but a smile started
to curl up at my lips.

“I just needed to know you were safe. That was the
only thing that mattered to me,” he said earnestly and placed his
hand on mine.

Heat instantly spread through me, making my heart
flutter. I lunged forward, kissing him and pressing my body against
his. He gave into it for a moment, but hunger threatened to
completely take control of my body. Just when I was about to let
it, he pushed me back from him, and that’s when I got the big sex
talk.

After a few days of getting my bloodlust under
control, Ezra thought it would be good if I went about cleaning up
what was left of my human life. That meant doing fun things, like
going with Jack to my mom’s house so we could have this incredibly
intense fight when I said that I was moving in with Jack, again.
She tried to convince me to stay, then cried a lot, called me names
and told me she loved me.

When it was all said and done, she stormed off into
the night. I packed up my things, and since I felt incredible
guilt, I “borrowed” money from Jack to leave her. Maybe she
wouldn’t have to work so hard, and at least that would be
something.

Milo called her after I left, as he had been
infrequently doing since he moved out. He got to make up all sorts
of fancy stories about a boarding school in New York, and that
seemed to cheer her up a bit.

I formally dropped out of high school, which I
enjoyed. Milo insisted that we both take our high school
equivalency later so we could go to college if we wanted, and I
agreed to it, but I didn’t really have any intention of doing it.
As far as I was concerned, I could spend the rest of my life as a
trophy wife, and that was fine by me.

There was the issue with my “best friend” Jane, but I
didn’t know how to resolve that. When I went to the high school,
she saw me and instantly figured out what had happened. I still
looked like me, but I was hotter than I had been before, maybe even
hotter than her.
It was during the day, so I was incredibly tired. We exchanged a
few heated words, and she ended the conversation with the flippant,
“I hope you have a good death.”

Meanwhile, my life as a vampire was pretty damn
awesome. There were missteps of getting the handle on walking,
moving, breathing, eating… all the basic skills I had taken for
granted before. But I was completely and totally in love with Jack,
and I had just started spending the rest of eternity with him.

What could I possibly have to feel bad about?

- 4 –

When the plane started to take off, I thought I might
throw up. My fingers squeezed the arms of the seat so tightly that
I’d break them if I wasn’t careful. I’d never been on a plane
before, and it scared the hell out me.

This amused Ezra endlessly. He chuckled warmly at my
stricken expression as the engines came on, making all sorts of
whirring and clicking noises that sounded like death to me. I
looked out the window at the dark night around us and imagined the
plane crashing into the runway and bursting into flames.

“First time flier?” A woman across the aisle looked
over at us.

“She’ll be fine,” Ezra cut her off shortly, and I was
too busy being terrified to comment on his rudeness. When he looked
back at me, he smiled.

“You could say something comforting,” I suggested in
a thin, anxious voice.

“Why? This is distracting you from thinking about
other things going on around you,” Ezra said. “It’s less than a
three hour flight to New York, and I’d like to wait for you to eat
until the next flight.”

By “other things” he meant the other passengers, who
flooded the red-eye with the scent of their blood, and the plane
wasn’t even that full. I’d had just eaten yesterday, which meant I
wouldn’t need to eat for another five or six days, but I wasn’t
great at controlling my hunger.

“Mmm, sounds great,” I muttered. Unfortunately, he
had a point. My current level of fear made it almost impossible to
notice my thirst.

“Really, you should be enjoying this,” he said with a
wry smile. “There’s only a small window left where you’ll be able
to feel fear like this.”

“Oh, yeah, this is totally awesome.”

“Let me give you a little tip.” He leaned in towards
me, lowering his voice so it would be inaudible to anyone around
us. “Even if the plane does crash, you’ll survive. You’re immortal
now.”

It hadn’t dawned on me yet. I was a vampire, and I
wasn’t going to die in a plane crash.

My fingers relaxed on the arm rest. Still, whenever
we hit turbulence, I’d grip onto Ezra for dear life, but he’d just
chuckle.

I tried to enjoy the rest of the flight, but it was
dark, and even with my improved vision, there wasn’t much to see
out the window. Ezra brought some books on tracking, and he went
through them, even though I’m sure he’d read them before. He’d
probably read everything ever written.

“Where are we going anyway?” I asked him quietly.
Most other passengers were sleeping, and I didn’t want to wake
them.

“New York City,” Ezra replied without looking up from
his book. “And then to Finland.”

“Finland?” I raised my eyebrow,
completely caught off guard by his answer. “Peter’s in
Finland
?”

“I believe so.” He flipped a page. “Scandinavia has
always been his favorite place to hide out, especially in winter.
There’s hardly daylight for months, and the temperatures are
usually below freezing.”

“So we’re just going there because that’s where he
usually goes?” I still couldn’t wrap my mind around Peter hanging
out in Finland. That just didn’t sound… exotic enough?

“No. Peter’s had a run-in in Finland. I don’t know
exactly where he is, but I’m certain he’s there,” Ezra said.

“A ‘run-in?’ What happened?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” he said at length. “And I’d
rather not speculate.”

“You’d rather not speculate?” I
repeated. “I’m on a plane flying half-way across the world, and not
only do you not know where we’re going, but you’d rather not even
speculate on
why
we’re going?”

“Finland is not half-way around the world,” Ezra
corrected me.

“Whatever.” I sunk down in my seat and crossed my
arms over my chest. “I can’t speak Finnish.”

“You don’t need to. I can.” He flipped another page
in his book, and I sighed.

“You’re gonna be a hoot to travel with if you’re like
this whole time,” I muttered, and he laughed to himself.

I borrowed a book from Ezra so I had something to do
with the rest the flight. After a couple hours of reading about
native Finnish wildlife, I vowed to get as many magazines and books
as I could when we landed at JFK. That was my plan until we
actually started de-boarding the plane, and Ezra grasped my hand in
his.

“There’s a layover here,” Ezra told me quietly as we
walked. “You can’t eat until we get on the next plane, because
you’re a mess when you eat. I need you to stay by me and never let
go of my hand, no matter what. Is that clear?”

“Yeah but….” I was about to ask him why, but then we
were stepping beyond the plane, and the smell hit me for the first
time.

There hadn’t been that many people in the Minneapolis
airport. In fact, I would go so far as to say there weren’t even
that many people in Minneapolis. JFK terminal is a city unto
itself, full of hot, sweaty people pressed up against each
other.

Suddenly, my thirst appeared with a vengeance.

Waiting in the airport was torture. Most of the time,
I had to grip Ezra’s hand so tightly, I don’t know how I didn’t
break a bone or something. I sat rigidly, my eyes locked on my
shoes in front of me.

Ezra sat next to me, a leg crossed over his knee,
with a magazine open on his lap and telling me all about Martha
Stewart’s recommendations for making Halloween treats. He was
trying to keep me calm and focused, but hearing about making Rice
Krispies treats orange made me want to vomit.

Going through security was very hard, but Ezra told
me to keep saying the alphabet backwards in my head. It didn’t
really soften the burning thirst inside of me, and I kept my eyes
locked on the throbbing pulse in the security guard’s neck, but I
didn’t bite him. So I counted that as a success.

Ezra gave me the window seat and belted me in, which
made both of us feel better. I closed my eyes and tried not to
think of Jack. He lurked painfully in my thoughts and only made my
bloodlust increase. The whole situation felt very precarious, and I
started to think that I wasn’t ready for this trip.

When the engines of the plane revved, Ezra leaned
over and whispered, “If the plane crashes, it’ll be in the ocean.
The ocean’s full of sharks, and they can kill us. You actually have
something to be afraid of this time.”

“Is that supposed to comfort me?” I asked through
gritted teeth.

“No, not at all. I wanted to scare the hell of out
you so you’d stop thinking about… things.” He squeezed my hand
back, and that felt reassuring somehow. “But it’s still true.
Sharks are brutal.”

The instant we were free to move about, Ezra grabbed
the cans of blood from the overhead bin and led me back to the
restrooms. We got a lot of weird looks from the other passengers
and the flight crew, but nobody stopped us. I doubted that any
humans ever stopped Ezra. He was too beautiful and confident.