Flutter (2 page)

“He’s right. This is stupid,” Jack agreed. “It’s
ridiculous and dangerous, and you don’t even know where you’re
going. How can you even pack for that?”

“Ezra said to pack for the cold,” I reminded
them.

I loaded my bag with sweaters and jeans and socks.
Vampires didn’t really feel cold, and in fact, we preferred it to
heat. But if we were to walk around in a blizzard wearing a tee
shirt and shorts, humans would question it, so we dressed to fit
in.

“Jack, just forbid her from going or something!” Milo
said.

“I can’t
forbid
her from doing anything,” Jack
replied tiredly, but he definitely wished he could. “And if I
tried, it would just make her want to do it more.”

I threw a pair of boots in the bag and then struggled
to zip it up. Obviously, I was much stronger than the stupid metal
zipper, but I hadn’t figured out how to use my strength at all.

“Here.” Jack knelt on the floor next to me so he
could zip up my bag for me.

“Thank you.”

“Alice, why do you even wanna go?” Jack asked.

“He didn’t do anything wrong,” I told him quietly,
and he rolled his eyes.

“He tried to kill you, Alice!” Jack shouted.

“He didn’t
mean
to,” I insisted, and that was
only half a lie.

Peter never really wanted to hurt me, but he didn’t
know what to do about anything. When I asked him to end my life, he
refused, so I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, and I knew that
he wouldn’t be able to reject biting me then. I had forced him into
it, and Jack rushed in to stop him from finishing the job.

“But he did, Alice! All he ever did was push you away
and treat you like crap and almost kill you! What about that is so
endearing to you?”

“He didn’t ask for any of this, Jack! He didn’t ask
to feel the way he did about me, and he just wanted it to stop! And
now he’s alone and suicidal somewhere because of me! I can’t just
let him die!”

My intensity only hurt and bewildered Jack more. He
leaned back, resting against a row of shelves filled with his
Converse. His face had gone lax, and I knew he had resigned himself
to me going, but that didn’t mean he felt okay about it.

“Jack, listen to me.” I took his
hand, and his sad, blue eyes met mine. “Ezra’s not going to let
anything bad happen to me. And I love
you
, okay?”

“I don’t want you to go, Alice,” Jack said simply.
“Please, if you love me, don’t go.”

Seeing him like that, so desperate for me to stay,
broke my heart. I never wanted to hurt him. If Ezra shot me down, I
wouldn’t have fought to go, but he agreed, so he thought that I
could help. If causing Jack a few moments of misery would save
Peter’s life, then so be it.

“I’m sorry, Jack.”

Downstairs, Ezra called my name and said we had to
get going. I pursed my lips, watching Jack. Part of me expected him
to yell and demand that I stay, but that was never his style. He
lowered his eyes and rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand,
making my skin tremble.

“I’ll drive you,” Jack whispered and got to his
feet.

“What?” Milo asked incredulously. “You’re just
letting her go?”

Jack still held my hand, so he helped me to my feet.
He leaned over and picked up my bag so he could carry it
downstairs.

“What am I supposed to do?” Jack gave Milo a helpless
shrug as we walked past him.

“I told you! Forbid her from going!” Milo grew
nervous and fidgety, traits that were increasingly uncommon with
his new-found vampire confidence.

“Yeah, you try forbidding her,” Jack muttered.

He held my hand as we went downstairs where Mae and
Ezra waited with his luggage. On the table, a small duffel bag was
full of special containers.

We survived mostly on blood donations, thanks to a
set of clinics they ran similar to the Red Cross. People donated
blood thinking it was for blood transfusions in humans, but really,
they were sustaining almost the entire species of vampires.

When traveling with blood, we used special equipment.
Airport security would find it suspect if Ezra boarded the plane
with bags of blood. He used metal cans that looked like shaving
cream, lined to make it impossible for dogs to sniff out. We could
each only take one can with us, but it just had to be enough to
last me the flight. We’d get more when we landed.

Ezra stood next to Mae, sifting through the papers to
make sure they were all in order. As soon as I had turned, he got
all the documentation set up so I could live my life with them
without any suspicion.

That had been a source of contention since I had
insisted on keeping my last name Bonham instead of changing it to
Townsend, like the rest of them. Nobody had actually cared except
for Jack, but he didn’t understand why I wouldn’t want his last
name, especially since that was Milo’s last name too.

Someday, I’m sure it would change, but for now, I
wanted to hang onto every part of myself that I could, even if it
was just my name.

On the plus side, Ezra changed my age to eighteen, so
it’d be easier for me to do things if I wasn’t a minor. They did
the same thing with Milo, even though he was only sixteen, but he
looked closer to nineteen.

All of Ezra’s information said that he was
twenty-nine, even though he had actually been twenty-six when he
turned, but it was that way with all of them. Jack was really
twenty-four, but his license said he was twenty-seven, and Mae’s
said that she was thirty-one, even though she was three years
younger than that when she turned.

They’d lived this life, this name in this house, for
four years already. They wouldn’t be able to pull off their ages
for much longer, though, which meant that they were going to have
to move very soon. As it was, Jack didn’t really pass for
twenty-seven, and he would never make it as thirty.

“When was the last time you ate?” Ezra asked me but
didn’t look up from my passport. It was brand new, and he inspected
it for any mistakes. As soon as I’d turned, Ezra had gotten me all
the paperwork I might need, including a driver’s license, birth
certificate, and passport.

“Um, yesterday,” I said.

There was a constant thirst with me, but it wasn’t
the same as being thirsty when I was human. My mouth wasn’t
parched, and my stomach didn’t feel empty like I was hungry,
either. I just felt this need inside me, coming from everywhere and
nowhere all at once.

The closest feeling I could recall is when I ran too
fast in gym, and my muscles would start to ache from the oxygen
depilation. It would be this slow, swelling cramp that permeated
through me. Except now the relief came from blood, accompanied by
frantic lust.

I managed to have reasonable control over my
bloodlust. Both Milo and I had a stronger grasp of that than most
vampires, something that bewildered Ezra and Mae. Our relationship
to vampires constantly surprised them, and Ezra thought there was
something deeper going on than merely my bond with Peter and
Jack.

“Hmm.” Ezra eyed me over. “I don’t want you to get
tired just yet. We’ll have to wait until you’re on the flight. Do
you think you can handle being around people that much on an empty
stomach?”

“I think so,” I nodded, but I wasn’t as certain as I
tried to sound.

Since I was so newly turned, blood had a very strong
effect on me. Eating felt amazing, but after, I’d be very drowsy
and out of it. Usually, I’d just pass out and sleep it off for
awhile. Eventually, drinking blood should give me more energy
instead of knocking me out, but that was awhile off yet.

On top of that, I had very little experience being
around people. I found myself attracted to Jack’s blood, and his
pulse is significantly weaker than humans. Their blood smelled
stronger, pounded harder, and would be far more enticing. I had
shown a lot of self-control so far, but in all honesty, I’d had
very little temptation.

“Good.” Ezra nodded once, then looked at Mae. “Is
everything packed then?”

“Yes.” She bit her lip when she met his gaze, and she
didn’t want him to go anymore than Jack wanted me to.

“Well, then.” He smiled wanly at me. “Are you
ready?”

“Yeah,” I nodded again.

He put all the papers in the front pocket of his
suitcase and grabbed his bags. Up until that point, I think Milo
expected Ezra to tell me that I had to stay behind, but when he saw
that we were really serious, he balked loudly.

“You can’t really be going!” Milo flared with
agitation, and Mae put her hand on his back, rubbing it to ease him
down before he went berserk. “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever
heard! You’re going to get her killed!”

“Milo, that’s enough,” Mae said.

“But… but…” Milo stammered and turned to her for
help. “You know this is stupid!”

“Milo.” Ezra cut him off decisively, and Milo’s face
crumpled. “Just say goodbye to your sister before we go.”

He cried when he hugged me, which didn’t make things
easier. He didn’t want me to go, and he didn’t want to be left
behind, but there was very little in the way of options. The one
time that he had actually met Peter, it hadn’t gone over well, so
he wouldn’t be able to do anything to help the cause of rescuing
Peter.

Mae kissed Ezra with tears in her eyes, and once
again asked him if there was anything that could get him to stay.
He didn’t say anything, but that was as she had expected.
Sniffling, she hugged me and made me promise to be safe, to always
run at the first sign of trouble, and to call her constantly,
whether anything was wrong or not.

When we left, she had her arm wrapped around Milo,
and they stood in the entryway, looking terribly forlorn. Jack
hadn’t said anything as we left, and he continued his silence on
the car ride to the airport. He took Ezra’s Lexus, and Ezra seemed
lost in his own thoughts, trying to figure something out.

The Minneapolis airport was a bustle of human
activity. The cold October air felt good on my skin as we walked
from the parking lot to the airport, but everything was already
filled with the warm, tantalizing scent of blood.

My heart sped up a little, and Jack took my hand,
squeezing it to reassure me. Once inside, the feeling only got
worse, and I tried to think of sad things, like dead bunnies, to
keep my appetite under wraps.

Ezra went to the desk to pick up our tickets while
Jack stood with me, waiting in the crowd. Jack was unusually still,
but that was for my benefit. I felt everything he felt, so he tried
to be calm and soothing so I wouldn’t get agitated or hungry.

“I’m going to have to go soon,” I said, looking up at
him sadly.

“I know.”

The crowds around us paused to stare. Before, when I
had been out with Jack in public, it drove me crazy the way
everyone fawned all over him. Now, I had the same power, and it was
incredibly odd having a private moment in front of an audience.

Jack touched my face, his hand warming my cheek, and
I leaned into it. Leaving, even for a short time, would be so
painful, but it was the only thing I could do. I couldn’t live with
myself if I didn’t do everything to help Peter.

Gently, he pressed his lips against mine, and his
luscious heart beat through my skin. He kept it soft and very PG,
because I didn’t want to get out of control in a crowded airport.
Still, nothing was sweeter than his kisses, and I couldn’t help but
want more.

“The plane is going to board soon,” Ezra interrupted
us, not unkindly. “We need to get through baggage claims and
security.”

Reluctantly, I pulled myself from Jack. His eyes
locked on mine, and my heart screamed. It’d just finally dawned on
me what I was about to do. Separating myself from Jack to sleep was
uncomfortable. Being miles and miles away for I don’t even know how
long… that sounded unbearable.

“I’ll take good care of her,” Ezra promised when Jack
seemed unwilling to let me go.

Ezra took my hand in his, partially to help coax me
away from Jack and partially so he could keep tabs on me. This was
not the most ideal place for a new vampire’s first big outing, and
everyone knew that.

Jack let go of my hand, and as Ezra carefully guided
me through the crowds past the first set of metal detectors, my
eyes never left Jack’s. He just stood in the middle of the airport,
staring after me, like some tragic music video, and I wondered what
exactly I had gotten myself into when I became a vampire.

- 3 –

My transformation from human to vampire had been so
incredibly brutal that the English language isn’t fit to describe
it.

My body died and ate itself. My organs shifted
around, feeling as if my intestines had been replaced with living,
moving snakes that squirmed inside of me. I spent hours upon hours
vomiting. I was in a constant state of fevered delirium. My body
ached on a cellular level. Even touching my hair would cause
excruciating pain.

It wasn’t until I finally drank blood for the first
time, cold from a bag, that everything began to take a turn for the
better. The pain subsided and was replaced by pleasure.

All my senses were heightened, and I couldn’t believe
how glorious everything really was. There were more colors, tastes,
and textures in the spectrum than I ever imagined.

I felt Jack when he entered the room, and not like
before. My heart always knew exactly how far he was from me. The
way plants strained for the sun, I strained for him.

I had changed. My skin was smoother, my hair silkier,
my eyes brighter. While I hadn’t exactly been fat before, I had a
new elegance to how I looked.

The change wasn’t as drastic as it had been with
Milo, more like I had simply gone through a makeover, but I
definitely looked better. And I had shot up from 5’3” to a whopping
5’5” feet tall.