Following My Toes (33 page)

“It sounds almost like you’ve forgiven them.”

“Almost,” I said. “I suppose I still have some work to do, otherwise, I’d be contacting Lacey and making sure that she’s okay.”

Ethan smiled. “You’re awfully hard on yourself.”

“How can you say that? You’re the one who was chastising me earlier for not calling her.”

“I wasn’t chastising you. I just know from experience what an awful thing guilt can be. But she’ll be okay. She has Peter, and if she was really intent on killing herself, I doubt she’d be leaving a bunch of warning signs.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Even if I’m not, you’ve been through a lot in the last twenty-four hours. I think you need to make sure that you’re okay fi rst, before you start worrying about other people.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I scooted in close and leaned my head against his shoulder. “Tired?” he asked.

“Exhausted.” I answered.

“You want me to carry you back?”

I laughed and responded gently. “You like being needed, don’t you?”

He ran his hands through my hair, and despite myself, I felt turned on again. He kissed the top of my head and spoke at the same time. “I don’t mind being needed. But I think Glenn cured me of it being a requirement. Besides, if I needed to be needed, I wouldn’t want to be with someone as self-sufficient as you.”

“I’m not self-sufficient. I’m self-involved.”

“Hmmm. Perhaps. Or maybe you need to be a little of one to be a lot of the other.”

My eyes teared up. “Do you mean that?”

“Sure,” he answered, looking at me directly. “Anyway, you don’t seem that self-involved. I think you’re actually very perceptive.”

I laughed, unwilling to let Ethan in on the joke. Instead I leaned forward and kissed him, hard on the mouth. After I pulled away I simply said, “You have no idea.”

Chapter 27

Ethan and I agreed to just be friends. Once we got back to his place I slept most of the night and into the morning, although he still woke me up every two hours. But I could only stay awake for around thirty minutes or so, and we would play cards or watch whatever we could find on television. We didn’t talk much, except for this brief conversation during a hand of gin rummy.

“So, do you want to travel the world with me?” he asked as he discarded the queen of diamonds.

“Maybe someday,” I replied. I picked up his queen, and discarded the four of spades. Ethan drew from the deck, and discarded the queen of clubs without a thought.

“I’m leaving next month. I already have someone who is interested in the shop. I’ve actually been planning this for a while.”

“I can’t go in a month,” I said as I picked up the queen and discarded the eight of hearts.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back. Or if I’ll be back. Or what I’m going to do once my money runs out. But I need to get away and figure things out. It makes me wish I hadn’t met you yet. I guess timing is everything.” Ethan grabbed my eight and discarded the six of spades. I drew from the deck, and lo and behold, I drew another queen. That’s all I needed.

“Gin!” I cried as I spread out all of my cards.

“Congratulations,” he said, smiling.

“I can’t believe you got rid of both those queens.”

“Tell me about it. So what do you want to do?”

I gathered up the cards, thinking. When I looked up at him, he was still smiling. His glasses were on crooked, one lock of hair was standing straight up, and he was badly in need of a shave. I asked myself what I saw in this drifting, moody guy. On paper he would appear to be a very bad choice, yet when I’m with him it feels like margaritas and moonlit walks on the beach.

I said, “Well, we have a month, right?”

“Yeah. But do we want to complicate things by growing even more attached to each other?”

“From the way you asked that question, I’m guessing no.”

“I like you Faith. You’re strong, you know what you want. And you seem to want to be with me, which is totally new. I’m only used to being needed in a blind-leading-the-blind sort of deal.”

“I know I don’t want that.”

“Me neither,” he said.

“So we’ll get to know each other. We’ll keep in touch. We’ll figure out what our faults are, and if the timing is ever right, and we’re still interested, then, who knows?”

Ethan reached over his fancy dining-room table and grabbed my arm. He pulled on it gently and I got up as he guided me into his lap.

“I love your dining room table,” I whispered into his ear.

“Oh yeah?” he whispered back. “Then why don’t you keep it for me while I’m away.”

“Really?”

“Sure. It wouldn’t travel well. But I’m going to want it someday. So if nothing else, I’ll see you again if only to get my table back.”

“Okay.” We hugged, and he picked me up and carried me to bed. And then, well, maybe we are a little more than friends. But I’m trying hard not to define it, and I’m certainly not going to predict what will happen.

However, Ethan kept his word, and I now have his dining room table. Actually, I now have his entire place. He sublet it to me for eight months, the amount of time he expects to be away. During that time we agreed we are both free to see other people, but he said this way, he’d know where to find me once he comes back. I get postcards, e-mails, and phone-calls from him every so often. Whenever it happens it always makes my day.

Margaret moved into my old room, and she is now pursuing her master’s degree in Environmental Science at the
University
of
Minnesota
. She says she and Missy are just good friends, which I sort of believe; but she is also sort of seeing some guy with dread-locks whom she met at a rally on the steps of the state capitol.

Carolyn and Charles are planning their wedding. I hear Charles is doing most of the work, since Carolyn is in
New York
right now, shooting a film. She says they will stay rooted in
Minneapolis
for as long as possible, but there will be months at a time when she is away. Charles said he was okay with that; relationships are all about com-promise. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for both of them.

Now it’s a beautiful autumn Sunday, made especially nice because tomorrow is Columbus Day, and I don’t have to work. Don’t get me wrong; I love my new job. But it’s nice to have some time to myself. Actually, I decided to drive up to
Duluth
today to see Lacey. After everything that happened, I realized how easily love can make us sour, bitter people. That is, if we don’t forgive ourselves, and each other for all our many shortcomings. I know I don’t want to end up like Bill, and I certainly don’t want Lacey to end up like Glenn. And maybe I can’t control everything, but I can at least give it my best shot.

This time I called first to let her know I was coming. I told her on the phone about Peter’s visit, and I think it was his concern that convinced her to see me. We decided to meet for coffee, and as I walk into the coffee shop where I first met Peter, I see her sitting at a table, alone. I walk over, resist giving her a hug, and sit across from her.

“Hi.” I say. I see she’s already ordered. She has a cup of coffee, and a more than half-eaten sandwich on the plate in front of her.

“Hi. I hope you don’t mind that I started eating without you. I’m starving.” She takes a huge bite of her sandwich, and nearly finishes it.

“I don’t mind. How are you?”

“I’m good. Well, I’m better anyway. How are you?”

As we sit there, discussing our lives and the people in them, the first stitches towards the mending of our friendship are sewn. And the itching in my toes tells me this is just the beginning.

Following My Toes: A Reader’s Guide

Reading Group Questions for Reflection and Discussion:

1.
    
One of the major themes in
Following My Toes
is forgiveness. Which characters deserve to be forgiven, and why? Can any-one truly earn forgiveness, or is it something that needs to happen organically by the person who is bestowing it?
 
When has forgiveness been a major theme in your own life?

2.
    
Is Faith self-involved, or are the important people in her life merely projecting their own flaws onto her?

3.
    
How does setting play a part in this story? Do the various settings:
Duluth
,
Minneapolis
, and
Two
Harbors
, alter in any way Faith’s mindset? How much do our surroundings affect our mental health?

4.
    
Given the context of the story, how is friendship defined?
 
Of Faith, Lacey, Carolyn, Margaret, and Missy, whom would you label as a “good friend”? Why?

5.
    
Which one of the love relationships in the story do you think is the healthiest: Charles and Carolyn, Ethan and Faith, or Lacey and Peter? Were you disappointed that Ethan and Faith didn’t end up “together,” or did the ending seem appropriate?

6.
    
How does Faith’s outlook on love and friendship change over the course of the story? How does her self-image evolve?

7.
    
Although Faith is the older sibling, she ends up taking the advice of Margaret and follows her instincts. Was this the right thing to do? Is Margaret wise in how she chooses to live her life, or is she careless and lazy? Which sister has the more mature life outlook? Which one is the wiser?

8.
    
Where do you see the major characters of
Following My Toes
ten years after the novel finishes? Which characters will still be in contact, and who will be considered a success?

9.
    
All of the flashback scenes were written in the second person, which is an unusual choice for popular fiction today. Why do you suppose the author chose this technique, and was it effective?

10.
                       
 
Consider the scene where Peter confides to Lacey the details of his father’s death. Is the established connection between the two of them enough to justify their unapologetic betrayal towards Faith?

11.
                       
 
Chick lit is an increasingly popular genre of fiction. How does Following My Toes compare to other books of that genre? (Examples could include
Good in Bed
by Jennifer Weiner, the
Shopoholic
series by Sophie Kinsella, and
Something Borrowed
by Emily Giffin.) Consider similarities and differences in plot, theme, character, and tone.

12.
                       
 
If
Following My Toes
was being made into a film, whom would you cast in all the major roles?