For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) (13 page)

“Shut up, you know what I mean... It’s been eight months, so what is it?”

I looked at my dad with wide eyes. “She’s right Ellie, what’s going on?”

I expected it from my mother, my dad, however, was usually on my side. But
she
knew me better than anyone. She was the tough parent, the one that got to the point and wasn’t your best friend.

“I’m taking advantage of a break, that’s all.”

They hesitatingly took the bait, allowing me to move on to the news in my life. I told them about the play, leaving my lovesick crush on Rhys out of it, and they told me what was new at home. The food was good, and so was the company, making me realize how much I’d missed them.

After breakfast my parents left me at home to run errands. I lounged around and confirmed my plans with Anne for the next day. Soon after I found myself looking at Rhys' picture again, staring at it and missing him, wanting to text him again. He had told me to keep in touch, and against my better judgment I typed out a message and pushed send.

Me: Knowing you’re five hours ahead makes the 3500 miles feel much further.

I tossed my phone aside only to hear it chime immediately.

Rhys: I’d have to agree. I’m glad you’re visiting home, but I prefer having my friend in London.

Me: Miss you too. What are you up to?

Rhys: Just finishing rehearsals…it’s been a long day.

Me: Do you feel ready?

Rhys: Yeah, a little nervous, but I guess that’s normal.

Me: You’ll be amazing. Did you decide about that role you wanted?

Rhys: Yes, I considered your advice and I’m going to go for it. I want it more than my fear makes me cautious. I just hope casting takes me.

I was typing a reply when he sent another text.

Rhys: Would you want to video chat later?

Me: Sure, do you need help for Hamlet?

Rhys: No, I just want to see you…if that’s okay.

I smirked uncontrollably at the screen. Thank god he couldn’t see me, I’d die and even death wouldn’t be enough to save me from humiliation.

Me: I’d love that.

We decided we would chat at 9:00 p.m. my time, 2:00 a.m. his time. I told him he was crazy staying up that late with the show approaching, but he mentioned he had the next day off, his last free weekend before the show. Disappointment came over me that I’d left town, because I had the hopeful certainty that we would’ve found a way to see each other. I didn’t regret coming home but I did lament being apart from him. I regretted it even more when I missed his call later that night. My dad had made his famous lasagna and after two helpings and some wine mixed with jet lag, I fell asleep on the couch with my parents. When I awoke at three in the morning, I rushed up to my room to see his message.

Rhys: I think you forgot about me :( Maybe tomorrow?

I texted him in a sleepy daze.

Me: Sorry! I passed out downstairs. I won’t miss it tomorrow.

The following morning Rhys’ reply set me at ease, continuing to prove how sweet and understanding he was.

Rhys: It’s okay. I figured you were spending time with your parents; they deserve that. So do you. We can try again tonight.

∞

My heart lifted as I got dressed and rushed to meet Anne. Upon seeing me approach the station, she hugged me before she smacked my arm and shouted, “Eight months! That’s too long, Ellie.”

“I know,” I shrugged. “I’m sorry, but I’m here now.” I smacked her back, and this was our relationship defined in a moment. We had been friends since fifth grade and still acted like ridiculous adolescents together. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. That ease and familiarity with her was what allowed us to pick up exactly where we’d left off. She put her hand through my arm and pulled me along. “Let’s go. I already bought your ticket.”

We took the train into the city, and as we sat tightly in the orange seats, we caught up on my plans for my visit. I told her about breakfast, and how I was going to see Aaron’s parents and hopefully visit with James. She frowned dramatically and I put my hand in the air to stop her before she began.

“Don’t start,” I said.

“You know how I feel about
that one
,” she rolled her eyes. Anne looked good, still as youthful as she did in high school, dressed fashionably in a maxi and a fedora that covered her blond bob. She used to help me dress up for dates with Aaron and it’s because of her I developed my own fashion sense.

“He doesn’t like me like that and he was Aaron’s best friend. He would never do that to Aaron.”

“Calm down,” she said grabbing my flailing hands as I spoke. “I’m pretty sure he liked you before Aaron asked you out. He missed the opportunity, but he’s always held a torch for you.” I scoffed, to which she changed the subject. “You look good… like pre-depression Ellie.”

“Thanks.” Anne always attached compliments with an insult. She claimed it kept things real.

“What’s up?” she inquired.

“What do you mean?” I looked out the window to avoid her invasive stare.

“Well, you came home, you look good. You’re avoiding my eyes…spill.”

I’d always had a terrible poker face and Anne knew when I tried keeping secrets in the past. I had considered telling Anne for a while, having hesitated only because I wasn’t sure what to call my situation with Rhys. Was it just a silly crush or was it more? It didn’t seem like a crush, and though we were only friends, there was something between us that was so existent it was practically tangible.

Anne read my expression. “You can tell me now, or I can drive you crazy all day. Choice is yours.”

I gave in, telling her everything; how we met, how I opened up because it was right. I explained that Rhys saw past my emotional issues and made me feel like my old self. She couldn’t believe I had told
him
my secret, a stranger of all people.

“It came out easily. He’s the first person besides John that I’ve told in London. It was natural…I’ve never felt so acknowledged since Aaron.”

“And now you’ve got it bad, haven’t you?” she grinned slyly.

I shrugged. “Yeah, I do.”

“But? There’s always a but with you.”

“I’m not sure what to do or what I even want. It’s as though I’m being pulled in every direction. I also don’t know how he feels about me.”

“Sounds like he’s hot for you, too. He’s constantly buying you lunch, wants to see you, was bummed you came home. I’m pretty sure he likes you back, fool.” She nudged my shoulder with hers and raised her brows. “Not to mention he’s gorgeous and very wealthy. Oh my god, do you realize you could be Rhys Edwards’ girlfriend?”

“You know I don’t care about that. I don’t know if I would even do anything about it. Part of me wants to be happy with someone, but then it’s like I’m leaving Aaron behind.”

Her eyes watered a bit. “Well, from what you’ve said it seems he’s understanding of your situation. Aaron wouldn’t want you to be alone forever, especially since you’re young and beautiful. You won’t look this good forever. Soon you’ll be an old hag, with Shakespeare as your book boyfriend.”

I laughed even though she was right. “Don’t let this chance pass you by, Ellie.” I nodded.

“Are you talking to him while you’re here?”

“Tonight. I missed the opportunity last night.”

“Well,” she said as the train stopped in the city, “be open to being happy. I’m proud of you though. The fact you’re even considering this is huge. It’s what Aaron would want.” She paused, pulled me up with our joined hands and squeezed. “Now let’s go shop.” And like that the conversation was over.

It was a relief to tell Anne about Rhys. The thoughts had begun to weigh me down and I was in a whirlpool trying to grab both Rhys and Aaron, missing both of their grasps only to be pulled deeper and deeper. But with Anne knowing, I had someone I could talk to, someone that understood why this was so amazing and yet so complicated.

Our first stop was The Strand, an amazing bookstore and my favorite place in the city. I came across an exquisite copy of Hamlet that I bought as a congratulatory gift for Rhys’ performance. Anne gave me shit, claiming I was in really deep, but I told her it was just a nice gesture. She was right of course; I was drowning in thoughts and flashbacks of him since I’d left London. We continued shopping through the city, stopping by other favorite places and after a long day we took the train back home.

∞

I napped after our warm day in the city and then had dinner with my parents. Once I returned to my room, I relaxed in bed and looked through a magazine I’d bought at The Strand. My phone chimed next to me.

Rhys: Hey, are you available?

Me: Yeah, I’m just hanging out in my room.

He didn’t text me back; instead his name appeared on my phone for a video chat. I actually squealed quietly to myself knowing I was about to see him. It meant our relationship was changing. It would be our first phone call, and there was an intimate nature to hearing him on the phone that made things much more personal. It kept ringing and I was running out of time to answer, so in panic I swiped and accidentally dropped my phone. All he could see was my ceiling fan whirring in circles, but as I hung over the edge of my bed I could see his face and the corners of my mouth rose. I realized how much I actually missed looking at him. I thought I'd missed him, but seeing his smile in real time, did me in.

“Ellie, you there?”

“Yeah,” I called from afar. “Hang on, I dropped my phone.” I reached over and picked it up, keeping the camera away from me until I was situated on the bed in a non-frumpy position. I faced the phone towards me and his smile grew even further in a way I hadn’t known was possible. “Hi.”

“Hello,” he said, his tone playful. “You’re not busy?”

“No, it’s good we talk now, that way you can go to bed earlier.”

“Or,” he tilted his head delightfully. “I can speak to you for longer.”

My mouth curved into an uncontrollable smile. It was wild and clumsy, and though I’m sure I looked ridiculous, I couldn’t have cared less. I knew I was blushing as his eyes swept over my face and took me in. I didn’t mind, I’d really missed his watchful gaze over the last few days and was anxious to see it in person.

“You look like you caught the sun today. How was the city?” He was referring to my pink cheeks and the slight red tint I earned from lack of sunscreen.

“It was hot,” I smiled. “But great to spend time with Anne. We talked a lot.”

“About?”

I fibbed a little, not ready to admit we talked about him all day. “Work, families, my friend James, um…she’s thinking of adopting a dog.”

“Work? Did you tell her about me and the play?” He was shyly smirking, and it was cute that he wanted to know if I had talked about him.

“I did tell her about the play, but not you.”

“Really?” His smile dropped slowly as joy escaped his face.

“Of course I mentioned you,” I laughed. “I told her we’ve been working together and she’s very jealous.”

“Is that all?” he asked, pretending to be offended, but clearly enjoying our playful teasing.

“No, I told her we’ve become friends, and that we enjoy our time together.”

Then he truly grinned, leaning back into his chair. He folded his arms across his chest and said, “I do enjoy time with you, very much.”

His admission was a hushed whisper that made my cheeks hot and my neck flush. I could feel the red blotches scattering across my skin. Ideas of Rhys sharing similar feelings was all I could hope for, but hearing it as truth staggered my heartbeats into skipping palpitations. I started playing with my ponytail subconsciously and looked away to shield my eyes for a moment. I forgot how nerve-wracking it was to talk to your crush on the phone, and video made it so much worse because he could see all my cringe-worthy reactions.

Rhys lifted his eyebrows at my reaction, but continued leaning back and proceeded telling me about his day. We caught up on the show and how Michael was brilliant, but driving everyone insane. And then he asked me my plans for the rest of the week. It was odd how perfectly he fit on my tiny screen, into our casual conversation, when millions watched him on big screens and never knew him.

“I’m seeing James tomorrow and then Aaron’s parents the day after. The week will be over before I know it and then I get to see the show, which I can’t wait for.”

He ignored my comment about the play. “Who’s James? You haven’t told me about him.”

“He was Aaron’s best friend, and I guess one of mine, too. He was such a rock for me after Aaron died. I didn’t really keep in touch with many friends, but he and Anne forced me to keep myself afloat. I owe them a lot.”

“Hmm,” he hummed. “That’s what friends are for.” He seemed a little jealous, or curious, I wasn’t sure.

I tested the waters. “Anne thinks James likes me as more than a friend. She’s always claimed that he missed the boat when Aaron asked me out first. I don’t agree.”

His face adopted a sullen look as his lips tightened into a straight line. Rhys tried hiding it, but it was clear as day, and while I had never found jealousy attractive, I liked that he could be possessive of me.