For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) (23 page)

Darling,

Hope your start to a new semester is as wonderful as you make me feel.

-Rhys

It was one of the sweetest things anyone had done for me. Aaron had often done romantic things, smaller gestures, but big in my heart, and it made his loss seem more prominent. He used to leave post-it notes all over my books, on the bathroom mirror, sometimes with a sweet thought, joke, or nostalgic memory. They were endearing, tiny love letters that I had saved over the years, and I’d never seen those squares of paper in the same way.

The first three months after his passing, the sight of one would make me cry, to the point that my parents had to throw away the stacks in their house. But I kept his in a little box with other mementos from our time together, and sometimes at my loneliest I would go through them. Some nights they made me smile, others I sobbed, but I never regretted keeping them.

As I held Rhys’ card in my hand, I realized I would eventually have to start a little memory box with sweet things he gave me. And then I thought it would be strange to have another time capsule in my closet next to one that was forever lacking additions.

John walked by my office as I became lost in thought, and his loud, playful whistle brought me out of my reflection.

“Oh boy, he’s head over heels, huh?”

I laughed. “I think I am too.”

∞

The flowers were only the beginning. He came over midweek after the show, having texted hours before to see if he could stop by. We hadn’t set plans, but I would take any chance to see him, even if only for a few minutes. It worried me, but not enough to push back from him. When he walked in he was holding a canvas bag that looked overly stuffed. He kissed me and gave me a hug, but hadn’t put the bag down.

“What’s in there?”

“Something for you. Here, come sit,” he said, leading me to the sofa. “I can’t stay long. I’m exhausted and I know you have class in the morning, but I thought of something earlier today.

He paused, and pulled out a comfy jacket from the bag. It had the initials RADA on it, for the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, London’s popular drama school among British celebrities. I’d known Rhys attended, having read up on him before meeting, and I guessed this was from his college days.

“I want you to have this.” I looked at him, biting my lip in confusion. “It’s my old jacket. Smell it.”

It was an odd request, but I obliged and inhaled the scent of the cotton. I then figured out why he was giving it to me; he’d covered it in the cologne I loved so much. Seeing that I had figured it out, he continued explaining, “I know you like the smell, and this way you have it when I’m busy with the show or traveling in the future. Check the pocket.”

Inside the pocket was a small bottle of the cologne to add in case the smell faded. His act was adolescent really, giving your girl your jacket, but it hit me hard and caused me to tear up. My chest tightened with emotion and my eyes glazed over as I looked at him.

“Thank you. This is great.” I sniffled a bit trying to push back the tears welling in my eyes.

Leaning forward in concern he asked, “Then why are you emotional? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” I laughed, my throat husky from the sentiment. “You did something perfect. I keep worrying I’m inexperienced for you, having only been with Aaron. He and I fell in love so young, and dating in high school is not the same as dating now. Plus there’s your fame and wealth that brings another layer of difference. But this…this is the best kind of gift and exactly the little thing I love in a relationship. So, thank you.”

A shaky laugh escaped his mouth as he struggled to find the right words. “Ellie, you worried me,” he said, before planting his lips on mine and framing my face with his hands. The kiss wasn’t long, but it was brimming with warmth and gentleness. Against my mouth he whispered, “I’m a little old fashioned when it comes to dating, you know. You needn’t worry because I’ve only been in two serious relationships before you; one, a high school girlfriend, and the other a girl from RADA, who
never
got my jacket,” he winked. "I’m not some playboy because I’m famous, quite the opposite actually. There’s a reason I’m never seen with women on the red carpet; it’s been a while and I don’t take just anyone. I’d like to take you one day, though.”

I gazed back, and there, in his eyes, I saw it; I wasn’t just Ellie Reed anymore. I was his
someone
.

∞

With all his sweet gestures I was compelled to do something for him. He’d made a flawless effort over the last few weeks, whereas all I had done was bake him cookies now and again. It gave me the idea to cook dinner for him, because I’d never been creative at grand gestures, and I knew he would appreciate it after a long week. Earlier in the week I had suggested dinner at my place for Sunday evening. It would give me time to catch up on grading in the morning, while allowing me to make him something homemade in the afternoon. My Introduction to Shakespeare course was already keeping me busy, and after grading on the sofa in his jacket, I started cooking about two hours before he came over.

I unabashedly lived in his jacket within the confines of my apartment since he’d given it to me. It was comfortable, made me feel like he was around, and it smelled so good; I couldn’t resist. In fact, I’d actually forgotten I had it on when I opened the door, only to remember when he looked up at me with a face lost in concentration. I worried, unsure of what he’d noticed on me, but then a sly smile formed on his face as he entered the apartment.

He passed me quickly to put a wine bottle on the counter, and then returned to my side. With his finger, he touched the collar of the jacket, traveled down to my shoulder and then near my heart. I sucked in a breath because he was so close to my breasts and while I wanted him, I was nowhere near ready for that. Grabbing the strings of the hood, he tugged it gently, pulling me closer to his gorgeous grin.

Rhys cleared his throat quietly. “I quite like you in my jacket,” he whispered. “There’s something…possessive about it.”

He grabbed the collar again and pulled me to his face, sealing his kiss on my lips. It was deep and his open mouth took mine, perfectly demonstrating that I was his. I kissed him back, gasping for air, gasping for him, savoring every second of it and when he ceased, my lips were red and swollen. His lips lingered over mine as he spoke, brushing them against each other. “I didn’t expect that,” he mumbled.

“Huh?” I asked breathlessly.

“To be so turned on by you in my jacket. Sorry,” he bit his lip, “not very gentlemanly of me to tell you that.”

His comment made me blush excessively, but it also turned me on, sending chills all along my skin and a desire to kiss him again. He was acting nervous, regretful even for sharing the truth. It seemed Rhys was constantly battling being a man or a gentleman, caught between respecting me and desiring me. I didn’t want him to think he had to walk on eggshells, especially because it seemed desire was winning out lately, and I was curious for more.

“Rhys, don't apologize. Your kiss wasn't very proper either, but I liked that a lot,” I winked.

And then it was Rhys who blushed as his jaw dropped, surprised to see me so comfortable around him. I knew that was the best thing I could give him, my ease that came as a side effect of his understanding. I hoped he wouldn’t hold back forever, because as unique as my situation was, I still loved being held, touched, and kissed by him, and I didn’t want him to hesitate each move.

Overall, he recovered, but continued glancing at me in his jacket as he helped me set the table. I loved how much his glances affirmed his desire for me and I considered wearing it every time he was around after that.

Rhys returned to the kitchen. “Where are your wine glasses?”

From the dining table I pointed to the cabinet above the oven, and watched him reach up to see his shirt creep high enough to reveal his underwear waistband. It answered my question of what kind of underwear my boyfriend wore, and while I felt bad leering him, I wasn’t remorseful enough to stop. He turned around to bring the glasses to the table and caught me red-handed, and I no longer regretted looking. His sly smirk returned, and knowing exactly what I was up to he nodded and bit his lower lip. Rhys liked it when I checked him out, and I was certain he wore those fitted shirts for that exact reason.

We didn’t address it, and after pouring us each a glass, he started taking bites of my meal. Shortly after commencing dinner he said, “This is amazing,” and then after another huge bite, “Oh, my goodness, Ellie…this is phenomenal.” He continued taking hurried bites and sharing satisfactory moans of approval after each one. I caught up as we ate in silence for a bit and he proved just how ravished he was after a show. He was almost finished when he broke the silence. “Oh no…” he said.

I panicked, assuming the worst, that maybe he’d found a hair in the food or something else. “What? Do I want to know?”

He pointed his fork at me and swallowed his mouthful of food. “You’re going to make me fat, aren’t you?”

I started laughing. “Rhys! I thought you found something gross. You have the best body, so unless you stop running, no I’m not going to make you fat.”

He nodded, sarcastically. “You’re totally one of those feeder girlfriends! You want me all to yourself, soft and filled out so no one else will fancy me.” He paused and looked up to the ceiling in contemplation, then back at me with a smile. “I’m not going to lie, I’d be all right with that. More than all right…” he winked.

Good god he was cute. “I thought I already had you to myself.”

Pleased to hear me claim him, he bit his tongue and grabbed my hand. “Hmm,” he mumbled. “That you do, darling.”

I thought of Aaron; how he used to claim I was also keeping him fat for myself, and got lost in memories. Rhys tapped my hand softly, noticing my distant expression. “You okay?” he asked.

I smiled and nodded. “Aaron used to say the same thing, that I was keeping him squishy for me.”

Rhys smiled softly and pointed his fork again. “Well then, he was a smart man who caught on to your sneaky tactics.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I chuckled, taking my last bite of chicken.

We talked about Aaron more each day and I started to shed the thick layer of protection I had around him. I had also stopped worrying about offending Rhys because he never judged and truly loved hearing memories of who I was before. He knew that included Aaron, and in a way being with Rhys memorialized Aaron more than I’d ever allowed myself.

“So you like my body, huh?” he asked playfully.

“You’ll never know,” I shrugged.

“Please,” he held up his hand. “Don’t take me for a fool. I already know…I mean, you’ve told me you look through the door. I know that’s why you take so long to answer, your apartment isn’t that big,” he gestured to the room. “And I’ve caught you glancing at me in the park too, you like all of this.”

Rhys flexed his bicep jokingly, causing it to protrude out of his shirt-sleeve. I cracked up, both from elation and humiliation that he was on to me. It was one of those laughs that hurt your cheeks and belly, and left you so breathless your brain felt woozy from lack of oxygen. Which was exactly what I needed.
He
was exactly what I needed.

After enjoying two servings of chocolate mousse, and reiterating that I was indeed attempting to make him fat, I chided him, “If you get fat, it’s on you for having more than you should.”

He brushed me off and took another bite. “How could I not, it’s sinful.”

Rhys unknowingly had chocolate on his mouth, and I became brave and leaned in close to him. I didn’t know if it was the wine, or the laughter, or his tight shirt, but he was so desirable that evening. He always was, but that night I acted on it and kissed him, licking the chocolate off with my kiss. My hand was on his throat, and he groaned causing a slight vibration beneath it. I honestly couldn’t believe I had done that, and though I planned for it to be one short kiss, a test to see if I could push myself, I couldn’t stop. He managed to put his spoon down with our mouths still connected and put both of his hands around my face, one under my jaw with his fingers laced behind my ear, and the other closer to my hair.

He didn’t want me to stop, and after a few days without seeing each other, his affections were like dessert while dieting. I wanted to taste him, to breathe him in completely. Rhys pulled my face down further as I stood, bent over, next to his chair. He tore away from my face for a moment, staring into my dark brown eyes, and silently pleaded for me to continue. I nodded, at least I think I did as my heart raced in my chest and I slowly returned my lips to his.

It startled me when he put his hand on my waist and pulled me down, both forceful and gentle enough to cradle me across his lap. Sitting across him excited me, but it was so intimate and I worried I was heavy, despite knowing I was in great shape. Rhys’ right hand gripped me possessively on my hip, as if making sure I couldn’t escape. But I wouldn’t have dared to separate myself from him. His other hand was tugging at my jacket string, reminding us both that it was what initiated our desire-filled evening.

I knew he was content with me in it, and even if he hadn’t told me, it was obvious in the way he kissed me. The manner in which our mouths wrestled, some movements aggressive, others sweet and soft, made me realize I’d been missing out. Rhys was an amazing kisser and had really been holding back to keep me comfortable.