For the Rush (Playing for Keeps #3) (14 page)

Holden

The rain was drenching us, but I didn’t care. This was the most alive I’d felt in days. With Chloe’s lips pressed to mine, all of the sadness of the week disappeared. Her hands touched my chest, gripping my shirt, and in her need for me I gathered strength. As our kiss deepened, I lost myself in it. The images that had haunted me all week vanished. I shut down my thoughts and focused in on my feelings. On Chloe’s touch, on her tongue in my mouth and the softness of her lips. When we parted, I stared into her eyes and ran my fingers over her face. My fingertips slid over her soft flesh, memorizing every inch of it. I wanted to stay here forever. However, I knew I needed to get Chloe out of here before she froze. Also, I wasn’t supposed to get my arm wet. I even had to wear a bag in the shower. Right now it was encased in the sling and hidden under my jacket, but with the rain coming down so hard I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep it dry much longer.

Reluctantly, I moved back. “Let’s get outta the rain.”

Chloe nodded, sliding off the bench. When I stood, I snatched up her hand, and together we headed toward the car. Once inside, Chloe rubbed her palms together, her teeth chattering.

“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling bad that she was so cold. “I should’ve gotten you in here sooner.”

She turned to me with a smile. “I’m not sorry.”

God, she was amazing.

Leaning forward, I kissed her softly on the lips. Her eyelids fluttered as I exerted a little more pressure. Before I knew it, her lips were parted and our tongues melded together. Kissing was like breathing with Chloe. It came so easily, happened so seamlessly.

“Don’t run away from me again,” I spoke against her mouth.

“I won’t.” Hot breath fanned my lips.

When we broke apart, Chloe started the car. Heat filled the car as she drove away from the lake. I savored the warmth, a chill working its way up my spine. Chloe flicked on the windshield wipers and they squeaked over the front window as they swept back and forth. Rain beat down relentlessly against the roof of the car like a manic drumbeat.

“How’s your arm?” Chloe kept her hands on the steering wheel, her gaze trained forward.

“You sound like my mom,” I joked.

“I’m just worried about you, you know…” her voice trailed off and I knew what she was thinking.

“Hey, I don’t regret what happened, and I don’t want you to either.”

“I can’t help it. I feel terrible.”

“Don’t. If I had to do it all over again, I’d do the same thing. I’m glad I saved you,” I said honestly.

“I never said thank you,” she practically whispered. “But I am so grateful. What you did…” her voice wavered. “It was incredible. Very heroic.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” I stared out the window. “What I did wasn’t heroic. It was selfish. I did it because I couldn’t imagine losing you.”

Her head swiveled in my direction. “You risked your life for me. No matter what the reason was, in my book it’s heroic.”

I nodded, not wishing to challenge her on it.

“Where do we go from here?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Forward.”

“How do we do that, though?” She quickly swiped at her face. I wasn’t sure if she had started crying or if she still had rain on her cheek. I suspected it was both. “How do we get past what happened?”

“I don’t know. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. I only know that we have to try to move on.”

We neared a stop sign and she gently eased on the brake. When we stopped she turned to me. “I’m glad I came today.”

“I’m glad you did too.”

I wanted to stay home on Monday, but I knew I had to go to school. The longer I stayed out, the harder it would be to go back. Therefore, I needed to attend. I rode with Chloe. I still hadn’t driven anywhere. I was sure that I could, but Mom didn’t like the idea of me driving one-armed. As Chloe drove, her legs bounced nervously. I wanted to console her, but I didn’t know how. Surely she wasn’t dreading this anymore than I was. When we approached the school, Chloe’s eyes widened, and I inhaled sharply.
God, it was a madhouse.
Dozens of people stood outside of the school holding signs. Some were anti-bullying posters, while others spouted off sayings about gun safety. My stomach clenched.

Chloe’s eyes were steely, her mouth pressed together in a tight line as she hurried past them into the parking lot. “Do they really think they’re helping?”

“I’m sure they think they are.”

“Well, they’re not,” she snapped.

“Hey.” With my good arm, I set a calming hand on her leg. “Easy.”

She blew out a breath. “Sorry. I’m just on edge.”

“We both are.” I squeezed her thigh. “But we’re gonna be okay.”

She nodded, her eyes filled with trust. I loved how much she trusted me. How much she relied on me. So far this experience had bonded us, and I hoped that continued. Only time would tell. And today would be a major test to what we could withstand. So far we’d been alone. Surrounded by friends and classmates would be a different story.

After getting out of the car, I reached for my backpack. Mom had tried to talk me into getting a rolling one, but there was no way. That would be so lame. Still, I could see her point. It was difficult to carry my backpack on only my left shoulder. Chloe offered to take it from me, but I wouldn’t let her. What kind of guy let his girl carry his backpack?

As I walked through the parking lot I remembered all the times I’d been out here with Ryan. My insides coiled, and I forced a deep breath. No doubt memories of Ryan would linger everywhere in this school, but I had to push through it. Chloe tucked her hand in mine. I flashed her a smile as we walked onto the campus. I held tightly to her, appearing braver than I felt. My insides were shaking like jello, but I remained steady on the outside. The closer we got to the front doors, the paler Chloe became.

“You all right?”

“Yeah,” she spoke so softly I could hardly hear her.

When we stepped into the hallway, I caught sight of Sawyer and a few of the other guys standing near their lockers. I bobbed my head in their direction. Chloe stopped, her body going rigid. When I followed her gaze, my stomach dropped. She was staring at Preston’s locker, and all color had drained from her face.
Shit.

She swayed on her feet, so I quickly wrapped an arm around her waist. Lowering my head, I whispered in her ear, “It’s okay.”

She swallowed hard, averting her gaze from his locker.

“Chloe!” Jasmine and Gianna scurried toward us.

She appeared overwhelmed, so I moved to stand in front of her, acting as a shield.

“Hey, girl. I’ve been worried,” Jasmine said.

I kept my gaze trained on Chloe to gauge her reaction. She gave me a smile and slight nod as if to let me know she was good.

“I’m fine. Sorry I didn’t return any of your calls,” Chloe responded to her.

That’s my girl.
Even in the midst of everything she’s still so sweet, always thinking of others.

“It’s okay. We understood.” Jasmine smiled sympathetically. Then she glanced up at me. “How are you?”

“I’ll live,” I said, and then regretted it. “Sorry. Poor choice of words.”

“Thanks for saving our friend,” Gianna said.

“No need to thank me.” I drew Chloe to my side. “I’d do anything for this girl.”

Jasmine and Gianna audibly sighed.

“Well, we’re just glad you’re okay,” Jasmine said, grabbing Chloe’s arm. “It’s all so crazy.”

“Yeah, it really is,” Chloe agreed.

I marveled at how awkward we all were behaving. But I guess it was to be expected. I wasn’t sure any of us knew what to do at this point. How did you discuss something so horrific? What were the right words?

I wasn’t sure there were any.

Chloe

It was Friday, and I’d been walking around in a daze all week. But I’d survived. We all had.

We’d made it through a week of firsts.

Our first time walking the halls after the shooting.

Our first time in the cafeteria after the shooting.

Our first time in our classes after the shooting.

That’s how it was referred to – as “the shooting.” Calling it that gave us the sense we were removed from it. Like you pictured a sniper on the roof, or a random guy speeding by in a car. Not a kid you went to school with, that you knew by name, that you’d chatted with, that you had in class.

Preston was hardly ever brought up, but when he was it was in a negative way. However, the anti-bullying picketers outside of the school told me that he still had some sympathizers. I waffled between feeling sorry for him and hating him. Mostly, though, I just wished last week had never happened. That I could magically go back in time and fix everything. Stop it from ever taking place. But thinking like that wasn’t getting me anywhere. I had to learn to accept it.

Rounding the corner, I was grateful to step outside. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled the crisp scent of fall air. A few trees swayed in the breeze, their burnt orange leaves scattering in the wind. I liked the idea that the old was being shed to make room for the new.

“Hey,” a girl’s voice cut into my thoughts.

I looked up. “Oh.” Even though I tried to hide my disappointment I was sure it showed. “Hey, Bethany.” It wasn’t that I disliked her. I didn’t even know her. But I didn’t trust her. We’d only had one conversation, and it hadn’t been the most pleasant one. After the week I’d had I wasn’t in the mood for another one like that.

“I just wanted to say that it was really brave what you did trying to talk to Preston like that,” she said.

A lot of kids had made similar statements over the past week, although I think most of them thought I was crazy. No one else was willing to risk their lives to help Preston. In fact, every other student at this school hid until it was all over. Even when I gave my statement to the police I could tell that they thought I made the wrong choice. We’d been taught to hide, to keep ourselves safe. What I’d done was reminiscent of a bad horror movie where the girl goes toward the danger instead of away from it. The thing is that I didn’t see it that way. Preston had been my friend. When I initially started talking to him I never thought my life was in danger. I never thought he’d intentionally hurt me.

Now I knew I was wrong.

“Thanks,” I responded.

“I mean, you could’ve been killed,” she went on.

“Might have been if Holden hadn’t stepped in when he did,” I added.

“Well, it’s the least he could do.”

Her words surprised me. “What does that mean?”

“I mean, if it weren’t for him Preston never would’ve hurt you.” She tossed a strand of hair over her shoulder.

Warning bells went off in my head. A voice deep down was urging me to leave, to not listen to another word she said. But the other part of me was curious. And in the end curiosity won out. “I don’t understand.”

“You and Preston were friends, right?” Bethany asked.

I nodded.

“So didn’t you think it was a little weird that he would threaten to shoot you?”

“We had gotten into a little argument on Friday night.” I shrugged.

“Let me guess, it was about your involvement with Holden. Am I right?” Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight. The wind lifted her hair and it sprayed across her face. Reaching up, she brushed it away.

“Yeah, but that’s not Holden’s fault. I chose to date him.”

“He didn’t have to rub it in Preston’s face though.” Her smile was calculated and it made my blood run cold. She knew something I didn’t. Something I should have known. “Not that you can blame him. It was obvious to everyone that Preston had a thing for you, and Holden just wanted to make sure he knew that you were his, not Preston’s.”

The earth spun beneath my feet like I was on one of those spinning rides at the fair. I took deep breaths to regain my bearings. Had Holden set this whole thing off? Why hadn’t he told me?

“Are you okay?” Bethany asked, her voice sugary sweet.

I wanted to punch her in the face. “Fine,” I spoke through gritted teeth. “I have to go.” Spinning away from her, I hurried toward my car.

When I reached it, Holden was leaning against the side, his leg bent. He looked like he had just stepped out of a magazine. The only flaw was his cast. The rest of him was perfect. But even his heart-stopping good looks weren’t going to work for him today.

“Hey, Chloe.” He smiled when I approached.

Keeping my lips together, I didn’t say a word. Just jammed my key into the driver’s side door and unlocked the car.

“Chloe? What’s going on?” His brows furrowed.

“I think you should get a ride with Sawyer or one of your other friends.” I hopped into the car and started to close the door. But Holden was fast, and he blocked it.

“Tell me what happened.”

“Bethany told me about your conversation with Preston about us.”

“What conversation?” He appeared genuinely confused, and it perplexed me.

But I powered on. “She said that you thought Preston had a thing for me so you made sure that he knew I was yours.”

“I never talked to Preston about us, Chloe,” he said.

I froze. “Why would she lie about that?”

“Because it’s what Beth does. She lies. She likes to stir up trouble.” Holden stepped back. “I guess the more important question is, why do you keep believing her over me?” When he turned away, I felt like a jerk.

“I’m sorry,” I called after him. “I don’t know why I believed her.”

“When you figure it out, give me a call.”

A stone descended in my gut when I watched him walk away.

I felt like I’d stepped back in time when I entered my house after school. The scent of chocolate chip cookies permeated the air. Following it, I went into the kitchen. Mom stood over the counter, a plate of cookies and two large glasses of milk sitting in front of her.

“I thought you could use a little chocolate therapy this week,” she replied to my questioning stare.

When I was younger my mom would have cookies and milk waiting for my brother and me every Friday afternoon. But when Cole reached high school it started waning off. I think Cole and I felt like we were too old for cookies and milk with Mom. But she was right. This week, it was exactly what I needed.

“Besides, your brother wanted some,” she added.

My heart leapt. Cole stepped out from behind the pantry door.

“Cole!” I squealed, racing toward him. “I didn’t know you were coming this weekend.”

I threw my arms around him and he hugged me back. “Wasn’t planning to, but then I heard what happened.”

Heart softening, I drew back and looked up at him. He hadn’t changed much. Still had the same dark hair and eyes, the same easy smile. He looked a little older, and there was a light dusting of hair on his chin, as if he hadn’t been remembering to shave.

“Figured I’d come home and make sure you were all right.” He smiled.

“Thanks,” I said softly. Moisture pricked at my eyes, but I blinked it away. All this time I’d wondered if Cole thought of me at all. By coming here, he’d proven that he did. That we were just as close as we’d always been. Moving over to the counter, I hoisted myself up on one of the barstools. Mom slid a glass of milk in my direction as I plucked a cookie off the plate. Cole came to sit on the stool next to mine. Then he downed a cookie in one swift bite. It was nice to see that some things never changed.

“So, Mom tells me you have a boyfriend.” Cole nudged me in the side with his elbow.

Heaviness blanketed me at the mention of Holden. “Yeah,” I muttered sadly.

“Uh oh. Do I need to kick someone’s ass?” Cole asked.

I chuckled at the mental picture forming in my mind. It wasn’t like my brother was a little guy. However, he was no match for Holden.

“If anyone needs their ass kicked, it’s me.” I bit into my cookie, chocolate coating my tongue. Reaching for my glass, I picked it up and brought it to my mouth. Then I washed down the cookie with the cool, creamy liquid.

“What happened?” Mom leaned over the counter, propping herself up on her elbows.

After finishing my cookie, I spilled the entire story of what happened after school today.

Mom frowned when I stopped talking. “I think Holden asked a good question. Why were you so quick to believe the worst about him?”

“I don’t know.” I stared at the counter, my gaze following the lines in the tiles.

“Yes, you do,” Mom pressed.

Cole leaned his shoulder into mine. “You might as well spill it, Chloe. She’ll get it out of you one way or another.”

One side of my lip curved upward. He was right. Mom was the most perceptive person I knew. And she had a way of forcing things out of us. Bending over, I picked at a stray string on my pants. I wound it around my finger. “I guess I just can’t stop feeling guilty about what happened. Deep down, I feel like it’s all my fault, you know?”

“Preston made his own choice that day, Chloe,” Mom spoke firmly. “You didn’t force the gun into his hand.”

My head snapped up. “But there was some truth to what Bethany said. I do think that Preston might have liked me as more than a friend. He did seem upset when I started dating Holden. And I didn’t help him like I said I would. He was still being bullied.”

“You did your best to help him,” Mom assured me.

“Did I?” I bit my lip. “I’m just not sure.”

“Chloe, when I was in school I got bullied a lot. There was one group of girls in particular that made my life a living hell,” Mom said. Both Cole and I stared at her like she had sprouted an extra limb. It was the first time she’d shared anything like this with us. “But I didn’t bring a gun to school and shoot them. I’m not saying that I don’t sympathize with Preston. Clearly, someone should have stepped in to help him sooner. I know how hard it is to be bullied, and I can’t imagine what that poor kid went through. But still, he didn’t have to handle it the way he did. And you can’t blame yourself for his actions.”

As I nodded in response to Mom’s words, a knock on the door startled me. Craning my neck, I stared out the kitchen window. Sawyer’s car was parked along the curb in front of my house. I recognized it immediately because he was the only guy at our school who drove a purple minivan. Holden explained that it had been Sawyer’s mom’s car before he turned sixteen. Now she drove around a brand new BMW. Poor Sawyer was stuck with the “Barney Mobile” as the guy’s called it, in reference to the children’s character Barney, the purple dinosaur.

That’s weird. Why would Sawyer be here? And how did he know where I lived?

“S’that the boyfriend’s car?” Cole raised a brow.

“No, it’s not.” Shaking my head, I hopped down from the barstool and hurried to the front door. Sawyer’s face was blurred behind the glass. When I opened the door, it became vivid and clear.

“Hey,” Sawyer tossed me a hesitant grin. “I’m sorry to just show up like this. Holden told me where you lived.”

“Oookay.” I was confused as to why Holden would be giving out my address to his friend’s. Then a panicked thought crossed my mind. “Is he all right? He’s not hurt, is he?”

“No. He’s fine.” Sawyer’s head whipped back and forth emphatically. “I needed to talk to you about something. Do you have a minute?”

I glanced back toward the kitchen. Both Mom and Cole were peering out into the entryway, clearly eavesdropping. Rolling my eyes, I stepped outside. “Yeah. Let’s talk out here.” After gently closing the door behind me, I leaned my back against it.

A loud breath whistled through Sawyer’s teeth, and he ran an agitated hand over his hair. A few strands remained sticking straight up when he took his palm away. “Holden told me about your fight after school.”

I tried not to let it bother me that he shared that with Sawyer. I figured maybe he had to in order to get a ride home.

His shoulders rose and fell when he took a deep breath. “It wasn’t Holden who talked to Preston about you and him.” An apologetic expression donned his face. “It was Ryan and me.”

His words bowled me over. “Why would you and Ryan talk to Preston about me?”

Sawyer’s face paled. “Holden mentioned to Ryan that he thought Preston had a thing for you. I think it was just an innocent comment. You know the kind of thing you say to your friend. But Ryan hated Preston.”

“Why?” I wanted there to be reason. Like Preston did something horrible to Ryan. Something that would explain all of this.

But Sawyer didn’t give me anything. “I don’t know. He just always thought he was a freak, I guess.”

I nodded, disappointment sinking into my gut.

“Anyway, Ryan and I approached Preston before the game on Friday night, and Ryan kind of razzed him about his feelings for you. He made it pretty clear that Preston needed to stay away from you because you belonged to Holden.” Sawyer’s face fell. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could go back in time and change everything. It was wrong how we treated Preston. I see that now.”