Forever and Always (27 page)

“I wish I didn’t have to go to work” he said as he pressed his forehead against her once again. “But I already called in sick yesterday. They would have my ass in a sling if I don’t go in today”.

“You were supposed to be in work yesterday” Melanie asked. “Why didn’t you go”
.

“I was afraid if I let you out of my sight you would disappear on me again” he replied. “I was afraid if you had time to think you would change your mind about me. I can’t lose you again Melanie”.

“I promise you will never lose me” she replied. “Forever and always, remember”.

Ten minutes later Melanie reluctantly said goodbye to Sam as he left for work. She couldn’t help the big smile she had on her face whenever she thought about Sam. God she had missed him so much. He was all she had ever wanted in life.

She rang Lucy and asked her about staying over explaining about her conversation with Simon the day before. Lucy was thrilled to have her stay over saying they could have a girly night. Melanie said she could bring a bottle of wine and they could order a takeaway.

She got to Lucy’s at about eight having spent the day making a proper list of everyone she would need to contact the next day once she told Simon.

She had been about to walk out the door to head for Lucy’s when her mobile rang.

“Hey beautiful” Sam’s voice beamed down the phone when Melanie answered. His voice made Melanie’s heart skip. God she loved him so much.

“Hey yourself” she said and smiled. “I miss you”.

“I miss you more” he sighed down the phone. “I don’t suppose there is any chance I can change your mind about going to Lucy’s”.

“Don’t tempt me” she replied suddenly feeling all breathless. She wanted Sam so badly. She wished she could wrap her arms around him and hold him so close to her.

“Maybe I should drop by Lucy’s and try harder to tempt you to come home with me tonight” he said with such unmistakeable desire in his voice Melanie could feel it pull at her very soul.

“Tempting as that sounds” she replied surprised by just how affected her voice sounds. “I don’t think that is a very good idea”.

“That really is too bad” he sighed.
For a couple of minutes neither of the spoke.
Melanie just listened to his breathing down the phone. She knew he was worried and it broke her heart.

“Sam I love you” she reassured him. “By this time tomorrow we can be together and I won’t care who knows”.

“I love you too” he said and she knew he was smiling. “I will see you tomorrow then. Call me as soon as you can”.

“I will Sam” she assured him. “Try not to worry. Everything will be ok”.

“Ok” he replied. “Bye Melanie”

“Bye Sam” she whispered. She held the phone to her year and listened to Sam breathing.

“Hang up” he laughed.

“You hang up” she replied and giggled.

“I don’t want to” he whispered.

“Well I don’t either” she sighed.

“I wish I was right there with you now” he replied. “I wish I had you naked on your bed and I would kiss every inch of your beautiful body”. Melanie could feel her breath quicken as she imagined his gorgeous mouth on her body.

“I wish you were here too” she replied and closed her eyes as she imagined his handsome face and he beautiful smile. She longed to feel his arms around her.

“You sure you have to go to Lucy’s” he asked.

“Yes” she said and laughed at his persistence. “And I really should be going. So say goodbye Sam”.

“Good bye Sam” he laughed.

“Very funny” she giggled. “Good bye Sam”

“I love you” he whispered.

“I love you too” she replied and pressed the end call button and sighed. God she loved him so much. She hoped that it would be enough when she told him what she was keeping from him.

Suddenly the phone rang again and made her jump and she couldn’t help but smile as she pressed the answer button. She knew Sam would call her back.

“You know this could be classified as stalking” she laughed when she put the phone to her ear. 

“Well I missed you too much and I can’t believe you are making me wait till tomorrow to see you” Simon voice came from the other end of the phone. Melanie’s heart almost stopped.

“Simon” trying to sound as normal as possible and failing miserably.
“Where are you?”

“I am just heading to the airport” he replied sounding a little less
happier
than he had a moment ago.

“Did you have a good weekend” she asked nervously.

“I missed you baby” he replied. “I should have never gone for so long. I just can’t wait to see you. I wish you would let me call by tonight. I just want to be with you and lose myself inside you”.

Melanie closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. This was going to be so much harder than she had imagined. She had only thought about how much she loved Sam. She never really thought about how much Simon loved her. She was going to destroy him.

“You will see me tomorrow” was all she could manage to say. She knew that wasn’t what he was hoping to hear. She could hear his deep sigh at the other end of the phone. And her heart ached. She really wish she wasn’t about to break his heart.

“Love you Mel” he sighed. She knew he knew something was wrong and his words were almost a plea to her. She wished she could give him the reassurance he wanted but she just couldn’t lie to him.

“I love you Simon” she replied. And it wasn’t a lie. She really did love him but it just wasn’t enough. The feeling she had for Simon just didn’t even come close to the love she had for Sam. Her heart belonged to him. “I should get going Simon. Lucy is expecting me. I will see you tomorrow”.

“I can’t wait” he replied sadly. “Bye Mel”.

“Bye Simon” she replied and pressed the end button.

By the time she got to Lucy’s she felt miserable and completely racked with guilt. When Lucy opened her front door and saw her friend she immediately wrapped her arms around her tightly.

“So how are you doing” Lucy asked when she finally got Calum to bed and the two girls were sitting on the sofa each with a glass of wine.

“Honestly” Melanie replied. “I don’t know. Simon rang this evening before I left. He knows something isn’t right and I feel like crap that tomorrow I am going to rip his heart out of his chest and trample it to bits. I am such a horrible person”.

“You’re not horrible Melanie” Lucy assured her. “You are in love. You have been since you were 17 and we have no way of controlling who we love. God knows you tried to get over Sam. But you love him and I really believe he loves you too”.

“Yeah but that could change once I tell him about the baby” Melanie replied.

“You still haven’t told him” Lucy exclaimed.
“Melanie why not”.

“I have tried. I really have” she replied. “But I am so scared that he won’t want me when he knows I can’t have kids. Kids are all he ever wanted. And I just can’t give him a child. I guess I just wanted a little more time with him before I lose him forever”.

“You don’t know that you’ll lose him” Lucy said. “He loves you Mel. I don’t think anything could change how he feels”.

“God Lucy I really hope so” Melanie sighed.

Lucy poured them both another glass of wine and handed Melanie’s hers. She smiled reassuringly at her friend but her heart went out to her. She knew Melanie was worried and she really didn’t know what she could do or say to reassure her friend.

Melanie lay in bed in Lucy’s spare room and tried to sleep but her head was spinning with thoughts of what she had to do the next day.

Finally she pulled out her phone and dialled Sam’s number. He answered after just one ring.

“Melanie” his voice was filled with concern. “Are you ok sweetheart?”

“Yeah I just wanted to hear your voice” she replied softly. “I really wish you were right here beside me”.

“Do you want me to come get you” he asked.

“Yeah but I think
it’s
best you don’t” she replied honestly. “I just wanted to hear you. I miss you lying beside me.  I miss your smell. I can’t sleep without you”.

“I miss you too” he whispered softly. “I have an idea. Lie down”.

Melanie did as he said still holding the phone to her ear.

“Ok, are you comfy” he asked.

“Uh huh” she murmured.

“Ok I want you to closes you eyes” he added and she did. “Now imagine my arms are wrapped around you, I am tracing my fingers gently up and down your back. I
am smelling
your hair and I can smell the coconut shampoo you use. Now I am kissing your neck and you can feel my breath washing over you”. Melanie could almost feel him touch her and suddenly she felt safe and happy. She felt home.

“I love you Melanie O’Leary” he whispered down the phone. But she didn’t answer. He could hear her breathing becoming more shallow and regular and he smiled. He knew she had fallen asleep. He listened to her breathing for a while and wished he could be there to kiss her beautiful face.

“Goodnight my gorgeous girl” he finally whispered after about 40 minutes and he finally hung up the phone.

Melanie dreamt of her and Sam together. They were lying side by side on their beach. He takes her in his arms. He runs his fingers up and down her neck and he softly kisses her lips. And she felt completely happy.

But then something is different. His lips feel different and his smell, that’s different too.

Quietly she snaps her eyes open and is shocked to find Simon looking down at her. His face inches from hers. And he presses his lips against her once more.

“Mel I have missed you so much” he moans against her mouth. This isn’t a dream
.

“What are you doing here” Melanie demands sitting up quickly in the bed. She sounded harsher than she had intended to.

“I was driving James home from the airport and I had to see you” he replied, the disappointment obvious in his voice. “I have missed you so much. I just wanted to see your beautiful face”.

He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She could feel panic build inside her as she reluctantly let
hms
take her in his arms. Her heart felt like it was going to burst. How could she do this to him?

He kissed her hair softly and ran his hands up and down her back. When his hands reached the bottom off her t-shirt he took it in his hands and began to pull it up her body.

“Simon
don’t
“Melanie said as she pushed his hands away from her top. But before she could say anything else he slammed his lips against hers so hard their teeth clashed but it didn’t seem to stop him. He pushed his tongue into her mouth so hard it almost made her gag.

“Simon stop” she cried when she finally pulled her mouth free from his.

“FOR FUCK SAKE MEL” he shouted angrily. “WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM”
.

“Simon
keep
your voice down” Melanie snapped. “You will wake Calum”.

“Mel I have been going out of my fucking mind” he replied this time in a lower voice but the sadness in his voice was unmistakable. “We’re supposed to be getting married in a little over a week and you can’t seem to bare me touching you. When I called you from Spain you sounded so distant and cold”.

Melanie didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to lie to him and give him false assurance but she didn’t want to have it out with him there in her best friend’s spare room.

“Mel I love you” he continued. “Please tell me what I have done wrong. I am so scared I am losing you. Please Mel. Tell me. What do I need to do”
.

Melanie felt her heart hit the pit of her stomach. She felt like such a complete cow. Simon was so sweet and good and she was obviously hurting him. Why couldn’t she just love him?

“I am just stressed out about wedding stuff” she lied. She hated herself for lying to him. But she just couldn’t do this here. “Simon it’s late, I have an early appointment”.

“Couldn’t I squeeze in here next to you” he pleads giving her a begging look.

“Simon please I am not having sex in with you in Lucy’s home” Melanie chastised him. “And if you get in this bed you won’t be happy with just sleeping”.

“I promise I will be good” he begged,

“Simon
please
” she replied. “I have to go out early with Lucy in the morning. I promise I will go straight back to your apartment as soon as I am finished”.

“Fine” he sighed looking less than pleased. Getting up off the bed he leaned down and kissed her goodnight and let himself out of the room.

Melanie flopped back down into her bed and let out a long shuddering groan. “This is turning into a bloody nightmare” she thought to herself.

There was a soft knock on the door and Melanie sprung up in the bed in panic.

“Please God don’t be Simon” she offer up a silent prayer.

“Mel it’s me” Lucy said quietly from the far side of the door. “Can I come in?”