Forever Black (21 page)

“She
said she’s been trying to get a hold of you for a couple of days and when she
didn’t have any luck, she called me. When I told her about your chemo and that
you were staying here, she started yelling and said to sit tight because she
was coming straight over from the airport to kick my ass.”

I
rolled my eyes, “Oh god, not tonight.”

Connor
lightly laughed, “No, tomorrow, her flight was delayed.

I
let out a sigh of relief, “Good, because tonight I couldn’t deal with her.”

I
must have drifted to sleep because when I woke up I was under the covers and
Connor was gone. I felt so alone and did the only thing I couldn’t control, I
cried. As my shoulders were shaking and the sobs were buried deep in my pillow,
I felt an overwhelming sense of comfort from behind.

“It’s
ok baby, I’m here.” Connor wrapped his arms around me and held me the rest of
the night.

I
woke up and patted the empty side where Connor laid and held me last night. I
wanted to wake up in his arms and I wanted him to tell me that he loved me. I’m
getting too many mixed signals from him; it’s hurting me and I don’t have the
strength to fight cancer and him at the same time.

I
felt like my chemo fog lifted and I was starting to feel somewhat normal, as if
I even knew what normal was anymore. I followed the aroma of coffee down the
stairs and into the kitchen where Claire was cooking.

“Good
morning dear,” she turned and smiled.

“Good
morning Claire, I am in desperate need of some coffee.”

She
walked to the cabinet and grabbed a mug, “One cup coming right up.”

I
heard a raised voice coming from over by the living room. I took my coffee and
walked towards it when I noticed it was coming from Connor’s office. He was on
the phone and he sounded angry.

“It’s
complicated Ashlyn. Yeah, well I’m sorry about the other night but something
came up; fuck,” I heard him yell as he threw his phone across his desk. He
paced back and forth, rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head. It
hurt me to the very core that he still talked to her and still never explained
to me who she was and what their relationship was. I heard his footsteps coming
towards the door as I darted back into the kitchen.

He
walked in and looked at me, “Are you ok today? You look better.” I could see
the anguish in his face. He looked tired and weary.

“I’m
fine,” I said as I looked down.

Then
out of nowhere he went off on a tangent and started yelling, “You always say
you’re fine Elle, even when you’re not, are you ever really fine? Can you ever
just tell me the fucking truth for once in your fucking life so I can stop
playing these goddamn guessing games? Can you say something other than I’m fine
Connor, because you know what Ellery, it makes me sick.”

I
stood there shocked, unable to say anything in my defense. I didn’t know this
man standing in front of me and I didn’t want to know him at this moment either.
He stood with his hands on the counter, his body pushed away from it with his
head down. I walked over to him and as he looked at me, I took my hand and
slapped him as hard as I could across his face. There was no emotion in his
eyes or on his face, just like that night at the club. I walked out of the kitchen
and started up the stairs. I heard something break as Claire looked at me from
the living room. Before I made it to my room, I heard the front door slam. My
heart was racing, but other than that I felt nothing at that moment. I couldn’t
stay in his house another day. He was too affected by my illness and he didn’t
deserve to live like this. I packed my bag and left.

I
hailed a cab and went back to my cold, lonely apartment. I walked to my room
and pulled out a piece of paper from under my mattress. I stared at it for a
while, folded it up and tucked it in my purse. I threw the rest of my clothes,
or really what would fit into the bag that was already packed. I grabbed some
cash from my drawer, grabbed my laptop and left. I walked down the street for a
bit until I was able to hail a cab. I got in and smiled when I saw Manny looking
at me from the front.

“Are
you going somewhere Elle?”

 “Yeah
Manny, I am going somewhere, but I need you to promise me something.”

“Of
course, anything,” he said.

“I
need you to take me to the airport and you cannot tell a single person where
you took me or that you saw me, please.” He looked at me from the rearview
mirror, “Yeah, ok Elle, don’t worry, I never saw you.”

I
arrived at airport and was fortunate enough to book the flight that was leaving
in 30 minutes to Michigan. I checked my bag and ran to the gate. I handed the
man my ticket and boarded the plane. I sat in my seat and took a deep breath.
My phone beeped and as I took it out of my pocket; I saw a text message from
Connor.

“I
want to apologize for my behavior, I’m on my way back to the penthouse and we
need to talk, if you’re feeling up to it we can go out for lunch
.”

My
heart sank as I read his words, but it was too late, I knew what I had to do now;
it’s probably what I should have done from the start, before Connor Black
walked into my life.

I
took a cab to the bank where my father used to do all his banking. I stepped
inside and walked over to the teller handing her the folded piece of paper I
took from my purse. She walked me over to the safety deposit boxes, pulled the
number that was indicated on the paper and led me to a small room.

“Let
me know when you’re finished,” she smiled. I stared at the box and the letter as
the memory of my father’s death haunted me.

Dear Ellery,

If you’re reading this
letter that means one thing that I’ve gone to be with your mother. I’m sorry
for being such a lousy father to you. I tried to do what’s right by you, but
the death of your mother was too much for me to handle and drinking was the
only way to kill the pain, at least for me. No matter how bad it got you always
stood by me and took care of me when I should have been the one taking care of
you. You had to grow up so fast and I’m sorry for that. I feel like I stole
your childhood from under you. You should have been playing with your friends
and having fun, instead you were home taking care of your alcoholic father
because he wasn’t strong enough to help himself. I do know one thing Ellery; I
know that you grew into a strong young lady. I know you’ve endured a lot of
heartache through the years and then having to fight cancer was unfair, but you
did it baby and I’m so proud of you. If I don’t or didn’t get the chance to
tell you that, I am now. I am so proud of my little girl. Your mother gave me
the attached instructions before she died and asked me to hold it until you
were eighteen. It’s the number of a safety deposit box your mother had kept for
you. I’ve been adding to it every year since your mother passed. When you are
ready, go and open the box and remember how much you are loved. Love always, Dad.

My
Aunt Diane gave me the letter a couple of days after my dad died. She told me
he gave it to her for safe keeping and if anything should happen to him before
my eighteenth birthday she was to give it to me. I held onto the letter all
these years because I was never ready to open that box.

I
carefully slipped my fingers around the edge of the top and lifted it slowly
till it stopped. I looked down into the box with the black felt lining and
pulled out a wad of cash that was sitting on top in a white envelope. I set it
down on the table and pulled out a silver heart locket with an inscription on
the back, “Happy 18
^th
Birthday, Love Mom. I covered my mouth as the
tears poured from my eyes. I opened the locket and there was a picture of my
mother one side and me as a child on the other. I wiped my eyes as I pulled out
a video cassette tape that was labeled, “To my darling daughter.” Lying at the
bottom of the box was a stack of bonds with my name on them. I took a deep
breath and composed myself before closing the lid on the box and leaving the
room.

My
phone chimed. I reached in my pocket and pulled it out; there was another text
from Connor.

“Where
are you Ellery?”

I
looked at his words, my heart aching and I didn’t want him to worry, so I
replied.

“Connor,
I had to leave, my being at your place was hurting you as bad as it was hurting
me. The only thing I can tell you is I’m ok and please don’t worry about me. I
have a few things I need to do and I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

I
grabbed my things and handed the teller the safe deposit box and the bonds. As
I was waiting for her to return, a text from Connor came through.

“What
do you mean you don’t know when you’ll be back? Where the fuck are you going?
You have treatments to finish; you better get the fuck back here NOW!”

I
lightly laughed because even over text he was yelling at me, but I loved him
and I was doing this for him, for us. A few moments later another text came
through.

“I
will find you Ellery Lane even if I have to travel to the ends of the earth;
make no mistake I will find you.”

I
smiled and quickly replied,
“I know you will my stalker.”
I shut my
phone off and took the money the teller handed me from my bonds. Combined with
the cash in the envelope and with the money from the sale of my paintings, I had
a little over $100,000.

I
called a cab and had the driver drive me to the airport. I stepped up to the
ticket counter and booked a one way flight to California. The flight didn’t
leave for a couple of hours so I sat down and turned on my phone. I dialed
Peyton’s number and she answered on the first ring.

“Ellery,
where are you? I’ve been so worried, we’ve all been worried.”

“Peyton,
stop and calm down, I need you to listen to me, you are the only one I’m
telling this to so whatever you do, don’t you dare let Connor or Henry know, please.”

She
hesitated, “Ok, anything.”

I
took a deep breath, “I’m flying out to California for a while and I need you to
throw Connor off my trail. I need you to talk to him every day and find out
what he’s learned. I need to buy some time before he finds me.”

“Do
you want him to find you?” She whispered.

 “Yeah,
I do want him to find me because if he does then I know we were meant to be
together and everything I’m doing would be for something.”

“He’s
pissed Ellery; he was throwing things and swearing. You should have heard the
things he was saying.”

“He’s
angry and he’ll get over it, just try to be a friend to him. I have to go, love
you friend.” I hung up and threw my phone in the trash.

I
stepped onto the pavement of Los Angeles, California a nervous wreck. I couldn’t
believe I was here, alone in a strange city. The air was much warmer than New
York and it felt like the sun shined brighter. I put on my sunglasses and
hailed a cab. I handed the driver a piece of scrap paper from the airport in
Michigan and told him to take me to that address. He pulled up to the building
and as he drove away; I stood there examining my surroundings. I walked around
the side of the rental office where I met Mason, the manager of the apartment
building.

“Hi,
I’m Mason Grant, I manage these wonderful apartments and you must be Ellery?”

I
extended my hand to greet his, “Yes, I am.”

“Fabulous,”
he said as he turned and grabbed a key off the board.

We
walked over to the next building and he took me up to the third floor
apartment. He inserted the key and opened the door. I walked in and looked
around. It was fully furnished and clean and that’s all I needed. Before I
agreed to rent it, I needed to talk to Mason first. I asked him to sit at the
table. He looked at me awkwardly as he sat down.

“Let
me guess, you’re running from the law?”

“No,
it’s not like that,” I laughed. “I can’t leave a paper trail because it will
make it easier for someone to find me.”

He
leaned in closer, “Oh now you have me intrigued, continue.”

I
continued with the story about why I was here and all about Connor. I went as
far as to show him my tattoos. He grabbed my wrists and stared at them. Then he
looked at me with a tear in his eye, “You had me at hi.” I laughed and he
reached over and hugged me. We came to the agreement that I would not sign a
lease and that I would pay cash every month for as long as I needed to stay,
but I had to promise one thing; I had to come to his place for dinner and meet
his partner Landon. I agreed and hugged him as he handed me the keys to my new
apartment.

I
looked around. It was bigger than my box back in New York. The thing that
excited me most was the fireplace in the living room. The kitchen was much more
spacious with its white cabinets and black granite countertops. This place had
everything I needed right down to the BUN coffee maker. I walked to the bedroom
and set my bag on the bed. The first thing I had to do was go get a new cell
phone.