Forever Black (20 page)

I
opened one eye at the sunlight peeking through the curtains that hung on the
windows. I stretched and rolled over on my side, taking in the view of the city
that stood outside my window. So much for the anti-nausea meds Nurse Bailey fed
me. I heard the door slightly open.

“Ellery,
are you awake?” I heard his voice whisper.

I
rolled over and looked at him standing there in his dark jeans and a black
cotton button down shirt that he left untucked. His hair was messy and damp,
but in that sexy way that made me ache for him.

“How
are you feeling?” He asked from the doorway.

I
sat up on the edge of the bed, “I’m feeling ok at the moment. I think I’ll take
a shower.”

His
eyes stared into me as if he wanted to reach out and touch me.

“When
you’re done, come downstairs and Claire will make you some breakfast.”

I
got out of bed and opened my bag to dig out my clothes for the day. “Who’s
Claire?” I asked.

“She’s
my housekeeper.”

“Oh,
I didn’t know you had a housekeeper, you never mentioned her.”

He
ran his hand through his hair, “The opportunity never came up I guess.”

I
walked past without even looking at him. I walked in the bathroom as he
followed me and stood in the doorway.

“I’m
going to the office to do some work, I’ll be home later.”

I
kept my back to him as I turned on the shower, “Ok, see ya later.”

My
words were flat with no emotion. I climbed in the shower and sat on the floor.
I curled myself into a ball and cried.

After
my shower, I walked down to the kitchen. “You must be our new houseguest Ellery
right?” She asked as she walked over and hugged me.

I
greeted her warmly, “Yes, and you must be Claire.”

“I
sure am honey, now sit down and tell me what you would like me to make you.”

Claire
was a breath of fresh air in this house. She was an older woman with brown hair
that sat just above her shoulders. Her smile was as warm as her deep brown eyes
that lit up when she saw me. Maybe she was happy to have another female in the
house. I sat at the island as she put in front of me a cup of peppermint tea.

“Drink
up; it will soothe your stomach.” I took a small sip and set the cup down.

“Mr.
Black told me you were sick last night, so how about you start with some toast
and scrambled eggs?”

I
shook my head. I was curious as to how much she knew about me and our situation,
so I asked an obvious question.

“What
else did Mr. Black tell you?”

She
smiled as she put the bread in the toaster, “He only tells me what I need to
know. Mr. Black is a very private person. He says you’re a friend and he wanted
to help you. He’s a very generous man.”

I
rolled my eyes. If the chemo doesn’t kill me, then staying here with the man whose
life I pretty much ruined will.

“Ah
I see you two met,” Connor said as he lightly stepped into the kitchen.

“I
thought you left,” I said with a - I don’t like you very much right now - attitude.

“I
had to finish up some computer work here first, don’t worry I’ll be leaving
soon.”

Claire
eyed me and then looked at Connor as he sat over at the table.

“Here
honey, try to eat something, you’ll feel better if you do.”

I
saw Connor look over at me out of the corner of my eye. I picked up the fork
and started to eat some eggs. The food was starting to help a bit, or maybe it
was the tea, who knows.

Connor
finished his coffee and walked over to me, “I’m leaving now so if you need
anything Claire will be here all day.” I didn’t look at him as I waved my hand.

“I
can tell this is going to be more difficult than I thought,” he mumbled as he
left the kitchen.

I
didn’t know if he meant for me to hear it or not, but I did and it pissed me
off.

Claire
studied me for a moment, “Calm down honey it’s not worth getting upset over.”

I
decided that if I was going to stay here, Claire had a right to know what happened
between me and Connor. I told her everything.

She
sat down next me holding her coffee cup, “I figured something was going on
between the two of you. You must have been the reason why Mr. Black was always
in a good mood and smiling all the time not that long ago.”

She
saw the look on my face and took my hand; she pushed back my sleeve and looked
at my wrist and then took my other hand and did the same, “Does he know about
this?”

I
shook my head, “No, but he will soon enough, it’s not something I can keep
hidden for long.” Claire smiled and patted my hand.

I
grabbed my coat and stepped outside. The air was a little warmer than it had
been. The sun was shining bright, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky; it was a
perfect October day. I needed to get lost in myself so I decided to take a walk
to Central Park. I needed to be alone, and what better place than to think
about how much my life sucked at the moment is in the park. I made my way to
the Conservatory Garden and found a spot in the middle of the grass. I laid the
blanket on the soft grass and sat down with my knees to my chest. My phone
started to ring; it was Connor. Someone must have tipped him off that I escaped.
I hit ignore. I figured he would go to my apartment first, then probably the
art gallery or soup kitchen. He’ll eventually figure out where I am so I wasn’t
worried, and I honestly didn’t care. I inhaled through my nose, taking in the
mild October air. I studied the flowers that were around me for soon they would
be gone.

I
laid down on my back and stared up at the sky. I had a little talk with god and
asked him to give me the strength to endure this process all over again. Connor
kept calling me, so I turned my phone off. I asked god for a sign to let me
know he would help me through this as I felt a tiny drop of rain fall on my
cheek. That was good enough for me until a few clouds rolled in and it started
to pour; so much for my perfect October day. I laid there staring up at the sky
that was falling down upon me. I wanted so badly for the rain to wash away my
illness and my fears. I continued to lay there in my delusional state until I
heard a familiar voice call my name.

“Ellery,
what the fuck do you think you’re doing, are you crazy?” I looked at him as he
was walking towards me holding an umbrella.

“Are
you, for coming out here after me?”

I
saw his jaw tighten as he approached me, “Look at you, you’re soaked; get up
now before you get sick.”

I
laughed, “I’m already sick, what’s the difference?”

He
stared down at me with a strange look on his face and did something I never
thought Connor Black would do. He laid down beside me and looked up at the sky.
I looked over at him as he struggled to keep his eyes open as the rain pelted
him in the face; a small smile crossed my lips.

“Why
are you doing this?” he asked as he turned and looked at me.

“Cause
I can lay here and no one will know I’m crying.”

 He
looked at me for a moment and then back up at the falling rain. We laid there
and didn’t speak a word. Connor put his hand on top of mine, and that was all
the words we needed. Both of us were soaked, and I was starting to get cold. I
sat up on my elbows.

“I
think it’s time to go.”

He
looked over at me and smiled, “Good because I can’t stand being wet like this.”

I
lightly laughed as we both got up and started walking out of the park. I
suddenly stopped and turned the other way to some nearby bushes. I bent down as
the nausea set in and I began to vomit. Connor waited for me to finish as he
put his arms under my legs, picked me up and carried me to the car. That was
all I needed to feel safe again.

He
carried me up to the penthouse and to the bedroom. He started to help me
undress as I stopped him.

“I’m
fine; you need to get out of those wet clothes. Please go change; I’m going to
take a hot bath.”

“Do
you feel well enough to take a bath by yourself?”

I
shot him a look, “If I said no does that mean you’ll get in with me?”

He
looked down, “Ellery.”

I
saw the look on his face, and it was one of pain, almost the same look as the
day in the hotel room.

“I
was kidding Connor, now get out of here and go change.”

He
walked out and left me standing there feeling like an idiot. I didn’t make it
to the bathtub. I put on my nightshirt and robe and collapsed on top of the
bed.

I
woke up 4 hours later and couldn’t move. The part I feared the most hit me; the
pain. I started to whimper when I wanted to scream because I didn’t want anyone
to hear me. My body felt like it’d been hacked into a million pieces, starting
from the top of my head down to my toes. There wasn’t a single bone, joint, or
muscle that didn’t hurt. I tried to get comfortable, but I couldn’t. I slowly
got off the bed and wanted to scream when my feet touched the floor. I stood up
and made my way to the door; I stepped out into the hallway and dropped to my
knees and then onto my side.

I
started to cry, more a soft whimper like a puppy. Connor must have been in his
office, which was the room next to the staircase because I could hear him on
the phone. I tried to crawl to the bathroom, but the pain was too great. It
wasn’t too long when I saw Connor running up the stairs, skipping a step in
between.

“Ellery,
my god, what’s wrong?”

At
that point, I was shaking uncontrollably. I put my hand up. “Don’t touch me, it
hurts,” I cried.

He
yelled for Claire and told her to call the nurse immediately and get her over
to the penthouse. He sat down beside me and touched my hair.

“I
need to get back in bed, just pick me up and get it over with,” I begged. He
stood and picked me up off the ground. He flinched as I screamed. He carefully
carried me into the bedroom and laid me on the bed.

“The
nurse will be here soon; she’ll help you,” he said as he gently brushed the
hair away from my face.

I
looked at him and cried, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for this, I never wanted you
to see me like this.”

He
knelt down beside the bed and lightly touched my hand. “You have nothing to be
sorry for; I’m the one who is sorry. It kills me to see you in such pain,” he
said as a single tear fell down his cheek.

I
took my thumb and gently wiped the tear from his face as he took my hand and
looked at my wrist; the one tattooed with his name. He didn’t have a chance to
say anything as the nurse came in with her bag. Connor stood up and sat at the
edge of the bed while Claire stood in the doorway.

“You
are going to be just fine sweetie,” she said as she held up a needle. “I’m
going to give you a shot of morphine for the pain.”

She
injected the shot into my hip and told me to relax. She then asked Connor to
step into the hallway. I started to relax as the pain started to subside. Connor
walked back in room and to the other side of the bed, where he sat up with his
back against the headboard. I turned on my side to face him.

“It
isn’t always going to be like this,” I said. “The first 3 days after chemo are
the worse than I am usually fortunate enough to have a few days where I feel
good; well as good as can be expected on chemo.” He didn’t say a word; he only
sat there playing with my hair.

“Don’t
get to use to doing that, it’s going to be gone soon.”

He
flashed me that smile that melts my heart, “I don’t care; you’ll still be just
as beautiful.”

I
smiled at him, and he kissed me lightly on my forehead. He softly took a hold
of both my wrists and looked at them, rubbing the tattoos lightly. I saw the anguish
in his eyes.

“I
noticed these at the hospital when you were receiving chemo. I’ve been waiting
for you to show me; why Ellery?” He asked.

I
rolled over as the morphine settled through my body and I was able to step out
of bed and slowly walked over to the window. “Because at some point you have to
realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life, and this
is my way of keeping you in my heart.”

Silence
overtook the large room until I felt his arms wrap around me and he softly
whispered in my ear.

“Get
back in bed and I’ll bring you some tea.”

I
turned around with his arms still wrapped around me as I delicately kissed him
on the cheek. He closed his eyes and took in a sharp breath. He released his
arms from me and left the room. He came back a few minutes later with a cup of
peppermint tea and set it on the nightstand, then climbed on the other side and
sat next to me.

“Peyton
called me and read me the riot act,” he laughed.

“Why
would she do that?” I asked.