Forever (Cruiser & Lex, Book 3) (15 page)

Lex

I roll onto my back on Cruiser’s bed and stretch my arms. “I feel like my brain is going to explode.”

We’ve been studying for the history test tomorrow for three hours. I’m amazed that Cruiser lasted this long.
I’m
the one going insane.

He scoots over, gets on his knees, and looks at me. “We can’t have that happening, can we?” He lowers his head to lightly brush his lips against mine. My body arches, dying to feel more of him. It feels like forever since we’ve made out. When I reach out toward his chest, he backs away. “Uh uh. I won’t have my tutor getting lazy on my watch.” He moves further and further away at a very slow pace, his lips twisted in a smug smile.

“Come here,” I demand, stretching for him.

He shakes his head.

“I’m going to die if I don’t touch you.”

He shakes his head again.

“You’re really going to let me die?”

He swoops forward, sliding his good arm underneath my back. But he loses his balance and topples over me. For a few seconds I can’t breathe because his body is so heavy, but he quickly rolls off me. I start laughing. Then I reach for him and yank him closer. “I’m alive.” I sigh contently against his chest.

“You’re so damn cute.” He kisses my eyes, then my nose. “Such a cutie.”

“You’re the cutie,” I say.

“No, I’m sexy, remember?” He flexes a muscle.

I laugh. “You are totally sexy.”

“Thank you.” He kisses me. Then he lies down and tucks me against his body. “Did you speak to Melody today?”

“Oh yeah! I totally forgot. She said she really wants to meet Rey. She told me she was a little upset when you guys transferred out because she was looking forward to hanging out with Rey. She’s so excited he’s back.”

Relief and hope washes over Cruiser’s face. “Maybe once Rey hears a girl is excited about him, he’ll get back to his old self.” He leans forward to kiss my forehead. “I caught him playing the violin in the music room after theater.”

I feel my eyes bug out. “Really? That’s awesome.”

“Yeah. He was all embarrassed and trying to brush it off like it was no big deal. But it sure as hell is a big deal. I was hoping I’d hear him play at home, but so far nothing.”

“Maybe he wants privacy.”

“Yeah.”

I jump to my knees. “I have the perfect idea! Let’s double date with Rey and Melody.”

Cruiser’s eyes move around his room like he’s mulling over my words. “It’ll definitely make Rey feel more comfortable.”

“I really want them to hit it off. I want Rey to be happy.”

He puts his arm around me and hauls me back to his chest. “Me, too.”

We lie like this for a few minutes. My eyes travel around his room. It still feels empty without his ship. I wish I could do something. I just don’t know what.

“You know something?” I say to him.

“What?”

“I still never saw you in your grandpa’s captain uniform.”

He looks at his closet. “Never tried it on.”

“Don’t you want to see how you’ll look? You know, many years from now when you make captain—”

“Lex…”

I get up and open the door to his closet. The shoebox catches my attention and causes my throat to feel dry, but I force myself to ignore it and push his shirts aside until I find the garment bags. I turn back to Cruiser. “Can you put one on? Please? I want to see you in it.”

He has uncertainty in his eyes. I know we still need to discuss the future. It’s been Cruiser’s dream to join the Navy ever since he was ten years old, but he feels guilty that he’ll be constantly away from me. The last thing I want to do is take his dream away from him. I’m willing to be apart from him, as hard as it’ll be. Because I love him to death and just want to make him happy.

I don’t want to talk about the future right now. I’m scared it’ll cause a rift between us, and I really love when things are going smoothly. “Just try one on, please,” I say. “It doesn’t mean you have to commit to anything. We’ll talk about it another time.”

Cruiser gets up. “I’m worried you’ll find me so hot you’ll demand I make captain right this second.”

That causes me to burst out laughing. “You’re so full of yourself, you jerk,” I joke. “Besides, I’d like to see you in a sailor’s uniform, too. So hold off on making captain right away.”

“Lame Halloween costume,” he says as he moves closer and touches the garment bag.

“Nope. You’ll look really good in a sailor’s uniform. Sexy, remember?” I flex my muscle.

He laughs before kissing me. “Let’s get this thing on me.”

Since Cruiser only has one working arm, I need to help him get dressed. “How do you do this every morning?” I ask as I help him out of his jeans. A large swallow makes its way down my throat when he’s left with nothing on but his boxers. I’ve never seen him…we haven’t…

I try to look nonchalant. It’s no big deal that I’m seeing him in his underpants. Nope.

Cruiser must not realize I’m having a small freak out session, because he says, “With a lot of patience.”             

Once the pants are on—and the bottom half of his body is, thankfully, covered—I help him with the jacket. Only his good arm goes through one of the sleeves, though. As I’m buttoning it up, Cruiser dips his head to plant as kiss on my neck. I look into his eyes and he looks into mine. It’s as though we’re getting lost in each other. There’s something very intimate about closing his buttons. It feels very…homey. Like we’re married and he’s really in the Navy and I’m helping him into his uniform because he’s set to leave any minute. A lump forms in my throat as I get a taste of what it would be like if this was real life and he was actually going overseas.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

I blink and force a smile. “Nothing. You’re just one handsome young man.” I do the last button and step back. “We can’t forget the hat.” I tuck it over his head. Then I move back and study him. My breath catches in my throat. He looks good.
Really
good.

He twists his body from right to left. “So how ridiculous do I look?”

“You look far from ridiculous. You are the most handsome Navy captain to have walked this Earth.”

He heads over to the mirror and stops short. I see the way his eyes widen in disbelief, his jaw slowly falling open. “I do look good,” he murmurs. “Except for my missing arm.”

I come up from behind him and slide my hand up his chest. I press a long kiss on the side of his neck. “That’s you in twenty years.”

“No.” He pushes away from me. “I knew this would happen.”

“I don’t want to fight. Please, let’s not talk about this.”

He cups my cheek. “Okay, darlin’. I’m sorry.” He faces the mirror again. “I do look hot, though.”

“Cocky bastard.”

He chuckles, then he touches his hair. “This will have to be chopped off.”

I step closer to him and comb my fingers through the silky hair I love so much. “You’re right. I forgot about that.”

“Damn, I’ll look like Rey.” He moans. “I love my hair.”

“I love it, too.”

“Good enough excuse not to join.”

I give him a look. He lowers his eyes.

“You like it?” I ask.

“Hmm?”

“What you see in the mirror. Do you like it?”

He raises his eyes to his reflection and studies himself. I wait patiently as his gaze moves from the top of his hat to the bottom of his pants. After a few seconds, he says in a very soft voice, “Yeah. I like it a lot.”

That’s all I needed to hear. It’s all he needed to hear, too.

“Can I take a picture?” I ask.

He nods.

At first, his poses are very stiff. But after a few shots, he starts goofing around and making funny faces and poses, taking advantage of his lack of arm. Then he calls for Rey to take a picture of both of us. As soon as Rey walks in, he freezes. He whistles. “Holy fuck. You look exactly like Gramps in those old pictures.”

“Nah,” Cruiser says.

“I’m dead serious.”

“Tell him he looks good,” I say.

Rey grins. “You look very pretty.”

Cruiser makes a move to punch him, but Rey dodges. “I’m gonna go get a picture of when Gramps just made captain. Be back.” He dashes out of the room.

I put my arm around Cruiser again and kiss his cheek. I feel so proud of him. I know how ridiculous that is because it’s not like he actually made captain—he’s not even in the Navy. But I know that if he really, truly wants it, he’ll make it happen. When Cruiser puts his mind to something, nothing can stop him. I’m proud of the person he’s becoming.

He keeps looking at his reflection, too. I wish I knew what he was thinking. I guess I was wrong when I told Rosie I know what goes on in Cruiser’s head. But from what I can observe, I know he feels proud of himself, too. Just two years ago, he was on a downward path. Now he’s a few steps closer to becoming part of the Navy, at least I hope he chooses to join. I kiss his cheek again.

Rey returns, waving a photo in the air. “I was right. You can look like twins.”

Cruiser and I study the picture. Wow, Rey wasn’t exaggerating. Cruiser looks almost identical to his grandfather. He’s obviously much older than seventeen, but they still look pretty similar.

“Holy hell,” Cruiser says.

“Here’s one when he’s in his first sailor uniform,” Rey says. “You’ll probably look like just like him when you wear yours for the first time.”

Cruiser swallows hard.

“You gotta send Gran and Gramps a pic,” Rey says.

“No, I don’t think—”

“They’ll be so stoked, Cruise.”

“Yeah, I think it would make them really happy,” I say.

“Yeah, Gramps did give you his uniforms.”

“I don’t even know if I’m gonna join,” Cruiser says.

Rey looks at me. I shrug. “It doesn’t matter. I know it’ll still make them happy.”

“Stand together,” Rey says, holding up his phone. “Go on. And make sure to look in love.”

“I don’t want to hurt my grandfather,” Cruiser says as I wrap my arm around his middle. “I don’t want to give him false hope.”

“He knows the decision is up to you,” I say. “And he’ll support you no matter what. And I will, too.”

Cruiser’s eyes search mine. I see the love he has for me buried in them. He takes hold of my chin and gives me a sweet kiss on the lips. Then he wraps his good arm around me and faces Rey. “Make us look hot.”

We do all different kinds of poses, and really get into it. Cruiser even dips me a few times, despite his bad arm. Then we scroll through the pictures. Once again, I get a glimpse of what my life would look like if Cruiser chooses to join the Navy. Me standing next to my boyfriend or husband in his Navy uniform. Missing each other so much when he’s overseas and not keeping our hands off each other when he returns. The proud look on my face, with a small hint of pain and longing. Tears prick my eyes. No, I can do it. We can do it. If this is something Cruiser really wants, I’ll do anything I can to make his dreams come true. No matter how hard it’ll be.

“This one looks great.” Cruiser points to a shot where our bodies are turned toward each other, nearly fused together, as though we’re showing the world that the two of us are one and belong together for eternity. But I think the reason Cruiser likes this one is because of the expressions on our faces. We look blissfully in love.

“I love it,” I say.

“Makes me want to puke,” Rey grumbles.

“Send it,” Cruiser says.

Rey taps on his phone. “Hey, Gran and Gramps,” he says as he texts. “Cruiser was bored today and decided to try on your uniform. Doesn’t he look pretty? But don’t worry. This doesn’t mean he’s gonna join. Lex just wanted you to see what a stud he is.”

“Rey—”

“Sent.”

“What a lame message.”

Rey grins, showing all of his teeth.

“I’m gonna seriously mess you up once my arm is healed.”

“Let’s see you try. Later, losers.” He heads for the door.

“Rey,” I call.

He turns around.

“Do you want to go on a double date with Melody and us?”

Rey’s eyes move to Cruiser. “Less pressure,” Cruiser says.

Rey rubs the back of his neck. “Uh…sure. That’ll be cool.”

His phone beeps and he unlocks the screen. He chuckles. “Gran says you’re one fine young man. Gramps says you’ll make one hell of a sailor. They say they’re really proud of you.”

Cruiser’s face flushes. I know he’s trying to fight the pleased grin crawling onto his face. He squares his shoulders. “Whatever. Please help me out of this getup, Lex.”

Rey holds out his hands. “If clothes are being removed, I think that’s my clue to leave. I’ll close the door to give you two privacy.”

Cruiser grabs a notebook off his desk and flings it at Rey’s retreating body. But Rey quickly closes the door, and the notebook hits it instead.