Forever (Cruiser & Lex, Book 3) (19 page)

This is awesome. It couldn’t be more awesome. Maybe Melody is the one who will get Rey back into the violin. Because she loves it so much and I know Rey’ll want to impress her. I want to jump onto the table and do some lame dance.

“I think the best piece I’ve heard you play is Beethoven’s
Appassionata
. It was beautiful. Flawless.”

Rey ducks his head. It looks like his face is on fire. “Nah, I screwed that one up so bad.”

“It sounded perfect to me.”

His face looks like an inferno now. “Thanks.” He plays some more with his chicken.

I sneak a look at Lex and see the pride in her eyes. We did good. Yeah, we sure as hell did good.

“Are you going to rejoin the debate team?” she asks Rey. “I just joined. They said you used to be part of it?”

“Oh. Yeah.”              

“He was part of a crapload of clubs,” I say. “Orchestra, law, student body, debate. I’m surprised his head didn’t explode and roll into my room.”

Lex gently shoves me as she laughs.

“So which will you join?” Melody asks.

“My dumbass brother forced me to join theater.”

She looks surprised. “Theater?”

“I know, right?”             

“So grow some balls and rejoin some of your old clubs,” I say.

Melody covers her mouth as she giggles. “Watching the way you two interact is really funny.”

Lex sighs. “Try doing it for over ten years.”

“It’s cute how you guys were best friends before you became a couple. It’s really romantic.”

Lex gives me a warm smile. I return it.

“Maybe I’ll rejoin debate,” Rey says.

“Rejoin orchestra, you fool,” I say.

“Shut up, Cruise.”

Melody laughs.

The rest of the night goes by well. Rey warms up to Melody and soon they’re having this heated discussion about some lame subject that I didn’t bother to hear what about. They don’t even shut up when dessert comes.

I lean toward Lex’s ear. “I’m not sure if they’re actually arguing or are getting along.”

“Getting along. Trust me.”

“Hell yeah.”

When we’re finished with dessert, Rey and Melody have calmed down. The waiter tells us the meal is taken care of, and we leave the restaurant.

Lex and Melody stroll ahead of us. I look at Rey. “Lex and I are gonna take a walk on the beach,” I tell him. “Cool?”

“Yeah, it’s cool.”

“Take a walk with Melody on the boardwalk. Get to know her better. You two seem to be hitting it off.”

Rey nods. Looks all giddy. “I really like her.”

“Good, because I would kick your ass if you didn’t. She’s perfect for you.”

“Think so?”

“Yeah, bro. Don’t sweat it. Don’t overthink things. Just go with it and have fun.”

“Okay.” He bumps his fist with mine. “Later.”

I watch as he and Melody walk off. I’m not one to predict the future, but I’ve got a good feeling about them. I couldn’t get Rey to change back to the guy he used to be, but maybe Melody can. I think she’ll be good for him.

His future is starting to look bright again.

Lex

Cruiser throws his arm around me as he leads me further down the beach, toward the waves. It’s pretty dark out, but the ocean looks beautiful. I pick a pebble off the sand, and we walk along the shore, breathing in the beautiful smell of salt water.

“I miss surfing,” Cruiser says. “Hardly did much when I came back from New York. Now I got this.” He motions toward his sling.

“You’ll be as good as new in a few months,” I assure him. “But don’t you go breaking any more limbs when you start to surf again.”

He laughs before pecking my lips. “I promise.”

The wind blows through my hair, messing up the do I spent hours working on. I clutch the bottom of it. “My hair.”

“You look beautiful no matter what.”

I feel my cheeks and neck warm up. “Thanks. That’s sweet of you to say.”

He takes my hand and we continue down the shore.

“They’re cute together,” I say. “Do you think it’ll work out?”

“I don’t know how it can’t. They’ve got so much in common.”

“You know, we don’t have that much in common,” I say. “But for some reason, we work.”

“Yeah, we do.” He catches some of my loose hair and wraps it around his finger, tugging me closer until my mouth is only a few inches from his. “I love you. Like a lot. I’m crazy about you.”

“I’m crazy about you, too.”

“I just want to let you know how much I appreciate your support. In my joining the Navy.”

“So…it’s final then?”

He nods. “Think so.”             

I throw my arms around him. “I’m so happy!”

He tightens his hold on me and spins me around. But because he only has one arm, I feel myself slipping. He quickly lowers me to the sand.

“It’s going to be okay,” I say when I see the troubled and unsure look in his eyes. “Seaman Cruiser Dalton. It’s sexy.”

“Seaman Elvis Dalton.”             

“No way. You’ll always be Cruiser.”

He tucks me close to his side as we continue on. “Now all we gotta do is wait for you to win the scholarship, then it’s off to Juilliard with you. Then off to Broadway, where you’ll be the star of the show.”

“I’ll never be the star. I can’t act or sing.”

“Fine. But you’ll be the most talented, sexiest dancer in the whole show.”

“It’s not a sure thing I’ll win the scholarship. Holly’s a great dancer.”

“Not better than you.”

“That’s your opinion.”

“It doesn’t matter. Even if you don’t win the scholarship and don’t get into Juilliard, there are many other dance schools out there. I know you’ll end up on Broadway. It’s your dream.”

I stop and stare at the calm waves. “It’s really happening, isn’t it? The future.”

Cruiser nods.

“It’s exciting, but so scary.”

“Hey, we still got another year.”

“The year will fly by faster than the blink of an eye,” I say. “And we’ll all be going our separate ways. You to the Navy, Dani to college in L.A. USC is her dream school. Rey will hopefully get into another music academy, and I’ll…”

“Have a full ride to Juilliard.”

I bury my face in his chest. “Wow. So many changes.” And the biggest change of all will be Cruiser joining the Navy. I’m ready for it. I need to be. I know it’ll be hard, but I want this for him.

He rubs my back. “All that matters is that we have each other. Our love will carry us through it all. It doesn’t know time or place. Or distance. Just that our hearts belong together. Damn, that was sappy.”

I squeeze him tight. “No, it was sweet and romantic.”

Cruiser lowers himself onto the sand and reaches for me. “You’re getting your clothes dirty,” I say.

“It’s okay. But I’ll protect your dress.”

I let him lower me onto his lap and take my shoes off. I hike up the bottom of my dress and spread out my legs, allowing the waves to roll over them. I sigh at the amazing feeling.

“I’m gonna cherish all the time we have together,” Cruiser says, his soft breath tickling my ear. “Every second of every day until I leave for basic training.”

I turn my face so that our foreheads touch. “Don’t talk like that. You’re making me miss you already.”

“Okay. But I’ll contact you every day—”

“Cruiser, you’re not leaving tomorrow. We have a whole year and a half.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He tightens his hold on me and lowers my head to his chest, softly stroking my hair. It feels so good. Being in his arms feels so good. My throat dries up when a little voice in my head reminds me that in a year and a half, I won’t be able to lie in his arms like this. I won’t feel his protective, loving arms. I won’t hear how fast his heart beats when our bodies are pressed this close. I won’t feel his warm, passionate lips on mine.

I tell that voice to shut up. It’s my undying love for him that triumphs over the doubts in my mind. This is the life Cruiser and I are going to have, and while it will be hard, maybe unbearable at times, I want it. Cruiser will be mine forever, no matter what. My sailor.

He shifts me so that I’m half-lying on him, my legs spread out on the sand, my hair hanging over his thigh. “I’m going to find a genie to stop time so we could spend eternity together before we graduate high school,” he says.

“Or to create our own little world that only the two of us can visit. We’ll set up a time to meet every day and we’ll be able to touch each other and kiss, and it won’t feel like we’re separated.”

“Mmm. I like that.”

“That way, we’d both be able to live our dreams while still being together.” I touch his cheek. “I want you to join the Navy. I don’t want you having doubts throughout the whole next year.”

He kisses the top of my head. “Can’t promise I won’t. As the days go by and it gets closer to the day I leave for basic training, I know how tempting it’ll be to change my mind.”

I sit up and look into his eyes. “I want you to promise me something, Cruiser. Promise me that no matter what, you’re going to try to join the Navy.”

“Lex—”

“Please, Cruiser.”

His eyes search mine, and I can tell how much he wants to protest. But he must see the determination and intensity in my eyes because he nods. “I promise, T. Rex. And I want you to promise that you’ll do everything you can to get into Juilliard. And if not Juilliard, then another dance school.”

“I promise.”

He gathers me to his chest. “Good.”

Cruiser

“Jared’s brother got tickets to this awesome recital,” Rey says on our drive home from school. “Jared’s trying to trade them. It would be sweet to go.”

Hearing those words are music to my ears. Rey hasn’t been to a recital since he last performed in one and landed that scholarship to Kelman’s. I don’t know if it’s Melody’s doing or if he’s finally on his way back to the old Rey. But whatever the reason, I’m as glad as hell.

He sat with Melody, Jared, and Derek at lunch today. I can’t believe he and Melody are hitting it off. They’re always laughing and teasing each other, and I swear I see hearts in his eyes. I can’t be any happier for him.

“So, you cool with Jared and Derek?” I ask.

Though I only have a view of his profile because his focus is on the road, I see the way his whole face lights up. Like he’s got firecrackers buried in his skull. “It’s like I never left,” he says. “Like I never…”

“Was a dick?”

“Shut
up
, Cruiser.”

I clap him on the shoulder. “I’m glad you guys are tight again. And I’m glad you and Melody are hitting it off.”

The tips of his ears get red. Hell, his whole face is turning red by the second.

“She’s good for you.”

“How can you tell? We’ve only been going out for a few days.”

“Still.” I lean back. “When something is right, it’s right.”

He snorts. “Not everyone’s fate is written in the stars like you and Lex.”

“You never know.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not getting my hopes up.” His lips form a straight line. Then he says. “I need to be realistic.”

“What’re you getting at?”

He shrugs.

“Rey, you got a good thing going on with Melody. Don’t blow it because you think you’re not worthy or whatever.”

“Never said I’m not worthy. I just think it’s safer to be cautious.”

I watch him for thirty seven seconds—yeah, I counted—until I realize what he’s trying to say. “Mom filled you up with confidence so that you’d work hard to be a great violinist. So you cracked. It doesn’t mean every part of your life is gonna be like that. If you’re always gonna be walking on eggshells your whole life, how are you gonna live?”

He doesn’t say anything.

“Do you think Melody would want a guy who is only putting fifty percent into her?”

“I’m not putting only fifty percent,” he mutters.

“Doesn’t matter. Either you give her one hundred percent, or you don’t give anything.”

Rey’s lips form a straight line again.

“I’m not saying you gotta bare your soul to her right away. Take things slow or whatever pace you need. Just give her the attention she deserves. She’s a great person.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Cruise.”

“No problem.”

We continue driving in silence. The ride home isn’t long, but for some reason, it’s taking as long as hell to get there.

“Hey, Cruise?”

“Whatup?”

A big swallow makes its way down his throat. “I think…” His chest puffs up as he takes in a large gulp of air. It contracts as he lets it out through his nose. “I think I’m ready to talk to Mom. Tell her about…everything.”

I feel my eyes shoot out of my face.

He laughs. “Don’t look
so
surprised.”

“Why the sudden change?”

He shrugs, his eyes on the road. “Dunno. I guess…I guess for the first time since I dropped out of Kelman’s, things are starting to look brighter.”

I slap his arm playfully. “‘Cuz you got a girl now.”

“
No
. I just feel good about myself again.” He shrugs another time. “I don’t know.”

Even though he’s driving, I make a dive for him and hug him with my good arm. It’s not so easy because I got to stretch my arm, but I manage. It causes him to swerve to the left. “Geez, Cruise!” He takes control of the car. “You want to kill us or something? Maybe you’ve experienced love, but
some
of us are only just starting down that path.”

I hold out my hand. “My bad.”

I want to do a happy dance right here in the car. But I don’t want Rey to feel embarrassed. I know opening his heart to Mom won’t be easy for him. He’s never had a need to do it in the past because he’s always done what my parents expected of him. He never had to tell them how he felt.

“Cruise? Do you think…do you think you can be with me when I talk to her? You know, for moral support in case she jumps on me or something.”

“Why would she jump on you?”

He shrugs.

“I’ll be there, Rey.”

He gives me a thankful smile.

Mom’s still at work when we get home. I spend the next few hours doing homework. I hear Rey pacing in his room. A couple of times, I want to stick my head in his room and tell him to quit it because these math problems are as hard as hell, but I get that he’s nervous. When Mom’s car pulls up, I can practically feel his heart start to speed. Twin telepathy.

“Boys?” Mom calls from downstairs. “Are you home? What would you like for dinner?”

I peek my head into Rey’s room. “Ready?”

He’s still pacing. Squeezes his stress ball. “Maybe we should wait until she’s done with dinner.”

“There’s no point in avoiding the inevitable. You should do it before you chicken out.”

He’s squeezing the ball so hard his knuckles grow white. “Yeah. You’re right.”

I take the ball out of his hand—got to pry the thing out of him—and put my arm around him, leading him downstairs. Mom’s looking through the cabinets. She smiles when she sees us. “Do you guys have any requests? I’ve had such a hard day and feel like I’ve lost my mind.”

That makes two of them. Rey looks like his mind’s been sucked out and thrown into another dimension.

“Hey, Mom?” I say. “Can Rey and I talk to you for a bit?”

She looks suspicious. Confused. It’s not every day we have a talk with her. Especially Rey. While their relationship has improved these past few weeks, they still don’t
talk
. “Sure,” she says. “Maybe we’ll just order out.”

“Good idea,” I say.

I practically need to carry Rey over to the table. The guy is so nervous he’s hardly breathing. I squeeze his shoulder. “Relax, Rey,” I whisper. “You’ll do fine. Just be honest.”

He swallows hard.

Mom sits down across from Rey, her puzzled and worried eyes locked on him. “Are you okay, Reagan?” she asks. She’s got no clue what’s eating away at him, but she knows it’s something big.

Rey’s as still as a statue.

I give him a kick from underneath the table.

He blinks. Rubs the back of his head. “I need to talk to you, Mom.”

She looks relieved, but wary. And still worried. “Okay.”

Rey’s eyes move to mine. I nod. He clears his throat. “So…I never told you the reason why I left Kelman’s.”

Mom’s eyebrows furrow. “You were unhappy there.”

“Yeah. But I never told you why. I, um…” He rubs the back his head again. Then he starts to tell her everything. How pumped he was to go there, to be in a school with other kids who talked, breathed, lived music. Just like he did. Mom looks proud. Pleased. But when Rey starts to tell her the rest, how inadequate he felt, how he felt like a total loser and was miserable, her face falls.

“That’s ridiculous, Reagan. You are an amazing violinist. Kelman’s would never have accepted you if you weren’t.”

Rey throws up his hands. “That’s the thing, Mom! You made me feel like I was on top of the world. You made me feel invincible. Untouchable. But when…” His lower lip trembles. “When I was out there in the real world, I realized I wasn’t the king. I was just a pawn.” Rey buries his face in his hands and falls forward on the table.

Mom’s alarmed eyes move to mine.

“He was under a lot of pressure,” I say, wanting to help my bro out. “He couldn’t handle it. He’s not used to failure.”

“You always said failure isn’t an option,” Rey’s muffled voice says.

“It isn’t,” Mom says. “You need to be the best. Always.”

Rey’s head shoots up. “It’s okay to stumble a few times, Mom! No one’s perfect.”

I put my hand on Rey’s shoulder. “There’s no use in blowing up. The past is the past. Move on, okay?”

Rey takes a deep breath. Nods. “So I left. Cruiser’s right. I—I couldn’t handle it.”

Mom’s eyes are still filled with confusion and a hint of anger and disappointment, but I see another emotion creep in. Sympathy.

“I was messed up when I got back. The violin was my life. I felt like I let it down. That it let
me
down. I didn’t know what to do with myself.” He lowers his eyes to his knees. “I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I didn’t know who I was, what I was becoming. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. That guy Cruiser punched? He was a drug dealer and I owed him lots of money. Cruiser was just looking out for me. It’s my fault he got suspended.”

Mom’s eyes are bigger than the dishes in the kitchen cabinet. “Reagan,” she gasps.

“But I’m not like that anymore,” he quickly says. “I’m…I’m fixing myself.”

Mom sighs in relief. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“I’m the reason Cruiser got beat up,” he says. “He was just protecting me. Just like he’s been doing his whole life.” His lower lip trembles. “You’ve always been hard on him, always thought I was the perfect son while he was the screw up. But the truth is that I’m the screw up. Cruiser’s not perfect, but he’s a far better person than I am.”

I’m not one to blush, but I feel myself getting all hot. I shift in my seat as Mom’s eyes bore into mine. I want to bolt. Need to. But I keep my ass planted in my seat.

“If you were to just get to know him the way I do, Mom,” Rey says. “You’ll see what a great guy he is.”

“Rey,” I say. I don’t need or want this.

Rey holds out his hand. “She needs to know, Cruise.”

“I already do,” Mom says in a soft voice.

Both Rey and I stare at her.

“What?” he asks.

“Why do you think I was much harder on you than your brother, Elvis?” Mom asks, eyes pinned on me. “Because I expected more from you. Rey’s always been a great kid, but you were something else.”

Every fiber in my being begs for me to bolt. But I can’t.

“After the accident, I knew I lost you, Elvis,” Mom continues. “I didn’t know how to handle you. That’s why I sent you to my parents, because I knew it would be good for you there.”

All my life, I thought I was nothing but a disappointment to my parents. That they compared me to Rey and wanted me to be like him. But now I see it’s not how it was. Mom pushed me harder than Rey because she wanted more from me. I thought she dumped me with Gran and Gramps because she didn’t want to deal with me. But all along, she knew that was the best place for me. She was right.

I don’t know what to say. So I just sit here like a moron.

Rey blinks. “So you’ve always favored Cruiser over me? That’s awesome.” He falls back on his chair and crosses his arms over his chest.

Mom reaches for him, but he’s too far. “It wasn’t like that, Reagan. You were easier, that’s all.”

Rey frowns.

“It took me a long time to realize what Elvis needed from me. He didn’t need me to turn him into an amazing person. Because he already was. Both of you are.” She gets up to sit near Rey. Puts her arms around him. “I’m sorry I put so much pressure on you. I wanted you to reach your full potential. I wanted that from the both of you.”

Despite the frown on Rey’s face, he lowers his arms from his chest and wraps them around Mom. “Sorry I disappointed you.”

She rubs his back. “You haven’t. I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m joining the Navy.” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them.

Mom frees herself from Rey’s hold. Blinks at me with a shocked expression. “You are.” Not a question.

I nod.

She purses her lips.

“It’s what I want to do, Mom. I know it was hard growing up with Gramps in the Navy, but it’s what I want. It’s what Lex and I want. I don’t need you to approve. Don’t need you to bless me. I just want you to accept it. Because I’m gonna be away from home a lot and I when I get to come home, I want to have the chance to come here, too.”

Mom’s eyes fill with tears. They spill over faster than a leak in the sink. She leaps to her feet, rushes over to me, and wraps her arms around me. Holds me so tight I can’t breathe. “When did you grow up, Cruiser?”

Holy shit. She just called me Cruiser.

She’s kissing me all over the face. The old me might have pushed her away. But the new me, the real me, lets her do it. Because it benefits her more than it benefits me.

“I’m proud of you.” She reaches for Rey’s hand. “Both of you.” She sits back down in her seat. “So what do you want to do with your life, Reagan?”