Forever (Cruiser & Lex, Book 3) (7 page)

His eyes roam around. He shrugs. “Looks fine to me.”

I grit my teeth. “I’m not cleaning this up.”

“Never told you to.” He walks away.

“I’ll help clean up,” Lex says as she steps in. “I’m sure Rey wasn’t in the right frame of mind these past few days.” She sweeps some socks off the floor. “Do you have a laundry bag or something?”

Hell if I know.

“I’ll ask your dad.” She runs the back of her fingers across my cheek before leaving.

I check out the place. My stuff is here, but it doesn’t feel like home. Having Lex in here makes me realize that I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to move back in with Mom. But I can’t leave Rey. Jake’s attack seems to have messed him up. Considering he was a wreck before this incident, I got no clue what’ll happen to him now. I see the guilt in his eyes when he looks at me. It’s like there’s a monster inside him, eating at his insides. I need to stay close to him to make sure he doesn’t go down an even worse path.

I guess this is home sweet home.

Lex

It’s weird to be in this apartment. Both the twins and I have lived in the same houses since we were born, right next to one another. Seeing Cruiser’s things here feels foreign, as though someone else has taken his belongings and is living his life.

Mr. Dalton gives me a bag to put Rey and Cruiser’s dirty laundry in. It’s obvious only men are living here. Not that the house is a hurricane, but it’s definitely missing a woman’s touch. Mrs. Dalton is the type of woman who takes on the household responsibilities, so it’s no surprise that the men here seem a bit in over their heads.

When I return to Cruiser’s room, he looks lost in his own head. He’s staring at the room as though he’s never seen it before. I gently touch his arm, which causes him to blink and look at me. “Are you okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

I wish he would elaborate, but his mind must be jumbled now. He’s been in the hospital for a week and is starting to come back to the real world and has to deal with what happened. My head would be a mess, too.

“I brought a bag,” I tell him. “To put all your dirty things in.”

“You don’t have to do this, Lex. Cleaning up after me and Rey.”

I get down on my knees before a pile of clothes. “It’s okay. I need to occupy myself with something.”

He sits on his bed. “What’s on your mind?”

I keep my eyes on my work. “I don’t know. Everything.”

“I feel the same.” He carefully lowers himself next to me and gathers some of the clothes with his right hand. “Lex.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna stay with my dad for now. I need to be near Rey.”

I nod. “I understand.”

He puts his hand beneath my chin and raises my face to meet his eyes. “I’m not pushing him in front of you. I want to patch things up with you, but Rey…”

I nod again. “I understand, Cruiser.” I know Rey’s struggling with something and that Cruiser wants to keep an eye on him. I know it’s because of Rey that Cruiser got attacked. But I don’t say anything because I don’t want to shake things up. Cruiser and I are together again and I don’t want to ruin it.

Once the room is pretty much clean, Cruiser takes my hand and leads me to his bed. He twists his body as he lies down, then wraps his arm around my waist and lowers me on top of him. My head rests on his chest. I feel how fast his heart is beating. I’m not sure if it’s because of me, or because he’s nervous about something. His chest rises and falls in a steady pace.

His hand rubs my back for a few seconds before slowly going lower. He touches the hem of my uniform, his fingers brushing my upper thigh. It’s gentle and soothing, like he’s comforting me and not like he wants to do anything dirty.

“I’ve really missed you,” he murmurs.

“I’m sorry. For everything.”

“You don’t need to apologize, darlin’.”

I shake my head against his chest. “But I do, Cruise. I falsely accused you of hooking up with Erica Sandford. You tried to explain, but I didn’t want to hear it. It’s like I was sabotaging our relationship because I was so scared to get hurt. Like maybe I wanted to hurt you before you hurt me.” Tears fill my eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m such a bad person.”

“No, T. Rex,” he says softly. “You’re not a bad person. Not at all. You’ve been through a lot of shit. Been hurt a lot. It’s understandable that you’re scared you’ll get hurt again. Especially by me. I’m sorry for what I put you through.”

I close my eyes and take in a strong breath, letting it out slowly. “I told myself the best thing to do to move on from the past is to not talk about it. But now I realize that might not be the best idea. We’re going to constantly be reminded of it. We might meet girls from your past, like Erica. We’re always going to have the guilt of Rosie’s accident consuming our hearts. But if we can forgive ourselves and trust one another, I think we can make things work. I just wish I won’t hurt you ever again.”

He cups his hand around my chin. “It’s okay if you hurt me. Because it shows you care.”

“You’re too good to me, Cruise.”

“You’re the best thing to have happened to me.” He runs his hand down the length of my ponytail.

“You’re the best thing to have happened to me, too.”

He pulls off my ponytail holder, releasing my hair. Then he combs his fingers through it, first on one side and then the other, since he can only use one hand. He hooks his arm around my waist and turns me around so that I’m lying on my back. He gently climbs on top of me, using the elbow of his broken arm for support. A hiss leaves his mouth.

“Cruiser—”

“I’m okay.”

Since he can only balance on one arm, he’s putting a little more weight on me than in the past. It doesn’t hurt, he just feels heavy. I know it’s not easy for him to do this, and I want to tell him we don’t need to make out. I’m okay with keeping things light until his arm is healed. But it looks like he has other plans. He bends forward to capture my lips with his. My hands creep up his back. I know he’s still a little sore from the attack, so I try to be as gentle as possible. Slowly, I slide one hand to his chest. A soft groan escapes his lips.

“Love your touch,” he says.

“Am I hurting you?”

He shakes his head, then kisses me again. I close my eyes and am about to open my mouth to welcome him in, when he lifts his lips off me. I frown. Before I can open my eyes and demand he return his lips to mine, I feel them brushing across my forehead. Then they’re on my eyes, first on the right one and then on the left. They travel down my nose, skip my lips, then run across my chin. He brings them back up to my forehead, skipping my lips again. My heart races and every part of me heats up.

“You’re killing me,” I whisper, my eyes still closed. I’m too weak to open them.

“I know.” He has nothing but humor in his voice.

He tilts my head to the side and buries his lips in the side of my neck, trailing them down the length of it. I feel like I’ve been rocketed to another world. Every part of me is numb.

“You’re killing me, too,” he says.

Through the fog of all these sensations, I hear the door open. Cruiser’s body digs into mine, like he turned to face the door. My eyes fly open and I see Rey standing in the doorway.

His eyes widen. “Wow, I forgot you two were in here.”

He turns to go, but I say, “Rey, wait.”

He faces me. I put my hands on Cruiser’s chest and gently push him back so I can wiggle out from underneath him. I get to my feet. “I want the three of us to talk.”

Rey’s eyes move to his brother. They’re filled with confusion. “Um. Okay.”

Cruiser looks confused, too. I know the timing sucks because Cruiser and I were experiencing such an amazing, intimate moment. But I don’t know when else I’ll have the chance to talk to the two of them, and I really want answers. I’m worried bringing this up may put a strain on things, but I don’t think Cruiser and I can have a healthy relationship until we resolve some of the issues we’ve been pushing aside.

I settle down next to Cruiser and ask Rey to sit on his bed. I take a deep breath to regulate my breathing. “I know something big is going on. I know Cruiser got hurt because of you, Rey. I know it involves Jake Tyler. I really would like to know what’s going on.”

Rey keeps quiet, his eyes on the floor. When I glance at Cruiser, I see his gaze fastened on his brother. He looks at me for a second before returning his eyes to Rey. “You can tell her.”

Rey keeps quiet.

“Rey,” I say. “Whatever you’re going through is having a huge impact on Cruiser. Just look at what happened to him. And it’s putting a strain on our relationship too.”

“
I’m
putting a strain on your relationship? Gee, just over a month ago it was Cruiser putting a strain on
our
relationship.”

I feel like I’ve been slapped across the face. Hard.

We’re all quiet. I say, “I’m sorry.”

Rey snorts.

I know saying those two words can’t erase the pain I caused him. I don’t know if anything can. I thought he was okay with Cruiser and me, or at least partially okay. Guilt pricks me from all directions.

“Rey,” Cruiser says, “either you’re cool with me and Lex or you’re not. But you gotta tell us how you feel instead of snapping like this.”

Rey gets up and reaches for the stress ball sitting on the dresser. He squeezes it. “I don’t know how I feel, okay? I mean, I really liked you, Lex. I think I did. I don’t know if I still have feelings for you or if I’m just jealous of what the two of you have. What you’ve always had when we were kids. I was so jealous back then.” He shakes his head like he wants to chase away the memories of his childhood.

I look at Cruiser and he looks at me. I guess neither of us knows what to say. We never intended to hurt Rey, not as kids and not when we got together.

“I’ll leave if we’re making you uncomfortable,” I say.

“No!” Rey shuts his eyes and squeezes the ball again. “Don’t leave. Just don’t…” He takes a deep breath. “I want you guys to be happy. Cruiser would push my feelings before his own. He’s done it so many times. It’s time I return the favor and push his before mine. Look, it doesn’t matter how I feel, and I honestly would rather not analyze myself right now. The point is that the two of you are crazy in love and are really good for each other. I would never have that with you, Lex.”

I no longer see jealousy and pain in his eyes. They are sincere. “Thanks,” I say. “I know one day you’ll get to experience what Cruiser and I have with someone special.”

Rey nods, a big swallow making its way down his throat.

The room grows silent.

Rey slams the stress ball from one palm to the other. He marches to the window and peers out. “I quit Kelman’s because I felt like a failure.”

I feel my eyebrows shoot up. “What?”

With his back still facing me, he tells me what it was like when he was at the music academy. He felt inferior to the other kids and that he disappointed his teachers. “The harder I tried,” he says. “The more I failed.” There’s a tremor in his voice, as though he’s holding back tears. “I thought I was a damn good violin player,” he continues, his voice so low I need to strain my ears to hear. “Everyone made me believe I was. My parents, my violin instructor, my friends.” He shrugs. “They put all this hope in me. Inflated me with it. And then I popped.”

He turns a bit like he wants to face us, but he changes his mind and turns back to the window. “I didn’t know how to feel. It’s like this monster grew inside me, filling the void that used to be the violin.”

My heart goes out to him. I know how much the violin means to him. “I’m so sorry, Rey.”

He finally turns around. There are tears in his eyes. “I just didn’t know how to handle it. Which is why…” He swallows as his gaze moves to Cruiser.

“He got in with the wrong crowd,” Cruiser tells me. “That loser Nate and his crew. They screwed him over, forcing him to pay for drugs.”

Rey looks disgusted with himself. “Yeah. I owe a crapload of money to Jake.”

“That’s what the fight at school was about?” I ask.

“The guy was going to beat the shit out of him,” Cruiser says. “I had to protect him.”

I tuck my hands under my thighs. “I wish you would have told me this from the beginning. I understand you were going through a lot, Rey, but I care a lot about you. I really do.”

He doesn’t say anything.

“So why did Jake attack Cruiser?”

Cruiser tells me how the fight at school caused a student to come forward and tell the principal that Jake sold him drugs. He was expelled. Jake blamed Cruiser.

I rub my eyes. “This is crazy.”

“I fucked everything up,” Rey says.

“You didn’t,” Cruiser says. “You just got issues to sort out. Like everyone else.” He turns to me and strokes my cheek. “I didn’t want that jackass anywhere near you. That’s why I didn’t tell you about the drugs.”

“You think he’ll come after us or something?” Rey asks.

“The police told me he’s not allowed anywhere near us,” Cruiser says.

“He’s got friends,” Rey says. “Police’s words are worth crap.”

Cruiser puts his arm around me and tucks me close to his body. “Hopefully we can put all this behind us. We’ll help you get your shit together, Rey. You don’t need to keep things from us.”

I nod. “We’re here to help.”

He looks at the floor, still squeezing the ball. “I want to fix my life. I don’t like we’re I’m headed any more than you do. I don’t want to hurt anyone else I care about.”

“That’s more like it,” Cruiser says.

Rey lifts his head and gives him a smile. A real one.