Forever Is Over (127 page)

Arguments are ultimately futile if all parties to the argument are not
going to see things any differently once the argument ends. If you put
a Jew, a Muslim, a Christian and an atheist, in a room together, they
will enter the room and leave the room with the same deep rooted views
they had already formed. This argument was similar in a way, as I felt
Richie had crossed the line by so much that he could barely see the line
in the distance behind him. Richie, however, felt he had been wrong to
consider crossing the line, but had ultimately sat on it for a while before
jumping off it in the right direction. We could debate the point for the
rest of our lives and our opinions would not change so ultimately you
could say the debate was futile. Sometimes though it just feels good to
vent your spleen.

“
Jemma, why do you think that people have affairs?
”

“
As someone who has not even considered having an affair, that is a
hard question for me to answer. How about you tell me, Richie?
”

“
No, humour me. You tell me.
”

“
Opportunity, desire, an escape from the daily grind
…
there
’
s a
whole host of reasons.
”

“
I agree. Ultimately though, it is about wanting more than they have
already got. Wanting someone better looking or more exciting or more
intelligent
…
.someone who makes them feel better about themselves.
No-one has made me feel better about myself than you, Jemma. I
want something and someone I
’
ve already got. I just think we need to
recharge our batteries, not swap them for new ones. This has never been
more obvious than today
”

“
Richie, I can
’
t help feeling how I feel about this. You keep saying
that meeting Kelly was a good thing, it wasn
’
t!
”

“
Look Jemma, I am not perfect, I am not saying I am, but don
’
t be
trying to send me on a guilt trip over
meeting up with Kelly because
I
’
m too busy having a guilt trip about being in a car crash where two
people are dead and from what you
’
ve said, one more, your sister, could
still die. I am not saying meeting up with Kelly was a good thing, how  
can it be when it played its part in that crash and those deaths, but if
you take the subsequent crash out the equation, when I met with Kelly,
I felt good because all it showed me was how I feel about you.

If I
’
d have spent the last six months having secret trysts with Kelly
and had been tasting the juices of her desire, then I
’
d deserve all the
shit you cared to throw at me, but being totally frank, I do not have
an ounce of guilt about this. Not one! Now, if you want to make a big
deal about me meeting for a chat with your sister, be my guest, but let
’
s
get one thing straight here, I love you more than anyone else ever has or ever will and any frustrations I have are because the woman I adore
does not want to go anywhere near me.
”

I sighed again.

“
Richie, you
’
re doing it again, trying to push the blame for your
actions on to me.
”

“
No, I
’
m just saying Jemma, that in my simple mind there
’
s a couple
of issues but it doesn
’
t seem to be the most difficult riddle to solve. It
just seems that there
’
s a river that
’
s run between us, so I
’
m left on one river bank and you are on the other, we just need to build a bridge that
meets in the middle. Now if you think you
’
re doing everything you can
already to make this marriage work then fair enough, but I think we
could both be doing more.
”

“
No, I agree with you. It
’
s just
…
.
”

“
Just what, Jemma?
”

“
It
’
s just the whole Kelly thing. If she dies, her last moments were
spent with you and if she doesn
’
t there
’
s this messy love triangle thing
that needs sorting out.
”

“
No, there isn
’
t! I don
’
t love Kelly, I just love you.
”

“
I know that, but I love you and Kelly, Kelly loves you and me and
she doesn
’
t know we
’
re married. I just hope it
’
s a problem that all three
of us get to sort out.
”

Richie took hold of my hand in his.

“
Jemma, Kelly does not love me. If you
’
d have seen her today, you
would understand that.
”

“
Richie, I might not have seen her for ten years, but I know her well
enough to know that if I tell Kelly that you and I are married, to Kelly
that will be the greatest act of betrayal I could have ever committed.
”

“
Given everything that
’
s happened, she has no right to say that.
”

“
She
’
ll say it though. God willing, she
’
ll say it.
”

Kelly
’
s accident was the biggest ordeal I had ever had to face in
my life and for the first twenty four hours after the crash, I was her
solitary visitor. The following day, the nurses told me in the morning,
that Kelly
’
s sister, Jemma was due to visit late in the afternoon, so I was
caught off guard when a familiar faced visitor arrived unannounced
shortly after lunch. Richie
’
s wife was not a visitor I had been expecting
and as she pulled up a chair to sit on one side of Kelly
’
s bed, whilst I
sat on the other, I had no idea where our conversation would go or how
I would handle it. I did not have the slightest idea what she knew or
didn
’
t know, but had an uneasy feeling that somehow I was
going to
put my foot in it.

“
How is she?
”
Richie
’
s wife asked
sounding genuinely concerned.

             
“
Still not good.
”
I said as we watched Kelly breathe through a
ventilator,

“
They have induced this coma on her as the Doctor
’
s
are concerned about the swelling on her brain. It
’
s too early to tell
apparently, how well she is going to come through this, or even if she is
going to come through it. I need her to come through though. Kelly, if
you can hear me, keep fighting, do you hear me, you have got to keep
fighting!
”

I blew my nose again. I was not being as tough as I felt I should be.
My eyes were redder than a hayfever sufferers when chopping onions
in a field of freshly cut grass. I made an effort to compose myself with
Richie
’
s wife present, as it felt wrong to be tearful in front of her.

“
How
’
s your husband?
”

“
My husband?
”

She seemed taken aback that I knew she had a husband.

“
Yes, I saw you visiting yesterday, with your family, your little boy
and girl. You
’
re a very eyecatching family. How is Richie?
”

“
He
’
s fine. Pretty much. Do you know Richie? Do you know why
he
’
s in hospital?
”

“
I know of Richie, but I don
’
t really know him. I know why he
’
s in
hospital though.
”

“
And sorry you are?
”

“
I
’
m Roddy. A friend of Kelly
’
s.
”

“
Pleased to meet you.
”

We extended arms over the bed and over Kelly
’
s unconscious body
and shook hands. I could feel my throat drying. It suddenly dawned
on me that the only possible reason that Richie
’
s wife could be visiting
Kelly was because she wanted to know what her husband was doing in
a car with her. Given Kelly was unconscious, the only way Richie
’
s wife
could acquire any answers would be by interrogating me.

“
How do you know of Richie then, Roddy?
”

There was no point in me lying. Richie was conscious after all and
had no doubt offered an explanation to his wife already, she was obviously
trying to establish whether his story was true. I could be a good liar
when it came to playing a practical joke, but in these circumstances, I
decided any questions Richie
’
s wife asked me, I would answer honestly.
I might spare her some of the grisly details, but I would be honest.

“
I know him through what Kelly has told me about him. Also, I
was over on the other side of Aughton with Kelly when your husband
arrived to meet her yesterday. I didn
’
t speak to him or nothing, but I saw
him. I left him with her and then I saw him with you yesterday, when
you and your kids were visiting.
”

“
But you don
’
t know who I am?
”

This struck me as a strange thing for her to ask. I used to be mates
with a lad called Garry Barrons, a great little footballer, who joined
Crystal Palace as a schoolboy. He made his way through the ranks and
when he was sixteen, he signed as a
“
YTS
”
player, then when he was
eighteen, he turned professional and must have played about twenty
games for Palace reserves. If I ever went clubbing with him or even
down the pub, that would be his line,

‘
Do you know who I am?
”

Garry Barrons was a nearly man. That
’
s who he turned out to be, he
just didn
’
t know his own answer when he asked the question. Anyway,
Richie
’
s wife asking the same question, was a bit weird.

“
Look
”
, I said bluntly,
“
to be honest with you, I don
’
t really know
who you are and I don
’
t really care who you are. I know you are Richie
’
s
wife, or at least the mother of his kids
…”

“
Wife,
”
she stated.

“
Ok, wife. Anyway, I know you
’
re his wife, but if you
’
re someone
famous, I can honestly say I don
’
t know you. I don
’
t watch soap operas,
I don
’
t watch the news, I only really watch sports with men in, if I
’
m
honest, so whoever you are, doesn
’
t really mean much to me.