Forever Is Over (128 page)

I
’
m sorry that your husband has been in a crash, but he
’
s the lucky
one. Kelly
’
s not been anywhere near as lucky, so my thoughts are just
about her right now. Don
’
t get me wrong, I
’
m glad your husband is not
in the same mess as Kelly, but you need to talk things through with your
husband really, not with me.
”

“
I know. I understand that. That
’
s not why I
’
m here.
”

“
Good. I
’
m not being funny, it
’
s good of you to take the time to
come and visit Kelly, but if you want to find out what she was doing
with your husband, he needs to be the one to tell you.
”

“
I know that. I just needed to see Kelly. See how she was.
”

A nurse came in, her name was Lu
cy, I had spoken to her before
on this shift and on her previous one. She had done the late shift the
night before and the early one that morning, so it seemed she was
constantly working. Lucy pottered around, checking charts, traces and
figures, signed some forms and then struck up a polite conversation with
Richie
’
s wife and I.

“
She
’
s a fighter, isn
’
t she?
”
Lucy observed.

“
She is,
”
I replied.

“
Can I get either of you a drink? Mrs. Billingham?
”

“
No, thanks!
”

“
What about you, Roddy?
”

I needed something for my dry throat.

“
I
’
d love a drink, Lucy!
”

“
What would you like?
”

“
I
’
d love a cup of tea.
”

“
No problem. How do you have it?
”

“
Milky. Two sugars.
”

“
Fine. I
’
ll pop that back in to you in a few minutes.
”

“
Wonderful! Thanks Lucy!
”

As soon as I said Lucy I began to doubt whether I had her name
right, then convinced myself I was 99% sure she was called Lucy. The
nurse whose name was probably Lucy, left.

“
You work with Kelly, then?
”
Mrs. Billingham asked after a
momentary silence. I figured that Kelly must have told Richie that she
had travelled up with me and he must have told his Mrs. I felt quite
flattered that I had been discussed.

“
I do. We
’
re best mates at work. Best mates full stop really. I love
the bones of her and I
’
d say she loves the bones of me too, just a little
differently.
”

I seemed to reveal the lovesick puppy to anyone who asked really.
Random strangers in pubs and at bus stops had heard me pour my heart
out before about Kelly, now I was doing the same to a random stranger
in hospital intensive care unit.

“
So you
’
d like to be more than friends, but Kelly wouldn
’
t?
”

“
In a nutshell. I think I
’
d be a bit of a rollercoaster ride, but how does
she know whether she
’
d like it or not if she doesn
’
t buy a ticket?
”

“
Maybe if Kelly gets better, she
’
ll appreciate how you
’
ve been there
for her through a difficult time. Women l
ike that. As teenage girls, we
are stupid, we go for the bad boys, but
the older we get, the more we
come to realise that reliability is a
good thing. Women like men who
keep the faith through thick and thin. They like men
who will fix the
leak in a sinking boat rather than just abandoning ship.
”

I guessed Mrs. Billingham was talkin
g more about her own situation
than about mine. Kelly and I didn
’
t have a leaky boat, we
’
d never even
set sail.

“
There would be nothing I would lik
e more, Mrs. Billingham, but I
can
’
t see it happening. I ain
’
t all that bothe
red right now though, priority
number one is just to see Kelly better ag
ain. I want her to outlive me.
If I had one wish, that
’
s what it
’
d be, for Kelly to outlive me.
Whether
or not Kelly and I ever get together is
immaterial, we will always be
friends, no matter what, so I do not wa
nt to live my life with a huge
void in it, which there would be if Kelly died. I suppose it
’
s a selfish
wish really, but I think Kelly could cope
better without me than I could
without her.
”

“
God bless you, Roddy, that
’
s a lovely thing to say.
”

“
Thank you.
”

“
That
’
s how I feel about my husband.
”

I didn
’
t do much of a job hiding my surprise.
“
You do?
”

“
Don
’
t look so surprised, Roddy! Just because he was in a car with
Kelly yesterday does not make him a bad man or a man that
’
s unlovable.
He
’
s a lovely man but even lovely men make mistakes sometimes. In my
eyes, he
’
s made a whopper but that doesn
’
t mean I
’
ll stop loving him.
I
’
ve made a few mistakes of my own through the years, even bigger
whoppers and Richie has always been close by to throw me a lifeline and
stop me from drowning so I
’
m not abandoning him now because he
’
s
made a mistake of his own. Bizarrely, I think once I calm down about
his breach of trust, we
’
ll have a better marriage. We will both not want
to return to a place in our relationship were things could turn out like
they have in the last twenty four hours.
”

I felt close to this woman. She was both beautiful and interesting
which I had always found, other than with Kelly, to be mutually
exclusive.

“
I hope everything goes great for you,
I really do. Last night, I saw
the grieving family and friends of tho
se two poor kids that died and
it breaks my heart just thinking about them. At least Kelly
’
s still here
fighting and your husband has cuts and
bruises and a tail between his
legs, but those two kids are just memori
es to their friends and family
now. I know that eventually happens to us
all, we die and just become a
loved one
’
s memories, then once all our
loved ones die, we just become
an image on a photograph or a record in
a census, but not at eighteen
years old, that
’
s just wrong. Teenage br
avado does not deserve a death
sentence, does it?
”

“
No. The girl that died was just a victim of getting in the wrong car
and sitting in the wrong seat without a belt on.
”

“
I know. The paramedics said that Kelly actually having her belt on
is what has given her a fighting chance. If she hadn
’
t put that on, I
’
d
be at the mortuary now, not sitting here talking to you and wondering
how I
’
m going to tell Kelly
’
s sister later, when she comes in, that the
sister that she has not seen for ten years, only has a fifty-fifty chance of
survival. At least she
’
s got that fifty-fifty chance though, without the
belt there
’
d be no hope to cling to.
”

“
Kelly will pull through, she
’
s spent her whole life fighting and I
’
m
sure she won
’
t stop now.
”

I was perplexed. How would Richie
’
s wife know that Kelly was
a fighter? Did she literally mean a fighter? Perhaps Kelly and Mrs.
Billingham had fought over Richie in the
past? I briefly imagined them
in a boxing ring, with the big red gloves
on and me acting as a referee,
running through the Queensberry rules. I didn
’
t have too much time to
think about that though, as the kindhearted nurse from earlier returned
with my sugary, milky tea and a grey haired, bearded gentleman with
glasses who looked important. Turns out he was.

“
Here
’
s your tea, Roddy! I
’
ll just pop it over on the side here,
”
the
nurse said with a half-hearted, tragic smile which she had probably
perfected through years of witnessing families turmoil at the bedsides
of their sick relatives.

“
Thanks! That
’
s lovely!
”
I replied.

“
Mrs. Billingham,
”
the nurse continued,
“
I
’
ve brought Mr. Lapinski
in to see you. He
’
s here to discuss the operation.
”

Mrs. Billingham immediately stood up from her chair and shook
Mr. Lapinski
’
s hand.

“
Very pleased to meet you,
”
Mrs. Billingham said, adopting the
nurse
’
s tragic smile.

“
I wanted to discuss the options we have,
”
Mr. Lapinski said in
a heavily accented East European voice,
“
as next of kin, you need to
be fully aware of what choices we are faced with. Do you have a few minutes to talk this over now?
”

“
Yes,
”
Mrs.Billingham replied,
“
could we go somewhere private?
”

             
“
Of course we can, please come th
rough to my office and we can
talk things through there.
”

“
Thank you!
”

Mr. Lapinski led the way followed b
y Mrs. Billingham. I could not
work her out at all. One minute she seemed cold, then warm, then she
’
d
say something that I just couldn
’
t fathom.
At that point, I had her down
as pleasant in an odd sort of way. I had al
so had a sense, throughout our
conversation, that she had been hiding
something and I now felt that
I knew what that was. She had lied about her husband
’
s condition, he
was obviously in far worse shape than she
had let on. If the consultant
was talking over options with her, this wasn
’
t about whether Richie
needed a plaster or a bandage, it was
something much more important,
much more serious.