Forever Is Over (125 page)

The following morning I changed tactics. My logic was probably completely wrong medically, but in the same way I had persuaded
myself as a kid that if I watched the whole of the
“
Country Life
”
butter advert my whole family would die, I persuaded myself that if I did not
speak to Kelly her brain would continue to swell and her death would be all my fault.

I started talking and would not stop. Constantly re-assuring her
that only good times lay ahead. I wanted to persuade her brain to stop
seeking the self-destruct button and look forward to the good times that
were around the corner.

“
Kelly Watkinson! Open your eyes and look at the state of me! I
look like someone has been rubbing a balloon against my head! This
ain
’
t the comfiest place you
’
ve ever brought me to! But look at you! If you
get through this, Kelly Watkinson. No
…
let me say that again, WHEN
you get through this Kelly Watkinson, I reckon the NHS are going to
get you to model their gear, because somehow you even manage to look
good on a bloody ventilator!
You
’
re somethin
’
special, Kelly, you really
are!

I heard your crash from my bedroom in the hotel. I know you
’
re
going to call me a big soft girl when you
’
re better, but I
’
d had a bit of a
cry. Don
’
t tell no-one. I ain
’
t known for being soppy. The boys in the pub
will take the piss! I just hated leaving you with Dick. I can
’
t describe it,
Kelly, it just felt wrong on every possible level. I just went back to my
room and started blubbing. Me, crying over you, even before all of this!
It
’
s ridiculous, isn
’
t it? We
’
re only supposed to be friends! I just couldn
’
t
help it though, Kelly. I know you don
’
t have the same feelings for me
that I have for you, but right now I would gladly be
‘
just good friends
’
for the rest of our lives, as long as you get yourself better. I would even
be happy seeing you with someone else, as long as you were happy, that
would make me happy. I ain
’
t going to be jealous, I
’
ll just be happy for
whoever it is. If you
’
re happy Kelly, I
’
m happy.

It won
’
t be Dick your marrying though, will it? He
’
s already married.
You probably know that now, don
’
t you? He
’
s in here, in this hospital.
He
’
s got a gorgeous wife as well, would run you a close second, Kelly!
Bloody cute kids too. They should be modelling clothes in catalogues
they are that cute. I saw them all coming in last night to see him, that
time I nipped out for a jimmy riddle. The only time I nipped out for
a jimmy riddle! I was bursting, Kelly! He ain
’
t going to die, old Dick!
He
’
s pretty OK, just let you take the hit, he did. Knobhead! I hope he
told you he was married. I mean, what
was he even doing meeting you
in the first place? He
’
s married! Why should he have two women, when
some of us can
’
t even get one?! It ain
’
t right that, is it?

I reckon I
’
ll always blame him for this. If he hadn
’
t shown up, those
two kids would still be alive and you wouldn
’
t be in here, all wired up,
teetering on the brink. Do you know what I wish? You
’
d really tell me
off for this one, Kelly! I wish it was Dick that had died in that accident
instead of those kids. OK, I know that
’
s not a nice thing to say, especially
because he has a family and those gorgeous kids don
’
t deserve to grow
up without their Dad, but I hate him, hate him for what he has done
to you. I even wish he
’
d died when he had cancer. None of this would
have happened then. His pretty wife would have married someone else.
Someone else who didn
’
t go off for
a
secret rendezvous behind her back
.

No, no, forget I said that. I don
’
t really mean any of that. How can
I wish someone dead who I don
’
t even know? He might be the kindest
man on the planet for all I know and his wife might be a right crazy
bitch! Like Mr Rochester! See, I
’
ve been reading! I thought I
’
d read Jane
Eyre to impress you. I didn
’
t tell you that, did I? I was just waiting for
an opportunity to bring it into our conversations. I didn
’
t like it though.
A book about ugly and mad people, what
’
s that all about?
I ain
’
t got
nothing against Richie boy. Not really. It
’
s just that I love you so much,
Kelly, it sometimes brings out the deep rooted caveman in me!

“
She, my woman, you leave her alone!
”

If only you were my woman, Kelly. If only, eh?There
’
s a lot of if only
’
s at the moment. If only I
’
d trusted my instincts when Richie
showed up. If only I
’
d stayed with the pair of you. If only you hadn
’
t
got a lift in his bloody car. If only that other car hadn
’
t been coming the
other way. Too late for if only
’
s now. It
’
s all happened. If only I
’
d just
done one thing differently though, I probably wouldn
’
t be here now, at
your side in hospital, talking complete crap!

I reckon one day we might laugh about all this Kelly. Maybe one
day when we are sat next to each other, in an old people
’
s home, holding
hands, colostomy bags touching, seventy years wed, we might have a
right old giggle about this then. We might laugh until our false teeth
fall out. Silly young fools doing stupid things that brought us together.

In seventy years we might laugh, but not right now. I just feel like crying
again now, Kelly! Sobbing my little heart out! Please don
’
t get worse. I
couldn
’
t bear it if you got worse. I really couldn
’
t.
”

I took a hanky out to wipe my nose. I had tears and snot everywhere.
I took a moment to re-compose.

“
I heard a nurse say your sister
’
s coming in, in a bit. That
’
s a turn
up, isn
’
t it? Can
’
t avoid her now, like you have been doing, can you?
Don
’
t worry though, I
’
ll make sure she
’
s nice to you. Maybe all this
will bring the pair of you back together. Close again, like you said you
were when you were kids. Maybe there
’
ll be a happy ending. That
’
s what
we all need right now, isn
’
t it Kelly? A happy ending. A happy ending
where you become good friends with your sister again and maybe even a
happy ending where you learn to fall in love with me. If you did, Kelly,
I would squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of every single second
of your life.

Do you know what? I think you know how much I love you, Kelly
and the reason I think you keep me at bay is because it scares you. You
don
’
t think you can live up to the reputation. I tell you what though,
you
’
re going to get better and I am going to earn your love. I am going
to give you the confidence in yourself to love me, knowing you deserve
my love. I
’
m telling you now, everything is going to be perfect. A proper
happy ending for all concerned. You just need to get rid of that fluid
now! Come on Kelly! How hard can it be to get rid of fluid? I used to get
rid of a bit of fluid every night when I was a teenager and from where I
did all my thinking too! Just get better, Kelly! Your happy ending is all
wrapped up and waiting. Just come and get it whenever you want.

Fuming was probably too mild a word. Absolutely livid probably did
not go far enough. Once Dorothy and Charlie had disappeared with
Melissa and Jamie, it was time to discover what the hell had been going
on. I vowed to maintain my composure.

“
So
…
have you had a nice day, Richie?
”
I asked with a soupcon of
sarcasm.

Richie gave me his look. The look that swore and began and ended
with the sixth letter of the alphabet.

“
I
’
ve had better.
”

“
Funnily enough, I have too. Kelly
’
s in intensive care, did you know
that?
”

“
No,
”
Richie breathed out heavily, his day had just become even
worse.

“
That surprises me or maybe it doesn
’
t. I
’
m really not sure if anything
surprises me any more. Can I just ask, how was my sister before she was
hit head-on, whilst travelling in my seat in our car?
”

“
She was OK. A little fed up, but OK.
”

“
Fed up?
”

“
Because life was not turning out to be as exciting as she
’
d hoped.
”

             
My next statement was spontaneous and I regretted saying it, but I
have always been the outspoken one.

“
Well, she
’
ll be delighted now then, won
’
t she? Nothing like a fatal
car crash to liven up a boring existence!
”

”
Jemma, I wouldn
’
t have thought Kelly would be seeing it quite like that.
”

I had already broken my vow.

“
Come on Richie! Look at the evidence! Brought up by her sister
because her alcoholic mother was neglectful and abusive. Killing her
mother at sixteen then running off around the world, for God knows
how long, whilst her sister is wrongly accused of the murder and is then
found guilty and serves her prison sentence. Then, several years later,
returns for secret meetings with the very same sister
’
s husband and
during one of the meetings, is involved in a fatal car crash that now
threatens her life
…
.not exactly dull, is it?
”

“
I suppose not.
”

Time to ask the sixty four thousand dollar question.

“
Have you been having an affair with my sister, Richie?
”