Forgetting Yesterday (15 page)

It was obvious that it had been hard for him to walk away. Knowing that gave me a small bit of satisfaction. Even if we weren’t together in that way tonight, I knew we would be someday soon.

The Bear’s Den was louder than usual. Alex and I had tagged along with Claire to watch Sean’s game. Play-offs had just started and their team had won. To celebrate, everyone had decided to meet up here.

Alex and I had left shortly after the game ended so we could save a table. Now, the team all seemed to have arrived. The crowd was thick, the music loud, and the drinks were flowing.

“You interested in playing next year?” Sean asked Alex.

“Are you hoping he’ll take your place?” Claire asked as she nudged his shoulder.

Sean looked at her, head cocked to the side, trying to determine whether or not she was serious.

She shrugged but she still wore her usual easy smile. “I was just wondering. I mean, if you don’t mind that it takes up all of your free time, why should I?”

“You like watching and you know it,” Sean cajoled.

“True,” she agreed. “So does that mean you are going to play next year?”

“Hope to,” he said with a grin. Sean turned his attention back to Alex. “So, next summer. You interested?”

Alex turned to me, giving me a questioning look. My heart fluttered as I realized he was questioning what I would think. Next summer seemed like forever away. While I knew that I wanted him in my life for a long, long time, I hadn’t been sure if he felt the same.

“I like watching,” I admitted, trying to keep my voice even and trying to keep the ridiculous smile off of my face.

I liked watching
with
Alex. But it would be fun to go with Claire and actually see him play.

“If you need someone,” Alex said with a nod of his head, “I’d definitely be interested.”

“Awesome,” Alex said. “

Claire swirled the ice around in her nearly empty glass. “Does anyone else want another?”

“I’m good,” Alex said. He’d been nursing his beer slowly.

Sean had just gotten a drink.

I glanced at my own. “I could use one.” I slid my chair back. “I’ll go get this round. I’ll be right back.”

I worked my way through the crowd, stopping to chat briefly with a few people that I’d met while at the games. I finally reached the bar and had to wait several minutes while the bartender took care of the patrons that had arrived before me.

After I had a drink in each hand, I carefully made my way back to the table. The crowd was thick and I had to swerve my way back to my group.

Claire glanced up and reached for her drink, just as I tripped. Alex was out of his seat immediately, trying to steady me. I managed to keep the drinks from spilling completely and only had minimal splashing over the sides. My hip had bumped the table but it didn’t hurt nearly as badly as my pride.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked.

“I’m fine,” I said, ignoring the dull ache under my skin and the burning of my cheeks.

He looked me over, determined I was probably okay and released my arm. I placed Claire’s drink in front of her and then both of us took a seat again.

“Good thing I’m driving tonight,” Alex said, his tone slightly teasing. “The last thing you need is to get into another car wreck.”

Claire’s eyes widened and her tone was that of surprised concern. “You were in a car accident? Are you okay?” she demanded as she looked me over.

“I meant the one she was in when she showed up. At the start of the summer,” he explained.

“She wasn’t in…oh,” Claire said as her liquor-slowed brain latched on to what he was talking about. She shook her head and made a face, as if she’d been confused. “Oh, right,” she scoffed.

“What?” Alex demanded. “Did you forget? How could you forget? She was a mess. She looked like someone beat the crap out of her.”

Claire glanced at me and winced, then she hung her head and began to fidget with her glass. Sean cleared his throat, took a drink and pretended to be distracted by something on the other side of the bar.

My heart squeezed painfully. Could the two of them possibly be any more obvious? On the other hand,
I
was the one who’d come up with the lie. It wasn’t fair of me to expect them to elaborate. At least they hadn’t flat out refuted it.

But perhaps their silence did.

The words hung in the air, weighted and cloying in a suddenly charged atmosphere where the silence hung a little too long and far too loud.

“Right,” Claire finally said with a wave of her hand. “Right, I didn’t forget. I just…not thinking straight,” she made another face as she pointed to her beer. Bless her for trying but her tight expression and too-high voice only increased the tension.

She tried to force a smile, laugh off her supposed mental lapse but Alex didn’t fall for it. I could suddenly feel his eyes on me; the pressure of his gaze drilled me into my seat. I fidgeted, peeling the wrapper off of my bottle as Claire changed the subject. When I glanced at Alex, his emotions were all over the place. He was pissed, for sure. Whether it was at me, for the truth he’d just stumbled into or whether it was at Jason, I didn’t know. But he was concerned as well as visibly upset.

“Sorry about that! I hope I didn’t splash anyone! I tripped over Claire’s purse,” I said in an effort to change the subject. I pointed to it, where it was sitting on the floor.

“Oops, no I’m sorry!” she said immediately, her expression pained. I knew she wasn’t only apologizing for leaving her purse on the floor, but for her faux-pas as well.

I couldn’t blame her for that. “It’s fine,” I said. “No harm done.”

I wasn’t so sure about that, though. I could feel Alex’s gaze boring into me. Even Sean, who had a pretty good idea as to the truth, shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Or maybe Sean knew everything. He’d been at Mom’s funeral with Claire. He’d seen me the night I arrived and I wouldn’t doubt if Claire had told him everything. I wouldn’t blame her for that. He had to have had questions.

“So!” Claire said. Her voice was cheery and far too loud. It was tinged by liquor and embarrassment. “What are you guys doing tomorrow? Maybe we should plan something! We could…” she paused, obviously trying to think of something interesting to do that would distract Alex from the moment. “We could go hiking up to the falls. We could pack a picnic lunch. Or we could drive over to…”

She faded off when she realized Alex wasn’t listening to a word she was saying. I glanced at him. It was clear that the pieces were clicking into place, painting him a clear picture of what I hadn’t wanted him to see.

I forced a smile his way.

He didn’t return it. It was clear by the expression on his face that he knew I’d lied to him.

With a sigh, he turned away from me. “Would you guys mind much if we took off?” he directed the question to Sean and Claire. They both shook their heads. Then he turned to me. “Would you mind maybe getting out of here? I don’t feel much like staying.”

Claire strummed her fingertips against the table. I knew it was a nervous gesture and I tried to ignore it.

“Yeah,” I said as I struggled to keep my voice even. “That’s fine.” I slid out of my chair. My fresh drink was all but forgotten as Alex stood too.

We said our goodbyes and then silently made our way out of the crowded bar. The silence outside was jarring compared to the commotion inside.

Alex’s palm rested on the small of my back. It was comforting and just a bit possessive. I wanted to turn into him and let him wrap his arms around me. I wondered if he would want to after tonight.

“I’m sorry I cut our night short,” he said. “But I think we need to talk.”

I nodded as he led me to his truck. “I suppose we do.” My heart was hammering. I hadn’t meant to lie to him all those weeks ago. But I hadn’t known him then. I hadn’t owed him any type of truth. After that, it hadn’t come up. I hadn’t wanted to bring it up. In fact, even now I’d rather avoid it all together but I knew that wasn’t feasible.

If we were going to have a serious relationship, and I knew that’s the direction we were headed, then of course I owed him complete honesty.

He didn’t say anything more as we drove to his house. I could tell by his demeanor that he was fuming. I hoped he wasn’t angry with me, though I wouldn’t blame him. I
had
lied.

My heart felt like it was in my throat as we drove in silence. Now that the bruises had faded and some time had passed, I had thought I could leave the whole mess with Jason in the past. It hadn’t occurred to me that it would ever come up again. It was simply a fluke that Alex had figured it out. Or maybe it wasn’t a fluke. Maybe it was fate. Maybe it was fate’s way of telling me that I needed to be honest with him.

When we reached his house, he wordlessly got out of his truck. He was tense and I was sure that he was struggling to keep his composure. I let myself out and met him at the sidewalk. It was dark now with only the moonlight lighting our way. He took my hand as we made our way up the walk. I stood quietly as he fumbled with his keys before letting us inside.

When he flipped on the entryway light, I squinted into it.

“Let’s go in here,” he said as he took my hand once more. He led me into the living room and we both took a seat on the couch. He scooted away from me a bit so he could turn to face me. He was silent for a few more heartbeats. I wasn’t sure if he was expecting me to jump right in with an explanation, or not. Regardless, I couldn’t do it. I felt my throat tighten up, as if sealing the words inside.

“You weren’t in a car accident, were you?” he finally asked. “Someone did that to you? Someone hurt you like that?”

I shook my head and forced myself to speak. “No, I wasn’t in an accident. I’m sorry I lied to you but I didn’t know you at the time. I had no idea that you would be anything more than a stranger.”

He rolled his bottom lip through his teeth and bit down on it for a few seconds. He seemed to be taking some time to think that over.

“Okay,” he finally said with a nod. His posture was still rigid. “I get that. I get why you didn’t tell me the truth at first. We didn’t know each other. You didn’t owe me anything. But what about now? These past few months, you could’ve told me.”

“Honestly?”

“Please.”

I shrugged. I didn’t like the hard glint in his eye. I knew that he was furious about what had happened but it seemed like he was mad at me as well. “For one thing, I wasn’t sure how, or when to bring it up. We never really talked about our pasts. But mostly, because it is in the past, I just wanted to forget about it. When I moved here, I made the decision to move on. I made a conscious decision to leave my past behind me.”

“You should have told me,” he stated.

“When?” I demanded.

He sighed, it was a grating sound. Instead of answering right away, he pushed himself off the couch. He began pacing the living room. After dragging a hand through his hair, he said, “I don’t know when. But you just should’ve told me.”

“Alex!” I exclaimed. “There was never a good time!”

“No,” he said, “I suppose there wasn’t. So how long were you with the guy?”

I grimaced. He wasn’t going to like the answer. I was sure of it. “Two years, give or take.” His expression hardened and he looked at me in disbelief. “He wasn’t always like that.”

“You’re defending him?” he demanded.

I quickly shook my head. “No. I’m defending myself. There was a lot going on in that timeframe. My mom was sick. I was struggling with school.” I hesitated, quickly thinking things over. There was no way I was going to be able to get around telling him everything. Not unless I wanted to risk losing him.

I didn’t.

I patted the seat next to me. “Sit down, please. I’ll tell you everything. If you want to hear it.”

He hesitated a moment and I thought he was going to protest. Finally, he dropped down beside me.

For the second time, I explained how Jason and I came to be.

*******

Alex dragged a hand through his hair, leaving it rumpled and disheveled. I resisted the urge to lean over and pat it down.

“Will you please say something?” I whispered.

He turned his gaze to me. “I don’t even know what to say. I’m just so pissed right now. I can’t even tell you how pissed I am.” His fist was in his lap, tightly clenched. “It just makes me sick that there are guys like that. When I think of him hurting you…” He faded off and pulled in a few deep breaths. “Sorry,” he said with a shake of his head. “I just needed a few seconds to get myself together.”

“It’s fine,” I said as I fidgeted with the fringe of a throw pillow. I dropped my gaze to my lap.

“Come here,” he finally said. He slid an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. I hadn’t realized how tense I was until that moment. Until I felt his touch and the tension began to melt away. He kissed my temple and nuzzled my hair. “I wish I would’ve been there,” he whispered. “I wish someone would’ve been there to protect you.”

“I’m here now,” I reminded him. “I got myself out of the situation, and I’m here now.” I tilted my face up to look at him. I was afraid I’d see pity in his eyes, but all I saw was relief.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said firmly. “I’m glad you’re with me. And I’m warning you now, if I have my way, I’m never going to let you go.”