Forsaken (Fated Saga Fantasy Series Book 8) (17 page)

She nodded.

“You’re not sure where to start…”

“Are you reading my mind?” she blurted out half-jokingly.

He laughed. “No. That’s one thing I cannot do. But I think I’m getting to know you well enough to understand you better. So what do you want to ask me?”

“Okay.” She blew out a breath. “First… and I cannot believe I’m saying this, I’m okay with being here and I understand why you took me…”

“But…”

“I think what’s bothering me, what’s making me feel sick, is thinking about the people I left behind. They don’t know I’m okay. It… it’s kind of killing me not being able to let them know I’m okay, and alive. Give them some sort of closure if nothing else.”

“So you want to contact them?”

“Yes. I don’t need a response. In fact, I don’t want one. I think that might be more than I can handle seeing as I don’t know if or when I’ll ever see them again. I just don’t want them to worry about me.”

There. She’d gotten it out there. He either said yes or no, and she wasn’t any worse off for it. And it was true, she was okay with being here so it was time to accept that openly as well.

“Okay.”

She shook her head. “Okay? What?”

“I’ll let you send them a letter. A one-way letter that cannot be traced… for obvious reasons I don’t want anyone to know where I live. But I see no point in keeping them in the dark. I don’t actually wish them ill will, as popular a theory as that is.”

She looked at him incredulously.

“I may not agree with all the things they’ve done, but I do appreciate all things magic. I want magic to survive. And I don’t want those you love to suffer.”

“The Svoda are nice people. They’re not like they once were. You’re not like I thought you were, either.”

“The world is often much different than we first think. It’s part of why I took you. To let you see the world for all it truly is.”

“Then why do they live under the belief that you want them dead?”

“A fear I helped spread.”

“Why? Why not work together?”

“Their fear of me, makes them leave me alone. I like my life the way it is. Calm. Quiet. And within my control. I like the simple life.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

“I also don’t force my beliefs on anyone…”

“And the Svoda do?”

“Did they give you choices?” he asked pointedly. “Did you get any say in your life? Just because you were born in a seer’s bloodline, does that mean you must be one? Is that what you want from your life?”

She didn’t answer right away. She’d never really thought about it. She’d been found by the Svoda and raised by them… they only had one way to live. It was how they survived. How they kept their island a secret. Kept magic a secret. She didn’t know if what Fazendiin said was entirely fair, but he had a point just the same.

And there was Basil. He’d been in the service of this estate for a long time. And even been offered immortality and turned it down. Fazendiin had a track record for giving people choices. For being fair.

“Sorry, I wasn’t meaning to make you question things, Juliska. Again with my tactful ways…”

She looked up at him. “I just never really thought about it is all.”

“Which is kind of the point. The Svoda don’t push for open-mindedness or free thinking. Not that their way doesn’t work for them. It just does not work for me. And I don’t see us agreeing anytime soon.”

So where does this leave me?
She kept the thought to herself.

Her host walked over to a drawer and pulled out two pieces of parchment and handed them to her.

“I will give you some privacy. There’s one for your family, and one for your… the man you said you were… are… in love with.”

She took the papers nervously.

Just holding them in her hand took a heavy weight off her chest.

“Why are you letting me do this?”

He shrugged. “You’ve been here long enough to understand why I brought you here. And I do not expect you to just leave your old life behind. I also expect nothing in return from you, other than perhaps one day, you’ll give me the same trust you give them.” He grinned wickedly. “Which isn’t much. You’re like me. You don’t ever truly trust anyone. I did not take you to steal away your life, Juliska. I took you, to give you your life.”

He saw it in her eyes. That moment of belief in what he said.

“When you’re finished, we’ll send them off right away.” He left her alone.

She stared at the parchment unsure what to say.

She started with her mother.

Mom.

I’m so sorry. I cannot imagine what these last months have been like for you. Please know, I’m alive and I’m okay. I cannot say much, but I was given the chance to let you know that I’m all right, and unharmed. I’m being treated well, so please try not to worry. I do not know if, or when, I may return, but I hope the knowledge that I’m safe and unharmed gives you some relief.

Please do not try to find me, it will be useless.

Much love, your daughter, Juliska.

The second letter would be so much harder. There was so much she wanted to say to Eddy. But so little she could.

Eddy. My Love.

I hope you are well, although I imagine you are wrought with grief over my sudden departure. Please know how much I miss you. And that even though I do not know if or when I shall ever return to you, that I am alive, safe and unharmed.

I cannot say more. But I have been treated well. And have been given this one chance to give you some peace of mind, and closure. If you choose not to wait for me, I understand.

Right before I was taken, you asked me a question.

Yes.
Yes is my answer.
Always.

I hope someday to say it to you, directly . I think of you often… mostly, I fear you are spending your days worrying about me. Please try not to.

If too much time passes and I do not return, please try to find happiness elsewhere. I will never be angry with you for this. What happened was not your fault. Or your choice, or mine. But it is the reality we must accept.

Although my answer to you is yes, I cannot think of you spending the rest of your life waiting for something that might never happen. Don’t wait for me, forever.

I’m sure you spent countless hours searching for me.

Please stop. It is useless.

My only wish is for you to be happy. Don’t stop living, Eddy. Your brightness for life is part of what I love about you… don’t lose this over me.

If you can… wait for me. At least a little while.

I’m sorry. I guess I’m confused. The thought of you moving on breaks my heart, but it breaks more at the thought of you waiting for me to return, and wasting your life when I do not.

You’ll know… you’ll know in your heart when you must accept our fates.

With all the love I can give you, Juliska.

There. It was done.

She let out a breath, realizing her lungs were burning from holding it while she’d written the letters.

She stepped outside the house and found Fazendiin.

“Done?” he asked her.

“Yes.” She handed them to him.

They strolled a bit down a path and he tossed them into the air. With a poof, they disappeared into the sky.

“They’ll arrive in just a few minutes.”

“You didn’t even look at them?” She thought for sure he would.

“No need.”

“I might have told them where I was.”

“You don’t know where you are, and even if by some stray chance they found my borders, they’d never get inside.”

It was odd, he seemed so calm. Not worried in the least. Maybe he really just trusted her.

“When I told you earlier I was okay with being here… I meant it.” She felt some strange need to reaffirm this.

“I know. I never would have agreed to you contacting your loved ones had you not.”

“Okay. Well, thanks just the same. It means a lot to me, for them to know I’m okay.”

“I’m not an uncaring man, Juliska. Now, I’ve decided to postpone the battle training a little longer.”

“I’m feeling much better,” she insisted. Although even as she said it, another bout of nausea came over her. She refused to let it show outwardly.

“Just the same, we’ll take it a little easier the next few days. There’s some other things I’d like to show you. A little less physically trying. And I think you’ll like the new subject matter.”

She was curious and eager and it showed.

“Tomorrow…” he wore a bemused grin. “Goodnight, Juliska.”

“Goodnight.”

She wasn’t ready to head inside yet so she meandered and took a seat on a bench, a sense of relief coming over her.

She was exactly where she was meant to be. Somewhere deep inside, she was certain she’d see her family again. And Eddy. But for now, this is where she needed to be. The flutter in her stomach disappeared again. Her nerves must be shot, she assumed. Maybe it would get better now that she’d told her family and Eddy she was okay.

So why was there still a sense of foreboding in her gut?

Juliska knew why, but admitting it was not easy.

She was straddling two worlds.

One she wanted to return to, and one she was not ready to leave yet.

Which brought her back to the thought she’d had earlier.

Just where did all this leave her?

Even if Fazendiin told her right this minute she was free to go home, could she?

Would it be that easy?

With all she knew about her life now. Who she was, where she had come from…

An image grew in her mind; herself standing between Fazendiin and Eddy, with her arms outstretched toward each of them. They were each reaching out for her, trying to sway her to one side or the other.

She was caught in the middle.

With no idea where she’d land.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Days passed.

Fazendiin postponed their next training session. He did not explain why, just that he had decided to wait a little longer to begin. She didn’t see him for days after that. It was strange, really. Other than the occasional run in with Basil, it was almost as if she were alone. Her host did not share what he was up to, but he was very busy. Maybe even gone. She wasn’t entirely sure. Aloyna, his mother, kept her company though.

That poor woman. Trapped in her current state for such a long time.

Juliska had kept seeing something moving, but had never quite caught her in the glass… until one day she’d questioned Fazendiin and he’d introduced them. And explained what had happened to her. It had happened so long ago, and even the man considered the most powerful alive could not free her.

The Svoda of today would never do such a terrible thing, but times were much different back then. Juliska was discovering more of this by the day. Still, she could not imagine spending her life in such conditions. Forever frozen, never moving forward. To still have your mind but not a body to go with it… she shuddered. What a terrible thing, to waste away one’s life in such a manner.

“Are you all right?” Aloyna asked her.

“Yes. Just got a chill. It went away.” Juliska thought the woman had sad eyes. Even though she had no real face, just a glass form, there was a sadness and a longing in her gaze. “Aloyna…”

“Yes.”

“I was just thinking… having an immortal son must be such a comfort to you. Knowing he’ll always be around to watch out for you, or maybe even free you if he ever finds the right spell to undo the magic that imprisoned you.”

Aloyna smiled. “Yes. It is a great comfort to me.” Inwardly, if she’d had a body that was able, she’d have vomited by the very thought of this statement. Her son had put her here! And there was only one way to free her… someone within her own bloodline would have to break the glass. That currently meant her son, until he succeeded in having offspring of his own. Juliska was from the same clan, but not the same bloodline.

Juliska wondered if the Svoda had any records of how they put Aloyna into the glass, or any knowledge of how to free her. She assumed no, thinking that Fazendiin would already have exhausted this option. But she decided if she ever did make it home to do some digging and find out, just in case.

Aloyna wished she could reach out and tell this woman to run. Run and never look back. To never trust her son… that if she knew what he really had planned for her, what he’d already done to control her life. And his intentions to take away her child… it would destroy this woman. Juliska did not trust easily and she could see her barriers breaking, in regards to her son. It would be her undoing. She would lose everything. And all for what? Her son’s lies and secrets. To fulfill his plans for this world.

But Aloyna could not warn Juliska. Could not even tell her she was pregnant and that this is the true reason she was not well. And even if she could warn her, if her son released her from this glass prison, from this inability to speak freely… she’d still not be able to save this woman. A plan had already been set in motion, so many long years before. And just now it was finally playing out. The final pieces of a large puzzle fitting together. She had to let her son ruin this woman’s life… it was the only way to end her son’s reign. To keep him from destroying magic. To keep him from destroying the world. And he would not stop with this world… there were many left to conquer.

He was so good at lying. So good at manipulating. Making people believe it was their own choice to do things. Their own choice to serve him…

Footsteps. Aloyna and Juliska turned to see their captor enter.

“Sorry for being away. Couldn’t be avoided.
Mother,
” he greeted. “Juliska. If you’re feeling up to it, there’s a lesson I’d like to start right away.”

She jumped up. “Yes. I’m ready.”

“Good.” He spun around and left.

She followed with a quick smile and wave to Aloyna.

“Oh what terrible thing have I done?” the imprisoned woman lamented to herself. “All based on the idea of a false prophecy given to me so long ago…” But the source of this information was so certain. It had taken some serious debate to talk her partner into going along with the plan. Jasper Thorndike… he had not wanted to. It meant them giving up a life with each other, to potentially save the future of all worlds. What nobler a cause could one give up a life?

And Jasper was out there somewhere. Waiting for her. Preparing for the prophecy to be fulfilled. Preparing to take her son out of power once and for all. The other Grosvenor were powerful as well. And she was sure they each believed they had some say, some control over their futures. But her son was really in charge and would sacrifice the others in a heartbeat if it furthered his own goals.

Waiting…

There was nothing more she could do.

The time was so close… and yet far from over.

#

Juliska was surprised when Fazendiin led them into the kitchen.

“I thought we’d have out next lesson while I prepare dinner.”

She shook her head with an expectant grin. Even after months of this, it still caught her as odd and funny to think of him cooking dinner. He motioned for her to sit.

“Would you like me to help?”

“No. Just listen.”

“What’s today’s topic?”

“I think it’s time for you to learn about your inner vampyre.”

She took a sharp inhale, her eyed widening. She had assumed this topic would come up at some point, but wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to hear all of it. It still frightened her.

“There’s nothing to fear,” he claimed. “As least as long as you learn control…”

“How do you mean?”

“What do you know of vampyres?” he asked in return.

“Um, let’s see. They feed off the life force of others to live.”

“That’s all?”

“Isn’t that enough? Vampyres feed off innocent people…”

“That’s far from enough.”

She sighed. “I’m assuming I’m rather dumb on this topic, too?”

“Not dumb. Just not taught everything,” he returned kindly.

“Like so many things.” The statement slipped out before she could stop it.

Fazendiin gave her a shrug of his shoulders but said nothing on the subject.

Inwardly, he grinned widely. This was almost becoming too easy. Making this woman question her entire existence up until now…

He continued. “Juliska, have you ever sucked the life force out of anyone?”

“No! Of course not.”

“My point is that’s it’s not just as simple as a one line answer taught in a textbook. And it’s not just about sucking out life. Or hurting and killing innocent people… it’s much more complex.”

“Wait, I do remember you saying something about I’m not old enough,
yet…
”

He nodded. “To feel the
need
.”

“What is that? And how old will I be when that starts? And what happens to me then? Do I just start sucking the life out of people?”

He chuckled. “It is controllable. If you want it to be. And no, you won’t just start piling up the bodies… it’s not like that.”

“Okay.” She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or scared.

“Let’s back up a little. A vampyre typically starts to feel the
need
between the ages of thirty to thirty-five. Around the time the body starts to feel the aging process kick in. If you feed, you will notice a severe slowing of the aging process.”

“You mean in appearance?”

“Yes. But inward as well. Feeding off others extends our youth.”

“Wait, you said
if you feed…
is it an option not to?”

“Yes, but we’ll come back to that in a moment. First, you’re just recently twenty-five so you’ve got some time. Maybe eight to ten more years before the need will present itself.”

“Okay. Right.” That actually gave her a lot of relief, knowing she still had some time.

“Now just because the need has not kicked in, that’s not to say you couldn’t use your abilities, if you wanted to. But it takes time to master, but again, we’ll come back to this in a bit.”

She nodded, taking a hard swallow.

“When your body starts to feel age claiming it, your vampyre side will get stronger. It will want you to feed. In doing so, in feeding off the life force of others, you take this force into yourself and it keeps you young. Slows the aging process. Now, there is always the option to fight the need. And not feed.”

“If I don’t feed, what happens to me?”

“You age just like everyone else.”

“That’s it?”

“No. It’s not quite that easy. Very few who have ever attempted a feeding free life have ever succeeded. The need is… strong and persistent. It does not give up. And the longer you deny the craving, the more intense it becomes. It takes patience, practice and great willpower.”

“But it
is
possible to fight the urge to feed?”

“Yes.”

“So if I
starve
myself, I get old just like anyone else? Although I might suffer a bit along the way…”

“Yes.”

She let out a breath and leaned back in her chair. She’d been sitting close to the edge.

“Many from our clan tried not to feed. Most failed. I’m speaking of course back before I was immortal, back before the Stone War was even a thought.”

“Why did they fail?”

“Mostly, to be perfectly honest… vanity. Imagine waking one day to a few stray gray hairs. A new wrinkle on your brow. An ache in your bones that will never go away and only get worse with each passing year. Feeding is easy. And it makes all that go away. You feed. You look and feel young and healthy again.”

“That’s such a bizarre thing. To think I could do that. But I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Feeding does not mean you’ll hurt someone.”

“Okay, so let’s say I do feed. I can’t control the need, and I give in.”

“Again, you won’t just be piling up dead bodies. But, feeding can become like an addiction to some. Hard to stop and control. As long as you maintain control when you feed, you’ll never cause anyone permanent damage.”

“Meaning if I don’t learn control, I could hurt someone. I could kill someone.”

“There’s no point in playing it down. Yes. You could. Many before you have.”

“I’ve never seen a vampyre feed. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Does it hurt?”

In a swift nearly unseen movement, he was suddenly around the table with his hand wrapped around the back of her neck and Juliska was out of her chair, her feet barely touching the floor. He tipped her head back and his mouth opened. Much wider than it should. She tried to scream but nothing came out. How was he doing that? He had so many teeth…

He drew in a long breath that never seemed to end and the longer it went on, the more tired she felt. Like whatever source gave her life, was emptying, just a little.

Abruptly, he stopped and gently sat her back down.

Juliska placed her hands on the table to steady herself.

“You’ll be fine in a few minutes. I took only enough to show you.”

She said nothing, but shot him a severe stare.

“It’s the best way to show you how it works and feels.
How do you feel?
” he asked her.

“Pissed.”

“Naturally. But other than pissed.”

“Tired. Weak. A bit… empty.”

“No worries, give it a few minutes and you’ll feel good as new. I took very little. It does not cause your
victim
physical pain.”

“Only scares them half to death…” she retorted sharply. “And leaves them weak and vulnerable.”

He could not deny this claim and this frightened her. But he was right though that a few minutes later she felt normal again.

“Some warning might have been nice,” she scolded lightly.

“Not really. It would have lessened the effect of the lesson.”

“Which is?”

“Simply for you to experience what it’s like to be on the
giving
end… it’s not a pleasant sensation is it?”

“No. Even knowing what was happening, it was not pleasant in the least.”

“So you can imagine your victims, especially if you take even more. And if you feed to sustain life, you will take more. You will have to learn when to stop. When you have taken too much. And since you have magical blood, and not just vampyre blood running through your veins, you can make them forget.”

This offered only a small comfort.  

“I refuse to hurt anyone to stay young,” Juliska told him decidedly.

He shrugged. “I’m just giving you the facts, so when the time comes, you’ll know what to do, either way.”