Foster Siblings 3: Brokedown Hearts (9 page)

Ben’s nuts pulled with delicious pleasure, and his cock awakened too. Too much time had passed since having any release with a man, let alone the kind of gut-deep, repeated orgasms his body cried to give and receive. For some reason, whenever Ben got near David, his long-buried voracious appetite for sex emerged from hibernation.

Ben grazed his fingers down David’s arm, hungry to get the feel of David’s flesh into his fingertips. David sucked in a loud breath; he shuddered violently, and Ben whipped his hand away.

Fuck
. Ben silently called himself ten kinds of dangerous idiot.
What are you thinking, Evans?
Even as Ben chastised himself, he lifted his gaze to David, found flushed skin and a visibly rapid pulse in David’s neck, and his cock started thickening with blood anew.

Every natural instinct in Ben punched at him from the inside, challenging him to grab David, do what he needed to do, and to hell with the consequences. Parts of that animalistic side of Ben’s nature, the pieces that wanted to dominate and own and push and conquer, awakened inside him, telling him to pin David to the bed and spend the next twelve hours turning the guy out so completely he wouldn’t know whether he was coming or going, and in the aftermath wouldn’t much care just so long as Ben was in charge and fucking him so thoroughly he would scream his way through another series of orgasms.

Those base parts of Ben battled to take control, but a much louder, more practiced side of him, something Ben had taught himself over more than half of his life, pushed him in the opposite direction. Ben literally took two steps to the other side of the bed, away from David. If Ben stayed too close, continued to breathe in the man’s unique mix of earthy scent, animals, and cleaning products, he would do more than kiss David. He would do more than fuck him. The buzz awakening every sense and nerve ending in Ben’s body would relentlessly poke him to take and give and explore David with punishing levels of need, to the point where exhaustion and dehydration were the only things that would make Ben stop. David wasn’t ready for any sex, let alone marathon sessions of pleasure. His strong reaction to just Ben’s hand on his arm was all the proof Ben needed to know that David had yet to achieve any control over what gave him pleasure. The guy was too green, and somehow too innocent, despite having stalked a lover and gone through the prison system. David was not ready to handle no-holds-barred sex with another man.

And hell, the truth was, Ben had spent so many years training himself to fight and bury his unnatural sexual needs that he didn’t want to let all that success go just because he was horny for a guy who, for some unfathomable reason, had drawn out his sympathy and desire to protect.

Not to mention Ben was still covertly tailing David. David was still, in the most important way, a job.
And you never, under any circumstances, fuck a job. Don’t ever forget it.

Forcing the tension out of his frame, Ben crooked an easy smile at David. As casually as he could muster, he backed his way to the door. “Don’t worry about the kitten. I’m sure as soon as you put that food down for her, she’ll come crawling from under the bed as fast as she went under.” Ben let his attention wander over every tidy surface and nook and cranny in the motel room, and this time the quirk of his lips was quite real. “And since everything in your room is dust-free, and there isn’t a stitch of clothing or food or toiletry item sitting out or on the floor, I’m guessing under the bed is spic-and-span too. She’s not going to get dirty all over again.”

Harsh slashes of crimson cut across David’s cheeks. “I’ll probably be living here for a while.” He nudged a chair out of place but then immediately righted it, and his face went redder. “I didn’t want it to be a sty.”

Ben held up his hands in surrender. “No need to justify why you clean the way you do to me. This is your room. It should be kept the way you want it, without apology.”
Christ
. The more Ben looked at David, the more he itched to drag David into his arms and assure him his quirks were okay.
Just as dangerous a desire as wanting to fuck him
. “Anyway.” Discombobulated, Ben spun and ripped open the door. “I should go.”

David rushed across the room and grabbed Ben’s shoulder. Ben stiffened, steeling himself not to shake harder than David had moments ago.
Fuck, though
. Ben clamped his jaw and tried his damnedest not to inhale all those odd smells that, when combined, on this man were somehow powerfully arousing.
His grip will be strong and steady in bed too.

As fast as David had touched Ben, he whipped his hand away. “Are you all right?” When Ben lifted his brow, David added, “You looked like you hit your head pretty hard before, when we were in the bathroom. I don’t want you leaving and going to sleep if you have a concussion.”

Unbidden, a fissure full of sweetness cracked through Ben’s middle, and the tension naturally flowed out of his body. “That’s kind of you. But my head is tougher than that.” He fingered the back of his skull and only winced a little. “I don’t even think I’ll have a knot by morning.”

“Oh. Well…okay.” His gaze darting from Ben to the parking lot behind him and his fingers flitting on the door, David looked like a bird without a safe place to land. “Good night, then, I guess. Thanks for your help.”

Moved to touch this man beyond his ability to suppress it, Ben reached out and covered David’s hand with his, quieting the fidgeting. “My pleasure, David.” Absorbing the trembles emanating from David, Ben leaned in and whispered against his ear, “I’ll see you soon.” Then—
oh fuck, yes
—David’s skin was so warm, so crackling with vitality, Ben couldn’t resist. As he pulled back, he scraped a kiss across David’s cheek, aching at the slight feel of stubble tugging on his lips. He flicked his tongue against the edge of David’s mouth and whispered, “Lock up tight behind me. Night.”

Ben then got the hell out, striding across the parking lot to his room, before David noticed that with one barely there kiss, Ben had instantaneously shot to full erection.

Christ.

* * * *

Nearly twelve hours later, without having taken a bite of dinner or sleeping a wink, David fingered his cheek and edge of his mouth, replaying for the thousandth time that kiss Ben had given him.
Oh God
. David jumped out of bed and paced to the window.
This is so, so bad
. Worse than thinking about that almost-kiss all night, David had walked to the window over and over again, each time peeking out across the lot, desperate to make sure Ben’s car remained parked in front of his room. Even though Ben’s car had always been there, those old, awful voices full of jealousy and insecurity had taunted David for hours on end, pushing him repeatedly to get up one more time to check for Ben’s vehicle.

Please. Please. Please
. His whole body heaving, David covered his face with his hands as tears inked in terror and panic painted wet lines down his face.
I can’t do this again. I don’t even know him well enough to be acting this way
. David had prayed that therapy and time in prison had helped him get better, yet here, the first person he found himself attracted to had him showing symptoms of obsessive behavior faster and worse than six months into his relationship with Christian.
I won’t survive this again
. Memories of falling deep into this kind of pattern with Christian—not eating, not sleeping, constant paranoia, fear piling on top of fear, convincing himself that destruction was the only way out—rushed through David and made his head spin.
If it’s coming this fast, I won’t be able to make it stop.

Last time, with Christian, David had tried to kill himself in front of the man, twisted in his belief that if he ended his life in front of Christian, the act would tie the two of them together forever, even if David was no longer on this earth. What if this time he not only tried to kill himself, but Ben too?

“Please, no.” The cry, the wish, the hope for strength and salvation slipped out of David softly, yet somehow filled every corner of the motel room.

With his heart pounding hard enough to break clean through his chest, David snatched up his phone and dialed the number of the only qualified person who’d offered him continued friendship and health upon his release from prison.

Please pick up
. David paced the length of the room with the cell jammed to his ear.
Please pick up.

After the fourth ring, a groggy male answered. “David? It’s barely six in the morning. Is everything all right?”

The familiar deep, smooth voice, the first he’d heard when coming out of his catatonic state years ago, flooded David and gave him a second life. “Dr. Fariday. I’m so sorry to bother you, but at the same time I’m so grateful you picked up.”

“You sound agitated, David. Take a breath.” The doctor paused, giving David the chance to do as directed, and then finished, “When your heart rate slows, tell me what’s the matter.”

Once David did as instructed and was able to breathe normally, he explained to the doctor everything that had happened since coming home to Coleman—all the nastiness with his brother, the kindness of Brittany, his job, his boss coming around to liking him, the kitten, and then finally Ben. David didn’t leave anything out, including his initial attraction to Ben, the fantasies already beginning, and the fear that with Ben possibly showing interest and David’s feelings already growing, the bad, obsessive tendencies would take him over again, and he would do something he could never take back.

By the end of sharing, David had wound himself tighter than a spool. “Dr. Fariday.” His throat had closed up to the point that it released little more than a squeak. “I don’t know what to do.”

“First, you did the right thing by calling me. When these urges arise, you need to contact someone who can help you deal with them. And just as important,” Doctor Fariday reminded him, “you’re recognizing the symptoms, and that is going to help you curb the urges to act on them.”

His movements still agitated, David threw himself down to sit at the foot of the bed. “I thought that yesterday too, but now I don’t know.” Nightmares of how sideways things had gone with Christian stabbed at David’s soul, mingled with these new feelings for Ben, and killed him a bit more with each blow. “Maybe I won’t ever be able to handle attraction to another man.”

“I don’t believe that,” the doctor countered. “But I do think you’re putting unnecessary extra stressors on your psyche by going back to Coleman. You had enough insight to understand your family likely wouldn’t accept you, and that the gossipy nature of such a small town would be harmful too.” A soft sigh, something David had heard from the doctor before, filled his ear. “This is why, when you originally expressed interest in moving home, I advised you not to do it, David. It would be better for you to start somewhere completely new.”

New spikes of adrenaline kicked more endorphins into David’s blood. “But my sister-in-law—I can’t break her heart. And now I have a job, and I think the animals are already starting to rely on me.” In between talking, David chewed a fingernail down to the nub. “Even though I’m mostly alone here, at least it’s familiar. I wouldn’t know how to start in a place where I didn’t know the area or anyone living there.”

“If you choose to relocate to another area in Florida, there are a number of colleagues I could recommend in any of the metropolitan areas. Or,” the doctor continued, his tone low and soothing, but also commanding, “as I’d suggested prior to your release, if Gainesville has appeal for you, we could continue your therapy here with me. If you decide to stay in Coleman, you’re going to have to make a drive to Orlando or Tampa in order to find someone qualified to continue your care. A move really would be the best thing for you.”

“I don’t know. I just… I just…” David kept parting his lips, but like a scratched record, he kept hitting the same groove. “I just…”
Damn it. This man knows all your secrets; you can’t surprise him. Just spit it out
. He blurted, “I feel like if I don’t stick it out in Coleman, then I’m being a coward and running away from the damage I’ve caused. I need to face it. If I leave, it’s like I’m throwing a blanket over my past and pretending it didn’t exist. It does.” The anger that had radiated through his ex-wife slapped David anew, and he braced himself to stand tall rather than shy away into the shadows. “People might not say so, but they still need their pound of flesh. I should stay and give it to them.”

“I don’t agree with your assessment,” the doctor argued. “It’s not healthy for you. More than that, I don’t believe it’s accurate either.”

“Then maybe I have masochistic tendencies as well as obsessive-compulsive ones,” David snapped back, his small measure of cool slipping. “Either way, right now something in my gut is telling me I should stay in Coleman. At least for a little while.”

The doctor remained silent for the longest time. David thought he might have hung up, when he finally asked, “Might that desire to stay have as much to do with this Ben person you mentioned as it does this desire to repent for your crimes?”

“No.” As soon as the word left David’s mouth, he shook his head, automatically correcting himself. “Maybe. Yes. It’s probably a large part of it. But I do still believe the other reasons are real for me too. I don’t think I’m manufacturing excuses in order to fit the one into a bigger list. I’m not creating lies to cover what I want.” With each sentence spoken, more strength infused David’s voice. “I swear I’m not.”

“Does this man know about your history?” The doctor’s blunt question hurled David back into reality. “Does he know the crimes for which you’ve been convicted and that you spent time in prison?”

The rest of the air whooshed out of David’s core. “No. I haven’t told him anything.”

“Then I would suggest that you keep hold of your head and your heart for now. It might not feel fair, but this world does judge us by our past mistakes.” Every sentence, spoken in such a rational manner, added more cement to the cinder blocks holding David tied under a rapidly rising tide. “The thought of prison frightens people, and when hearing that one word, most folks will back away.”