Freakshow (18 page)

T
he massive main stage canvas tent was packed elbow to elbow with excited people. I kept peeking out the curtains at the audience, imagining them naked to calm my nerves.

It wasn’t working.
Stupid advice
, I thought,
whoever came up with that wasn’t facing this many people at a fucking circus.

Orion was the ringmaster of the entire show. I’d never really thought of him as able to command the attention of so many people, but I’d been wrong. He was brilliantly charming and had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand. They laughed when he told jokes, gasped when he dramatically swept his hand to display one of the performers, and held their breath when he explained the danger involved in some of the acts.

I was in his thrall when he was on stage, gone was his singular dark intensity, his feral predatory presence. He shone in front of a crowd.

I wasn’t so sure how I was going to handle the performance. I wanted to believe I’d be a natural at it, but now that I was faced with the crowd, I wasn’t so sure.

The act was the final performance of the evening, the grand finale in which I was going to be injured, by accident according to the crowd. They would be ushered out and left wondering if the girl on the stage would be okay.

It would create the drama that Orion so desperately needed.

“You’ll be fine,” Cairo said from behind me. I jumped, turned and faced him. “You’ll be better than fine,” he added.

“I know,” I replied. I was playing it cool, keeping my nerves calm by pretending I had no feelings for him. I wasn’t doing a very good job at it, my stomach clenched and I felt a creeping warmth rising through my body. “Your father has taught me a lot in the few days we’ve had together. For example, how your mother’s dying wish was for you to marry some girl from another circus family?”

“Let’s not do this now,” he said and grabbed my arm. “Can we talk afterwards? I need to explain what’s going on. I’ll tell you everything.”

“I think you’re beyond explaining,” I spat, “all I need to know is yes, you have a fiancée. That’s it, case closed. I won’t be the other woman, I won’t be like Becs.”

“Who?” he asked, confused. I forgot that I hadn’t told him anything about Becs and Jason. It was strange, we hadn’t known one another for long, but I felt as though I’d shared so much with him. Like we should automatically know about each other’s lives.

“My best friend, fucked my boyfriend, you know...oldest tale in the book. I won’t be
her
, the other woman. I won’t break your fiancée’s heart. I can’t do it.”

“You keep saying fiancée like it means something,” he said, “it means nothing. It’s a stupid arrangement; you know it’s just about the money. My father owes a lot of it to the wrong people and he’s counting on her family’s money to dig him out of the hole he’s in. I’m done with it though, I’m sick of rescuing the fucking family and not living the life I want.”

“Then walk away,” I said, “I dare you! You know you can’t do it. You tried it once already.”

The stage manager motioned for me to get ready, I took one last peek at the audience, there would have had to be almost a thousand people crammed in there.

“I won’t take no for an answer,” he said. “We need to talk about this. Promise me you’ll meet me later.”

“I can’t promise anything,” I said, “and thanks for fucking up my first performance. Now I feel sick to my stomach.”

He gripped my arm tighter and the stage manager was getting restless with my lack of movement into place. She gestured again and mouthed the words, “Get over here.”

“You will be magnificent...but I won’t let you go unless you agree to talk,” he said in my ear. He didn’t loosen his hand, so I believed him. He would try to keep me off stage and ruin my first night working with Orion. I might end up fired and homeless after all.

“Let me go,” I said and tried to pull back. He held me tight, and I could hear Orion wrapping up the performance before ours. “Fine, I’ll talk to you. Just let me do my act.”

“Perfect,” Cairo said, loosed his grip at last and moved his hand up to my shoulder. He rubbed it and I couldn’t resist, I let him keep it there. “You’re so beautiful, the crowds will love you. They’ll eat you up, and I don’t blame them.”

He leaned and kissed me, brushed away a stray strand of hair from my neck and landed his lips in its place. From my mouth to my shoulder, my skin was on fire. “I’ll be waiting for you, here with the medics,” he murmured against my neck and I shivered at the contact. Damn, he already knew what it took to make me forget my surroundings and my anger.

“Okay, I have to focus,” I said, breathed out and walked towards the manager who was gesturing wildly for me to get moving. “Here goes nothing,” I mumbled under my breath, turned back once to see Cai’s bright eyes watching me, and entered the performance area.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Orion spoke into his microphone. It was hooked to an earpiece, like a telephone headset. Hands free was helpful when you were a knife thrower I supposed. “I would like to bring you to the final act of the night. As you exit, remember, the Freakshow tents will remain open until midnight if you didn’t have a good look before the main event.”

The audience was quiet, enthralled with Orion’s dynamic stage presence and low, accented voice.

“I would like to introduce you to my lovely assistant for tonight,” he said and waved his hand for me to come forward. “This is Nadia, direct from Russia. She doesn’t speak a word of English, otherwise she never would have agreed to this act,” he continued, “so let’s give her a round of applause.”

The crowd’s reaction was immediate, and I was immediately addicted. The roars, cheers and clapping were all directly injected into my veins like a drug. The excitement washed over me, and I began to play it up for the crowd, bowing and waving like I truly had no idea I was going to be strapped to a spinning wheel and have knives thrown at me.

Orion motioned for me to stand against the wheel, when I pretended I had no idea what I was supposed to do, he grabbed my hand and strapped it in, followed by my other hand and feet.

It was very business-like and performed in front of hundreds of people watching, but I found the act strangely intimate. He kept eye contact with me almost the entire time, and spoke to the crowd on his mic, but I felt as though it were just the two of us.

I hadn’t expected it, but I was a little turned on by it all. I could feel the thrum of the crowd, the weight of their expectation, Orion’s pleasure, the touch of his hand on my skin, the fear that something could go wrong and the exhilarating belief that it will all go right. It left my body humming with an erotic energy.

Orion stepped back and two assistants rolled out a rack of knives. The crowd went silent. I could hear the distinct sounds of throats being cleared and people shuffling in their seats.

He pumped the foot pedal and I started to spin, slowly at first but I sped up fast. I felt as though I were going faster than the first few times I’d been on the wheel. I focused on Orion’s face to keep myself centered.

He was the picture of concentration, his eyebrows furrowed and his full lips narrowed into a straight line. He removed one of the larger knives from the rack and pulled his arm back.

The
thwack
of the first knife drew exclamations from the crowd, these grew with each knife thrown as they longer and wider. Everybody was on the edge of their seats, secretly hoping one of the knives would hit me, every human had a morbid side if they were forced to admit it.

Orion handled the knives expertly, he had the crowd eating out of his hand through our performance, but now he had them in awe of his deadly talents. Between tosses, he would entertain the audience with tales of knife throwing through the ages, and his own personal experiences. This served to ramp up the crowd’s anticipation.

He finally got down to the final toss of the show, the one that would penetrate my body and create the illusion of a grand mistake. Orion made an offhand light remark about never hitting a single one of his human assistants, pulled his hand back and paused. The crowd was still, as though frozen in time, hanging on his every movement. I could see a flash of light off the polished blade as I spun around, and he let it fly.

It landed exactly where we’d planned, he was a brilliant shot, I’d give him that. I felt it sink through my flesh like a heated metal through the proverbial stick of butter, and I was pinned to the cork board on the wheel behind me.

I almost forgot to scream, I was so focused on the knife in my arm. Half a breath in and I remembered. I really let loose, a long drawn out shriek of pure terror. My throat vibrated with the energy I put into it, I was worried it would be too dramatic and not very convincing.

Orion stopped the wheel from turning and the crowd went wild when they realized what had happened. People were exclaiming and standing in their seats vying for a better look, they had bought into my act. I was pleased with myself and tried to contain my satisfied smile.

Orion’s two assistants came rushing out to help him take me off the wheel and offer a steady hand to guide me to the stage floor where he would assess the damage.

I was bleeding fabulously and continued to cry out as if in intense pain. I turned out to be a natural at this entire performance thing. I had acting in my blood apparently. After all, I’d pretended to be normal my entire life, so this wasn’t much more of a stretch for me.

I imagined this would bloody hurt if I had any feeling. I moaned and rolled back and forth when they helped me down. I allowed Orion to drop me to the floor with a dramatic flourish while the assistants rushed to get a stretcher.

I writhed in Orion’s arms and he said, “You’re doing amazingly well. Keep it up, and you’ll be the star of the show.” I smiled at him, fully thrilled that he had given his approval. I was enjoying this too much to hate myself for needing his feedback.

The medics loaded me up and whisked me off stage. I heard Orion apologizing for the terrible thing that had just occurred and promising to keep Freakshow open a little longer just to make up for the emotional trauma anybody might have gone through.

Of course, Freakshow had a fully licensed bar attached to it, and after a shock like that, the gathering crowds would surely need a drink.

I was checked over, my wound bandaged up and was told I was free to go. I had to give it to Orion, he was a brilliant showman and knew exactly what it would take to get a crowd worked up and spending money.

I subconsciously rubbed my arm and looked for Cairo. He was standing a few feet away watching me, an unreadable expression on his face. He approached when he noticed I was alone.

“That was brilliantly well done!” he told me, “you had every one of them eating out of your hand, waiting for your every cry. It was extraordinary really.”

“I think it went pretty well,” I said, “I was skeptical at first but your father was right...people love disaster.”

“They love
you
,” he replied and took my hand. He tugged gently and I followed him outside. Who was I kidding? I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to believe him and prayed he would make this all right. Besides, the performance had been so invigorating that there was no way I could possibly go back to my trailer and sleep.

“Where are we going?” I asked as he led me across the grounds of the Cirque. It was after eleven, nothing was nearby, so I hoped he was taking me to his RV.

“The concession,” he said and I hid my disappointment. I felt high, giddy with the stimulation of public performance and felt like it would be a convenient reason to explore his pierced, thick cock again. “They serve drinks at night, did you know that?”

I shook my head. I didn’t as I was usually in bed long before this.

“It’s handy, if you have any money left on your employee card at the end of the month, you can spend it on booze. That’s why there’s usually a bit of a party once a month, so staff can use up their credits.”

“So you’re okay with that? As the boss?”

“I’m not the boss,” he said, “I know I keep this beast afloat, but I’m not exactly in charge of anyone.”

“Who is then?”

“That honour would go to the big bad wolf, my father. You should know that by now.”

“I know people have been treating me differently since we hooked up that night at the party. I know people think I’m in with the boss so I’m automatically a snotty bitch,” I said. It wasn’t exactly fair to him, but I knew showing up with Cai to drink after my first performance would set me apart from the other employees more than anything else. But I wanted to be with him, talk and spend time. It was a self-destructive compulsion, I didn’t want to lose the comfort I’d found with my coworkers, but I couldn’t help but follow him into the tent.

He ordered us each a vodka tonic – he’d remembered my drink – and settled in at a table near the back, where the lighting was dim and the crowd had thinned out a little. I ignored the pointed stares from other Cirque employees and sat with him as though I were meant to.

I knew they would whisper, that I’d only gotten the sweet gig with Orion because I was dating Cairo. It wasn’t like that though, and I didn’t have the time or energy to try and explain myself to anybody.

Speaking of explaining, I sipped my drink and waited for Cai to start stuttering his lame excuses for not mentioning his fiancée.

“I know you must hate me,” he said and took a long draw of his drink. Liquid courage. “The thing is, my life is pretty fucked up.”

“Whose isn’t?” I snorted and chewed on a cube of ice.

Cai managed a small, ironic smile at my reaction and went on, “As you know I was in school. I’d been out of the lifestyle here for several years. I was happy.”

“Were you clean cut and free of tattoos...and piercings?” I asked and glanced towards his lap, then flamed bright heat at my attempt to not think about the elephant in the room. The giant pierced cock just a couple feet away from me. God, I was insane for it now.

He didn’t seem to notice. “No, I actually got all the work done in university, it was my rebellious stage. The beard came later, when I moved back.”