Full Circle (16 page)

“Peter Pan,” they said in unison and settled in more comfortably to hear the story.

Lily sat down between them and started to read. At first the boys sat stiffly at her sides, but gradually they began to relax and lean into her. By the time she was reading them the fourth story, Michael was gently snoring with his head in her lap and his thumb in his mouth and Andrew had his head on her shoulder and was starting to doze off as well. Mrs. Stone stopped by outside the door and smiled at the lovely picture they made. Lily did not realize it until much later, but at that moment, she fell in love again.

Rebecca sat at her desk staring at the little red light on her phone indicating that she had a message. She knew exactly who that message was from and she didn’t really care to hear it. She had spoken to Sergei several times about her need for space, but he seemed baffled by the fact that she found his attention annoying. If she liked him and enjoyed spending time with him, why would it bother her that he called her to say hello and see what she was up to? Why would she be angry that he missed her and wanted to see her? Would she prefer that he called her sporadically from time to time when he had nothing better to do?

In theory, he made sense, but Becky still found herself longing for more control. His ardor made her feel cornered and she wondered if there was something wrong with her. She enjoyed being with him and it was only when she was away from him that these feelings surfaced. Sergei was interesting to talk to. He was knowledgeable on many subjects and his experiences were not limited to the safe, comfortable life of a guy who grew up in the States. He was affectionate, attentive, and very passionate. Rebecca turned to putty in his hands every time he kissed her and touched her in all the places he knew would drive her wild. That was another thing that bothered her. Despite being a good lover, Sergei was always in control. He loved when she kissed him or initiated foreplay, but as soon as things got hot and heavy, he took over. He liked to be on top and set the pace of their lovemaking. The few times she tried to take over and sit on top of him, he flipped her right back down on her back and entered her roughly as if wanting to prove a point. She didn’t mind the rough play because it excited her, but the sentiment behind it left her a little uneasy.

She supposed none of these things were truly a big deal, but she still found herself getting irritated when she saw his number on the caller ID. She wanted a guy who was committed to her and took time out to call her, but not every hour. Sergei wanted to see her every day and he stayed over more often than not. Rebecca missed spending an evening alone just reading or watching a movie or talking on the phone to her friends. She liked Sergei, but she did not like being pushed into something she wasn’t ready for. It wasn’t so much what he asked for, but how he asked for it. He just informed her that he was coming over or that they were going to dinner with his friend Misha and his girlfriend. It’s not that she didn’t like the other couple, but she would have liked to be consulted before he made plans for them.

He had been talking about them going on vacation together and Becky couldn’t bring herself to tell him that she was already going on vacation with her friends. She knew that he would be very displeased and she feared his reaction. “What are you afraid of?” she raged at herself. “How can you be involved with a person with whom you can’t be open and feel like you have to hide from? You have to end it,” she thought to herself. “You have been dating him for just over a month and already you feel yourself changing. You can’t be yourself with him. You will not be intimidated into doing things you don’t want to do.”

Rebecca had made up her mind to tell Sergei next time she saw him, but it wouldn’t be tonight. It was a Friday evening and she was exhausted. She had a terrible week at work and all she wanted to do was go home and crash on her couch. Sarah was in the process of courting a new client and she had expected Rebecca to work late every single night on the new presentation they were preparing. She had stayed at work until close to midnight every night and then Sergei would be waiting for her downstairs when she finally left the building. They went straight to her house and he had stayed every night not giving her any time to just rest and be by herself. He even insisted on driving her to work in the morning, so she didn’t even have the train ride to herself.

Becky picked up the phone and dialed Sergei’s cell.

“Hi, Sweetie. What time should I pick you up tonight?” he asked cheerfully. “If you get out before 7pm, I thought we could meet Misha and Tanya for dinner. They are waiting for me to call them back.”

“Sergei, I don’t want to go anywhere tonight. I just want to go home.”

“Ok. No problem. I’ll just take you home then and we can stay in. We can order something.”

“I meant that I want to go home by myself. I am really tired and I just want to go to bed.”

“No problem, darling. We can go to bed. You don’t have to ask me twice.”

Rebecca was starting to become exasperated. She was trying to be nice and not hurt his feelings, but he was purposely being dense.

“I am not asking you to bed, Sergei. I am telling you very clearly that I want to go home and be alone tonight. I am sorry, but I am just tired. I will call you tomorrow, Ok?”

“Are you seeing someone else tonight?” he asked suspiciously.

“No, I am not. I just want a night to myself. Is that so difficult to understand?” Rebecca was practically yelling into the phone now. She lowered her voice when she saw a couple of passing account executives look at her with sudden curiosity.

“So, you want to just go to bed on a Friday night? By yourself?”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I want. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Rebecca said through gritted teeth and hung up the phone.

She was really angry with Sergei for being so pushy, but she had calmed down on the train ride home and was just looking forward to a quiet evening. She didn’t even feel like talking to anyone. She would make herself a sandwich and just watch one of her favorite movies or read a book and then go to bed, blessedly alone. She was walking towards her building when she spotted Sergei’s car parked right in front of her building. “Oh, no,” she thought. “Why is he here?” She considered turning around and leaving, but she knew he would just sit there all night waiting for her. She would not be intimidated into fleeing her own home or into spending time with him tonight. Rebecca was in a fighting mood as she continued to walk forward.

As she walked up to the building he saw her and got out. Sergei had a big, brown bag in his hands and a sheepish smile.

“I didn’t want you to be mad at me, so I brought some dinner. I got some of that Indian stuff you like.”

Rebecca walked into the building without even answering him. Sergei followed her into the elevator. “Don’t be angry, Sweetie. I just really wanted to see you. I missed you.”

“Since this morning?” asked Rebecca angrily. She hadn’t wanted to do this tonight, but it seemed that she had no choice. She opened her door and they walked into the apartment. Sergei put the bag of food on the table and went to wash his hands. Rebecca slowly took off her shoes and put away her bag while thinking how to best handle this situation.

“Shall we eat?” Sergei asked as he walked back into the room. There was a glimmer of satisfaction in his eyes that he had gotten his way that almost made Rebecca want to throw something at him.

Rebecca did not move from her spot by the door. She looked at him without smiling. She wanted to make sure that he understood how upset she was.

“Sergei, I specifically asked you not to come over tonight. I told you that I am tired and want to be alone. Why are you here?”

“I told you. I missed you and wanted to see you,” he replied with a hurt expression on his face.

“Does it matter what I want?” asked Rebecca angrily.

“Of course, it does, Baby. I just figured that you are tired and in a bad mood and you need some good food and some good company to make you feel better,” he answered in a conciliatory way.

“No. You decided that regardless of what I want, you will go ahead and do what you want. Look, I really can’t see you anymore. Will you please just go?” said Rebecca as she made a move to open the door. He was upon her in a second and had her wrist in a vice-like grip.

“I am not going anywhere, darling,” he snarled. “We are going to kiss and make up and have dinner together and then we are going to go to bed.”

“No, we are not!” yelled Rebecca. “Leave me alone. Just get out!”

“Ok. We can skip dinner then.”

Sergei picked her up and carried her to the couch where he threw her down and jumped on top of her. He had her arms pinned down and was kissing her hard, drawing blood from her lower lip. Becky tried to push him off, but he held her arms tighter and stopped kissing her. He looked furious and he was panting as he tried to undo the buttons on her pants with one hand while trying to wedge his knee between her legs. Rebecca was grateful at that moment that she wasn’t wearing a skirt and she tried to knee him in the groin. He let go of her zipper and slapped her across the face making her teeth rattle. Becky’s head snapped to the side and she cried out in shock. At that moment, she wasn’t scared. She was furious. How dare he treat her like that?

“You, bastard!” she screamed as she threw him off her with all her strength. As he fell to the floor Sergei’s head struck the side of her glass coffee table. His hand went to his head and he looked at the blood on his fingers in mute surprise. He slowly got up off the floor not taking his eyes off Rebecca. He looked like he was about to kill her.

“Get out of my house or I will tell the police what you really do for a living!” Becky screamed in desperation. He seemed momentarily stunned. “What do you know?”

“I know that you are not just a mechanic. I heard you talking to Misha. You have ties to the Russian Mob, don’t you? What exactly do you do for them? Does it have anything to do with those bruises you always seem to have on your hands?”

This statement had all the effect of a bucket of cold water being thrown into his face. He backed away from her with a look of genuine fear on his face.

“Stay out of my business, you little bitch, or you’ll get to find out exactly what I do for them,” he hissed. Sergei grabbed his keys off the table and strode to the door.

“Don’t worry. You’ll never see me again. Quick, run to the phone and call your lesbian friends. Maybe you can still enjoy your evening together,” he spat out as he walked out and slammed the door behind him.

Rebecca ran to the door and turned the lock. She expected him to take it badly, but she certainly did not expect this. She sat heavily on the couch and put her head into her hands. Her cheek was still stinging from the slap he had given her and her lip was bloody and throbbing as it began to swell up. How did something that started out so nicely turn out so wrong? “How little we really know about other people,” she thought as she got some ice. “What if he comes back tonight? Maybe I should go to Mom and Dad. No, I will not be chased out of my own house. I’ll just lock the door and stay at home with a phone by my side.”

Rebecca walked into her bedroom and changed into her favorite PJ’s. “So much for a peaceful evening,” she thought as she lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. As she began to relax the adrenaline began to wear off and she started to shake. For all her bravado, she knew that she was alone and she was helpless and Sergei could have done anything he wanted. What if he decided to silence her now that he knew about her suspicions? Rebecca did not bother to wipe away the tears as they slid down her cheeks and into her hair. She needed a good cry to release the fear and hurt she was feeling at the moment. The room slowly sank into darkness, but she did not get up to turn on the light. Becky continued to lie on her bed, tears rolling down her cheeks until she finally fell asleep.

Over the next few weeks Lily spent much time at the Rectory. She found comfort in being with the children and they found comfort in her. She had gotten to know all of them much better and was shocked to realize how brave these children truly were. They never cried for their parents or complained. They stoically accepted their fate and tried their best to make the best of it. Molly, at twelve, was the oldest and she took on the role of an older sister to the rest of the flock. She was a little bossy, but her efforts were much appreciated by Mrs. Stone who was at the end of her tether between the duties of a Rector’s wife and a surrogate mother to ten children.