Getting Close to the Omega (23 page)

was the choice and responsibility of the abuser.

“Why don’t you show me?” Matthew suggested quietly.

“Through our mind link. Think about it, and know that you will

never be in that situation again – all while I am holding you

safe in my arms. Can you do that? Would it make things easier

for you?”

“I don’t want to go there in my mind,” Dean said. “I’ve spent

so long putting those thoughts out of my head, swallowing

down the shame I feel, and trying to be, you know, just

normal.”

“You’ll never be normal, little one,” Matthew chuckled. “And

that’s got nothing to do with what you went through when you

were young. You are without doubt, the strongest wolf I know,

and more than that, you are a survivor. So many others like

you…”

This time it was Matthew’s turn to break off from what he was

saying, but Dean could see the pictures in his mind. He felt the

pain that Matthew lived with, not being able to save so many

Omegas, because at the time he was still so young and with

none of the power he had now. That was why Matthew had

been a lone wolf, and why he had stayed away from packs for

so many years. Matthew hated with a passion, the power of

Alphas when it had been used to hurt those smaller than

themselves. It was why he chose not to lead a pack, and why

he so rarely used his power on others.

“You saved me,” Dean offered quietly. “I might not have been

in the situation I used to be in, but I was still locked away

inside myself for years as a wolf and a person. I would have

spent my life like that, if I hadn’t have met you.”

“Your ability to offer comfort, even when you are in pain, never

ceases to amaze me,” Matthew said, holding Dean even closer.

“I am so lucky to have found you and I will do everything in my

power to keep you safe.”

“Then hold me tight, mate of mine, because this isn’t going to

be pretty,” Dean said, taking a deep breath. Then slowly, he let

his memories come forward, holding tight to Matthew as the

thoughts threatened to derail him. Memories of being just

twelve years old when he was first taken sexually by the Alpha,

in front of the whole pack – tiny, skinny, his parents unable to

do anything but stand by and watch, his mother crying the

whole time, his father being held back from attacking the

Alpha, by two of the man’s strongest enforcers.

Time moved on – memories of the Alpha sharing him with

enforcers who had done their job well; of being forced to

service visitors to the pack. Of being taken from his parents,

and his mother and father being killed in front of him when he

tried to resist, one of the many times he did, when he was just

fifteen. Being chained to a bed for years before his first shift,

only seeing others when they wanted to use his body. The lack

of food, and not being able to interact with anyone, inhibiting

his wolf so that it wasn’t until he was eighteen when he finally

shifted for the first time.

Then in Dean’s mind the situation got worse. His wolf was

submissive – it was in the Omega’s nature. The malicious glee

on the Alpha’s face when he realized Dean’s true nature. The

taunts, the beatings, and the sex that just got rougher, now

Dean was a true shifter. And through it all, the fear Dean had

of the Alpha power, which his ex-Alpha used every single time

Dean tried to resist. And that was all the time.

Weak, starved, beaten so that every bone in his body had been

broken so many times, all Dean knew was that he had to

escape, or he would die. Refusing to eat the scraps provided,

so that he would lose more weight, hoping against hope that

no one would think to check the collar around his neck, which

was getting steadily looser. Of finally reaching the point, one

night when the moon was full and the pack was out on a run,

of slipping his collar, and running out into the night – stealing

just a change of clothes and a hunk of bread.

Heading out towards the nearest town, then hitching rides at

truck stops to get as far away from his pack as possible. Nights

spent in alleyways and bus shelters, because he didn’t have

any money. Cutting himself with a small knife that a kindly

truck driver had given him to protect himself. Watching the

blood flow was the only thing for the longest time that helped

to purge the pain. But he didn’t dare shift – he was in a human

world he barely understood, and besides, the pain from self-

cutting was the only thing in his life he had control over. So the

scars remained.

Kane coming across him one night, huddled in a bus shelter

trying to get warm. Dean remembered with shame that he had

offered himself that night to the sexy shifter who only wanted

to help him. But at that point Dean would have sold his soul for

a meal. He remembered how Kane had fed him, talked to him

about how he and his cousin were living in a tiny little town

called Cloverleah, and how they would gladly share their home

with Dean – no sexual favors required.

Dean didn’t know to this day what made him accept Kane’s

offer. Kane was an Alpha and when the two men got back to

Cloverleah and Dean found out that Kane’s cousin was too, he

was terrified. But the gentle giant known as Griff never laid a

hand on him. Instead the two men taught Dean all of the skills

he had now – he learned to cook, because the other two men

didn’t enjoy it and because he wanted to contribute. He found,

to his surprise, that he was good at it. One day, bored at

hanging around at home while the other two men worked,

Dean found some paper and a pencil and started to draw.

That’s when his healing really started to kick in.

It took a year before Dean would venture into his new home

town. For a solid year after Kane found him, he wouldn’t leave

the house except to run as a wolf, and only then with Kane and

Griff at his side. Kane had seen Dean’s drawings though and

shown some to a man in his workshop. The customer was

impressed enough to offer to pay Dean for his design, if he

could replicate it onto the hood of his car. Dean used the

internet to find out about car painting techniques and with a

hell of a lot fear in his heart, and solid encouragement from

Kane and Griff, he completed his first design. Kane was pleased

enough to offer him a permanent paying job, and by the time

Troy waltzed into Custom Rides another full year later, Dean

truly believed he had finally found a home.

There were so many other memories that Dean knew he would

share with Matthew over time, but he’d got through the worst

of them. As he lay on his mate’s chest, he could feel Matthew’s

body shaking. Concerned, he looked up to see tears falling

down the handsome man’s strong face.

“Matthew,” Dean said, worried for his mate. He cupped

Matthew’s jaw and gently wiped the tears away. “Please don’t.

Don’t cry for me. I’m here now. I’m with you. I’m safe. Please

don’t cry.”

Sniffing a bit, Matthew gave him a watery smile, and then he

buried his nose in Dean’s neck, taking solace from his scent.

Dean just cupped Matthew’s head and stroked his mate’s thick

beautiful hair. When his mate finally lifted his head, and looked

into Dean’s eyes, Matthew’s first words were a complete

surprise.

“I want you to bite me.”

“Er…okay,” Dean said, but he was confused. He was an Omega

wolf. Omega wolves didn’t get to bite anyone, or to show their

claim on their mate’s neck. Especially not when their mate

happened to be an Alpha wolf. Dean was sure that was

unheard of. Of course, with Matthew being the Alpha, and

actually asking him too, well, he guessed it would have to be

all right.

Dean knew he would be thrilled if Matthew wore his mark – he

might be an Omega, but he was still possessive about his

mate. But he didn’t want to do anything that might make

Matthew look weak in front of others. Oh shit. What was he

meant to do? Then he looked into Matthew’s eyes, and he knew

that Matthew would never have a problem with being mated to

him. Matthew was proud of him, and if he wanted to be bitten,

then let his mate present his neck and Dean would let his wolf

take over.

Of course, he couldn’t be that confident verbally. Biting and

being bitten was a big step for mated shifters. “Er…if…if you’re

sure,” he continued. “Did you want me to do it now?”

But Matthew shook his head. “No, little one, we would need a

bit more time, than we have right now. But later, when we get

home, I definitely want you to do it then.”

Okay, now Dean was doubly confused. It would take him two

seconds to give Matthew a mating bite. So why…unless. No.

Matthew wouldn’t. He looked at Matthew again. Matthew was

nodding his head and suddenly Dean was shaking his in a

definite no.

“I’ve never, I never expected. I’m not sure that I could…”

“You can,” Matthew said, dropping a kiss on Dean’s confused

head. “And I want you too, badly, desperately, passionately.”

“Are you sure we’re on the same page here?” Dean felt he had

to ask. “You want me…” he wiggled his hands trying to find the

words to say what he needed to say. “With you…er…to you.”

His voice dropped to a whisper. “You want me to top you?”

“Yes,” Matthew said, and a grin graced his lovely face. It was

definitely better than the tears, but Dean was too anxious now

to truly appreciate it.

“But I’ve never…and I’m submissive…and I’m not sure I can.”

“Sweetheart,” Matthew said and Dean could hear the affection

in the bigger man’s voice. “I meant it when I said you were the

strongest man I know. I’ve never done it that way before

either, but I sure want to try, with you. Are you trying to tell

me you don’t want to? That you would turn me down?”

Dean looked down at Matthew’s body – a body that so safely,

and easily held his. Matthew was huge all over, and Dean

found his artistic brain was trying to work out the logistics of

how it could be done. No matter how he tried to picture it in his

head, he couldn’t see how they could make it work. Matthew

would have to be a fucking contortionist…or bent in half…or…

“I want to,” Dean said out loud, knowing that part at least was

true. When he learned he was a submissive wolf, and gay, he

figured he would be a bottom for the rest of his life. Even one

chance to top, especially with his mate, would be too special to

pass up.

“But.” Again he tried to show Matthew with his hands –

indicating his body length and then the length of Matthew’s

long torso. “I can do that part, I think,” Dean said with a

blush, pointing to Matthew’s ass. “And I can do the bite thing,

no problem. I’m just not sure if I can do them both at the same

time.”

“We’ll work it out,” Matthew promised, apparently thrilled that

Dean was even prepared to try. “But we’d better go down and

meet up with Kane and the others.”

“I’m not sure I can do this,” Dean said, feeling sick at the

thought of explaining his ex-Alpha’s madness to his closest

friends.

“I will be with you every second,” Matthew promised him as

they went downstairs.

Can I sit on your lap,
Dean asked as they went into the lounge

and saw everyone else was sitting down waiting for them.

Matthew didn’t say anything, but he carefully pulled Dean onto

his lap, when he sat down. The comfort of Matthew’s scent, his

strong arm loose around Dean’s waist and his broad chest

there for resting on, gave him the courage he needed.

“Are you okay, Dean?” Kane asked, and Dean was grateful to

the man. Kane was always checking to see if he was okay.

That’s what made him a good Alpha. He really did care – about

all of them. Dean smiled and said with as much confidence as

he could muster, “Yes, let’s get this over with.”

“You have to know first off, that there are a lot of things I don’t

know about my home pack,” Dean started, feeling a bit shy

when every man in the room was watching him. “I spent from

the ages of fifteen through to when I escaped, chained up and

in a cell. So there are probably a lot of things I don’t know.”