Going Nowhere (16 page)

“Jason-”
I began brokenly, completely overwhelmed by him. I pulled back a little. “How can you possibly think that? I’m a friggin’ mess.” I tried to roll away, but he just ended up rolling with me, pinning me to the bed.

“You listen to me, Marisol Claire Finnegan. You are a mess. You’re
a little lost and way too hard on yourself. But I wouldn’t trade you for anyone. You fit me here.” He rested his hand over my chest, right above my heart. I sobbed out a breath.

“I don’t deserve you, you need someone strong. Someone who knows what she wants.” I said, tears leaking out of my eyes.

“I swear to God.” He muttered, rolling his eyes at me and then kissing me hard on the lips. “Give up, baby. You want me, I want you. Do you really think there was any option but to end up here? You and I? We’re inevitable.” He started kissing all over my face, nuzzling me. I blew out a breath. Idiot wasn’t going to listen to reason.

“You’re a pain in my ass.” I murmured, smiling up at him. “I give up.”

“Finally!” He crowed cheekily. I smacked his shoulder.

“Get off me, you weigh a ton.” I said. He laughed and rolled off me, spooning me from behind. “What’re you doing?”

“Shhh, sharing’s made me tired. All I want to do is nap with you for an hour.” He whispered into my neck. I snuggled back against him and felt him relax completely.

Within a few moments he was sound asleep and I was staring at his wall. After waiting another ten minutes to make sure he was really asleep, I slipped out of his arms, freezing when he mumbled my name and then headed out to the living room. Picking up my purse, I grabbed my Kindle and decided to get some reading in. I hadn’t felt like reading in a long time so I made myself comfortable on Jase’s couch and picked up where I left off reading about
Jack Deveaux, my current book boyfriend.

Wrapped up in the story,
I had no idea how long I was reading so when I heard Jason speak behind me, I shrieked.

“Holy shit, baby, control your pipes.” He winced, coming around the coffee table to sit on the other end of the couch. After settling back, he picked up my feet and propped them on his lap.

“Sorry, you scared me. What did you say?” I asked, still unable to take my eyes away from my Kindle. I had to know what was going to happen between Jack and Evie.

“I said what are you staring at?” He asked sounding disgruntled. “If you can bother to tear yourself away from it to pay attention to your hot boyfriend.”

“The correct term is reading, not staring. And I would pay attention to you, but I think I might have found someone hotter than you.” I teased.

“Oh, really?”

“Uh huh.” I said, holding my Kindle in front of my face so he wouldn’t see me smiling. “He’s super hot. His name is Jack, he’s Cajun and his body is banging. I might have to break up with you, babe.” No sooner were the words out of my mouth than he was crawling over me, ripping my Kindle out of my hands and tickling me.

“You’re throwing me over for a fictional character?” He asked, smiling at my hysterical laughter.

“Yep. Don’t joke; book boyfriends can be serious competition. Don’t blame me if I call out Jack’s name instead of yours during the throws of passion.” I goaded.

“Them fighting words, baby.”

“I’m just warning you.” I smiled up at him.

As hot as this character was, I don’t think he could do to me what one hot look from Jase could. With those green eyes burning into mine, and those lips of his wet from his tongue, I felt myself getting hot. He leaned more heavily into me, allowing me to feel how aroused he was.

I felt his length through our jeans, pushing against the seam of mine, putting pressure right over my clit; I couldn’t control my moan as it ripped from me. I felt my nipples puckering up as he stared at me. He licked his bottom lip again, my eyes caught by the movement, and I bit mine in response.

Bringing his hands to my breasts, his thumbs flicked over my nipples. Rubbing them over and over again until I started to squirm underneath him. I almost detonated into an orgasm right then. I couldn’t believe how sensitive I was to his touch.

“Is this ok?” He whispered against my lips. I nodded unable to verbalize. “I want to taste you. Can I taste you, baby?” He moaned the question as if the thought of it was too much for him. I felt myself clench at his words and nodded again.

Biting my bottom lip, I began to move underneath him. He let out a groan at the friction. He leaned up and picked me up, bring me back into his bedroom. Laying me down on the bed, he unbuttoned my pants and I lifted my hips to make it easier for him to rip them away. I could feel how swollen my breasts were with desire under my shirt. I brought my knees together trying to relieve the ache that was starting to throb unbearably.

I watched with hooded eyes as Jason undressed until he was in nothing but his boxers. I licked my lips at the sight of all that tan, toned skin. I swear he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him. His dark green boxers contrasted sexily against his skin and I itched to rip them off him. He dragged my jeans off of me and groaned when he saw I wasn’t wearing any underwear.

My hips started to move on their own, mimicking the movement I so desperately wanted. I wasn’t ready to go all the way, but I knew we could still find release with each other. And I was craving Jason’s orgasm as much as my own. I wanted to see him come. The veins popping out on his neck, his eyes squeezed shut, mouth slightly opened as he groaned my name. Holy shit, I thought, closing my eyes. I could come with the thought of it. My hand reached down for my pussy and I cupped myself, feeling how turned on I was, I whimpered. Opening my eyes, I stared at him. He had gotten a feral look in his eyes at the sight of my hand on myself.

“Keep touching yourself.” He growled, his voice completely guttural with desire.

His eyes blazed at me as my hand reached down again, this time to finger the wet folds. My breath hitched and then stalled. I slipped a finger inside, coating it in my desire before I began circling my swollen clit. I don’t think I had ever been this turned on before. My other hand went to my breast, massaging it. My back arched off the bed at the sensation.

“Open your eyes, baby.” He ordered. I heard rustling of clothes and then opened my eyes. I took in the sight of his hand around his cock. He had pulled his boxers down enough so he peeked out from the top. God, I wanted him. His cock was huge, almost purple as it strained upward. I could see the precum glistening at his swollen head. He gripped himself in his fist and pumped downward twice, hips jerking forward. He stared at me, almost dazed. “Does it feel good, baby? Touching your pussy?” He asked, licking his lips.

“Yes.” I groaned, my fingers picking up their pace at the wicked vision before me.

“What do you want, baby?” He growled again. His eyes closing briefly, as he stroked himself, before he opened them again and locked them on my own.

“I want you.” I almost cried. My hips were moving crazily now, my breath heaving out of me. “I want you, Jason.”

“Where do you want me?” He growled with eyes glued to my hand.

“Here.” I whispered, my legs falling open. I should have been embarrassed at how I was acting, but I wasn’t. I was shameless with my want for him. I was soaked; I could feel it on my thighs. “Here.” I said again, my hand returning to myself. I watched him as his chest heaved, before I could speak again, he grabbed my thighs and dragged my body to the end of the bed, the movement hiking my shirt over my breasts. He threw my legs over his shoulders and stared at me, wet before him. Licking his lips, he inhaled sharply. “Jason.” I moaned in anticipation.

“What do you want me to do, Marisol?” His voice roughened with desire, seemed to hit me right at my core. I shook my head a little. I wasn’t very comfortable with talking dirty or asking for what I wanted and he wanted me to do both. “Say it or I’ll stroke myself off and leave you like this.” He said, harshly. He was breathing so hard, I could feel his breath on my pussy, causing me to clench. If he didn’t do anything soon I was going to scream. Huffing out a defeated breath, I gave into him.

“Lick me.” I growled at him, barely recognizing my own voice. He smiled briefly, before licking
high on my thighs, so close to where I wanted him.

“Is that where you want me to lick you, baby?” He asked, amused.

“I’m going to kill you!” I snarled.

“Where do you want me to lick you, Marisol?” He asked again.

“Fuck you!”

“I could. Or I could fuck you with my tongue. Is that what you want? My tongue on you, in you, licking you until you scream my name and come on my tongue?” He whispered hotly against me, his breathing washing over my sensitive skin. The imagery his words invoked almost set me off right there. I closed my eyes and moaned again, my hips undulating.

“Yes!” I whimpered, my eyes opening again staring at him. His face was harsh with barely controlled desire. “Jason, please!”

“What?” he persisted mercilessly.

“Fucking lick my pussy before I punch you!” I practically screamed.

Then I did scream at the first touch of his tongue on me. There was no tentative flick of his tongue, oh no, his mouth ate at me. He kissed me down there like he would kiss my mouth, mouth wide open and tongue dueling with mine. I moved with him, unable to keep still. Sweat dripped down my face. I felt something building, that hot tug in my lower belly became more insistent.

“Fuck, Jason!” I moaned, my movements growing more frantic, my words growing more incoherent. I was so close, I needed, I needed-“Yes!” I cried out when his fingered joined his tongue, pumping in and out of me, keeping time with the scrap of him tongue over my clit.

I splintered almost immediately, my pussy clamped down hard on his fingers. He put a heavy arm across my stomach, holding me in place as I broke into a million pieces, my orgasm rolling over me in intense waves.

I screamed his name over and over again, until finally I fell limp against the bed, twitching periodically as aftershocks still went through me. I felt him climb over the top of me, taking my mouth in a hot open-mouthed kiss. I felt his cock resting hard against my stomach. My hand snaked down and gripped him hard, his breath hitching before he began kissing me harder, and his hips thrusting in time with the movement of my hand. I felt the smooth skin over the steel and it fascinated me.

I experimented with speeds and my grip, watching his face to see what he liked. His eyes were solely focused on my hand on him as he bit his bottom
lip. I leaned up and kissed him. I couldn’t help myself whenever I saw his teeth sink into that plump lip. I kissed him slow, timing my strokes with the thrust of my tongue. He wasn’t having it though, his kisses growing fiercer with his urgency.

“Fuck, baby. Faster!” He ground out through his teeth.

I did as he asked and he started to thrust into my hand more erratically as he got closer. Soon he was shouting my name, his body shuddering and straining towards me. When he was done, he grabbed me, shifting me under him before collapsing on me. His head rested between my breasts, breath rushing over my nipple causing it to stand to attention again. We were quiet for a moment, my hand running through his hair lightly, comforting him until our breathing and heart rates came down to a normal level. I was a mess and needed to get cleaned up, but I was so relaxed the idea of moving seemed herculean.

“That’s one thing your Jack
can’t do for you.” He said sounding completely pleased with himself.

“Who’s Jack
?” I asked, amused but indulging him. He kissed my breast.

“Good girl.” He said, causing me to laugh.

After I got back from St. Augustine I spent every second I could with Jase. Em
ily was in town all week so whenever she got home I went straight to Jason’s. He had quit work a couple days after finding out he would be leaving, wanting to get as much practice time with the guys in as possible. Other than talking about his practices and his set list, Jason was very hush-hush about the tour.

It was starting to get on my nerves. Every time I would bring it up he would change the topic or distract me with kisses and shameless hussy that I was, it worked every time. This time though I had a plan. The boys were having a going away party tonight at their house. The plan was to stay in St. Augustine tonight. It was Friday so Emily would have Mikey and I was free for the weekend. Jason was picking me up in an hour and I had forty-five minutes of driving time to grill him. There was no escaping in a car.

I laughed to myself, my mind painting this hilarious picture of five foot nothing me tying up over six feet him. Yeah, right. Throwing clothes into an overnight bag I continued to laugh, I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in my life as I do now. Just thinking about him makes me happy. Who the hell knew love could be so giddy? It’s like shaking soda; it fills you with all these bubbles until it overflows and tickles your nose with laughter. I was lost in bubble thoughts when hands sneaked around my waste, jerking my back against a hard chest. I relaxed almost immediately.

“What are you doing?” He yelled in my ear. 

“Not getting scared by you, idiot.” I turned in his arms and hugged him. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

“I can never get the jump on you anymore. It sucks.” He sounded disgruntled. I leaned back to look at his face and, yeah, there it was. He was pouting.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize my boyfriend was ten years old. If you want, you can go back out of my room and come back and I’ll pretend to be terrified.” I smiled at him. He gave me a quick, hard kiss and then pulled back smiling so hard those dimples were standing proud. Poking a finger in one of them I asked, “What was that for?”

“That’s the first time you ever called me your boyfriend. Wondered when you’d finally admit it.” He continued to smile down at me; I rolled my eyes and pulled back a little. He let me go but stayed close. We were like magnets these days. If we were in close proximity we had to be touching.

“You are such a girl sometimes.” I snorted out a laugh. I would never tell him, but I loved that he was so open about how he felt. He never hid anything from me and I loved that. Our relationship was completely different than how I thought it would be. I barely got the words out before he was tackling me to the bed and smothering me with kisses. I giggled as he settled himself over me. I hissed out a breath when I felt his erection between my thighs.

“Does that feel girly to you?” He whispered against my lips causing them to tingle.

“Are you always hard?” I asked huskily, nudging him with my hips. He sucked in a breath and nuzzled the side of my face before pulling himself off of me.

“For you? Always. Come on, I can’t jump you in your parents house. Your dad is just starting to like me.” He said, holding out a hand to help me up.

“My mom loves you so my dad won’t be too much of an issue.” I assured him.

In fact, my mom was quite vocal about how much she liked Jase. Pretty sure she liked him more than me. She had to of have us married off and expecting our first child in her head by now. I grabbed my bag and we made our way downstairs.

After my mom showered Jase with affection while my dad glowered behind her we said our goodbyes and headed out on the road. I fiddled around with his iPod, trying to figure out how to begin this conversation. If he wasn’t so hesitant about talking about it I probably wouldn’t be so damn nervous, but his avoidance of the subject made me believe he’s hiding something. I must have been sighing loudly because Jason tapped my nose with his finger, drawing my attention back to him.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there? Going to give yourself a brain cramp, Crazy.” He smiled over at me. My stomach knotted and I brought my legs up to my chest, curling myself into a ball on his bench seat and took a deep breath. I think my actions worried him because his smile fell and he started to look concerned. “What’s up, baby?”

“I don’t know how to begin this.” I said in a voice strained with nerves. I wanted to know what he was hiding, but I was also scared shitless to find out. Come on, Mari, don’t be a chicken!

“Begin what? Spit it out, Mari, you’re starting to freak me out.”

“Ok, fine. Rip it off like a Band-Aid right? Ok.” I closed my eyes for a sec and took a deep breath before turning towards him completely so I could watch his face. “When are you leaving to go on tour?” I heard the hitch in his breath and saw the slight tightening around his eyes. He was quiet for a moment, glancing at me from the corner of his eye before he answered me.

“Why?”

“What the hell do you mean why? Why would I want to know when my boyfriend was leaving for the summer? Come on, Bartender, don’t jerk me around!” I practically snarled this at him, feeling myself going from pissed to full on Irish-Puerto Rican rage monster in the span of seconds.

“Ok, fine, you’re right. I kept meaning to tell you, but I kept putting it off because I didn’t want to ruin things.”

“Spit it out, Jase.” I said through clenched teeth, repeating his words.

“I’m leaving in two days.” He said quietly. I sagged into my seat, stunned. I was frozen, staring at him unblinkingly. What. The. Hell?

“Are you kidding me?” I whispered. He glanced over at me every few seconds, worry written plainly on his face. Good, he should be worried. I was going to kick his ass. I knew it, I freaking knew it!

“I’m so sorry, baby. I wanted to tell you, I did, but I didn’t want to freak you out so early. We’re so new and I didn’t want you to get skittish and run.”

“Thanks. Good to know you have faith in me. This is such bullshit. When were you going to tell me? The morning you were leaving? Quick text on your way to the airport?” I spat.

“I was going to tell you tonight.”

“Sure you were.” I rolled my eyes. “I could kick your ass, Jason Scott. Seriously kick your ass. Did you not learn anything the first time you kept something from me? Fuck, Jason!” I slapped my hand on the dash. “I have been so goddamn honest with you! The only one sabotaging this fucking relationship is you! Jesus! Pull over.”

“What? Why?” He asked confused.

“Because I need to get away from you before I punch you in your stupid attractive face and we crash. Pull the friggin car over!” I yelled.

He gave a small nod and pulled over on the side of the highway. I was out of the car before he even came to a stop. Slamming the car door I started to pace, my mind whirling. Stupid jerk. Goddammit! I kicked the shit out of his tire and then let out a yelp of pain, plopping my ass on the ground and grabbing my poor foot.

“Stop it before you really hurt yourself.” Jason growled at me, squatting down next to me. “Can you not understand why I would be a little hesitant to tell you?” He grabbed my chin in his hand, I tried to jerk away from him, but he had a strong grip on me. “Two reasons, baby. One, last time I left horrible shit went down. I can’t get it out of my head that while I’m gone something is going to happen to you. Or Em. Or Mikey. Fuck! I know it’s irrational, but it’s in the back of my mind constantly.” He sat down; pulling me so close to him I was basically sitting in his lap. He nuzzled me, but I sat there rigidly.

“I get that, Jase. Still not good enough a reason to keep this from me.”

“I know.” He exhaled the words.

“What’s the second reason?” I asked stoically.

“You’re not going to like this part.” He warned me, his grip tightening on me.

“News flash, I haven’t like any of this.” I said snottily. His grip tightened again, almost painfully, like he was trying to absorb me into him. His laid his head on mine and I could feel myself starting to soften towards him
and then he opened his mouth.

“You’ve been so skittish about us, I was afraid that this would be the excuse you would need to quit us. I was afraid you wouldn’t trust me with what goes along with the tour. This past week has been amazing, one of the best of my life. You’ve become my best friend and I’m not sure how I would handle it if you left.” He sounded so small when he admitted this.

It was a little astonishing to hear him confess his insecurity considering how confident he was all the time. I took a deep breath and tried to think rationally about this. I was quiet for a long moment, collecting my thoughts instead of just reacting.

“You don’t trust me.” I said sadly.

“That’s not it!” He denied vehemently.

“But it
is
it, Jason. It’s exactly it. I’ve told you stuff I have never shared with anyone. I have been open and honest with you from the start. Yes, I was hesitant to start something with you, but not for the reasons you obviously think. I was afraid because I have never done this before. Never shared myself with someone. Added to that, I was really vulnerable when I met you. You met me at my lowest point, when I had nothing to offer, when I felt like no one could love me because I didn’t love myself. But you know what changed my mind? You saw me, through all of the bullshit; you saw me and didn’t turn away. I’m getting to a point where I don’t hate myself. But I am trying here, really trying, but this won’t end because of me. I can’t do this alone. You have to meet me half way.”

“I know. I’m sorry, so sorry. I won’t keep anything from you ever again. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

“I don’t see myself at all. I’m working on it though. Just-just promise you won’t hold yourself back from me. I can’t be the only one sharing a hundred percent of myself. It’s not fair.”

“I promise, Marisol, that you are not alone in this. I’m a jackass.” I turned in his arms so I straddled his lap. I gave him a kiss on the mouth, lingering for a moment.

“Yeah, you are. Don’t fuck up, Jase.” I stared into his eyes for a moment and saw the resolve in his eyes. “Come on, we’re gonna be late.”

“That’s it?” He asked skeptically, standing up with me and opening the passenger side door.

“What do you mean?” I asked when he got into the truck.

“You’re not going to be pissed for days? Yell at me, punch me, make me buy you stuff?” He asked warily. I smirked at him.

“I can do all those things if you want, but considering we don’t have a lot of time left before you leave, I’d rather not waste it.”

“I don’t deserve you.” He smiled, shaking his head. “I have the best girlfriend in the world!” He yelled out the window to oncoming traffic. Someone honked at him and I shook my head at his antics.

“Better remember that next time I piss you off or you’re about to do something that will piss me off.” I smiled.

“Baby, I’ll never forget it. You’re terrifying when you’re angry.” He grinned at me. “It was hot as hell.” I rolled my eyes at the typical guy response.

“Hey! Take this next exit.” I said, seeing the glorious billboard beckoning me in the distance. My mouth could practically taste my favorite coffee already.

“What? Why?” He asked, but already putting on his signal to get off the exit.

“I’m taking you up on the whole buying me stuff out of guilt. We’re going to start with a coffee.” My voice full of perverse glee. I bounced in my seat in anticipation.

“I don’t know if you should have any more caffeine.” He said eyeing me.

“Quiet you!” I clapped when he got off the exit. I seriously loved coffee. If I could get an IV full of coffee I would.

“How many cups did you have today?” He glanced at me, raising a brow at my antics.

“Not enough. Now get me my coffee.” I grabbed the iPod and switched on “Lola” by the Kinks while Jason placed our order in the drive-thru.

This song was in my top ten favorite songs of all time and it was a great sing-along. Perfect. I started belting it out, not caring that the cashier was staring at me like I had two heads. Jason started to laugh at me as we pulled away from the window.

“You’re a nut job.” He said, shaking his head.

“You love it.” I winked. Then gasped in outrage when he grabbed my iced coffee and sucked down about half of it.

“Mmm, yeah I do love it.” He smiled at the coffee. I reached over and grabbed it out of his hand. It was practically gone. Huffing I took a sip.

“You have a death wish today.” I sniffed in mock indignation.

“Sharing is caring.” He said before starting to hum along with the song.

“Pain in the ass.” I yelled.

“Ungrateful wench.” He yelled louder.

“Sappy man-boy.” He glared over at me for that one. I blinked back innocently.

“Lunatic.”

“Butt hole.”

“Favorite girlfriend.”

I smirked over at him, “Only girlfriend.”

“Only girlfriend.” He agreed, nodding.

I was quiet for a moment. The reality of him being gone in two days, of not having this easy camaraderie with him daily made my chest ache. I looked over at him, studying his profile. He was letting a bit of scruff grow out, saying the ladies love it. Yeah, he got a smack on the ass for that one. Had to agree though; it just made him look even more like a classic bad boy rocker. I sighed. “What’re you thinking over there, Crazy?” He asked, hearing me sighing.