Going Nowhere (17 page)

“I’m going to miss you.” I said quietly, still staring at him. He looked over with a frown. Reaching for my hand, he brought it to his lips for a quick kiss before settling them both onto his lap.

“I’m going to miss you too, baby.” He said, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles in an effort to comfort me.

“You know nothing is going to happen while you’re gone right?” I said, referring to what he had said earlier. I saw the muscles in his jaw jump and I almost wanted to stop this topic of conversation, but I didn’t want him leaving with this on his mind.

“You can’t promise that.” He said, his hand tightening on mine.

“Well, no, I suppose I can’t. But I don’t want you holding yourself back because something might happen, you know? You need to do this and you need to be one hundred percent there, not worrying about all the what-ifs back here.”

“You’re not about to say YOLO are you?”
He teased.

“Come on, Jase, I’m serious.” I pleaded, not rising to his bait.

“Fine. I know this. Logically, I know this. But I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Well I’ll be blowing up your phone with Mikey antics and all other boring stuff all day long so don’t worry. It’ll be like you never left.” I forced a smile, trying to make light of this.

“You better. Not sure what I’m going to do going from a hundred percent Mari to 0 percent. I’m going to be walking blue balls.” He lamented.

“Nice.” I scoffed.

I sat up a little straighter when Jase honked his horn to let them know we were here and I grabbed my bag. We were bunking in Declan’s room while he grabbed the couch. It was going to be a full house and I was going to be severely outnumbered by dick. I was barely out of the car before Blake and Trent engulfed me in hugs.

“Ew, holy crap, what have you guys been doing? You reek!” I pulled back from the sandwich hug, wrinkling my nose.

“We’ve been packing shit up, Mars.” Trent said, rocking back on his heels before lifting his arm to sniff himself. Gross boys.

“What’s wrong, Mars? Forgot what a real man smelled like while you’ve been hooking up with Mr. Sensitive?” Blake smirked. Before I could respond he grabbed me in a headlock and put my face with in his armpit. I screeched and began wriggling.

“Gross, Blake! Get the hell off me, you asshole!” I squealed.

“Blake get off my girl before I call Lindsey and tell her you’re talking shit about her mom again.” Jason called out.

“No need, Jase. Idiot, let the poor girl go and go shower, for Gods sake. You smell like a monkey’s ass.” Lindsey said, smacking Blake’s arm. He finally released me and I inhaled a deep breath of clean, fresh, non-sweaty air. Glorious. “I’m sorry my boyfriend is a Neanderthal. He’s just recently stopped dragging his knuckles on the ground.” Lindsey opened her massive bag that was hanging off her shoulder and reached in and pulled out a Wet One and handed it to me.

I took it gratefully and wiped my face. Why she had these in her purse, I don’t know, but I was damn happy she did.

“They’re idiots.” I agreed, heading into the house behind her. Jase had already disappeared somewhere and I still haven’t seen Declan. “Where the heck did they disappear to?”

“Probably out back starting up the grill. They decided just to keep it close friends and family instead of a blow out which I am so thankful for.” She sighed and sat down on the couch, patting the seat next to her. “Come sit and talk to me for a sec, Marisol.”

Feeling a little apprehensive, I sat down next to her. “What’s up?” I asked.

“How are you handling this?” She asked, waving her hand around, I’m assuming she meant the band and Jase leaving. I leaned back, crossing my arms over my chest wondering how much I should actually divulge. She was the only one who probably got what I was going through so I bit the bullet and shared my fears with her.

“T
o be honest, I’m nervous about it. But I don’t want to hold Jason back. I want him to succeed. Added to that, our relationship is so damn new, how is it going to survive this distance and time apart? This is my first real relationship, I just don’t know how to navigate.”  I threw up my hands in frustration.

“Look I won’t lie to you. This is going to suck. He will be gone and you’re going to have to
go day to day not knowing if he’ll be able to talk to you or what he’s doing. I know how close you and Jase are, even before you started dating. He talked about you all the time. I can see how much he likes you.”

“What are you trying to say, Lindsey?”
I ask impatiently. Sensing that she was beating around the bush.

“Ok, fine, I’ll give it to you straight. I’m not sure you can handle it. He has a reputation and I’m not saying that he would do anything, but I don’t want you doubting him. This is his big chance and the first time he’s done something like this since his parents passed. I want to make sure that he has people surrounding him that care about him.
I don’t want you to screw this up for any of them.” She said bluntly, staring me straight in the eye. I wanted to reach over and cut a bitch, but I took a deep breath and counted to ten. Before I could open my mouth, I was cut off by Declan entering the room.

“That’s out of line, Linds.” He began, but stopped when I held up a hand. I gave him a quick smile to let him know I appreciate his support. I turned to her and narr
owed my eyes.

“First of all, I would like to say that I’m glad Jase has people in his life that love him. That being said, you need to respect our relationship. Not that it’s your business, but Jase and I have already discussed this and we will work it out. If you really want to be supportive of Jase you’d support his relationship as well. I care about him. A lot. So I ask that you respect that and keep your opinions to yourself.” I was pissed beyond belief, but I understood where she was coming from. I also didn’t want to fight with one of his friends, but I had to be clear. I maintained eye contact with her until she nodded.

“I can respect that.” She said finally, standing up. Yeah, bitch like you have a choice.

“Good.” I said shortly. Watching as she turned and headed out to the backyard. I looked over at Declan. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Mari. That was way out of line. I get where she’s coming from, but she went about it all-wrong.” He said, taking a seat next to me.

“Thanks.” I said quietly, staring at my hands. I was already worried about him leaving and Lindsey just made it worse.

“How you holding up, kiddo?” He asked me softly. The compassion in his voice brought tears to my eyes. I blinked them away before looking over at him.

“I don’t want to hold him back, but I don’t want to be left behind. Is it crazy how quickly I’ve come to care for him, Dec?” I hated how much my voice wavered.
He threw his arm around my shoulders and hugged me to his side.

“He cares about you a lot, Marisol. He called me the day he met you and he was knocked off his shit.” He mused.

“Are you kidding? I was a disaster!” I scoffed, thinking about that day.

“Mari, I think he knew you were it from the second your crazy ass sat down at the bar.”

I sucked in a breath, my heart pounded. “What are you saying?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but at that moment Jason called my name and I could hear him getting close. Dammit! I turned to see him walk in the room an all I could hear was tha
t he thought I was “it” echoing around in my head.

He was smiling when he came in the room but it quickly dropped into a scowl at seeing how close Declan and I were sitting. Jase frowned at Declan until he removed his arm and put some space between us. I rolled my eyes and got up to walk over to him. I grabbed his shirt and yanked him down for a quick kiss.

“Mmm, what was that for?” He murmured against my lips. I pulled back and patted his chest, aware that Declan was still behind us.

“Just because.”
I said cheerily, refusing to be a Debbie Downer tonight.

Declan threw his arms around both of us and pushed us towards the backyard. “Come on, guys, let’s go celebrate.” He smiled and winked when he caught my eye. I
widened my eyes at him, letting him know this conversation was not over. He gave a tiny nod and smirked.

Before I knew it Jason was leaving. The rest of the night at the guy’s house went perfectly. I stayed away from Lindsey and hung close to Declan and Jason. The next morning I got teary eyed saying goodbye to the guys. I had only known them a short amount of time, but they had become my friends. Especially, Declan. I felt like he was my ally against Scott and Co. So here I was, crying, driving Jason to the airport. I swear the water works seemed to be continuous since I met him.

Maybe I was just closed off from my feelings for so long so now that I was allowing them through they were too intense. I didn’t know. What I did know was that this was going to hurt a lot. He seemed to be just as upset so I didn’t feel like a clingy loser.

I blew out a shaky breath and sucked back the tears. He didn’t need to see me like this; it was selfish. We haven’t spoken once the whole
ride; I don’t think either of us could find words big enough. I parked and wiggled my fingers a little, prompting him to look over at me and then down out our hands.

“You gotta let go, babe.” I tried to joke, but it fell short.

I withdrew my hand when his grip lessened and got out of the car, popping the trunk so he could grab his bags and guitar case. After he was done, I wrapped my arm around his waist and we made our way to the departure area. I waited while he checked in and with every passing second I felt my throat was getting tighter and tighter, choked by the effort of holding back my tears. Finally he was done and it was time to say goodbye.

Oh, fuck.

Setting down his stuff and pulled me to him, arms closing around me like steel bands. My grip was just as hard, my head resting right over his heart so I could hear how fast his heart was pumping. I inhaled deep, drawing his scent into my lungs, hoping to keep it there.

He kept pressing kisses to my hair; I pulled back so he could press a kiss to my mouth. I was expecting one of our hot kisses, the usual melt my bones with the intensity
kisses, but instead I got one so slow and sweet that tears immediately sprang up no matter how hard I tamped them down earlier. It was like he was showing me how much he cherished me through this kiss. One hand was cradling the back of my head while the other cupped my cheek. I whimpered and pulled back, letting our heads rest against each other.

“Marisol
.” He whispered brokenly, putting so much emotion into my name.

I could tell he was having a hard time so I sucked it up, slapped a smile on my face and pulled back. Pretending my heart wasn’t breaking, I put my hands on either side of his face. The look in his eyes was devastating me. I could see how scared he was to leave and I had to be brave.

“Buck up, Bartender! It’s only a few weeks right? It’s not like you’re leaving forever!” My smile and words sounded brittle and I could tell he knew what I was doing. Giving me a soft smile, he decided to play along.

“I’ll call you when I get in, Crazy. Don’t go burning down the town while I’m gone.”

“I’ll try not to.” I drawled, rolling my eyes.

“Take care of Emily and Mikey for me, ok?” He said, his eyes pleading.

“You got it.” We hugged one more time and then I had to put some space between us before I refused to let him go. He opened his mouth to say something and then stopped, giving his head a slight shake.

“I’ll see you soon.” He said before walking away.

“See you soon.” I whispered, watching him walk away, taking a part of me with him. I didn’t wait to see if he would turn around, I couldn’t.

Hurrying to my car, I drove all the way to Emily’s with no music playing. I couldn’t listen to any, it reminded me of Jason. Pulling into her driveway I could feel myself breathing hard, on the verge of hyperventilating. This is ridiculous. I could do this. We would survive this. Of course, the minute I walked inside and saw Emily I lost it. Taking me into her arms, we sat down and both cried, trying to take comfort in from each other.

“This is so stupid!” I cried. “He’ll only be gone for a little while! But it feels like he’s not coming back.”

“It doesn’t matter how long he’s gone. We’ll miss him and it hurts.” She sighed into my hair.

“I hate how this is hitting so hard. I was starting to find myself with him and now that he’s gone, I’m lost again, Emily.” She leaned back and looked me in the eye.

“You know who you are, Marisol Claire. Don’t let other people define you. Jase is with you because he sees your strength, show him he’s not wrong. Be strong for him.” She said fiercely.

“You’re right.” I nodded and stood up, lending a hand to pull her up as well. “You’re right.” I said again, my voice getting firmer.

Drying my face with my sleeve I looked over at her. Emily appeared to be taking this just as hard. I realized that I didn’t need to be strong for Jason only; I had to be strong for Em too. I felt calmer as resolve settled over me. 

“I have an idea.” She said excitedly, clapping her hands and bouncing on her toes.

“Tell me.”

“You totally have to surprise him with a visit!” She practically squealed. For the first time in twelve hours I felt a genuine smile take over my face.

“That’s a great idea!” Smiling huge now. I could totally plan it with Declan and show up at one of the shows. I was getting excited just imagining his reaction.

“Come on let’s go check the tour schedule and my schedule so we can work it out.”

“Thanks, Em.” I said, grateful for the distraction.