Goodbye Isn't Forever (11 page)

Zand
had given up on waking the sleeping Alex, and, snuggled up within the comfortable
softness of the chaise lounge chair adjacent to the couch.  He had enjoyed
letting his eyes feast on the beauty and wondered at the content of Alex’s
dream.  Zand had listened with amusement as Alex had continued to groan
until she let out a long sigh and was lost in silent slumber.  Zand had
understood the sounds without a doubt.  His question was who Alex was
pleasuring or being pleasured by in her erotic dream.

Zand
knew that in Alex’s mind, he had just severed all contact with her all those years
ago and never looked back.  That couldn’t be further from the truth. 
Zand had tried to find Alex when he returned from London with Jackson.  He
had been irate at his father for keeping him away.  Zand had sent letters
not only to North Carolina, but also to the address for her parent’s
company.  He didn’t receive any of those back, but he had no way of
knowing if Alex had actually received them, either.

He
had used a couple of contacts that he knew to see if Alex had been seen at her
school.  He had been stunned to learn that Alex didn’t return following
the summer at camp and no one seemed to know her whereabouts.

Zand
had finally came to realize that maybe Jackson had been right and the
Kensingtons had relocated abroad.  He had to carry on with Alex in the
only place that Zand knew she still existed.  In his heart.

#

Zand
had struggled to comprehend the fact that Alex had visited Jennifer.  He
was positive that if Jennifer had known her, she would have said something
while he had been at her apartment earlier.  There was no reason for
Jennifer to have kept that from him.  Zand was sure there must be a
logical explanation.  He couldn’t wait to hear what it was.

That
was one of the questions that he would ask Alex.  If Alex let it come to
that.  Zand knew that once the conversation started, all of the hurt from
the past would rear its ugly head.  The pain and loss that he had felt
from Alex being absent in his life would not compare to Alex’s version.  Even
in his own mind, it didn’t seem like he had tried hard enough.  Resources,
even for a rich eighteen-year-old, had been more limited than he had expected,
especially if the resources had to answer to Jackson.

Zand
felt his eyelids grow heavy from his own lack of sleep.  He had managed an
hour or two more than Alex, but it had been restless, at best.  He smiled
at Alex’s still sleeping form, and snuggled in his own blanket as he allowed
his need to take over.  Zand’s last thoughts were that he hoped to have
the same type of dream that Alex had so obviously enjoyed.  The slight
smile on his face stayed for some time as Zand did share an erotic experience
with the only woman in the world that he had ever wanted.  He had been
meeting her here in the land of unfulfilled dreams for almost twelve years.

His
Alex.

Alex
awoke with the sunlight streaming in across her face.  She groaned as she
covered her eyes in an attempt to shield out the glaring light.  She
sighed contentedly as she felt the instant relief from the rays, but the
chuckle she could hear quickly brought her back to reality.

With
slow movements, Alex lowered the arm that only moments ago had provided much
needed shade.  She opened one eye then the other as she took in her
surroundings.

Zand
waited patiently until Alex turned her head and grinned as he saw Alex’s eyes
widen in surprise.

“Good
afternoon, sleepy head,” Zand greeted, happy that Alex hadn’t bolted.

Alex
sat up, taking in the blanket covered chaise that held Zand’s reclining form.

“I’m
sorry, I guess I was a little more tired than I realized,” Alex offered,
rubbing her eyes.  “Did you sleep out here, too?”

Zand
stretched, letting the blanket fall away from his body.  He saw the shock
on Alex’s face and followed her gaze.  Zand pulled the blanket back
up.  His short, designer briefs offered little in the form of modesty.

“Oh,
I must have been extremely tired myself.  I don’t really remember taking
my shorts off,” Zand explained sheepishly.

Alex,
now fully awake, raised an eyebrow, “Anything else you don’t remember?”

Zand
sat up straight as he heard Alex’s tone.  “Like what?”

Alex
decided that she might as well get to the point.  “Oh, I don’t know,
Zand.  Maybe how to use a phone, how to hold a pen and make words appear
on paper, you know, things like that.”

Zand
let out a long sigh and reached down for his clothes.  Ignoring Alex, he
flung the blanket off his body, and proceeded to don his shorts and tee shirt.

Alex,
knowing she should turn away, found herself watching in spite of herself. 
She let her eyes travel the length of him and for a moment watched in
fascination as Zand’s stomach muscles flexed when he maneuvered his shirt over
his head.

Zand’s
eyes caught Alex’s as he pulled his shirt on down.  He stood up and turning
his back to Alex, pulled his shorts up his long legs and over his well-shaped
ass.  He turned back to face Alex as he buttoned and zipped them.

Alex
idly watched Zand’s movements and let her eyes roam the exquisite form before
she let her eyes travel upward and settle on Zand’s sardonic gaze.  Alex
shrugged her shoulders.  “What?  You want to get dressed in front of
me, then I’m going to watch.  I like to look at sexy men, Zand.”

Zand
raised an eyebrow at this revelation.  “Does that mean that you think I’m
sexy?”

Alex
sighed audibly.  “Yes, Zand, I’m not blind.  You are very sexy, but
that is not important.”

“Was
it important the other night, Alex?”  At Alex’s bemused look, Zand
continued, “At the club when you were trying to pick me up?  By the way,
your pick-up act with the beer bottle was as creative as I remembered you to
be.”

“Glad
I didn’t disappoint you.  I wish that I could say the same for you, but,”
Alex let her voice trial off purposely.

“Touché,”
Zand mumbled as he walked towards the kitchen.

Alex
stood up quickly as Zand exited the room.  What the hell?

“Is
that it, Zand?  The conversation starts to get uncomfortable for you and
then it’s time to leave?  Is that what happened twelve years ago?  I
must have made you uncomfortable, because you sure as hell left me!”  Alex
yelled after the retreating form.

Zand
had reached the elaborately designed kitchen area and stopped cold in his
tracks.  Alex certainly was not going to pull any punches.  She had
always been better at expressing her feelings and getting to the point more
than him.  Apparently, that hadn’t changed, either.

Zand
turned around to call back to Alex and jumped visibly.  He hadn’t heard
Alex approach from behind.

“Well,
I guess that I haven’t lost the ability to make you jump, either.  That’s
one thing that I can count on from the past,” Alex replied as she walked around
Zand to the coffee maker.  It was a modern, single serve design and Alex
pretended great interest in picking out the flavor that she desired.

Zand
had been heading to the same place.  He needed a jolt of something before
he attempted the conversation with Alex.  His preference would have been
for something alcoholic, but, considering the sun was still rising rather than
setting, caffeine would have to suffice.

He
joined Alex in front of the coffee center and quickly selected his own favorite
flavor.  Alex reached overhead and pulled two mugs out of a glass-door
cabinet, sliding one over.  Zand didn’t glance her way as he made quick
work of the machine and waited for his coffee to finish.

He
retrieved his mug and placed Alex’s in the correct location before walking over
to one of several large, full-length glass doors that led out to a private
balcony.  The ocean view was amazing at any time, but the pristine
reflection of the sun shining on the water was one that Zand never tired of.

The
sparkling, rolling water looked so gentle and harmless.  Such a contrast,
Zand thought, to the dark and ominous secrets that it held deep within its
depths.  He looked over and saw Alex approaching with her steaming
cup.  He couldn’t help but make the analogy of the water to Alex.

Zand
turned back to his unobstructed view of the ocean as he enjoyed the last few
moments of calm.  He knew the storm was rising from within the deep, dark
depths of hurricane Alex.

Alex
walked over and stood beside Zand.  While sipping from her steaming cup,
she enjoyed the view that Zand had moments before.  She glanced sideways
at her silent companion.

“It’s
gorgeous and soothing,” Alex commented offhandedly.

Zand
took another sip before turning his body to face Alex.  “I’ll agree with
the view.  It’s gorgeous.  Actually, stunning is more accurate.”

Alex
knew that Zand was including her in his comment.  As flattered as she was,
she just didn’t want to start off with such pleasantries.  She held her
cup between both hands and faced Zand.  “Thanks, but right now, all I want
from you is a talk.  Flattery, Mr. Gabriel, will not work on me right
now.”

“What
will?” Zand pursued.  He knew that he shouldn’t be flirty right now, but
this close proximity to Alex was wreaking havoc on his senses.  He hadn’t
been wrong with his storm analogy of Alex.  He just wasn’t correct on the
type and who it would affect.

Hurricane
Alex was creating all kinds of waves inside of Zand’s body.  The least of
which was the pounding in his ears from his erratic heartbeats.  All of
that from just standing beside her!

Alex
let a small smile tug at her lips.  She knew that Zand was watching her
every move and couldn’t resist letting the tip of her tongue make a show of
moistening her lips.  She wanted to laugh as she heard Zand swallow hard
and try to clear his throat.

Alex
had always been attracted to Zand and now she had little doubt that he felt the
same.

Right
now, that wasn’t enough.  Right now, she needed answers.

Alex
gripped her mug and looked Zand straight in the eyes.  She just stared
into the brown depths until Zand started to shift from discomfort.  Now
she had the upper hand.  She needed for Zand to be at a slight
disadvantage; otherwise, Alex doubted her ability to keep the conversation
verbal.  An oral onslaught against Zand’s body was struggling to free
itself from Alex’s tightly controlled emotions.  If Zand even hinted at
kissing her, then Alex knew she wouldn’t have the strength to turn away, nor
the desire.

She
walked back toward the couch, effectively creating a much needed space between
them.  She placed her mug on a coaster on the table and looked at Zand
expectantly as she took a seat on the couch. Zand followed slowly and mimicked
Alex’s movements, except he sat down on the chaise facing Alex.  He was
ready for this conversation and what he hoped would follow.

Alex
didn’t waste any time.  “Now, you can start from where you want, but I
just want to know what the hell happened after camp and why are you here now,
clearly seeking me out.  Why now, Zand?  Why not then?  Did I do
something to put you off?”

Zand
was stunned at the last question.  Did Alex think that she did something
wrong?

“Alex,
you didn’t do anything wrong.  I just…I just…,” Zand took a deep breath
and decided to start from the beginning.  Alex deserved to know
everything.

“Alex,
the last phone conversation that we had…”

“The
one where you acted so strange and couldn’t wait to get off the phone with me?”
Alex interrupted.

“Yes,
that one.  There was a reason, Alex, that I sounded strange to you.”

“You
were trying your best to let me down gently, weren’t you?  I was just too
naïve to see it.”

“Alex,
that’s not it.  Not even close.  Just let me finish, okay?” 
Zand pleaded.

“Sorry. 
But that is what I thought.”

Zand
was surprised.  “You actually thought that I was trying to get rid of
you?”

Alex
laughed sarcastically.  “What else was I to think?  We talked every
day, then all of a sudden you were completely different and the conversation
was cut short, and...”

“And?” 
Zand asked.

“And
nothing, Zand.  That’s the
whole
point.  That was it followed
by twelve years!  Twelve long years, Zand!  Not a single word! 
Not a call, not a dear Alex letter…not a damn thing!  Then all of a sudden
you waltz into my favorite club.  And, in the most bizarre of events, I
try to pick you up!”  Alex shakes her head unbelievably.

“Put
like that, Alex, I guess it was rather bizarre.  For you.”

“What
does that mean?”

“It
means that there is more to the story, Alex, than you know.”

“Ok,
Zand, why don’t you fill me in on everything.”  Alex plumped a pillow
behind her back and settled into the couch.  She crossed her arms and
glared at Zand.  “I’m ready, Zand.  Now, tell me everything that I
don’t
know!” Alex tried unsuccessfully to hide the sneer from her voice.

Zand
leaned forward as he started his story.  At the mention of Jackson’s role,
he could see Alex visibly stiffen.  Zand paused and looked questioningly
at her.

“What
is it?”

“Nothing,
I just remembered how upset you would be after every phone call from him. 
I really thought that you just overreacted until I met him the last night I was
at camp.”  Alex shook her head at the memory.  “I’m sorry to say
this, Zand, but your dad is a condescending ass!”

Zand
would have liked to disagree with Alex’s summation, but he knew it was the
truth.  Jackson was an ass and he was the sole reason that he was in this
predicament in the first place.  If he would have stayed out of Zand’s
personal life, then who knows what would have happened.  But, he hadn’t
and Zand’s life had been put on hold until now.  Finally, he was back on
the road that he had wanted to travel.  This was his time and no one was
going to ruin it.

Zand
brought himself back to current reality.  Alex was waiting for him to
resume his story.  “I know that he is a difficult man to like, Alex, and
he expects everything to go according to his plan.  A plan that evidently
included me and my life choices.”  Zand smiled.

“I
thought that I could do whatever I wanted with my life, but there was a major
flaw that I had never considered.”

“A
flaw?”  Alex questioned.  “Such as?”

“I
could do whatever I wanted as long as it met with Jackson’s approval.  I
already knew that he wouldn’t approve of me pursuing a career in the art field
regardless of the angle.  I was interested in the business aspect, as in
having my own art gallery,” Zand paused.

“I
remember,” Alex mumbled as she looked away from Zand.

Smiling
faintly at Alex, Zand continued, “I hoped you would.”

As
Alex looked quickly back to Zand to question the last comment, Zand stood and
continued his story as he walked around the room.  He would pause
periodically to look at a piece of sculpture on display, or a painting on the
wall, all the while, sneaking glances at Alex to gauge her reaction.

Alex
sat emotionless as she listened to Zand’s narration of his life over the past
twelve years.  It seemed that Jackson had succeeded in getting his
way.  After he had unsuccessfully looked for Alex, Zand had completed high
school, attended four years at Yale and left with a very impressive B.S.
degree.

Alex
grinned as Zand told her of the constant battle with Jackson when he kept
adding more art related classes to his already loaded curriculum.  Kudos
to Zand for sticking to his guns about something.  It was a small battle,
but at least he had achieved success for something that he had wanted.

Zand
had, as per Jackson’s plan, worked at Gabriel Enterprises after graduating from
Yale.  Surprisingly, Zand had enjoyed it more than he would have
expected.  He dealt with a lot of VIP’s and part of the perks was that he
could attend any function that he had an interest in.  Sold out plays or
shows were never an obstacle.  Tickets to the best seats always found
their way into Zand’s hands.  The Gabriel name was quite useful when
needed, and for that fact, Zand silently thanked his father.  Zand moved
in a world that excluded nothing from his grasp.

Nothing,
except Alex.  But that, Zand hoped, was going to change.

As
Zand paused to let everything sink in, Alex was shaking her head.

“What?”
Zand asked.

“I
can see how things just kept spiraling out of our control.  But, the
letters that you sent to our company should have been delivered to me.  I
wonder what happened to them?”

“I
don’t know, Alex.”

Alex
suddenly had an idea.  “Zand, did your dad know that you sent those
letters there?”

“No,
of course not.  He would try to dissuade me whenever I would mention you
or your parents.  Finally, I quit bringing you up.”

“Did
you mail the letters yourself?”  Alex already knew the answer before Zand
uttered a word.

“Well,
no, not personally.  I left them with the outgoing mail at the
office.”  At Alex’s grim look, Zand added, “Alex, there were tons of mail
going out daily.  I always put the letters on the bottom of the pile so
Dad wouldn’t see them.”

“And
you somehow think that worked?  Do you not think that he made sure that
everyone knew that he was to okay anything with your name on it?  That’s
all it would have taken.  And they all worked for Jackson, Zand.  He
signed their paychecks.  Loyalty can be bought.”

Zand
realized that Alex was probably right.  He had not, for one moment,
considered the fact that those letters may not have left Gabriel
Enterprises.  He had just assumed that Alex had received them and never
replied.

“So,”
Alex continued, “the letters were your last attempt to contact me, is that
right?”

“Yes,
after it was apparent that you hadn’t returned to your school.  It was the
only option that I hadn’t tried.  I quit calling after I felt like I was
bothering the receptionist unduly.”

“How
many did you send?” Alex was curious.

Zand
looked sheepishly at Alex.  “I wrote one every day for a while.”

“What
is ‘a while’?  A few days, a week, or what?” Alex was really curious now.

“Six
months.  I wrote you a letter every day for six months, Alex.  After
that, with no response, I finally conceded defeat.”

Alex
could see how hurt Zand must have been, too.  While Alex had left two
weeks’ worth of phone messages, Zand had been out of the country and kept oddly
busy during the times that a phone call could have been made.  Alex had
been understandably hurt, but then her own life took an unexpected turn. 
Her father had an emergency situation with some overseas clients and needed to
handle it in person.  With the family still reeling from Gran’s death, he
decided that the best thing would be for all of them to go.  The situation
had turned into more than could be quickly resolved, and the Kensingtons had
ended up spending longer in Europe than had been expected.  A private
tutor for Alex had been hired and she had spent her last year of high school
abroad.  The hands on education had proven to be invaluable later, but, it
had succeeded in severing the bond that the camp mates had built that fateful
summer.

“I
guess Jackson did tell me the truth.  You had relocated abroad.”

“No. 
Well, yes and no.  Yes, we were out of the country, but no one knew for
how long.  It was supposed to be a couple of weeks, but problem after
problem kept popping up.  Like a domino effect.  The next thing we
knew, school was starting and unless my parents wanted to live on separate
continents, the only alternative was to stay and hire a tutor for me.” 
Alex shrugged.  “One year, somehow, turned into two before we returned
home.”

“Home
to?” Zand pressed.

“Well,
North Carolina, as it turned out.  My parents had always wanted to return
there to live someday, and, after living abroad for almost two years, they were
tired of the whole jet-setting life.  My dad sold the company, and he and
Mom bought a house with a few acres of land in the country.”

Zand
looked away from Alex.  He already knew the answer.  “Did you attend
college in North Carolina?”

“I
did for the first two years, but when I decided that I really wanted to pursue
a career in film, then I knew that there was only one place for me.”

“And
where was that?”

“L.A. 
I came back to California.  I transferred to UCLA and managed to get a
degree while getting reacquainted with the California life style,” Alex
chuckled with this admission.

Zand
ignored the question that rose within him.  He didn’t want to know how
Alex had spent her college days, or rather, with who.  He knew that Alex
was single, but, with her performance at the club fresh in his mind, Zand
doubted that she spent much time alone.

Was
Alex a player?  He squelched the twinge of jealousy that tried to rise up
at the thought of anyone else with Alex and concentrated on the present.

“You
seem to know your way around this hotel room.  Been here before?”

Alex
was surprised at this turn in questioning.  “Where did that come
from?  And know my way around?  What is
that
supposed to
mean?”