Haeven (11 page)

"Will every day be like this?" I asked
myself. "Nothing seems to be going right any more. Everything I do,
everything I've done...it all seems so...so wrong."

I thought about Jesse and how betrayed he
must have felt when they passed judgment on him.

"What do they do to the...outcasts?" my mind
couldn't come up with a more appropriate word. "Do they kill them?"
I wondered. "No, Herrik would never let that happen," and I was
absolutely certain I was right especially after learning that he
had taken such a terrible risk in order to protect Penny and
myself.

"Where do they go and what happens to them?
Was Daemon an outcast? Did they judge him the way they judged
Jesse? Or maybe he ran away before they could. He must have done
something horribly wrong if Carah was trying to kill him." I
clenched my jaw, "I don't like her!" and though I thought it was
something I had just decided it was really something I felt right
from the start.

"And poor Penny! Herrik told me she doesn't
remember. He must have made her forget; Carah said that he could do
that. Is that all they do?" Then for a brief moment I wished Herrik
had made me forget; forget what I had done, forget why I was
there...maybe even forget my mother and father and brother so I
wouldn't miss them so much. I didn't really want to forget my
family; just then they were the only happy memories I had but my
heart ached to forget everything else.

"I want you to remember," Herrik had said. He
defied Artur because he wanted me to remember so I would never put
him or anyone else for that matter in such a difficult situation
again. He wanted the day's events to serve as a reminder for me to
think twice about ever trying to leave again. He seemed to know
that I might not hesitate to put myself in jeopardy but I would
never knowingly let anyone else get hurt at my expense.

I heard Penny's soft rap on the door,
"Emily?"

"Yep, I'm coming," I hopped off the bed,
hastily washed my hands and found her in the kitchen.

After we ate her belongings began to arrive,
brought down from her own apartment by a steady stream of visitors.
Some lingered after they stacked her boxes in the appropriate rooms
and helped her unpack. Everyone else left after leaving their
deliveries and a word or two of well-wishing. There didn't seem any
point to me being there during these impromptu visits so rather
than staying cooped up and forced to meet any of the strange people
that came by I decided to explore the garden.

I was uplifted by the fact that it was right
outside my front door and in my mind I attempted to retrace the
route we had taken to the apartment. I wondered if I would be able
to find my way to the pond again thinking that would be the best
place to go without worrying too much about getting lost. As soon
as I finished eating I cleaned up, grabbed a pair of shoes and
quietly slipped out the front door. I was looking down as I exited,
tugging on my shoes and as I hopped a step or two up the path I ran
straight into Carah.

She was standing with her back towards me
looking out across the expanse of trees and shrubs and was
completely surprised and utterly annoyed when I stumbled into
her.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I wasn't expecting you
to be there."

"Nor was I," she grumbled.

I moved around her and started wandering down
the path I thought most likely to take me towards the pond. Carah
followed directly behind me. I tried not to let it bother me and as
soon as I came to a split in the path I had chosen I broke off from
it and changed directions.  Carah did the same.

"Are you following me," I asked unable to
check the disapproval in my voice. "I'm just going to the
pond."

Carah raised her eyebrows at me, "The pond is
that way," she pointed.

"Right. Thanks!" I smiled and turned in the
opposite direction.

As soon as I started walking again Carah did
as well.

"Are you going to the pond, too?" I asked
fully dismayed.

Carah opened her mouth to speak, stopped,
opened it again and said, "Herrik asked me to stay with you; until
you know your way around and are familiar with some of the people
you're likely to meet."

It didn't take me long to fully understand
exactly what was happening. Carah was obviously there to keep an
eye on me and to make sure that I didn't cause any more trouble. I
wondered if it would be a permanent condition or a temporary one.
The prospect of having Carah constantly on my heels made me feel
more than resentful; another burden to add to the countless others
I suddenly had to bear.

Full of longing I looked down the path she
said would lead me to the pond then back up the path toward the
apartment door and before I could make a decision as to whether or
not to go on Artur came into view and began walking towards us.

"Emily, just the person I was looking for." I
was completely taken aback and my mind went into a whirlwind of
fear as he drew near the two of us. "May I walk with you a
moment?"

I could only nod wide-eyed and nervous.

"Where are you heading?" he asked.

I didn't have the sense or courage to answer
just then. Carah spoke up for me, "The pond," she indicated the
path with a toss of her head.

"Perfect," Artur smiled and laying his hand
on my shoulder he began to lead me away.

Of all the people I had met so far Artur was
the one I feared the most. After he had condemned me in my
apartment for not realizing what I had done to Herrik and Penny I
knew he hated me, perhaps more than I imagined Herrik did. Carah
didn't like me either, I was sure of that, so I was too afraid to
talk or do anything other than what I thought they wanted me to
do.

"So, Emily, Herrik has been very generous
with your new apartment."

"Yes," I replied.

"Not so very long ago it was his, did you
know that?"

I was somewhat surprised by the idea,
"No."

Carah was shuffling along a number of feet
behind us, purposefully hanging back it seemed. I wondered if it
was something Artur had told her to do or if she was just being
indifferent now that Artur had taken charge of where we were
going.

"How old are you Emily?"

"I'll be 16 in November."

"Very good. And what grade are you in?"

"I'll be a junior this year."

"Mmm hmm. What are your favorite
subjects?"

This was a confusing conversation to be
having.  I couldn't imagine why he would take such an interest
in me especially after my attempt to flee and knowing the possible
exposure it would have brought to him and the others.

I answered Artur's questions as quickly and
concisely as I could manage and eventually we arrived at the pond.
Artur motioned to one of the benches and had me take a seat. Carah
waited nearby resting her weight against a shady tree and looking
thoroughly disinterested in everything we discussed.

When Artur's interview was over and he felt
he had gleaned enough information from me he told me what it was
all for. "Well, I will have Carah take you back to your apartment.
After a few days and once you and Penny have had a chance to get
settled I will send for you and we can begin your studies."

"Studies?" I blurted out.

"Oh, yes, didn't Herrik tell you?" I shook my
head. "Well, he's had a lot of other concerns these past few days,"
he said somewhat pointedly. "No one is idle here, young Emily. If
you are not working here or out there," he motioned with his arm,
"you are studying or doing whatever else you can to improve the
quality of our lives. I'm sure you understand." Not fully, but I
nodded anyway. "Good. Carah," Artur hurriedly stood up. "What day
is it?" he asked. I had no idea.

"Thursday," Carah offered.

"Very good. Monday then. I will send someone
for you Monday morning."

Artur nodded a farewell to Carah and without
another word stepped away. I sat in a confused paralysis as I
watched him leave.

"Are you ready to go home yet?" Carah asked
snapping me out of the bewildered state I was in.

"Yes," I sighed, "I guess I am."

I gave the pond a sweeping glance and after
she pointed me in the right direction we got on our way. Carah
stayed behind me but not so far that I couldn't speak with her if I
wished. I was horrified by the thought of having to study with
Artur. I was sure he would be a ruthless teacher under the
circumstances and couldn't help myself from wondering out loud.

"Do you think he will ever forgive me?"

"What's that?" Carah asked.

"Oh, nothing," I tried to brush it off.

"Forgive you for what? Artur is not one to
hold a grudge."

It was a ray of hope and I brightened at the
confidence of Carah's statement. Unthinkingly, I answered "For what
Herrik did for me and for Penny."

"What did Herrik do for you that Artur would
have any reason to be angry about? Surely not the apartment...no
one has lived there for years."

I began to suspect that Carah didn't know
what had happened at the judgment and my heart shrank with the idea
that I might have just betrayed Herrik yet again.

"It was nothing, really, just..." I couldn't
think of a convincing lie. "I saw Artur arguing with Herrik; he
thinks you would all be better off if I weren't here. Herrik
insisted I stay though."

Carah narrowed her eyes at me, "Yes, he
would," she mumbled.

For a split second I felt that strange
prickling behind my eyes and thought she might be trying to
discover whether or not I had spoken truthfully. As soon as I
recognized the attempt I remembered what Herrik had taught me and
the sensation quickly faded. I was sure that Carah knew what I had
just done and she seemed very irritated by the idea that I could
keep her out of my thoughts.

She didn't let on though and thankfully
didn't press me for any further explanations. We hardly said
another word until we got back to the apartment.

"I'll be right here if you need me," she said
with a smile that looked more like a sneer than anything else.

I nervously smiled back hating myself for
what I may have given away and imagining all the horrible things
could come from it then let myself into the apartment.

"Oh, thank God, there you are!" Penny cried
out when she saw me. "I didn't know where you were. Where did you
go? You should have left a note!"

"I'm sorry," it came out in little more than
a whisper I was so worked up about what I had said to Carah.
"Everyone was busy; I didn't think you'd miss me."

Penny saw how uncomfortable I was and assumed
it was because of the harsh tone she was speaking to me with, "No,"
she said somewhat apologetically, "no, it wasn't your fault I
worried. I just...Herrik asked me to look after you and he would
never forgive me if anything happened to you."

"Oh," I thought, "if she only knew. Herrik
would probably thank his lucky stars!" Thinking that way made me
plunge even further into my guilt. "It won't happen again," I
promised.

Penny cocked her head at me and studied me
for a minute, "Emily, are you feeling alright? You look a
little...I don't know...tired, run down."

I wished so much that she wouldn't talk to me
like that. She was so sweet and concerned; so motherly. "I'm fine,"
I assured her and knowing that it would only worry her more if I
didn't have a worthy excuse for my moroseness I explained to her
that I ran into Artur while I was out and that he told me I would
have to start studying with him first thing Monday.

"So that's what's got you down," she smiled
with relief. "School!"

I tried smiling back.

"Well, try not to imagine the worst. Artur is
an excellent teacher and I'm sure you will enjoy spending time with
him."

I knew that wasn't at all true.

There was so much I wanted to tell her just
then, so many things I wanted to confess. I imagined how nice it
would feel to have her hold me and to hear her say that everything
would be alright. I pictured her comforting me and telling me that
it wasn't my fault; just a series of unfortunate events – accidents
that no one could possibly have prevented. But Herrik had made me
promise and I had already made so many mistakes. I couldn't afford
to make any more.

I tried to change the subject and looked
around at all the empty boxes, "Did you manage to get everything
unpacked?"

"For the most part. There's a few odds and
ends here and there but nothing I need to get to right away. Oh,
that reminds me, we moved your boxes to your room. You should put
your things away when you have a chance – no hurry, though," she
added hoping it wouldn't sound too much like she was telling me
what to do.

"Now's as good a time as any," I shrugged,
"might as well get it out of the way."

"Would you like some help?"

"No thank you. I can manage."

"Well, let me know if you change your mind,"
Penny sighed.

Once I was alone in my room my happy façade
faded. I began unpacking the few boxes of my belongings and putting
them away one by one. There wasn't much to do, mostly just hanging
the clothes Herrik or Avery or whoever he sent out had bought me. I
noticed that there were a number of new articles I hadn't seen
before and thought to myself that Herrik must have expanded my
wardrobe while I was away with Carah and Artur. Eventually I came
to the shirt he had given me to use for nightclothes and seeing it
gave me another stab of regret.

"Please don't let anything happen to him!
Please don't let Carah know what he did for me!" I pleaded as I
buttoned it up and hung it in the far corner of the closet.

When I was done I knew I wasn't ready to face
Penny again so soon so I stretched out on my bed and tried to
extinguish all my unhappy thoughts. My nerves were wrought though
and I couldn't think of anything else. Every moment that passed I
imagined would be the moment Carah would come bursting through my
door to drag me off to the chamber where they had judged Jesse and
Penny. They would examine my thoughts and learn exactly what Herrik
had done. He would be condemned and probably me and Penny, too,
along with Artur and Avery who, other than myself, were apparently
the only ones who knew of the deception.