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Authors: Jillian Hart

Tags: #Romance, #Contemporary, #Christian Fiction

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BOOK: Handful of Heaven
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Paige leaned to the side to bring Evan in focus through the order-up window. Yeah, totally cool, to use the teenager’s phrase.

But not “cool” the way Brandilyn probably meant it. Cool, in Paige’s opinion, because he was the kind of man who stayed. He’d been the one to pick up the pieces when his marriage failed. He raised his boys, made them a good home. He’d provided for them and gave them a good head start in the world.

He was a nice man, handsome, strong, capable and with those wide shoulders of his, he could make a woman, even one as jaded as she, wish…just a little in absolutely impossible dreams.

And how foolish was that? “After you run a load of dishes, could you start prepping salads? If this weather keeps up, we’re going to be dead tonight, so if you want to go early, it would be okay.”

“Like, who wants to work?” The girl pitched her voice over the chink and clang of the dishes as she unloaded the bin. “But I really need the hours. Like super bad.”

“Then how do you feel about managing the front tonight?”

“You mean it?” A cup crashed into the top rack as Brandilyn spun around, forgetting what she was doing, excitement lighting her up. “That’d be so sweet! Like, I can do it. I know I can. Well, except for the cash register. But I’m catching on. Really, I am.”

“I know, sweetie. You’re doing great. You get better every week.”

“Ya think so?”

The girl brightened so much, Paige saw all of Brandilyn’s potential. The teenager was so bright, when she applied herself. She only had to figure that out. “I do. Did you get your registration notice from the community college yet?”

“It came and now Bree and I have to figure out what to take. It’s totally weird.”

“Did you want to bring your stuff by and we can go over it?”

“That’d be so awesome.” Brandilyn put all her youthful energy into stacking the dishes into the industrial washer. “So, like, are you gonna go out with him?”

The fryer-basket handle slipped from Paige’s fingers and plunged back into the sizzling hot oil. She jumped back in time to avoid getting burned, but she had the distinct impression she wasn’t going to avoid getting burned in a metaphorical sense. The twins had overheard Evan. How many others had?

As if thinking of him had made him materialize before her eyes, her gaze found him. A six-foot-plus flesh-and-blood man, solid and substantial and everything that could possibly be good in a male human being, and something deep within her sighed at the sight of him standing in the threshold. That sigh was absolutely something she did not want to admit she felt, especially to herself.

“You’re busy.” His molasses-dark gaze roamed over her like a touch. “I’ll just leave this on the counter by the till, okay?”

Her gaze slid to the ticket and the twenty-dollar bill in his hand. In his big, strong-looking hands that made her wonder what it would be like to feel that hand enclosed over hers. What would it be like to feel his wide palm against hers and his thick, tapered fingers twined through hers. Would she feel safe? Sheltered? Cherished?

There I go again, wishing for fairy tales. What was it about certain men that could affect a woman so foolishly? “I’ll ring that up for you right now.”

It was surprisingly hard to meet his gaze, and the moment their eyes connected he jerked away as if she’d slapped him. “I’ll wait out here then.”

And he was gone, big athletic strides that took him from her sight. That settled it. She
had
hurt his feelings. That was so far from what she’d intended. The surprise of his proposition still rocked her. Date? Her?

It was preposterous to think of dating at her age anyway. Ridiculous. Who would be interested in a woman with too much responsibility, too much work, and too many people to take care of? And no interests, no time for hobbies, let alone letting a man woo her into believing he loved her.

Hold it, your bitterness is showing. She cast a quick prayer of forgiveness heavenward. It was not easy trying to keep a clear heart in this world where men existed.

Oops, there it was again. In truth, she was a
little
bitter toward the male gender and although it had significantly faded over the years, as she’d gotten a better handle on it, it had not vanished completely.

She vowed to work harder on it as she caught sight of Evan waiting for her at the front counter.

He looked out the window. Gazed down the aisle. He looked at the award plaques from the local Better Business Bureau on the wall behind her. He looked everywhere but at her.

Lord, I have hurt him.
She hadn’t meant to, but what did she do now to fix this? She rang up the sale, counted back his change. But he held up his hand.

“Keep it.” He looked straight ahead as he turned away. “See ya.”

“Have a good day, Evan.”

She watched the door swing shut, and she felt horrible. She’d been so stunned and confused she hadn’t handled the situation right. She hated it when she made a mistake that hurt someone else, and she’d bungled this one but good.

This wasn’t about the fact that Evan was a good customer. This was personal. She thought he was okay, for a man. Probably one of the most responsible men she knew, and responsibility was something she thought was a virtue in a man. He didn’t deserve her rather cool response to him. He didn’t deserve that kind of treatment at all.

And what if this stopped him from attending the Bible study? What if he’d been asking her so he wouldn’t be going into a social situation alone, without a friendly face, and she’d blown that for him, too?

I have to fix this. I have to make this right. Somehow, someway, she vowed, telling herself it was her conscience that was troubling her.

And not her heart.

Chapter Six

E
van shoveled the foot-high accumulation of wet, sloppy snow off his front walkway and grimaced as his back spasmed in protest. He’d leave the stuff to melt on its own, except that the local station had broken in to the baseball-game coverage to announce freezing temps and more snow expected overnight.

Yippee. He loved Montana weather…
not,
as Cal would say. With any luck, spring would return in full force soon and he could start planning that trip up into the foothills.

Until then, it looked as if he would spend the rest of the weekend snowed in.

Good thing I stopped by the grocery store on the way home. It looked like he might be snowed in for a day or two.

As he slipped the edge of the shovel under the block of snow and heaved, humiliation rushed over him like the bite of the north wind. He’d needed something to do after leaving the diner. He’d called Phil on his cell to say he was going without explaining why he hadn’t waited. He felt bad about that, but he’d fill him in the next time they were face to face.

What he felt even worse about was how he’d come on to Paige McKaslin like a teenager asking for his first date.

It wasn’t just his inexperience with these matters. No, that wasn’t what was eating him up inside. It was worse than that. It was that he hadn’t even given it any forethought. Any planning. The question had just rolled impulsively off his tongue—and he didn’t date! He didn’t want to date. He planned on never dating again.

And, of course, the worst part of all was that she’d turned him down flat.

What was it she’d said?
That’s hysterical
had been her exact words, and she’d looked as if she were trying not to laugh. She didn’t date; okay, he could live with that. But he knew it wasn’t the truth.

Why on earth didn’t Paige date? She was a gorgeous, hardworking, together woman. Come to think of it, it was strange she’d never remarried. He knew the rumor was that her husband had had enough of her and run off, but that was gossip he’d accidentally overheard around town years ago and he didn’t believe it.

Not anymore, he figured, remembering the vulnerable woman he’d gotten to know last night

Unfortunately, that same Paige McKaslin didn’t seem to be available when he’d asked her out. The professional, every-hair-in-place businesswoman had shown up to say no.

He didn’t feel put down or even put out. But his chest was knotted up so tight and he couldn’t explain it. See why he’d given up dealing with women long ago? See the kind of tangled mess they tied a reasonable man up in?

He didn’t want to admit that regret was building up in him like the snow on the ground. Cold, and growing colder, he gave the contents of the shovel a good toss—and his back snapped, lightning-fast pain searing down his back and into his left leg.

That can’t be good. He didn’t dare move. Not at first. The pain was too searing. He took a few quick breaths and tried moving the leg that wasn’t wracked with knifing pain. It made a fresh wave of agony explode in the small of his back. Great. What a treat to be forty-two.

Then, suddenly, through the veil of snow, came two golden beams of light. At first he thought it was Blake’s Jeep roaring up the snow-laden driveway, but then he noticed it wasn’t a black vehicle, but a dark-green new model. It wasn’t Phil; he drove a van, and Cal had that undependable sports car—

The light blinded him for a split second and then the SUV turned the last curve and slid to a graceful stop in the driveway. The porch lights shone on the window so he couldn’t see whom was behind the wheel until the vehicle’s door swung open, turning on the dome light.

And he saw Paige McKaslin emerging into the storm, dressed in a dark-green parka and brown hat, mittens and scarf. It was all he noticed because humiliation was starting to drag him down.

What on earth is
she
doing here? He lowered the shovel with great effort. Even moving his arms made his back spasm even more. Wind battered him. Falling snow pummeled him. But neither was as hard to endure as the woman’s agile progress along the freshly shoveled pathway.

“Evan! I hope you don’t mind I dropped by. I tried calling. I looked your number up before I left the diner, but there was no answer.”

Be strong. Stoic. Cool. Although how he was going to do that and act as if he wasn’t in agony remained a mystery. “I’ve been out shoveling the walk. About this time, I miss the boys. They were handy for chores like this.”

“And I bet it was much easier on your back when they did the shoveling.”

“Now, why would you say that? There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m a man in the prime of my life. A little shoveling is nothing to me.”

“Is that right? Then why do you look as if you’re frozen in one position?”

“I’m a little cold, is all.”

“And the grimace on your face is from seeing me?”

“Uh, not so much. I think my back went out. I have a bad disk.”

“I thought I recognized that particular look of torture. Can you move?” Paige shifted the heavy sack she carried to her other arm and tracked up the icy concrete walkway. “Do you need help?”

“My pride has taken a serious blow today, but I think I’ll live.”

Paige tried not to be affected by the sight of him. With all his wide capable strength, he didn’t appear decrepit. He somehow seemed even more masculine and powerful as he lowered the shovel to the ground and leaned on it like a cane. “What brings you by?”

“I owe you an apology.” She lifted the sack, concentrating on it because she didn’t want to look at him in case dislike for her showed on his face. “You surprised me so much, Evan, I just didn’t realize what I was saying. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He looked like a pillar of steel. Strong. Unyielding. Unfeeling.

She’d never felt so awkward in her life. Maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe he’d hardly cared that she’d said no. So how foolish was it that she was standing here, fixing something that wasn’t broken and now making everything worse?

She’d never been in this situation before. Her teenage years had not been average. She’d never dated; she had the responsibilities of her younger brother and sisters. She had grownup problems and no time to date. It wasn’t until Jimmy had started working at the diner that she’d had her first real taste of romance. Felt the first flutter of joy at seeing that special man’s face, hearing his voice, spending time just talking and getting to know him. Experienced the first wishes for sweet kisses and holding hands and hopes for a happy marriage.

Look how that turned out. She’d been so wrong then. She was probably just as wrong now. “At least let me leave this with you.”

“That looks like a meal from the diner.”

“It’s more than that. It’s not only a peace offering, but also a chicken dinner of appreciation. You keep insisting on paying for your meals instead of letting me give you a meal in thanks, so I’m bringing supper to you. Did you think I was a pushover? That I was a woman who gave up easily?”

Evan remained motionless. “I guess I never much thought about that.”

Okay, I guess that’s answer enough. She was making way too much of this. No wonder he was staring at her as though he was in the greatest pain. He was put out. She’d never been to his place before, although she drove past his driveway numerous times every day.

She’d never been much more than a distant acquaintance with him, despite the fact that they’d had teenage sons in sports and school and church groups together. He’d asked her to come to a Bible study with him, not exactly the full-blown date she was making this out to be. What do you bet he’s really regretting asking me to go with him now?

It was time to fix what mess she’d made and retreat. “I hope you’ll accept this in good faith. Are you still thinking about coming to this week’s Bible study?”

“Couldn’t say.”

“I don’t want you to miss out because of how I’ve behaved.”

“That’s not it. Really.” Okay, that wasn’t exactly the truth, Evan thought as he fought the blinding pain hacking through his spine, but it was close enough. Now he wasn’t sure if he would go. What if his back was still out? At least he could salvage his pride. “It was nice of you to stop by. Are you working at the diner tonight?”

She looked flustered. And if it was possible for Paige to look lovelier, then she certainly did now. A delicate pink bloomed across her cheeks and nose from the cold but also from her emotions as she glanced longingly in the direction of her vehicle. “I shouldn’t have bothered you. I’ll let you get back to your shoveling. Want me to put this on the step for you?”

Since he didn’t want to admit he couldn’t move, he nodded and made a grunt that would pass for a “yes.” He gave thanks that he wasn’t blocking the pathway to the porch because a herd of rampaging buffalo couldn’t have forced him to move an inch out of the way.

Trying not to breathe too deeply and not to force his spine to move in the slightest, he prayed,
God, please let this pain end.
He wasn’t sure if he was asking for relief from the physical or emotional agony.

He could tell Paige thought he was mad at her. That he was holding against her the fact that she’d turned him down. How did he admit that he had bigger problems, like the ability to stand tall the way a man should and not whimper? Stand tough, Thornton. It’s only a little back pain.

Determined to maintain mind over matter, Evan tilted his head in her direction. The resulting strain on his lower spine wasn’t too bad. Encouraging. Maybe he could fix this situation he’d found himself in with a few kind words. “That’s mighty decent of you, Paige, to come all this way.”

“It’s all right. I owe you, too, for recommending Phil. He walked me through the first phase of repairs he wants to do, and I know he’s given me an extremely low price. I suspect that might have something to do with you.”

“I just told him how hard you work to keep that diner going and supporting your family is all. Phil’s a family man. He knows what that takes. I’m glad you’re happy with him. After all, your diner is where I eat most of my dinners these days.”

“I wouldn’t want that to change. Or for you to feel as if you couldn’t risk coming in and seeing me behind the counter.” She slipped the sack on the top step of the porch, and even in her layers of winter wear, she moved like poetry. Lithe and limber and graceful.

He felt it again, that overwhelming impulse gathering on his tongue. Just like before. He wanted to stop her from leaving. He wanted to ask her to stay, and he already knew her answer. She had a diner to run, she wasn’t interested, she didn’t date and she probably thought he was a dud for standing as still as a rock in his front yard. Somehow he managed to keep the words inside as she swept past, leaving a strange impression like a touch to his soul. He didn’t breathe freely until she was safely buckled behind the wheel of her Jeep and backing up to turn around in the driveway.

As he watched her vehicle’s taillights blink red in the gathering dusk, he felt the pain return in full force. The wintry wind sliced through him as if he were standing outside only in his drawers. He shivered, but it wasn’t only the physical cold he felt. Or only physical pain.

Why, God? Are you trying to tell me something?

Maybe it was just loneliness, Evan reasoned, but that didn’t explain that he’d never experienced this feeling around any other woman. No other had ever made him want to set aside the disaster Liz—and marriage—had brought him and try again. Because, he couldn’t help thinking, loneliness was another kind of painful disaster in a man’s life and maybe, with a different woman, a better woman, the outcome might be different, too.

He thought of what Phil had with his Marie. He thought of other people who seemed happy in their relationships. As Paige’s Jeep pulled toward the last corner in the driveway, ready to disappear around a large stand of fir trees at the bend, he wondered if she ever wished for a different life and for someone to love, too.

Alone, in the quiet hours of the night, when no one could hear or know, and when the sting of loneliness seemed the greatest, did she, too, wish for a marriage that could work, for a happy connection to another? For that special kind of love you read about and saw in movies, a gentle, welcome place?

The shovel slipped from his fingers and thudded to the ground at his feet. Before he remembered his back, he automatically tried to bend to pick it up and then realized, as the vicious pain axed through his disk, that he couldn’t move. Right. Only thinking about a woman could be powerful enough to make a man forget about a slipped disk.

Agony wrenched through his spine. He couldn’t stand here forever, that was for sure, but he didn’t seem able to move either. The Jeep’s taillights disappeared from his peripheral vision and he was utterly alone.

The tap, tap of the falling snow, the whisper of the wind through the trees, the solemn feeling of a winter’s cold settled around him.

Okay, he was tough. He could handle a little back pain. All it was going to take was a little willpower. And, he thought, a little prayer. With Herculean effort, he shuffled his boot an inch and shifted his weight. Since it was progress, he didn’t complain.

Any second now his back was going to release, his spine was going to snap painfully back into place and he’d be able to get back in the house like the man he was, the man who worked out at the gym five days a week.

That second just hadn’t happened yet. But he was a patient man. He dragged his left leg, enduring the pain traveling through his hip and down his thigh, and inched closer to the walkway.

That’s when he heard the roar of an engine, muffled through the heavy curtain of snow. Maybe Paige was having problems with drifted snow on the driveway. He hoped she made it back to town safely. He thought about heading in her direction just to make sure she didn’t need help, but then he realized that by the time he made it all the way down the mile-long driveway, it would be midnight. She was a competent woman; she seemed as if she could handle anything.

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