Hanging On (10 page)

Really, he was just an amusement for a couple of days. I haven’t seen or talked to him since we left your place.”

“I know,” Sophia said as gently as she could. She needed to catch Livia off guard if she was going to get the truth from her. “It’s what you said to him after you left that concerns me.”

Her hands fluttered again, moving to her throat, and then back to close around her coffee cup. “That wasn’t supposed to get back to you.”

“Livia, if you aren’t enjoying our scenes together, you’re under no obligation to come back for more. I won’t be upset with you for dissolving our game.”

She studied the pattern of black specks on the white table. “I like our games, and I hate them, too.”

A heaviness settled in Sophia’s chest. She never meant to make Livia feel like this. “Livia, stop treating me like I hold all the cards. We’re equals, you and I.”

Her head snapped up. “Are we?” Round spots of anger stained her cheeks. “I let you tie me up and whip me until tears run down my face. Even then, I don’t want you to stop. You always use the men I bring you too well.

I’ve tried to replicate the way you make me feel. I’ve tried to find a lover to replace you, but I can’t. Every try is a failure. I hate the control you have over me.”

Sophia was careful to not touch her. Any physical contact couldn’t help but be a controlling move, even if it was meant reassuringly. “I do those things because you want me to do them. Livia, if our scenes make you feel this way, then we’re done with them. They’re supposed to set you free, not make you hate yourself or me. It’s supposed to be fun, that’s all. You aren’t in love with me.”

She shook her head. “I’m not even attracted to you. I like the scenes you make. I wish I could make them without you.”

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“Maybe you want to switch sides,” Sophia suggested. “Maybe you want to give being dominant a try.”

A strange light glinted in her eye, bringing strength with it. “Maybe I do,” she said. “I suppose that means we’re done with our games.”

“The fact that you aren’t loving our games means we’re through with them,” Sophia corrected, downing half of her cooled coffee. “The suggestion is a friendly one. You’re a fabulous-looking woman, Livia. There is no shortage of submissive men and women out there.” She held her breath, hoping Livia wouldn’t ask her to be a mentor as she trained to become a Dom. She wasn’t the generous teacher-type like Jonas.

Thankfully, Livia did not. They chatted a while longer. Sophia helped Livia determine her next course of action. Before they parted, Livia hit Sophia with a parting shot. “You know, Sophia, there were definite sparks between you and Drew. I would be okay with you hooking up with him.” By the time Sophia got home, she was dead on her feet. She slept through her alarm and showed up for work late and without a cake.

She had completely forgotten it was her last day.

When she walked in, Jeremy looked over at her. Their eyes met for a second. He sighed and went back to what he was doing. Screwing in her courage, she walked into his office without knocking. He saw her coming through the glass divider.

“I’m sorry I was late,” she said. She always admitted when she made a mistake. “I can’t stay late to make it up. Did you want me to come in tomorrow morning?”

He stared at her for ten full seconds without speaking, his brown eyes round with incredulity. “You are amazing, DiMarco. I thought you might show up on time today and beg for your job.” He shook his head slowly. “I think, under other circumstances, we would have gotten along better.” Sophia’s brow lifted. She knew where this was heading. He had refrained from hitting on her for a whole year. She wanted to give him the opening just so she could turn him down. “Other circumstances?” He pushed his chair back and stood to face her. “Yeah, other circumstances. Like, if I was a woman or if I wasn’t your boss. You have a problem with male authority. I don’t know what guy screwed you over, Sophia, but we’re not all like that.”

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This time, her jaw dropped. “You call women ‘sweetheart’ and ‘dear.’ I don’t have a problem with having a male boss. I have a problem with having a chauvinist for a boss.” If he was going to open this door, she was going to take the opportunity.

He smiled. It was laced with bitterness. “I haven’t done that in a long time,” he said. “A fact that has obviously escaped your notice. I admit I haven’t always been the most enlightened of men. However, I always thought I was approachable. Out of all my employees, I thought you would have been the one to take me to task for stupid behavior like that.” Still shocked, Sophia sat heavily in the chair opposite his desk. She stared at Jeremy with new eyes. He was right. He hadn’t said or done anything chauvinistic after the first six months. Management sent him to some kind of retreat, and he stopped those behaviors half a year ago.

“You’re right,” she said. “Perhaps an apology might have helped.”

“Admit I was wrong?” he said, coloring slightly. “I’m not that big of a man.”

Sophia laughed. “But you just did it.”

He nodded slowly. “That’s because I fired you. I don’t have to face you after today, knowing you know I know my behavior was wrong.” She rolled her eyes. “Jeremy, your employees like you for some reason.

They’ll only think better of you if you come clean. Do it individually, and don’t make a big deal out of it. People appreciate heartfelt apologies.” He eyed her for a long, long time. She met his gaze unflinchingly. “I’ll be sorry to see you go.”

It was an opening. If she wanted her job back, all she had to do was ask.

Maybe if Drew hadn’t been screwing with her perfect little world, she might have. “I’ll stay until you can replace me.” It was the best she could do.

“That’s generous.” Jeremy’s smile and tone were both dry.

Sophia shrugged. “You’re shorthanded with Anna gone. Do you want me to stay until you can complete the interview process or not? It should take you two weeks, tops.”

“I don’t need you to train anyone. I’m recalling someone we laid off a few months ago.” He held out his hand to her, and she shook it. “I’m gonna miss you, DiMarco.”

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Drew called or texted every single day. After Sophia overcame her surprise that he wasn’t going to let the fact she had been with Livia Tuesday night or with Daniel on Monday deter him, she ignored every message.

Sophia taught a class at Daniel’s karate studio on Wednesday, and she helped out whenever he found himself shorthanded. She also handled his accounting, but it didn’t take very long. She billed him for about three days a month. He didn’t say anything when she let the phone go to voicemail the first night.

Saturday, one of his regular girls came down with a nasty flu. It was a beautiful day outside, and Sophia suspected the girl had the kind of flu that was only cured by a day at the lake with a bunch of friends. Still, she didn’t mind. She liked working with the older teens and the women who came in for Saturday classes. Daniel handled the younger kids, and they co-taught the multiage classes.

Her phone rang every couple hours. At first, Daniel ignored it. Then, he began looking at it whenever it rang, even though she told him to turn it off.

“It’s Drew, Sophia. Don’t you think you should take it?” They were between classes. Both of them were wet with sweat. Sophia swabbed a towel over her face. “Stay out of it, Daniel.”

“Is this part of the domination game?” he hissed. “I have to tell you, Sophie, this is a head game. When I call a woman and she doesn’t answer the phone, it tells me that she’s either not interested or she’s a bitch. Either way, the relationship is over.”

She snatched the phone away and turned it off. “Here’s hoping he takes the hint.”

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“Maybe you should just tell him straight out,” he suggested, lowering his tone as the seven-to-nine-year-olds began to wander in. “It would be the decent thing to do.”

“I did,” she said. “He doesn’t want to be a submissive, and he doesn’t want to stop seeing me. He can’t have it both ways.” Daniel stared at her as if she had lost her mind.

Tuesday, Drew glared with his icy blue eyes while they danced. He held her closer than necessary for the variation of the dance they learned that night. Sophia struggled against the smell of him and the heat of his body next to hers. His lips stayed nearby the entire time, torturing her with their proximity and their silence.

He didn’t mention the fifteen messages she hadn’t returned, and he left as soon as the lessons were over. She went out for drinks with the rest of the group.

Ginny managed to snag a spot next to Sophia. She knew she was in trouble when Ginny smiled that sweet Breszewski smile as she offered the sugar. It was the smile the popular girls in high school flashed right before they made someone’s life miserable.

She brushed a stray strand of her short hair behind her ear. “Drew’s been a bear this whole week.”

Sophia had forgotten they owned a bakery and catering business together. “And you blame me.”

Her smile gentled, but it wasn’t at all apologetic. “I know Drew has a reputation as a player, and he’s definitely earned it, but he’s a good guy.

He’s had a few serious relationships, Sophia. He’s a faithful boyfriend. I’ve never seen him like this before.”

Sophia stirred six sugars into her coffee, wishing she had opted for something much stronger. “I can’t help that.”

“Yes, you can,” she said, pointing a heated look that scorched Sophia’s clothes, but didn’t penetrate the skin.

She had much to learn about playing control games with a control freak.

Sophia met her look with ice and put out the fire. “I might be the first woman to ever turn Drew down, but I won’t be the last. He’ll learn to accept it and move on.”

An herbal tea came down between them, the sweet apple-cinnamon scent competing with the strong smell of overly sweet coffee. Sabrina

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wedged her little body onto the edge of Ginny’s seat. “Ginny, how about you go sit down by Lara before she thinks you’ve dumped her for Sophia.” Ginny rolled her eyes in an “as if” gesture. She might not have responded to Sabrina’s words, but she did respond to the accompanying look. With a huff and a warning look, she retreated to the other end of the three tables someone had shoved together to accommodate the large group.

Sabrina turned to Sophia. “I’m sorry about that. Ginny and Drew have been the best of friends since high school. She’s a little protective where he’s concerned.”

Sophia didn’t think Sabrina was any less protective.

“It was a bad idea to even start something, I tried to make a clean break, but he won’t stop calling me.”

Sabrina frowned. “If you don’t mind my asking, what’s wrong with him that you don’t want to go out with him? You’re both single, and you’re obviously attracted to him.”

Sophia shrugged and opted for partial honesty. She wasn’t about to reveal that the idea of being in a relationship scared the hell out of her, especially one where she didn’t have absolute and complete control. “I’m not looking for a relationship. I made that clear from the start, but Drew seems to only hear what he wants to.”

Clutching a hand to her heart, she burst out laughing. “Oh, this is ironic.

For years, Drew has used that same excuse. I’ll talk to Drew. He should leave you alone after today.”

It was a nice gesture, so why did Sophia’s heart suddenly feel like icy fingers were squeezing it?

Mercifully, nobody mentioned Drew for the rest of the night.

Wednesday night, Sophia taught her self-defense class for women. Most of the clients were victims of violence. She didn’t charge for the class, and she used money from a grant to pay for counselors to be on hand afterward.

It made her feel like she had more control over her life, like she could help prevent horrible things from happening to other women. When it was finished, she locked up for the night. Daniel’s class had ended fifteen minutes earlier, and he had disappeared up the stairs to his apartment above the studio for a shower.

Sophia joined him after locking up. The loft was large, with an open plan. The kitchen, living room, and dining room shared one space. The
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couch converted to a bed when Daniel had the inclination to pull it open. He usually just slept on the sofa. The only private room was the bathroom.

As she closed the front door, he strode out, hair water-slick from the shower, already on the phone. They usually ordered out for dinner. Sophia turned on the TV and scrolled through the channels while he talked.

“We’ll be there in about a half hour,” he said into the phone.

She wrinkled her nose at him. She didn’t feel like going out. She liked ordering in. She thought he would want to watch one of his Bruce Lee movies with her. He hung up and threw the phone into her lap. She glanced down to see he had been using her cell. “I hope this means you’re going out alone to pick up something greasy and fattening to bring back here.”

“Nope,” he said, tugging at her hand. “Get changed. That was your dominatrix friend, Ellen.”

Sophia hated when he did that. She only knew one Ellen, and she was perfectly aware that he didn’t approve of his little sister working for her.

“Apparently, we’re missing poker night.” Sophia glared at him through narrowed eyes. “You answered my phone.”

“It wasn’t Drew, so I figured I was safe. You like Ellen. I like Ellen. She promised pizza, chips, and salsa. Food and poker, Sophie. Unless there are a bunch of bikini-clad women bursting out of their tops to wait on us, it doesn’t get better.” His grin was crooked and disarming. Unfortunately for him, she was immune.

“You go. I don’t feel like it.”

He punched her in the arm, the gesture more reassuring than violent.

“Drew’s not coming. I checked, little sister.” Sophia gave in. That had been her only objection. Last night hadn’t been pleasant unless she closed her eyes and pretended there was no tension crackling between them. She had done it far too much to feel good about it.

If just once he showed up at her house instead of calling, she would have melted in his arms.

Ellen’s house wasn’t far from Sabrina’s. The group gathered in the basement consisted of Ellen and Ryan and their friends. Sophia recognized a couple of teachers Ryan and Jonas taught with that she had met before.

Jonas was there, but Sabrina wasn’t.

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“Jake is with the grandparents,” Ellen said with a huge grin. “We can be as loud as we want.” She lifted an empty glass in Sophia’s direction, and then frowned into it. “Ryan, honey, my glass is empty.” He frowned into it. In the dimness of the finished basement, his freckles seemed to run together, making him appear much darker than his fair skin should allow. “Is it? How about some coffee?”

“Coffee?” she spat the word at him. “I’m not looking for sobriety.” He rolled his eyes and took her glass. “You better not end up with a hangover.”

She blew a kiss in his direction. “He’s hoping to get lucky,” she announced.

Sophia took the seat next to her, and Daniel slid in on the other side.

Completely ignoring her comment, Ryan filled Ellen’s drink. He watered it down quite a bit.

“Care for a drink?” Ryan asked, quirking a red eyebrow at Daniel and Sophia.

“I’ll have what she’s having,” she said. “And water it down just as much.”

Daniel turned to study the bar. It was nicely done in solid mahogany.

“What’s on tap?”

Ryan laughed. “You want regular beer or something fancy? I bought a bunch of Blue Moons for Sabrina, but she’s not drinking anymore.” It had been a little over a week since she’d come to Sophia. She shot a glance at Jonas. “Any news you want to share?” He took a swig of light-colored beer and shuffled the cards. “We’re trying to get pregnant. I told her I want two before I turn forty.” The idea of having kids was foreign to Sophia. She liked Ellen’s little guy, but she mostly avoided children. She didn’t say anything in response.

Daniel indicated Jonas’s bottle. “I’ll have one of those.” Jonas introduced Daniel around, which was a relief because Sophia hadn’t remembered his friends’ names. “Aces and eights are wild. Ten-cent minimum to ride this train.”

She lost herself in the cards and conversation. It was nice to hang out with friends and have a good time. An hour later, they heard noises coming from upstairs. Jonas swore and chugged his third beer, and then pushed the empty bottle over to Ryan.

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“Sabrina has cut me off from alcohol and caffeine. She says if she can’t have it, neither can I,” he said by way of explanation.

“Since you’re making her get pregnant, I think it’s only fair,” Ellen returned. “I’m surprised she’s still marrying your sorry dictatorial ass.” Jonas suggested something rude and physically impossible. Ellen ignored him, so he tried another route. “Drink up, Elle. I’m sure you two will be throwing each other baby showers by Christmas.” This was a sore subject with Ellen, who often lamented not being able to quite lose the weight from her last pregnancy. In the middle of sipping her drink, Ellen choked and turned a murderous glare on Jonas. Ryan pounded her on the back. “Settle down, you two. I refuse to referee if I’m not getting any action tonight.” He put his cards down and leered at Ellen. “Though, if you do want to have another one, I’m all for it.” Disgusted, she pushed his face away. “You just like how big my boobs get.” She looked down at her cards, blushing.

Sophia watched this all with wide, wary eyes. Turning to Daniel, she wrinkled her nose. “This makes me not want to get married or have children.

Ever.”

Daniel shrugged. “I’m in favor of large-breasted women, but I prefer them not pregnant.”

Sabrina finally made it down the stairs. She was still dressed from the office. Her hair was up, twisted around a hairpiece that made Jonas wince.

When Sophia first met her, it was long, spilling halfway down her back. She looked cute with it short, but Jonas had a thing for long hair.

Jonas stood to greet her. The kiss and the way he looked at her was so intimate Sophia felt like she should leave the room, though he most likely preferred the audience. “You look wiped out, honey. You didn’t have to come tonight.”

“Someone has to drive you home,” she said with a tired smile. “Besides, this is the only way I’ll get to see you today.” She greeted everyone at the table by name, even Daniel, whom she had not met before. Taking Jonas’s seat, she waved in the general direction of the stairs. “The food is upstairs.

Why don’t you guys bring it down?”

Jonas jumped to do her bidding. He dragged the two teachers, Daniel, and Ryan with him. As soon as they were out of earshot, Sabrina turned to

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Sophia with a sad, apologetic frown. “I’m sorry, Sophia. They didn’t tell me you were coming tonight.”

Before she could ask anything, footsteps thumped down the carpeted stairs. Through the din of chatter, Drew’s distinct voice stood out. Sophia glared at Ellen. “You told Daniel he wouldn’t be here.”

“No,” she said slowly, rattling the ice in her drink. Triumph sparkled in her dark brown eyes. “I said he wasn’t here. He wasn’t. Now he is.” Sabrina threw a chip at her, nailing Ellen in the forehead. “That is sneaky and underhanded. I can’t believe you sometimes.” Ellen added the chip to her pile. “I fail to see why you’re surprised.” Drew stopped suddenly when he saw Sophia, and then he turned away.