Hanging On (11 page)

The lines of his body were stiff and tense.

The men set up the food. Daniel grabbed a plate, but Sophia grabbed his arm. “Danny, we have to go.”

Daniel looked from her to Drew and back again. “I’m hungry, and I’ve had two beers. Let me eat and sober up a bit. Then we’ll go. If he gets out of line, I’ll kick his ass, okay?”

“I can kick his ass, Daniel.” She leaned in closer. “Thanks for nothing.” Instead of answering, he shoved a plate in her hands. “Eat, Sophie.

You’re much more pleasant when you’re not paranoid and hungry.”

“I’m not paranoid,” she said through clenched teeth.

Daniel spooned some food onto her plate. “Yes, you are. Nobody here is going to let anything happen to you. Eat. If you sober up first, you can drive home.”

She let him heap her plate with different foods, refraining from denying she was drunk. She wasn’t. She had no idea what half of the dishes were, and the pleasant aromas were wasted on her.

She returned to the table to find Jonas once again shuffling. Drew sat at the other end of the table, next to Sabrina. Sophia wedged herself firmly between Daniel and Ellen, her support system. Ellen might have finagled things so that she and Drew were both there, but she wouldn’t force them to talk.

Conversation picked up, and Sophia did all she could to avoid meeting Drew’s eyes.

Still, she could feel him looking at her. Though it was impossible, she could smell the subtle mingling of his cologne and soap and shampoo with
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the scent that was uniquely him. If she concentrated, she could feel his lips on hers and the warmth of his hands as they caressed her bare skin. The food was delicious, but she didn’t pay it much mind.

Daniel did. “Sabrina, did you make this? It’s incredible.” Jonas laughed, guffawing so hard he almost fell from his chair. Sabrina pushed him the rest of the way. He hit the floor with a soft thud. “I don’t cook,” she explained daintily. “Drew made the food.” Daniel looked at Drew with a fresh perspective. “This is pretty good. Do you cook professionally?”

Drew’s nostrils flared slightly as he glared at Daniel. His response was terse. “Yes.”

“Where at? I’d love to bring Sophie by for dinner. She’s very amenable after a good meal.”

Daniel was toying with Drew. Sophia hated it. She put a restraining hand on his arm, but he was in full big-brother mode. Tonight had a double benefit for Danny. He annoyed his sister and took potshots at a man who fucked her in that little downstairs room.

Those blue eyes darkened. “It’s just down the street from Ellen’s club,” he said. It was three cities down the street. “You know, where Sophia works her magic.”

The muscles in Daniel’s forearm tensed under her hand. “Yeah, I’ve been there.” Daniel visited one time after he first found out the exact nature of Sophia’s job. He had never been back.

Ellen, probably to avoid a fight, chimed in. “Drew’s never been to my club. No matter how many times I invite him…Well, that’s his loss. On the other hand, I’ve been to his shop frequently. He co-owns a catering company and bakery with Sabrina’s sister. Her desserts are responsible for at least ten of the pounds I can’t seem to lose.” For once, Ryan didn’t say anything. Like Jonas, his eyes flicked from Drew to Daniel and back. Sophia pushed her plate away, suddenly full. The beginnings of a headache pressed against the back of her skull.

Daniel took another bite and chewed thoughtfully. “What’s it called?”

“Sensual Secrets,” Drew said.

He might have answered Daniel’s question, but he directed the words, and the meaning, to Sophia. Her mouth went dry. She excused herself and fled, like the coward she was, to the bathroom upstairs.

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It was a large bathroom, with granite countertops and plush rugs. She paced the length of it, stopping every few turns to splash cold water on her face. How could she want him so badly she ached and not want to want him? Why couldn’t he just sleep with her until they worked it out of their systems?

Sophia wasn’t sure how long she spent in there trying to convince herself to pull it together long enough to collect Daniel and make her excuses. Finally, she opened the door and stopped cold. Leaning casually against the wall across from the bathroom, Drew waited for her.

His hands were in the pockets of his jeans, and his blue Sensual Secrets shirt stretched across his chest, emphasizing his defined physique all too well. The shirt was the exact same blue as his eyes. He held out a hand to her.

She stared at it stupidly, wanting more than anything to take it. Slowly, she watched her hand slip into his, and then she felt his chest against hers.

He kissed her. It happened in slow motion, but far too quickly for Sophia to formulate coherent thoughts. Her mind took a hiatus, leaving only the chaotic feelings swirling through her body.

His lips captured hers, fanning irresistible sensations as he coaxed her mouth open. He moaned, and she caught the vibration in her mouth. It was another way in which he drugged her. She was jelly in his arms, powerless to resist his charm.

A door opened, and they fell through it. It closed behind them, but she was too caught up in Drew’s kiss to wonder how it happened. At last, he broke away. His lips moved to tease the sensitive places on her neck and shoulders. She sighed, shuddering in his arms.

Weakly, she pushed at him, her hands clutching his shoulders in case he tried to let go. “Drew, I can’t do this.” He paused, locking his eyes with hers. “Then tell me to stop, Sophia.

Tell me you don’t want me as much as I want you.” She didn’t want him to stop. She wanted him to tell her this meant nothing and that he was her slave, awaiting her whim. But he wouldn’t do that. He made it clear he didn’t want to play that role. He wanted more from her than she had to offer.

She couldn’t speak. Then his lips took possession of hers again, and she didn’t want to. She let her hands rake through his hair, and she pressed her
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body against his. She wanted him to push her back onto some surface so she could feel his weight on her, pressing her down and holding her prisoner.

His hands stroked across her back and teased under the hem of her shirt.

“I want you, Sophia.”

The words were whispered against the hollow of her throat. She pressed her eyes closed, trying to put off the decision, trying to ignore the question in his statement. She gripped his shoulders, tightly curling her fingers into the tense muscles there. “I…I want you, too, Drew.” The kiss was slow, reverent, and gentle. Waves of violent heat spiraled through her, radiating from his body into hers. She pushed his shirt out of the way, lifting it over his head and tossing it to the floor. She needed to feel the texture of his skin under her palms and against her body. The kisses deepened, demanding instead of giving.

His caress was everywhere at once, twisting and turning her body to allow him access. Wet and wanting, she trembled in his arms.

He turned her so that her back rested against his chest. She opened her eyes to see that they were in Ellen’s den, standing behind the large sofa positioned in front of the television set. Their silhouettes reflected there. His lips grazed her neck as his hands loosed the button and zipper on her jeans.

The denim slid down her legs, taking drenched panties with them.

One arm banded across her waist to hold her upright. His fingers found her wetness, circling her swollen clit, rubbing around and over it, faster and harder, until she cried out. The tangy smell of orgasm filled the air.

With languid slowness, he bent her over the back of the couch. It was a vulnerable position. She had never let a lover take her like this. She quivered as she waited for him to lower his pants and slip on a condom. Then his hands were on her again, lifting her hips, rotating them forward and down to position her to receive him.

The tip of his cock nudged her opening. Just as slowly as he did everything else, he entered her, not stopping until he was buried completely.

Sophia gasped at the feel of him inside her, filling her. Her fingers dug into the sofa cushions. She wanted to fight him, to fight herself, but she didn’t have the will.

He thrust into her, and she arched, pushing against him. He set a slow pace, and she whimpered, wanting more and faster. His strong hands gripped her hips, prohibiting her from hurrying him. Heat built, coiling

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deeper and deeper. She bucked against him in protest. Each thrust wrung a moan from her, a noise she didn’t want to give him. He didn’t vary his pace in the slightest.

The orgasm took her by surprise. It was strong and deep and slow. She cried out and collapsed, unable to face the enormity of what he made her feel.

Behind her, Drew cried out and fell against her. He controlled their fall, pushing Sophia over the back of the couch so that she landed on the cushions. He landed on top of her. Limbs entwined of their own will, seeking to keep the physical link.

When she could move again, Sophia lifted a weakened hand to his cheek. He kissed her tenderly, and then sat up and straightened his clothes.

She fixed hers as well.

“I don’t want you seeing other people,” he said, breaking the silence.

“You’ll leave here with me tonight. If you want to have threesomes with your submissives, that’s fine. You’ll need to do all your disciplining on them. If you want to have your boy toy follow us home tonight…” Sophia put her hand over his mouth and stifled the twin urges to laugh and vomit. This game had to end. “Drew, under no circumstances should you suggest we have a threesome with my brother.” Drew frowned. She fought the urge to kiss away the lines. “Brother? He called you Mistress. He said he’d been to Ellen’s club.”

“He was being nasty,” she explained. “Daniel doesn’t approve of my work there or of my sex life.” Her hand rested on her own knee. Drew’s fingers twined around them and squeezed lightly. She stared at the place they came together. The gravity of what Drew asked washed over her.

“That explains why he took an instant dislike to me,” Drew said. “I was jealous, so naturally, I assumed he was, too.”

“I didn’t sleep with Livia.” She swallowed, not wanting to come clean.

She had to be honest with him, even if it meant removing some of those protective barriers. She hadn’t limited herself to one lover since the disaster that was her last boyfriend. At least he wasn’t asking her to dinner, or to meet his parents. The decision was made. She had to see this through. “We only met for coffee.”

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His laugh was short and ironic. “I haven’t slept very well because I keep imagining you with other people. I wake up every morning wanting to murder someone new.”

Sophia needed rules, boundaries. “Can I still tie you up?”

“Yes,” he said, moving her hand to his knee, turning it up to trace patterns on her palm. “But don’t expect me to call you anything but Sophia, no matter how much you torture me sexually.” He turned her face toward his and dropped a kiss on her lips. “I know you too well to think you’d want to suddenly go vanilla. I like that you’re adventurous and that you like your toys. I’m looking forward to seeing whatever else you have up your sleeve, Sophie. But don’t shut me out like this again.” She looked away and took a deep breath, but it was ragged and unsteady.

“I know you’re scared. I’m well aware of my reputation, but I’ve never lied to you, and I won’t start now. I only want you.” He had no idea how terrified she was, or why, and she wasn’t about to tell him. Let him think his reputation mattered. She chewed her lower lip.

She had no choice. Once she got him out of her system, she would have her carefully controlled life back.

He stared at her pensively. She knew better than to ask what he was thinking.

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Sophia didn’t go home with Drew. Her car was parked at Daniel’s studio. He was quiet for all of two minutes on the drive back to his place.

“Drew seems like a good guy.” Daniel’s statement was a question. The rest of the evening had gone well. When Sophia and Drew returned, the tension was gone. Daniel had thrown her a concerned look, and she knew the only reason he hadn’t come after her was because someone, probably Ellen, convinced him to wait until she came back of her own accord.

“He does,” she agreed. Drew wasn’t the problem. The rumors about him didn’t matter. He admitted to playing the field. He admitted to liking threesomes. He asked her not to sleep with anyone else.

That brought her to a screeching halt. How did he expect to have a threesome if Sophia wasn’t allowed to have sex with the third person and he didn’t want to? A groan escaped as she realized he meant he had no problem with her dominating and disciplining someone else as long as sex wasn’t involved. He would even watch and sleep with her afterward. That wasn’t a threesome, and it wasn’t fair to the sub.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel asked anxiously. “If he hurt you…” Slapping a hand on Daniel’s tense forearm, Sophia interrupted the thought with a reassuring squeeze. “He’s not like that.” Drew was gentle and generous, even when she wished he was rough and greedy. So far, the only bad quality she could find in him was that he wanted more of a commitment than she wanted to give.

“Then why don’t you want to go out with him? It’s obvious you’re attracted to him, and he has it bad for you. I don’t see the problem.” Sophia chewed her bottom lip and tried to control her breathing to tamp down the panic that just the idea of having a relationship brought to the surface. “He wants more than just sex.”
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Daniel glanced over at her, doing a distressed double take before gluing his eyes back to the road. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” She didn’t reply. This was an old road. She didn’t wish to rehash the old arguments. It took time to rebuild her life, to make it so that she felt safe.

Maybe her life was stuck in the status quo, but she liked it that way. There were no complications and no surprises. Like numbers, she needed her life to be concrete and predictable. She needed to be prepared for what happened every day. She needed to be in control.

“Sophie, maybe it’s time to let someone in.” Her volume was just as muted as his, but the iron could not be missed.

“No.”

Wisely, he let the subject drop. He chose something else she didn’t want to talk about. “So, what happened with your other job? You know, the one Mom and Dad know you have? The one they tell their friends about?” Exhaling a stream of air, she rolled her eyes. She wanted to kick herself for making the mistake of telling Daniel how she came to be unemployed.

Then she relented, letting herself off the hook. Invariably, she told Daniel everything important in her life.

“Sophia, how are you going to make your mortgage payment? I know you like being a dominatrix, but it isn’t a career. There will come a point when you’re too old, you lose your looks…” She cut him off. “You’re such an asshole.” He ignored her, continuing as if she hadn’t spoken. “I’m just saying, you gotta have a plan. As much as I love you, my place isn’t big enough for the two of us to live together and not kill each other.” His mouth pursed in careful thought. “Mom would love to have you back home. She and Dad could monitor your activities much more closely, and I wouldn’t have to explain why you’re never home in the evening, yet you don’t have a boyfriend.”

Sophia pinched the bridge of her nose and cursed the higher powers for giving her a brother who was adept at pushing her buttons. She snapped at him. “I’m going to start my own business.” After she said the words, she stopped, frowning. The idea had never before occurred to her. Daniel owned his own business, but their grandfather passed that on to him when he retired. It had already been established.

“Accounting?”

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“Yeah,” she said, warming to the idea. It didn’t fit into her carefully constructed schedule, but it seemed so right. “I already do your accounting, and I help Ellen out a few times a month. It’s a start.” Daniel stopped the car, having arrived in his parking lot without Sophia realizing where they were. He killed the ignition and turned, resting a hand on the shoulder of the seat behind her. A lone streetlight filtered through the windows, casting long shadows that distorted his face. “I think that’s a great idea. I can refer a couple of clients to you. I’m sure Ellen can do the same thing.”

Sophia’s hopes began to rise. Being her own boss was an idea she could really embrace. It brought even more control into her life. She could work out of her house. The extra bedroom on the main floor would be easy to convert to an office. “I need to research how to set up my company.” Daniel caught her excitement. “You could pick up extra classes at my studio if you need money to make ends meet while you’re getting this off the ground.”

With a wide smile, she kissed Danny’s cheek and exited his car. She drove home with mental lists spiraling through her thoughts. The energy that had flagged at this late hour returned with a rush. She wanted to get to work.

By the time she pulled up in her driveway, she was so preoccupied with her plans that she nearly missed noticing Drew perched on her front porch.

The wooden bench on which he rested was more for decorative purposes than anything else. It appeared delicate and fragile beneath his sturdy build.

He was brilliant in the sweep of her headlights, a sexy god swinging his keys in a circle as he waited for her to come home. She groaned, and her breath caught.

He was on his feet by the time she parked in the garage and made it back out to the front of the house. The expression on his face was both stubborn and hopeful.

“I didn’t expect you tonight,” she said. Really, she wanted to know what he was doing at her house at two in the morning, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask the question. He had her not three hours before. Afterward, he treated her with friendly respect, not flirting overtly, but not hiding his attraction, either. She didn’t want to give him an opening to say things that were sweet or romantic.

He shrugged. “I told you I wanted you to come home with me tonight.”
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A snort of laughter escaped through her nose. That was when he thought she was sleeping with her brother. “It’s a little late to go all the way to your house. I have an extra bed. Why don’t you come in?” Once they were inside, she ignored him. She kicked off her shoes and threw her purse and keys on the kitchen table. The lists in her head weren’t going to go away until she put some of it on paper. She whipped out a stack of sticky notes and started writing.

Drew watched her for some time before he broke the silence. “If you don’t want me here, why did you ask me in?” The irritation in his voice was raw. He made no effort to disguise it.

She glanced up at him briefly, taking in the tense way he filled the doorway of the kitchen. Broad, well-muscled shoulders tapered to slim hips.

If he turned, she would see the strong back, powerful thighs, and that deliciously rounded ass. Taking a breath, she hoped he couldn’t hear the effort it took to stay where she was. “I have some chocolate in the freezer.”

“Chocolate?” It wasn’t in the realm of possible answers, so his mystified question was completely justified.

“Chocolate and a vibrator do it for me,” she explained without looking up. She didn’t need to see him move to know he stood right next to her. The musky, masculine scent of him filled her senses, damning her. “If I’m horny and sex isn’t going to happen, I go for the chocolate first.” Without another word, he snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “Don’t worry, Sophia. You won’t need chocolate tonight.” Then, his lush, full lips devoured hers.

He wasn’t holding her close enough so that much more than their lips touched. Heat raced, generated by his tongue and the way his firm lips molded to hers. Her nipples hardened where they brushed against his shirt, the thin cotton of the material between them not significant enough to matter.

His hands moved up to thread through her hair and tilt her face to give him better access. He cupped the back of her head with one hand and explored the tender skin of her neck and cheeks with the other. The urgency from earlier in the evening was gone. He wasn’t going anywhere for a long, long time.

She reciprocated by taking her time, letting her hands lazily explore him over the barrier of his clothes. He was hard everywhere—his arms, his

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shoulders, his chest, stomach, back, ass, and thighs. Everywhere her hands roamed, she met unrelenting muscle.

He pulled back, regarding her with that piercing, sensual stare he used as a weapon. Though she would never admit it to anyone, she had watched his show several times in the past week. She loved watching him flirt with the camera, knowing he meant the casual come-on for millions of viewers, not just for her. It was safe to know he was a player. The way he looked at her now wasn’t safe. She was a fire that burned in him, and he evoked the same response in her. She was terrified, but she couldn’t push him away.

“Am I still staying in the guest room?” His voice rumbled through her chest, though his body barely touched hers.

Sophia slid her hands from his chest to rest on his shoulders. With the slight tilt of her chin, she locked on to the heat in his icy blue eyes. He affected her far too much. She enjoyed having sex quite a bit. Being with Drew wasn’t like being with other men. The fire he ignited when she wasn’t looking wouldn’t seem to go out. Now it consumed her. If she fought it, that thing would destroy her. This was a matter of self-preservation. Her admission was nearly inaudible. “I need to get you out of my system.” He pushed a strand of her hair away from her face, the gentle brush of his fingertips sending tingles to places that yearned for his touch. Following the curve of her cheek downward, he traced her lips lightly. “I won’t go willingly,” he whispered as he lowered his lips to hers, brushing them against her gently, seeking permission to take things further.

She opened her mouth and gave it to him. She flexed her fingertips, digging them into his shoulders, and she pressed her body into his, loving the way they fit together.

They were going to have vanilla sex. There would be no domination or submission, and no head games. She wouldn’t torture him by teasing and withholding orgasm, and she knew he wouldn’t ask permission before he came, not that he had before. For the first time since her fateful mistake, she led a man to her bedroom without clearly stated rules and clearly delineated boundaries. It was dangerous, but she didn’t care. She wanted Drew more than she had ever wanted anyone before. She was willing to compromise her own rules for a night in his arms.

She promised herself it would just be one night. No matter what he said, it would just be one night on his terms.

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Gently, he laid her down on the bed, holding himself over her while his lips roamed the exposed areas above the collar of her shirt. The places he abandoned quivered and cried out for his return, and the places he had yet to visit trembled with anticipation. Her breasts swelled as he nipped at the skin just above them. He knew just how to touch her. Never had her body responded to a man the way it did to Drew.

She moaned when he shifted position, moving lower to close his wet mouth around her hardened nipple, toying with it through the fabric until she gasped. He knew his way around her body too well for someone she had fucked only twice before. She wasn’t shy about what she liked, but she never divulged her secrets completely. Drew seemed to find all the right places and pressures without direction.

Her shirt disappeared, and so did his. Sophia closed her eyes, concentrating on the feel of his skin brushing over hers.

Drew captured her lips again in a searing kiss. He pressed himself against her and bit the fleshy part of her shoulder. She gasped as the smoldering heat in her core turned into a full-blown blaze. Her clitoris swelled, the small nodule becoming a mass of nerves that responded to the pressure of Drew’s body through the thick cotton of her jeans.

Hands flat against each shoulder, she pushed against him until he rolled, taking her with him. It was her turn to explore. With light fingertips, she let her hands lead and followed with her lips and tongue. She savored the taste of him, a mix of clean masculinity and tangy muskiness. He gasped when she traveled down and across the dips and planes of his stomach, her dark hair trailing over his lightly tanned skin, blocking the light so that she had to feel her way. The hand he put on the back of her head was tentative and encouraging, accepting what she gave without demanding anything more.

Sophia sat up, straddling Drew to be further tantalized by the sight of him beneath her. His hair was mussed, light and wild against the navy pillowcase, his eyes heavy-lidded with desire. He looked like sex should look. He said nothing as he watched her, and she silently thanked him for that. She wanted to just be with him, to feel without thinking about the consequences.

Deftly, she loosed the five buttons on his jeans, freeing his erection from its confinement. When she rose up on her knees to remove his pants, he sat up, capturing her waist in his hands to hold her still while his tongue laved

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her breasts. He closed his mouth around a nipple. The pull of his sucking reached to her core. Kittenish moans sounded in the back of her throat. She felt his hands at the snap of her jeans, and then she was naked and beneath him, his mouth never having left her breast.