Healed (13 page)

“Lexi, can I come in?” My mom opened the door before waiting for me to answer.

“What’s up, Mom?”

“I met someone,” s
he giggled, happily.

“Okay and what about it?” I sighed. Here was another relationship that was going to end in tears and heartache for my mother
, I thought.

“He wants to marry me.”

“What?” I shrieked in shock. “How long have you known this guy?”

“He gave me a ring.”
She pushed her hand towards my face and a huge diamond on her finger blinded my eyes.

“Mom, I didn’t even know you were dating someone. What’s going on here?”

“I’ve known him for a while.” She giggled.

“Who is it
, Mom?” I feel my blood run cold as I think of Bryce’s dad.
Please don’t let it be the mayor, please don’t let it be the mayor,
I thought to myself.

“
Nate Forester,” she giggled.

“Your boss?” I frown
ed. “I didn’t even know you were dating him.”

“We weren’t
, but he loves me and he says that he wants to take care of me.”

“So what are you going to do mom?”
I frowned, worried that I wasn’t going to like what she was going to say.

“I’m going to move in with him of course. After we get married.”

“What about me?”

“You’re a big girl.”
She ruffled my hair.

“What am I supposed to do mom, where am I going to live?”

“You can live here.”

“I can’t afford the rent by myself mom.”
I felt like I was about to come apart inside.

“You don’t have to pay rent
, silly, we own the house.”

“No, we don’t.” I frown
ed. “Mom, we pay rent.”

“No, we don’t.”
She peered at me curiously and shook her head. “You really don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“He gave me the money. He said to use it to buy the house. I thought that was quite rude. I really wanted a new outfit, but he said he spoke to the landlord and asked how much it would cost to buy the house.”

“He gave you the money?” I looked at her in shock.

“Yeah, I figured he felt guilty or something. So I bought the house.”

“Oh my God, M
om. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was embarrassed. I…” I didn’t hear the rest of her words because I was running out of my house and to my car
, with my heart beating fast. Bryce had given my mom the money to buy the house.
He must really love me,
I thought. I knew he was most probably trying to atone for the hurt his father had put my mother through.

I felt disgusted with myself. I couldn’t believe that I had betrayed him like this, when he had been working behind my back to make everything right. I knew that I had to put him first. I had to put him before my own personal feelings. I already knew that it was unlikely that I could be fixed, I was most probably destined
for a life of not feeling quite whole, but at least I could be there for him. That would be enough for me. That could be a life I grew to love.

My heart hurt thinking about never being with Luke again. But I knew it was the best for him as well. He needed someone better than me. He needed to go to Boston and follow his destiny. I was only holding him back. And I couldn’t do that. I knew that I loved him enough to set him free. No matter what he was hiding from me, I knew that Luke was the kindest man in the universe. He would always be in my heart
, but I knew that Bryce needed me more and I owed him. We were linked together now, forever. He’d put too much out there on the line for me. I couldn’t leave him in his time of need.

***

I drove with the radio off. I didn’t feel too much like singing. As I drove past the psychic’s house, I realized she had taken her signs down from the road and the top of her house. I wondered to myself how she had gotten up there. She seemed a bit too old to be going up a ladder.

I was just about to round the corner
, when I saw Luke on the next block up, talking to an older man. I pulled over to the side of the road quickly, thankful for once that I lived in a quiet town that didn’t have much traffic. I watched as the two men talked animatedly. Luke was shaking his head back and forth and he looked upset. I felt something in my stomach tighten. I’d never seen him look so angry before. The man placed an arm on Luke’s shoulder and he shoved it off. I picked up my phone to call Luke to make sure he was okay. I was glad to see that he answered it, instead of just ignoring me. I always knew I could count on Luke.

“Hiya
, sweet pea,” he purred into the phone. He was a better actor than I thought. I could see that he was still glaring at the man he was with.

“Hey
, I was just thinking about you,” I said, breathlessly.

“I’m glad you called me then.” He paused. “I wanted to talk to you about Boston again.”

“Luke, I don’t want to discuss this right now.” I sighed. “I’m not going to let you not go.”

“Oh Lexi.” I could hear the frustration in his voice. “I never want to be where you aren’t.”

“We can’t always have what we want.” I bit my lip. “Can I come over now so we can talk?”

“I’m just at the store.” He lied easily and I gasped. “But maybe you can come over in
about an hour?”

“What are you getting at the store?”

“You know, the usual: chocolates, wine, cookies. Everything you love.”

“Huh—
it sounds awfully quiet in Hy-Vee today.”

“Well, you know. Everyone must ha
ve gone shopping on Saturday,” he said, smoothly. “But I have to go now. See you later.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you later.”

“I love you, Lexi.”

“I love you too
, Luke,” I said, sadly. I couldn’t believe that he had lied to me again. It was as if the universe was telling me that no guy was good and that I should honor my commitment to Bryce, even though we didn’t have any formal commitment really.

I sighed and watched Luke continue talking to the men and then
, finally, the man took a folder out of a brown leather bag and handed it to Luke. Luke seemed happy then and shook his hand. I watched him look around quickly before quickly walking back to his car. I sat frozen in my car as he left and watched as the older man walked into a building. As Luke drove off, I put my car into drive again and drove up slowly to see which building the old man had come out from.

I was surprised to see a lawyer’s sign on the front. Why would Luke need to see a lawyer? It had to be something important for him to have looked so anxious and angry
. And why would he lie about it? What was it that Luke didn’t want anyone knowing about? And why had he and Bryce been at the hospital together? Had it been a coincidence that they had both been there at the same time? My mind was rambling with questions and I was determined to get some answers.

I looked at my watch and pressed my foot down on the acceleration. I was late. I drove quickly to mak
e up time and arrived at Harpers Creek about fifteen minutes late. Bryce was already out of his car when I got there and I jumped out and ran to the riverbank to meet up with him.

“You made it.” He turned to me with a small smile and we hugged briefly.

“Yeah, sorry. I got held up.”

“No worries. I was just watching the fish.”

“Oh?” I looked into the water but didn’t see anything asides from some dead branches and leaves floating.

“Do you ever wonder what it’s like to be a fish? What they must be thinking about. What they think when they see a worm? Do you think they wonder to themselves,
I hope this worm doesn’t have a hook attached?
”

I shook
my head at Bryce’s words. I can honestly say those thoughts had never crossed my mind.

“It’s kind of funny
, you know. That a fish wouldn’t have figured it out already. I know there’s all kind of bait, but really a worm is like a sign to the fish. The worm is begging the fish to see it and think,
I don’t normally see worms underwater. This must be a trap.
But no, the fish is as greedy as any human being. He doesn’t use his brain and think trap, he just sees instant food and goes for it.”

I nod
ded my head. He had a point, I suppose. “Is this an analogy then? Fish are as greedy as humans?”

“No. More like a warning for life. Maybe we should think critically before we make any actions. You know?”

“Yeah. I do.” I sighed and looked down at the ground.

“But sorry to bore you. How are you?”
He rubbed my shoulder and I tried not to flinch at his touch. As I looked into his handsome face, I was once again amazed at just how perfect looking he was. His blue eyes are so wide and open. So pure and innocent and the gold tints in his blond hair, shone like they had been polished. As I stared at him, I can see why the younger me had been infatuated with him. He was everything a girl like me could dream of.

“I’m good. A little tired. How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Frantic. Angry. All cried out. Despondent.” He cracked a half-smile. “But I’m also hopeful. Really hopeful. I think that I can take charge of my life. You know. With all the love and support you’ve given me. That you’ve always given me.”

I gulp as he talks. So this was it then. He needed me. I was stuck to him at this point. It was my duty and obligation to provide him strength now.

“I’m glad you have hope.” I looked away quickly. I felt the tell tale signs of burning in my eyes. I knew that I was about to cry.

“I’m sorry about Anna.” His voice br
oke as he said her name. I realized that he must have been really despondent. “I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”
I was in no position to pass judgment now that I’d slept with Luke. My darling precious Luke.

“It was wrong. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you
, Lexi.”

I couldn’t stop the tears as they sprung from my eyes. The rest of his life.
The rest of my life. With Bryce. I couldn’t imagine it. What was a life if I had to be with someone I didn’t love?

“Lexi, are you okay?” He brought me in close to him and I sobbed into his shoulders. I couldn’t let him know that these tears were for
Luke and me. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t to know that I’d been living in a fantasy world and that the love of my life had been next door all along. “Lexi, look at me. Are you okay?” He pulled my face up to look at his and we stood there staring at each other, wordlessly. He leaned down to kiss me and we stood there with our arms around each other, but unable to bring our two lips together.

“Lexi, you should know that Anna and I went out for shakes last night.” He let out a deep sigh. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just thought that she needed a friend.”

“It’s okay.” I look at him in wonder. “You know Anna’s not a bad person. I haven’t been the best friend she has needed in a long time.”

“She’s really funny,” h
e said, wistfully. “I never knew that she was so funny and honest.”

“She is isn’t she? And she’s a good listener.”

“I know.” He sat down on the grass and I joined him. “Has she ever had a real boyfriend?”

“No
, not really.” I leaned back and stared at the sky. “Neither of us has really. We were both just too busy dreaming and planning.”

“Creating castles out of clouds?”

“Yeah.” I picked a piece of grass and played with it in my fingers. “We were great at building castles. Maybe too good.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Our whole lives we’ve created fantasies of men we thought we wanted to be with. We’ve built everything up in our imagination, nothing can ever compare to that. You know? Daydreams are all good and well but not at the sake your life. Not when the love you build up in your head isn’t really real. I loved you and Anna loved Eddie and we spent all of high school in some alternate reality where our biggest hopes and dreams were based on whether one of you talked to us.” I sighed heavily.

“Eddie was gay
, you know,” he blurted out and I rolled over in surprise.

“What?”

“He was gay,” he sighed. “I didn’t really know until right before he died. He made a move at me. Said some things. I didn’t know how to react.” He tensed. “I was uncomfortable and confused. And I felt like I didn’t even know him anymore. I’m so mad that I made it about me. I can only imagine how much worse he had felt, coming clean to me.”

“But he tried to rape me?” I frowned. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“I think he was trying to make a man out of himself. I think he was trying to prove to himself that he liked women. I think he was drunk and confused. And he was trying to prove his love to me in some way. I was soo angry at you,” Bryce sighed. “I’m not really sure exactly. But I fucked up. I fucked up by trying to get revenge on you and I fucked up when he told me he was gay. I didn’t know what to think. I’m not homophobic but, you know, I just acted really badly.”