Healing Rain (23 page)

His pleasant smile fell from his face as he cut me off. “Rain, I understand why you lied, as far as your past was concerned. What I don't understand is, why didn't you think you could tell me about Aiden and the guitar lessons? I would have understood. You were sneaking around with him behind my back – you have to understand why I feel weird about you and him.”

“I know,” I said with a sigh. “It's hard to explain. I kept it a secret…not because it was
Aiden
, but because of the whole guitar lessons thing. It was something new for me, and it was kind of outside my comfort zone so I kept it pretty quiet. I just thought since it wasn't something you were interested in, you wouldn't understand why I was. It didn't really fit with the image of the girl you knew me as.”

He frowned. “But why do you have to pick
one
? Can't you be a cheerleader and a rock star at the same time?”

I sighed, realizing what he just said was kind of an echo of what Dr. Hope had said to me weeks ago. “Yeah. I know that now. I'm so sorry, Ethan. I'm sorry for everything I put you through.”

He gave me a half-smile and then shook his head. “Rain, I…I miss you. I think ending things completely was a huge mistake. I'm trying to process everything – trying to deal with everything in my own way. I miss you so much, but I'm not sure how much I trust you anymore.”

My heart soared. “I miss you too,” I said, taking a step closer to him. “Maybe we can try to start over? You know, slow down a little. Try this again, but this time, I will be
me
. No lies, no hiding anything.”

He gave a little sigh. “I really want to. I want to start over. This time, you have to be honest with me.”

“I will be. I'll earn your trust back,” I said as I put my arms around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder. It felt good to breathe in his scent again. “But right now, we need to discuss the Aiden thing. He's still teaching me to play guitar. Plus, we go to church together now. I don't want to give up my friendship with him.”

Ethan's eyebrows furrowed. “I wish I could tell you that was all okay, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me uncomfortable. He has feelings for you, Rain. He
kissed
you.”

“He
had
feelings for me,” I corrected. “Once we talked it all out, we agreed to be friends and nothing more.”

Ethan tilted his head and gave me a
look
. “Rain, that doesn't mean his feelings are gone. You think you can just magically make them go away? Trust me, Rain Sawyer, you are not an easy girl to get over. Believe me – I've tried.”

I put my head down. It hurt to hear that he tried to get over me, even if he didn't succeed. “Ethan, I'm so sorry. I really made a mess of things, and I understand if you can't get past it. But Aiden is my friend. I can't just give up our friendship just because it makes you uncomfortable. All I can do is promise you that it's innocent, and that I will never lie to you about it again. In fact, I would love for the two of you to become friends, too. Get to know him a little better. Come to church with us; see what the whole ‘faith' thing is all about.” I closed the space between us completely as I reached forward and took his hands. “Look, if you can't move forward with me, I understand. But I really wish you would try.”

He looked down at our intertwined fingers. He didn't speak for a long time, but he didn't let go of my hand, either. Finally, he sighed. “I'm not saying it's going to be easy. But it's worth it to try. What we had, what we
could have
, it's worth it.”

I didn't even realize how much tension I was holding throughout my body until that moment, when my body released it all. When I pulled him to me, I hugged him so tight he grunted in surprise before he hugged me back.

Finally, he pulled away. “Well, if we are going to start over, how about if I take you out on another first date tomorrow night?” he asked shyly.

I smiled and closed my eyes, still leaning against him. “That's the best invitation I've gotten in a while.”

He pulled away and took my hands in his again. He frowned as he felt the ring on my middle finger and looked down at my left hand, and then smiled when he saw which ring it was. “You're still wearing the ring I got you,” he said, looking pleased.

“I never take it off,” I told him honestly.

He put his hand under my chin and lifted my face up toward him. My heart raced as he leaned in slowly until his lips were almost touching mine. He paused there for a moment, causing the electric currents in my body to make the blood pulse in my veins as I waited on his kiss. We were both breathing heavily as he finally took my face in his hands as he had done so many times and kissed me gently. His lips were warm and soft and wonderful against mine, and I let my body go weak as I sank into the kiss.

When he finally pulled slowly away, he whispered, “Can I call you later?”

“Yes,” I whispered back as I tried to catch my breath.

“Okay,” he said a little louder as he stood up straight. “I'll let you get to your friends.” I had forgotten about Anna and Alexis, who were waiting outside. “I will give you a call later tonight to figure out what we're gonna do for our date tomorrow night.”

“You wanna come with us?” I asked.

“Nah,” he said. “You guys go, celebrate your victory. Have a good time. I'm gonna go home and help my dad out with some stuff around the house. I'll just give you a call later.”

“Okay,” I said, even though I wanted to stay with him. “I'll talk to you tonight, then.”

“I'll walk you out,” he said as he took my hand and led me out to Alexis' car.

Anna and Alexis were sitting inside the car, blaring some rap music (that I, of course, did not know) and dancing like idiots. I smiled as we approached them before I turned back to Ethan. “I'm so glad you're giving me another chance,” I told him. “You won't regret it.”

“I know,” he said as he kissed me quickly on the cheek. He smiled at me as he walked away, leaving me to get in the car with my friends.

I couldn't wipe away the goofy expression that was permanently etched onto my face as I climbed in the back of the car. Anna and Alexis both smiled at me, and Alexis rolled her eyes. “I knew that jerk would realize what he lost,” her prissy voice said before I could say a word.

Anna turned around to look at me. “So you guys are back together?”

I nodded. “Yeah, kind of. I mean, we're gonna try. We still have some issues to get through, but we're gonna take things slow, kinda start over. We're going on a date tomorrow night.”

“Oh, yeah!” Anna said in a high-pitched voice as she clapped her hands.

Alexis looked at me in the rearview mirror. “I guess this day makes up for how bad your birthday sucked, huh?”

I laughed. “Definitely. Now where are we going to eat?”

“Don't know,” Anna replied. “We're gonna go pick up Melissa and Brooke first, and then we'll all decide.”

We drove out of the parking lot, laughing and dancing. Smiling to myself, I looked out the window and up toward the sky. I was thrilled with the events of the day, but more importantly, for the first time in months, I was just all-around happy.

 

 

“How are you going to spend your Christmas break?” Dr. Hope asked lightly as I sat down in my usual chair.

I shrugged. “I'm sure I'll be at home with Tyler a lot. I know the restaurant gets really busy around this time of year.” After a pause, I added, “It's definitely going to be difficult without Dad.”

Dr. Hope nodded. “Holidays are always tough after the loss of a loved one.”

“Especially Christmas,” I told her. “Dad always made such a huge deal over Christmas. He used to spend an insane amount of time and money on decorating the outside of our house. It was always the most festive house in the neighborhood. We used to tell him he was insane and pretend that all the decorations were tacky, but we all loved them and he knew it. And he loved Christmas presents, but he could never actually wait until Christmas to give us our presents. He was like a kid. Mom used to have to hide our presents from him so that he wouldn't be able to give them to us early.” I laughed through my tears at the memory, and Dr. Hope laughed along with me.

“I know we won't be able to decorate the outside, and there won't be stacks and stacks of presents under our tiny Christmas tree, but I want to make things seem like home for Mom and Tyler,” I thought out loud. “Since tomorrow is our first day of break and Mom is working a double, I think I'm gonna get Tyler to help me make some more decorations to put up around the house. Mom only put up that sorry little tree she bought at the grocery store. I can tell she's struggling with this, but I think it would be good for her to celebrate it the way we always have, or as best we can. I think it would be good for all of us.”

“I think you're right. It will be good to remember him this holiday,” Dr. Hope said quietly.

I grinned, pleased with my idea. I was already thinking about what art supplies we had at home that could be used to create Christmas decorations. Tyler would love the project, and we could reminisce about Dad and all the crazy fuss he used to make over this holiday.

“Do you have anything planned with your friends or Ethan for the vacation?” Dr. Hope inquired casually.

I shook my head. “Not really. It should be a pretty low-key break – no major plans. Aiden thinks I will be ready to play guitar and sing with his band in public soon, which is amazing but incredibly terrifying, so I told him we will have to do a lot of practicing over this break to make sure I've got all the songs down. Alexis even said she would come to the youth rally to hear me, which is all the motivation I need – she's not big on the whole ‘church' idea. I got Ethan to come with me to the church service last week, and Anna has been going with Steve and has actually gotten really involved with it. I'm excited to see what God will do in all of our lives.

“And we also have cheerleading practice the week after Christmas, because basketball season starts right after we get back in January. So I'll see the girls a lot there, too.

“Oh, and there is one thing I'm really looking forward to: Aiden's band is playing next weekend at this little venue out of town, so we're all gonna go see them. There's this little Italian restaurant beside the venue that's supposed to be amazing, so me, Ethan, Anna, Steve, Alexis, and Aiden are all going there for dinner before the show. Ethan is really trying hard to be okay with my friendship with Aiden. We've all hung out a couple of times, and it's been a lot of fun.”

“Sounds like your vacation is pretty packed for someone who just said she didn't really have any plans,” Dr. Hope said with raised eyebrows.

I laughed. “Yeah, I guess so. I'm glad to have the two weeks off school, though. I was getting a little burned out by the time finals were over. They were tough.”

“How do you think you did?” Dr. Hope asked.

“I'm sure I did well. I studied hard. We get our report cards in the mail soon, so I guess I'll know for sure then. I'm actually looking forward to the new semester, though. I just joined Student Council and we're planning the winter dance, so that should be fun. Plus, softball starts in a couple of months. I'm definitely pumped for that.”

“Rain, I'm so proud of all the progress you have made.” Dr. Hope beamed at me from across the room.

I smiled back at her, suddenly a little shy. “Thanks.”

“I've been bragging about you to your doctor. I told him you're not the same angry girl that you were when you first walked through those doors. You've grown so much over the last four and a half months. In fact, I think it may be time for us to discuss your release,” she said, looking at me carefully.

“My release?” I had no idea what she was talking about.

“Yes. Your release. From the therapy requirement. How do you feel about that?”

I furrowed my eyebrows. Four and a half months ago, I would have jumped through the ceiling in delight. From the moment I was handed this prison sentence, I had been looking forward to those words. Only now, I didn't think of it that way. I had gotten used to coming and talking to Dr. Hope twice a week. I knew she was a big part of the reason I was evolving.

“Um, Dr. Hope, do you think I could keep coming to see you, just for a little while longer?” I asked timidly.

Dr. Hope couldn't hide the surprise from her face. “You
want
to keep coming here?” she asked incredulously.

“Yeah,” I laughed. “I mean, I know I'm a lot better, but I'm not perfect. I'm still trying to figure it all out. I'm still dealing with everything, and I have a lot left to learn about myself.”

She smiled gently. “Rain, you'll be trying to figure yourself out for years to come. That's okay; in fact, it's very normal. You're on the verge of becoming an adult, and you'll change as you grow. You'll try new things and develop new interests and all of that is just part of life. You're a strong girl, Rain. You'll find out who you are.”

I smiled back at her. “Thank you. You're just…good at guiding me through it all, I guess. It makes me nervous to think about losing you.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Thank you, Rain. That is the greatest compliment I have ever been given. I wasn't saying we were going to end all contact right away. We'll figure out some kind of system that we're all comfortable with until you feel confident enough to be on your own.”

I nodded. “That sounds good.” I studied the picture on her desk – the one of her and her husband on top of the mountain or whatever it was. They looked so happy and filled with accomplishment in the picture, and it made
me
feel happy. It gave me…hope. I laughed out loud as that thought made me remember the conversation we had in our very first session.

“What's so funny?” Dr. Hope asked with a smile.

I shook my head. “I was just remembering what I said in the beginning about names and how they can tell you about a person. That was so ridiculous. I was just rambling off the top of my head because I was trying to start an argument with you. I just wanted you to tell me that what I was saying was crazy so I could fight you on it.”

She lifted her eyebrows and smiled with her eyes. “So you really don't believe your name means you are depressing and ruin everything?”

I shook my head. “No. In fact, sometimes the rain can be a good thing. It can be calming. It also brings growth.”

She leaned over and looked me in the eyes, giving me that warm smile that gave me such comfort. “Well, then, I think your name suits you perfectly.”