Heart of Tantric Sex (12 page)

Expand the muscles of your pelvic floor

While you are making love, simply relax your pelvic floor to help your genital consciousness. First of all identify it while standing. Pull up all the muscles around your genitals and anus, imagining you are stopping the flow of urine. It's easy. Squeeze a little tighter, exaggerate the tightness. Contract the musculature . . . and then let it go, relax. Imagine that you are bottoming out, emptying out through the vagina or penis and anus. Let the energy flow down the legs. Feel the new inner sensations that come with this. Try this out and then do it as often as possible. Do it anywhere, waiting in a line, while chatting at a cocktail party, it's okay—nobody can see you, and it feels great! Suddenly you will find yourself more at ease, more confident with a sense of belonging. Make this an awareness exercise that you do again and again because it brings vitality to the pelvic area. But do not do it mechanically or unconsciously, otherwise it makes the vagina tougher. Feel instead that you are keeping it in tone, balance the pulling up with the releasing down, do it slowly millimeter by millimeter and see how the consciousness grows. The beauty of awareness is that it knows no bounds. Women can always find another layer of perception in the vagina by forcing the consciousness into the vagina and asking themselves, "Can I be more open?" Miraculously the musculature will widen a few millimeters, and as the very cells are penetrated with consciousness, the male penis will respond with jerking movements, snaking more deeply into the vagina.

Men can hold the entire penis in awareness, not only the highly magnetic sensitive tip. Feel its full length as it extends marvelously away from the body. Also feel the root of the penis where your penis joins and emerges from the body, and the perineum, the small knotty area between the penis and the rectum. This is the epicenter of the male positive pole, so a man should continually keep the root of the penis in the forefront of his awareness. Don't focus on
where
it is (it can provoke excitement), but
how
it feels; this increases the internal awareness of the penis. Stay connected with this and experience or imagine the penis to be a rod or a magic wand. The greater the consciousness residing in the penis, the more you will be able to rely on its intelligence. The penis will tell you how to make love, when to be still, when to move, and how much to move, in direct response to the environment within the vagina.

The truth is that most men rarely feel the full length of the penis because the interest is on the sensation being created in the tip, usually through repeated rapid movements. But when they do, they have found it to bring an immediately expanded quality to the sexual energy, the feeling of oneself through the penis with power emerging from the root, transmitted along the base upward, and increasing the sensitivity of the head, its magnetic properties. This is advantageous for both men and women as the more sensitive the penis head, the more the delicate and ecstatic vibrations within the vagina can be experienced. This finer magnetic genital functioning is the gift of Tantra, a deeply fulfilling and healing experience for men and women.

• Conscious genitals are tremendously sensitive and alive to each other.
  
• This is a shift from the "doing" in sex, to the dimension of "being" in sex.
  

 I 
MAGINE THE BODY AS A LARGE delectable fruit with soft and juicy parts all over it. You know them, you have felt them in your own body. But how do you touch and stay conscious so that it brings ultimate pleasure to you and your lover? Stroking and caressing your lover as often as possible gives you the chance to experiment with the erotic effects of touch. Notice the subtle responses to your touch and be guided by that. Touch lovingly with awareness in your hands. As you are being touched, close your eyes and allow yourself to
receive
the touch. Absorb the warmth into your own body. Touch and be touched as you make love, it helps enormously to increase sensuality and create sexual presence.

I have found that any type of massage between lovers is an excellent way to begin making love. When massage is done with love and awareness, it quickly creates relaxation, the dropping of tensions, and induces closeness and rapport. Massaging the legs and buttocks has the effect of awakening the sexual energy, especially in women, who tend to hold unexpressed sexual energy in the upper legs, thighs and buttocks. Sometimes this unexpressed sexual energy is reflected in the physical structure, leading to extreme heaviness in the thighs. As consciousness is brought to lovemaking, being touched internally and externally, the body can undergo great changes, replacing imbalance and congestion with balance and fluidity. As the sex energy spreads upward to the heart, slowly we become unified into one graceful whole.

The question is, how to touch and where? The body is full of delectable touchable spots and anywhere is a good place to touch, provided you partner agrees. We all know our bodies and the location of the most sexually sensitive areas, but I suggest that you do not restrict your caresses to such places; it is better to approach them indirectly. Start with a peripheral body part, perhaps the feet, the arms and hands, the head, slowly circling inward and softly toward the back, buttocks, and belly and more sensitive areas. This creates trust and intimacy and the slowness of the approach creates a sensuality and fresh consciousness within the bodies. You will notice your lover's body respond positively in appreciation. Fire grows slowly but surely, and it needs encouragement. It is most likely that your body will be responding in the same way too. Through touch there arises a bodily willingness to make love together, and this changes everything.

Often as we touch one another, we will repeat the same movement or caress again and again. Rubbing up and down, or round and round automatically, almost unaware that we are in fact, touching the body. This lack of consciousness in the touch can unfortunately have an irritating effect on the receiver. She easily feels the lack of consciousness in the hand where there is no tactile communication and so, without sincerity and sensitivity, there is little pleasure in it. While your intention may be to turn your lover on, she may be turning off instead. We can all avoid this by staying aware and conscious while touching.

Communicating through touch

Feel the graceful contours of the body, the supple skin, the silky hair, the bony protrusions. While you are touching, don't focus so much on the
doing,
like stroking or rubbing, but more on feeling of the contact between your hand and their body. Allow your awareness to enter your hand. Relax into
being
and imagine your hand melting or dissolving into their body. The focus on the touch of the hand itself, rather than the activity or the doing, changes the whole quality of the touch. It is quite remarkable. It gives your partner time to feel you, absorb your touch into their body. You will find that your partner warms up and responds much more quickly if your touch is conscious. Feel yourself feeling them, and they feel it too. The sacrum, for example, is always a good place to touch. It feels luscious! With a warm open hand send your love into the base of the spine. It is a sacred place. Feather-light strokes up the spine expand the body energy tremendously. Wrapping the full, open hand around the back of the neck lightly is extremely comforting and reassuring, and this gentle touch can also assist in the release of tears. Or try placing both hands directly over each of the sitz bones, the buttock bones on which we sit. Cup them fully, and to the one receiving, this warmth feels very sexy. Take time to hunt and find special places, juicy spots, and discover how your lover responds. Use your hands to communicate and share your love.

As you touch your lover with awareness, imagine that you are channeling love and warmth into their body. This imagination helps you to get the feeling of energy passing from you into them, and increases communication. Keep your hands in one place for a while, be happy to enjoy the simple touch. Don't do, "be." This kind of conscious touching, without the intention to excite or stimulate your partner, helps them to turn their focus inward to experience themselves. It increases receptivity and sensitivity. For instance, men can be assured that taking fifteen or twenty minutes to lovingly massage their partner's breasts or legs before entering her pays great dividends. It will lead you
both
to greater heights of pleasure and ecstasy. Through serving a woman, a man is fulfilled as a man.

Touching the heart through the breasts

Remembering our background Love Key, Polarity, it is really important that the breasts of a woman be touched before and during lovemaking. Her positive pole needs to be awakened before the negative pole, the vagina, responds with sexual interest. When the female focus is on the clitoris or vagina, and the breasts are ignored, the sexual experience is more likely to be limited to a more linear genital one. When the positive pole, the breasts and heart of woman, is actively engaged, the sexual act takes on a different characteristic. It becomes circular and spontaneous as a deep movement of sexual energy becomes possible.

While making love, most women yearn to have their breasts touched with love and understanding. They intuitively know that it is the breasts that access the deeper layers of sexual energy. When I started being more conscious of the role of the breasts during sex, I found that much to my surprise, they were not very receptive. My relationship with them had always been from the outside, and how they looked as objects, rather than from any inner sense or consciousness of them as breasts. This made them insensitive and unable to absorb the warmth of loving touch. I found that if the breasts and especially the nipples were touched too vigorously or aggressively, it would have the effect of turning me off and causing my body to withdraw, making me less willing to make love. On the other hand, when they were touched in a deliberate or more conscious way without the intention to stimulate, the touch would send sparkles into my vagina. I opened up there and then! Later, when everything was rolling, there would often come a moment when my breasts would be asking for a stronger squeeze or touch and that would continue to open my sexual energy.

I have talked to many women who previously enjoyed having their breasts stimulated when young, then reached a point where they no longer liked to have them touched. They were swollen, congested or over-sensitive, and the nipples very reactive. What can happen is that the breasts, and so the woman as well, become repelled by insensitive touch done without empathy. Frequently, when a man touches a woman's breasts, he is operating from his own desire and enthusiasm and not relating to the breasts themselves. He is touching them in a way that is good for him, but not for her sexual response. A vigorous touch might be more appropriate at some time later during lovemaking, but in the beginning, be deliberate and sensitive. Intend to touch your partner, and then touch with intention. It makes all the difference.

Let your desire, appreciation, love of your partner's breasts be channeled through your hands. Breasts, the symbol of fertility, are indeed beautiful and have captured the eyes and hearts of the artist and the lover for all of humanity. Take the whole breast into the palm of your hand, sending energy and love. Don't do anything for a while, simply "be" with the breast in your hand, perhaps offering a gentle squeeze now and then. Later touch or suck the nipples gently, in a childlike way. Respond to the energy of the breasts and sense how they would like to be touched, not how you would like to touch them. Release your habitual way of reacting to the breasts and nipples, perhaps even your conditioned response to breasts. Caress them with the idea of reaching into your partner, opening her heart in preparation for love. Enter the moment through the presence of your hand.

Caressing the penis

Likewise, a woman should take the penis into her hand and hold it lovingly, embrace it with her hand as if it were a young resilient bird. Again, there is nothing to do with it. Just be with it, feel and absorb its marvelous energy, its strength, its softness. Caress gently and take the testicles into your hands, lightly squeezing them as if they were the most delicate of eggs. Gently massage the testicles between the thumb and forefinger, softly pulling them away from the body. The foreskin and extra folds of skin can be slowly pulled back and away from the head of the penis, exposing the length of the shaft. It feels very good, as well as helping to bring the man's awareness into his penis. The man can focus his awareness, in particular at the root of his penis, his positive pole. Using your hands to communicate in this way with the root of a man will have the effect of creating a vibrant relaxation in his body. In contrast, a stimulating touch to get him hard will place the focus on the excitement aspect of sex, which urges "doing" or orgasm.