Heart of Tantric Sex (30 page)

Resting in consciousness
(see
fig. 16) is perhaps the most delightful and beneficial thing people can do for themselves on a regular, even daily, basis. It needs a minimum of twenty minutes. It is as simple as this: lie down, close your eyes, and bring the consciousness to reside within your body. Lie with the spine, head, and neck in straight line. This alignment is crucial because it contributes tremendously to your presence. Place a supporting pillow under the knees so that they are slightly softened and bent. This really enhances relaxation, and enables your consciousness to move beyond the physical boundaries of the body.

Once you are comfortable, turn your attention from outside to inside, leaving behind the thoughts of the day. Sweep through your whole body with your awareness, softening and relaxing any tensions you may feel. It can help to contract and tighten the body at first, exaggerating the tensions. Do this several times, tighten and release. Sense the upper half of the body and then the lower half of the body, and unite them with your consciousness in the area above the navel. Slowly sink into the sensations of the body, looking inward and down with your inner eye at the same time. Spread it evenly throughout the entire body. Keep the head and neck in line. Breathe deeply and slowly and "be." Do this for twenty minutes only. At a certain moment you may slip into yourself, into timelessness. Observe how incredibly rejuvenated you feel after such a rest! It is quite miraculous. If you do this before you sleep at night, and take the first twenty minutes to rest in consciousness, you will find the quality of your sleep to be more refreshing. Indeed, you may even require less sleep. Resting itself can become a rejuvenating meditation when you are horizontal, a most delightful position. Turning inward gets easier with practice, and resting in consciousness becomes an incredible life support, as its effects are most beneficial. When relaxation arises through consciousness it becomes a healing and energizing force.

How to connect with your inner opposite pole

To deepen this meditation and take it further, slowly bring your positive pole into awareness and imagine golden light filling the area. Women should focus on both nipples simultaneously, and men should focus on the perineum at the root of the penis. Once you have a feeling of light or energy building up, you can begin to imagine this light overflowing, spreading and streaming toward the opposite negative pole. Women may experience this as a gradual spreading and rising of energy, while men may feel it as leaps or jumps of light or energy moving upward. Connecting in this way with our inner opposite pole, our own magnetic rod, an increasingly ecstatic circle of energy is formed within. It may take time to build up to this, and if you have been fortunate enough to have had one previous ecstatic sexual experience where the energy turned orgasmically inward, use your awareness to provoke this memory in the cells of your body. You can add the breath to this meditation on the positive poles: a woman can imagine herself breathing in through the vagina and out through the heart, and a man can imagine breathing in through the heart and out through the penis.

Women in particular should meditate on the positive pole, the breasts and nipples. This activates the feminine energies inherent in the breasts and begins to rebalance the polarity. As the breasts themselves begin to get energized, the heart center begins to vibrate and expand, enveloping her with great sweetness. It is recommended however, that a woman brings her awareness into the nipples (both simultaneously), and not to the heart center itself. The idea is to open the heart
through
the breasts, which has a profound impact on a woman's energy system and spreads through the whole body. When a woman is alone and finds herself sorely missing love, meditating on the breasts can become a powerful support. This keeps the feminine energy awakened and vital, and the inward turning of the awareness positively diverts the energy she might otherwise pour into longing for love. As life would have it, in so doing she begins to shine and becomes attractive. Many women have had the experience that love came to them the very moment they stopped searching for it, when they finally gave up. As soon as they accepted the situation and felt loving toward themselves, love would knock on the door and walk right in and stay.

This gives a clue to us all, men and women, that self-love is crucial. We cannot ask another to love us without loving ourselves first, without being willing to give love, which also means having enough love within ourselves to share. When you bring consciousness into the body, a feeling of lovingness and tenderness toward oneself is generated; one is more present and graceful. Anything that you enjoy in the way of exercise, massage, bodywork, or dancing is very healthy when done regularly and is tremendously supportive in enhancing body sensitivity and awareness.

Be receptive to the growing consciousness in your body

To support the growing of consciousness in the body, use the Love Keys. Many of them can be used outside of sex with good effect, like slowing down when we eat, relaxing as we clean our teeth, walking slowly. When we find ourselves alone, it is very useful to remember to relax the pelvic floor, breathe, allow the vision to be inward and outward at the same time. By using the awareness, many of the Love Keys can be incorporated into your life, and this relaxation will bring a qualitative change to your daily routine. You may find you achieve more with less effort. While washing the dishes for instance, try standing equally weighted on both feet with the knees slightly bent. This immediately creates a physical presence and grounding, the warm watery soapy suds are unexpectedly a sensual joy. The chore can suddenly seem effortless as the body aligns itself with the force of gravity.

When we stand with all our body weight on one leg, knee joint locked and out of alignment, we feel unwilling and heavy while time seems to drag. In the same way, when chatting at a cocktail party, waiting in line at the airport, theater, or bank, practice again and again standing on both feet equally, letting the knees be soft and the body weight relax down into the pelvis, legs, and feet. You may notice that you suddenly feel more attentive, present, and receptive. Your impatience and dissatisfaction will dissolve as you begin to respond to the small amusing and colorful details present in almost every scene. Be present to your environment, absorb your surroundings, notice everything around you but without losing awareness of yourself. It is as if you perceive the outside through the inside. This heightens your sensitivity as you are seated within yourself as if at home.

As we bring the internal circulation of our vital energy into practice, there will be a possible corresponding rise in sexual energy, or life energy. Enjoy the sensation of this aliveness in your body. Do not be afraid to feel sexual, this is the juice of life, and do not think you have to do something with this energy to release it. Contain it and concentrate it within you, and wait for love to arrive in your life. Do not seek it or expect it, but invite it. Look again, and you will find love in the smallest of things.

It may happen that the need or urge arises for self-pleasuring, or masturbation, and this is because our sexual energy is continually seeking expression. The urge can also represent a certain level of sexual tension or excitement present in the system. Nonetheless, it is important to remember that masturbation is fertile soil for fantasy, has little to do with the real thing, and can be a hindrance to consciousness. In lovemaking the focus is on relaxation and this should also be the focus of self-pleasuring. Use the Love Keys to guide you. As you touch and caress yourself, avoid building up any sexual tension or urgency. Instead, stroke yourself unhurriedly including your buttocks, legs, and feet. Slowly reabsorb each lingering touch. Touch and be aware of the touch at the same time—this will intensify your presence and experience. Breathe deeply and continuously, spread the energy around the body, roll about and celebrate your sensuality. If the need for an orgasm persists, then prolong the self-touching. Don't be in a hurry to reach the end. When you do orgasm or ejaculate, be aware of what is happening as it is happening and relax into the experience of it. If you can, place one hand on your heart. Avoid using sexual images but if necessary it is suggested the man imagine the vagina only, or the woman, the penis. This keeps the emphasis on where love is actually made between penis and vagina, rather than vivid sexual imagination, which is exciting and provocative.

Men have reported that, much to their surprise, after a time of making love in a conscious way the interest in masturbation diminished. After the penis had been experienced as a generator of energy, and sexual energy as a glowing force, it became of no intrinsic value.

Begin a new relationship in consciousness

If you meet someone and you wish to make love, explain that you are interested in trying something different. It may seem a bit of a daunting prospect but it is good not to delay it. If you are able to begin your sex life with an element of consciousness, it has a far greater chance of strengthening into love. It is very important too that women begin to choose consciousness and stop compromising with men, because they do so at their own expense. The mind will nonetheless try and convince you to do it in the usual way for a while and postpone talking about it until later. However, the emotional reactions spawned by unconscious sex are often so fast, unpredictable, and overwhelming that frequently we are separated before we know it! Love does not have a chance to take root let alone get off the ground, because sexual energy is misunderstood and this has consequences.

Don't be afraid to introduce the subject of sex, because deep down everybody is vulnerable. We are all confounded by it. Usually it is a relief, a relaxation to talk of our feelings and get sex out in the open. Share what you understand so far and make suggestions as to how to proceed in a new way. Talk about the Love Keys and see which you can immediately begin to use. Start with a slow approach and take your time, avoiding excitement or focus on orgasm. I have found the response to relaxation astounding.

A friend of mine who enjoyed changing partners at one time explained to a new woman how he wanted to make love with her; very slowly, with eye contact, and without excitement or orgasm. The results were amazing! Each time, the woman experienced a tremendous opening in her body and heart, falling in love with him immediately. The love generated by a conscious penis is instantaneous and a woman is exceptionally sensitive to its tremendous power. So rarely does she experience it in consciousness, that when she does, she knows and wants more of it! She feels encountered and fulfilled for the first time, and the first penetration can be enough. In the same way, once a man tastes his sexual energy as a divine moving force, nothing else truly satisfies him.

Sometimes in a couple, partners will get the urge to be on their own for a while or "have some space" because the exchange with the other is experienced as a demand or as needy or tiring. When the focus of the lovemaking is turned inward and away from habitual orgasm, couples report that this imbalance shifts and there arises a contentment with silerlce and quiet moments between them, with each one more centered and at home, as if alone together.