Heart of Tantric Sex (31 page)

 T 
HE AMBIENCE OF A ROOM, its scent and flavor, can remind you of the sacredness of lovemaking. It can have an air about it that evokes love and instills reverence. It can remind you that you are here in love, for love, and to love. If you design your bedroom around lovemaking with the bed as the focal point, you will soon begin to feel a wave of awe and sensuality pass through you upon entering. If you have a date to make love, then purify and clean the room some hours before, giving it your loving touch. Then it will be like a temple, the perfect atmosphere for the celebration of love.

If you have the luxury of a spare room, turn it into your love temple, keeping it for these special occasions. Remove as much of the furniture as possible, and pictures, photographs, and knick-knacks from the past. The idea is to create a tranquil spaciousness that will assist and invite you into the clarity of the present moment. If you have no extra room, remove all the unnecessary stuff from your bedroom. Create the feeling of an empty space. Ornaments and family photographs gather dust and become invisible after a while, giving a room an overfilled, stuffy, or chaotic feeling. Fewer things in your room will make it feel bigger, providing you with a sense of expansion. An Italian couple that had been married for twenty-five years took my course. When they arrived home again, they found they simply
bad
to change the furniture layout in their house so that a fresh environment could support their new commitment to love. By removing the redundant clutter of family memorabilia, they regained the ability to see each other anew.

Create a special atmosphere to make love

Lighting makes all the difference to a room; it's great to have lots of options. Try using four or five different lights, different colors creating a soft, warm effect while at the same time making sure you have enough light to be able to see into the eyes of your partner. Although sometimes it is glorious to make love in the intimacy of darkness, initially it is easier to stay present when you can see each other well. The flickering flame of candlelight always brings a special quality to the atmosphere even if there are other lights on at the same time. If you use only candles, which is also very nice, use many so as to fill the room with dancing flames.

Soft music creates a soothing ambience and warms the heart before and as you make love. This is where auto-reverse tape and CD players really come in handy; put on something you both like and let it go around until the lovemaking is over. At the same time, making love in silence has its merits. I have found that music can also act as a screen, a place to get lost. So although it may feel awkward at first with no sounds to support and inspire you, it is good to make love in silence as well, so the awareness is literally forced into the body.

It is great to have a big bed or a huge mattress on the floor, the bigger the better, so you are not afraid to roll around and be playful. Low, large beds are perfect for split-level positions giving one the distinctly feline feeling of lounging stretched out, half on, half off the bed. Plenty of bed space allows you to move around together in rotation positions that enhance the genital communion and depth of penetration. A firm mattress is a good idea, providing solid ground for your bodies. If the mattress is very soft and collapses in the middle, it will be difficult to find and maintain different positions.

You both need to be well supported and comfortable, so let your bed be a constant invitation, which you can't resist. Bed linens of gorgeous design, color, and quality can make slipping into bed a glorious and sensuous experience. And have plenty of pillows too, so they can be used later to support different parts of the body while you're making love. For example, when a woman is lying on her back, she can place a pillow beneath her hips to raise the level of her pelvis allowing for deeper penetration. If you are making love sitting up, the woman in the lap of her partner with her legs around his pelvis (the Yab Yum position), a pillow under her buttocks can make it more comfortable and the genital contact more penetrating. In the same way, legs, knees, heads, and necks sometimes need extra support.

Plants and flowers add a touch of color and beauty to the environment. If you are planning a special night together, perhaps an anniversary or other celebration, fill the room with heaps of colorful flowers, especially roses, which touch the heart. The fragrance helps you to remain in your senses, while it may also remind you to breathe more easily and fully. Fragrance can be felt as the room wrapping itself around the body, so incense and aromatic lamps or candles can bring a special quality. I always feel that I am being embraced by the atmosphere when the air is filled with incense. After a few occasions, a particular scent will become associated with love, and as you step into the room you will feel an opening within, a wonderful readiness for love.

I've always liked mirrors in a room to reflect and amplify the surroundings. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the reflection of you and your lover's bodies relaxing together, indeed it is beautiful, but be aware that mirrors can stimulate your sexual imagination. Mirrors can be better used to bring the outside in. By placing a mirror opposite a window with a view, you get the view twice or even more. I once managed to use the placement of mirrors to reflect the illusion of eighty-eight flames from only eleven candles. Rather than using one complete mirror that is heavy and hard to handle, use strips of mirror, anything from two inches to six inches wide, with a pencil-thick gap between them. This has the glorious effect of breaking up the reflection, amplifying it and opening up a whole new visual world within your bedroom. Do whatever appeals to you, whatever feels magical and sensual, so that when you step into your room the flickering candles and soft music will remind you of a temple: serene, quiet, fragrant, and flower-filled.

As you prepare your environment, prepare the body to make love in consciousness, which requires a step down into the senses. Leave the activities and concerns of the day behind. A warm shower or a relaxing hot bath is really the best thing one can do before making love, finishing off with a splash of refreshing cold water if you are brave. Water is just marvelous because it washes away stale, congested energy, and you emerge refreshed with your energy cleansed and more present in body and spirit. Some movement is helpful, as is breathing or quiet meditation, all of which help bring consciousness to the body.

A beautiful way to start and finish making love is with a
namaste.
This is the classic hand-gesture of India, with the palms together in a prayer position and held in front of the heart. It is accompanied by a slight bowing of the head. Traditionally the meaning of this gesture is "I greet the Buddha in you." It is also known as the heart
mudra,
and activates the heart center. Before you begin to make love, sit opposite each other, eyes meeting, and take a bow. Acknowledge yourself and each other, and bow your heads in acknowledgment of the blessings flowing from presence. It creates an awareness of what you are entering into. Often after extraordinary sexual union, you will find yourself spontaneously bringing your hands together in this heart
mudra
in sheer gratitude to your lover for the heartfelt experience. It is almost an instinctive response. Gracefully complete the lovemaking with a bow as you feel the joy and peace that arises when love has truly been made, a peace that passes all understanding.

Some people like ritual to help them create a new and different atmosphere for making love. Ritual is like opening a doorway leading to specific steps that encourage you into the experience of the present moment, through the body and the senses. It does not work for everyone, but for some, rituals or practices can be very powerful in establishing an energetic field to support their presence, so you might like to create your own personal way of preparing for love. As you perform this sequence again and again, the effect of the ritual or practice will soon resonate in your body and prepare you for an inner journey.

Finally, let your precious presence bring grace to your environment wherever you are. Let your body serve as a constant reminder of the consciousness that can be brought to love and sex. The body is the finest and most graceful temple on earth, and to find God within oneself, through sex, is the great gift of life.

The following meditation can be used as a preparation for lovemaking or to bring lovers closer when there is a feeling of separation.

Meditation on light is one of the most ancient Tantric meditations. The moment you meditate on light, something inside you that has remained a bud starts opening its petals. The meditation on light creates a space for its opening.

Prepare your room as a temple with flowers, music, and incense.

Place candles around the room, creating enough light to see the eyes of your lover.

In the center of the room place a mattress on the floor with a pillow at each end of the mattress so that it is possible to sit opposite each other.

Between the two pillows place one candle.

Be sure there is enough space between the pillows so that you can sit comfortably and have the candle between you.

Choose a piece of music (about forty-five minutes long) that opens and expands your energy.

Place additional cushions or chairs at opposite ends of the room, well away from the central area.

Prepare the room in advance and leave it empty for half an hour with music playing during this time.

Take a shower and then meet your lover in silence at the door of the temple wearing comfortable, loose clothing, which you can later remove if you wish.

Start the chosen tape or CD, or leave it playing as you find it upon entering.

Walk slowly to the two cushions or chairs placed at opposite ends of the room, and sit in meditation for about ten to fifteen minutes.

Close your eyes and allow a quality of stillness to arise within. Forget about your lover and bring the attention to yourself.

Slide your awareness down your spine and into your belly.

Breathe in to a point two inches below your navel.

Breathe out to the count of three.

Breathe in to the count of three.

Keep your awareness in your belly.

Breathe for several minutes in this way.

When you have the feeling of yourself "arriving" in your body, allow your eyes to open.

Let the vision be soft and inward, as if the temple is looking into you. Slowly come to a standing position, feeling your legs and feet as roots to the ground.

Bring intense awareness to the penis (man) and breasts (woman) so as to awaken the energy within.

Slowly start to walk toward the place of worship.

The slower you walk the better, experiencing yourself more as energy than body.

Sit down opposite each other on the mattress, looking at the candle flame between you.

As you breathe in, imagine you are breathing in the light.

The woman is breathing in through the vagina and out through the heart.

The man is breathing out through the penis and in through the heart.

Allow the light to circulate through your own body breathing in synchronicity, as if the breath is speaking to your lover.

When you feel that you are filled with light, raise your eyes to meet your lover and exchange energy through the eyes.

After some moments, the man removes the candle between you, the woman moves across the space to sit in the Yab Yum position.

Continue to breathe in synchronicity, the woman in through the vagina and out through the heart, the man in through the heart and out through the penis, circulating the light.