Heartless (11 page)

Derek watched Mike
walk out the door, feeling helpless to stop him. There was so much he wanted to
say, not the least of which was that he was sorry for all the pain he’d caused
him and his brother.

Chapter Seven

Derek claimed the
chair on the other side of the chief’s desk and tried to focus on the business
at hand, but it wasn’t easy when his mind kept drifting back to his
conversations with Ashley and her son.

John kicked his
feet up on his desk and leaned back in his swivel chair. “I hear you’re one of
the best damn detective inspectors that department’s ever had.”

Derek found it
difficult to accept praise for doing the job he was paid to do. He loved it. He
was passionate about it. He took criminals off the street. That was the only
reward he needed. “I don’t know about that, John. I had some pretty big shoes
to fill when Morris retired.”

John chuckled.
“Modest as ever, I see. So, I hear you’re up for another promotion. Can’t say
I’m surprised. You’re one of the best damn cops I ever had the privilege of
working with, bar none.”

Coming from John,
whose rise through the ranks was practically iconic, that was a valuable
compliment. “I appreciate that.” Normally Derek would have addressed his chief as
‘sir,’ but his friendship with John made the formality seem unnecessary.

“So, I didn’t call
you in here to offer you an inspector or commander’s job. I thought I’d have to
sweeten the pot a little more if I expected you to make the move back to
Nashville.”

Derek was
surprised. He assumed the offer would be comparable to the one he expected to
receive when he returned home. “What did you have in mind?”

“I’m offerin’ you
Deputy Chief of Investigative Services.”

Derek was rarely
at a loss for words. But when he walked in, he hadn’t expected a proposal he
would be hard pressed to refuse. “I don’t know what to say, John.”

“I’m hopin’ you’ll
say yes.”

He wanted to, but
he couldn’t. Not until he knew where things stood with Ashley. Living in the
same city with her, knowing they would inevitably cross paths because of Josh,
would be torture if they weren’t together. “Can I have some time to think about
it?”

“Of course.” He
set his feet on the ground and leaned forward. “How long are you here?”

“I was plannin’ to
take the month off.”

“Good. You’d be
takin’ over for Norton. He’s retirin’ at the end of the month. I have one of
our own inspectors in mind for the job if you decide not to take it, but I’m
going to level with you, Derek. You’re the man I want.”

“I’m honored.”
This job was the one he’d had his eye on most of his career. He wasn’t
interested in the politics that went with the top spot, but this position would
allow him to remain involved in the investigative work he loved so much. “Thank
you for even thinkin’ of me. Seriously, it means a lot.”

“Give me your
card. I’ll email you the compensation package later. Have a look at it and get
back to me if you have any questions.”

Derek slid a
business card out of his wallet and scribbled his personal email on the back.
He knew all of his emails at work were monitored, and he didn’t want anyone
else to know he was considering another position until he decided whether he
was going to take it.

He pushed the card
across the desk. “Here you go.”

John smiled. “You
know this job comes with a lot of perks, right? A forty percent salary
increase, two extra weeks paid vacation every year…”

Derek grinned.
“You’re quite a salesman, Chief.”

“Hey, it’s my job
to recruit the best men and women for our top spots. Sometimes that means
having to lure them away from another force. If I have to play dirty, I will.”
He pointed his finger at Derek. “I want you. Tell me what it’s gonna take to
make this happen.”

Derek sighed. He
wished it were as simple as laying out his terms and negotiating, but John
couldn’t give him the one thing he wanted.
Ashley.
“Honestly, a lot’s
happened in the last little while and I’m still reelin’. I just need some time
to figure out where the hell I go from here, personally and professionally.”

John sighed. “I
understand… I do. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to pressure you. I know you’ve been
through a lot with Dave’s death. But when Josh mentioned that now may be the
right time to lure you back to Nashville, I jumped on it.”

“Josh suggested
you contact me?”

“I’ve been askin’
him for a long time whether he thought you might be ready to make the move. He
always said he thought you were happy in Little Rock. This time, he said you
might be willin’ to consider it.”

He didn’t know
what might have given his friend that impression, but he intended to find out.
Derek stood up and extended his hand. “I appreciate your time, and the offer
exceeded my expectations. Thank you for havin’ so much faith in me, John.”

John smiled as he
grasped Derek’s hand. “When you’ve been workin’ with cops as long as we have,
you know the good ones stand out. When you left us, I knew we were losin’ one
of the best damn cops this force had ever had. I still feel that way today.”

“Thanks, buddy.”
Derek smiled. “I’ll look over your proposal and let you know what I think,
okay?”

“Sounds good.”

Derek drove to
Josh’s house on autopilot. There were so many things fighting for dominance in
his mind. His brother, Ashley, her sons, the job offer… He was so close to
having everything he ever wanted, yet it still seemed just beyond his reach.

He cut the engine
and took a few minutes to compose himself before facing his friend. He knew
this conversation wasn’t going to be easy, but it was one they should’ve had
years ago. Derek was tired of suppressing his feelings. It was time to get it
all out so they could deal with the inevitable fallout. This could cost him the
longest friendship of his life, but the alternative was to continue living a
lie, and that wasn’t an option for him anymore.

He walked up to
the big double doors and rang the doorbell.

Josh answered,
grinning when he saw Derek. “Hey, buddy, come on in.”

“Sorry to just
drop by like this. I probably should’ve called first.”

Josh rolled his
eyes. “Get your ass in here. You know you’re always welcome here.”

Derek hoped he
would still feel that way an hour from now when he’d said his piece.

“Lexi and the kids
went to visit Sierra, so it’s just us. Lemme grab a couple of beers. We can
head out to the patio.”

“Yeah, that sounds
good.” Derek was glad they were alone. He knew Lexi and Josh didn’t keep
secrets from each other, but he was pretty sure his current wife wouldn’t want
to hear the intimate details of her husband’s relationship with his former
wife.

Derek made his way
out to the patio to wait for Josh. Josh’s property was in the midst of five
forested acres with mature trees to ensure complete privacy. The house itself
was a post-and-beam home with stone accents. It was exactly the kind of home
Derek would want for himself if he moved back to Nashville, unless Ashley
wanted to invite him to move in with her. He didn’t know how he would feel
about living in the house she’d shared with her ex-husband and sons.

“Here you go,”
Josh said as he passed him an open bottle.

“Thanks, man.”
Derek brought the bottle to his lips. “So, I just came from seein’ Mathers. He
told me you thought this might be a good time to approach me about movin’ back
home. Why’s that?”

“Like I said
before, your family needs you.”

“You sure that’s
all there is to it?”

Josh sighed. “You
know Ashley has been seein’ some other guy?”

“I just found out
this mornin’. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Josh sat in one of
the cushioned teak chairs bordering the stone patio. “I didn’t know how you’d
react. I thought maybe you’d take it as a sign and back off.”

Derek turned to
face his friend. “And you don’t think I should do that?”

“Hell no!” He
tipped the bottle to his lips. “Look, don’t get me wrong; he’s a decent guy,
but there’s no spark there. I love Ash. I don’t want to see her make another
mistake.”

“Another mistake?”

“Look, we both
know that Ashley and I weren’t right for each other. That’s so obvious to me
now that I’ve found Lexi.”

Derek tried to
suppress his frustration. If his friend had come to that conclusion twenty-five
years ago, before they married and had children together, it would have saved
them all a lot of anguish. He reminded himself that he wasn’t here to spare
Josh’s feelings. “Why the hell did you marry her if you knew it wasn’t right?”
He set his bottle down on a nearby table. “What’s wrong with you, man? You
called yourself my best friend, and then you hook up with my ex-girlfriend less
than two months after we break up. Who does that?”

Josh glared at
him. “I don’t know. Maybe the same kind of guy who sleeps with his best
friend’s wife and waits ten years to tell him about it.”

Derek knew there
was plenty of blame to go around and he accepted his fair share, but it was the
decision Josh and Ashley made twenty-five years ago that set this whole thing
in motion. “Were you so blind that you couldn’t see that I was still in love
with her? I was drinkin’ myself into a stupor most nights, flunkin’ out of
school, instigatin’ fights on the football field, and you were standin’ by and
watchin’ me self-destruct. Didn’t it ever occur to you to ask me what the hell
was wrong with me?”

Josh shrugged. “Would
you have been straight with me if I did ask?”

Derek knew he was
young and stupid back then. He probably had more pride than sense. “I don’t
know, but you could’ve tried. At least then I would’ve known you two gave a
shit about what happened to me.”

Josh shook his head
as he stared out at a deer grazing in the tall grass bordering his property.
“You think it was easy for me? Ash and I got married straight out of college.
The twins were born within the first year. It all happened so fast. I tried to
convince myself we were just goin’ through the usual growing pains, but every
time I saw you two together, I knew it was more than that.”

Derek braced his
hands on the railing and tipped his head back. He didn’t want to go back. He
wanted to move forward, but he knew he couldn’t do that until they had this
conversation. “I did everything I could to keep my feelings for her in check,
man. I knew she was off limits. I told myself she was my best friend’s wife, my
godsons’ mother, my friend. But I couldn’t stop myself from lovin’ her or
wantin’ her, no matter how hard I tried.”

Josh nodded. “I
know. I went through the same thing with Lexi. When we got together, I kept
tellin’ myself that we wanted different things out of life and we were all
wrong for each other, but the heart wants what it wants, right?”

“It sure does.”
Derek took a deep breath and said the words he’d been afraid to say. “I hated
your guts for a long time.”

Josh hung his
head. “Wow. Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?”

“I should have, a
long time ago.” He faced Josh, willing him to look him in the eye when he
finally told him the truth about the pain he’d endured. “I’d see you two
together and it would eat me up inside. I mean it. I felt physically sick.”

Josh set his beer
down beside his chair and covered his hands with his mouth. “I didn’t know. I thought
you moved on. You were datin’ again—”

“No, I was fuckin’
again. And do you want to know why? Because it was the only thing that would
drown out the sound of my best friend bangin’ the woman I loved on the other
side of the wall.”

Derek and Josh shared
an apartment during college, so Ashley was there all the time, still close
enough to touch, but off-limits. He’d see her first thing in the morning,
wearing one of Josh’s shirts, or when he stumbled in at 2:00 a.m., she’d be curled
up in Josh’s arms, watching a movie. The same things she used to do with him.

“I thought you
were over her, Derek. I had no idea your feelings ran that deep.” Josh sighed.
“Let’s face it. You checked out of that relationship long before she and I
hooked up.”

Derek wanted to
deny it, but he knew Josh was right. Admitting that he pushed her into his friend’s
arms was the hardest pill of all for him to swallow. “I didn’t want to miss out
on the whole college experience by gettin’ serious with someone right away.”

Josh chuckled.
“Well, you sure didn’t miss out on anything. I seem to recall you drank enough,
partied enough, and played around enough for all of us.”

“I was a stupid,
self-absorbed kid. I had to be so responsible all my life, workin’ the ranch…”
He sighed. “College was my first taste of freedom. I sure as hell didn’t expect
to meet someone like her so soon, before I was smart enough to realize what we
had.”