Heartless (9 page)

Ashley took a deep
breath, forced a smile, and pulled the door open. “Good morning, Derek.”

He laughed before
leaning in to brush a kiss across her cheek. “Good mornin’, beautiful.” He held
a paper bag from her favorite bakery and two tall takeout cups of steaming
brew. “I wasn’t dumb enough to come here at this time of mornin’ without an
entry pass.”

Her heart
contracted when his sweet gesture reminded her of the man she used to know.
When they were dating, he’d sneak out to her favorite bakery so he could
surprise her with chocolate croissants and coffee before she woke up. They’d
sit in bed, sipping coffee and spilling crumbs as they talked, laughed, and
made love until they felt compelled to get up and face the day.

“You remember,” he
said, smiling.

How could he think
she would forget? No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t erase those
memories from her mind. “Of course I remember.” She was almost tempted to
suggest breakfast in bed for old time’s sake, but she didn’t have the guts to
tempt fate.

He grinned. “So,
are you gonna invite me in, or do you plan to take the pastry and run?”

She pretended to
size him up. “I don’t know. You look pretty quick, and you probably know how to
break a door down so…” She sighed dramatically. “I guess I’ll have to share.”

He stepped inside
and closed the door. “I was hopin’ you’d say that.”

Her spacious foyer
had never seemed cramped and airless… until now.

Derek was crowding
her, between the bench butting against her bare legs and the solid wall of his
chest. His short-sleeve button-down shirt was untucked, slightly creased, and
open at the neck to reveal a smattering of dark hair dusting his tanned skin.

More than anything,
she wanted to reach for the buttons tracing a line down the front of his shirt.
She longed to spread the fabric just enough to satisfy her curiosity. Was he as
spectacular without clothing as he had been the last time they made love? Had
the years been as kind to him as she suspected or had middle age claimed the
hard, muscular physique she remembered?

He gaped at the
line of creamy flesh trailing down the front of her robe and she wished he
would take action, since fear and uncertainty were warring to render her
immobile and speechless.

He closed his eyes
and drew a deep breath. “Why don’t we head into the…”

She waited,
breathless, praying and fearing he would say the word she longed to hear.

“Kitchen.”

She cleared her
throat as she cursed herself for getting her hopes up. At least one of them was
still capable of thinking clearly. “Right… follow me.” She tried to ignore the
brush of her silk camisole and tap pants against her sensitive skin. One look
at him in torn, faded blue jeans and her body went on high alert.

He set the
pastries and beverages on the breakfast bar and smiled at her. “Aren’t you
gonna ask me what I’m doing here at this obscene hour?”

She glanced at the
neon clock on her stainless steel range. Three minutes past eight was a
respectable hour for most people, but since she was temporarily enjoying a life
of leisure, she didn’t count herself among the masses, especially since her
sleep had been interrupted by the image of broad shoulders, thick black hair,
and light blue eyes.

Her cell phone
sounded, indicating she had new messages. “Excuse me,” she said, reaching for
it. She was surprised to see an email from Mike, with an attachment. The
subject line read,
Enough said?
Her eyes darted to Derek as she waited
for the attachment to download. “Sorry, it looks like a picture from Mike. I
just want to see what it is.”

The color drained
from his face as he hooked his heel on the bottom rung of the stool. “Uh…”

She could
understand why he suddenly seemed so nervous. The picture was obviously taken
at Jimmy’s bar. The buxom blonde was whispering in Derek’s ear while his eyes appeared
to be fixed on the cleavage peeking out of her low-cut top. The date and time
stamp indicated the picture was taken less than two hours after he said
good-bye to her. Now she understood why he was in such a hurry to leave; he had
another woman waiting on him at Jimmy’s. She had no claim on him, but it still
hurt to know she’d misread his signals.

“I think you’d
better go,” she said, quietly.

“Damn it,” he
said, reaching for the phone. “At least let me see it.” He clenched the phone
in his hand before looking up at her. “This isn’t what it looks like. She was…
a friend from high school. I ran into her at Jimmy’s and we took a minute to
catch up.”

“A friend, huh?”
Ashley crossed her arms over her chest. She knew she didn’t have the right to
act like the resentful girlfriend, but Derek awakened every jealous tendency
she possessed. “You sure that’s all she was?”

He closed his eyes
and tipped his head back. “Jesus, that was thirty years ago. What difference
does it make now?”

Ashley reached for
the coffee he brought, trying to feign interest in something other than his
response to her next question. “So she was more than just a friend?”

“Yeah, she was my
girlfriend, okay?”

She reached for
the phone, giving him no choice but to relinquish it. The image wasn’t as clear
as Ashley would’ve liked, but it was obvious the woman in question was
beautiful and apparently not afraid to flaunt her killer body. “Heather?” It
was the only girl he’d mentioned to her from his high school days.

He frowned. “Yeah,
I’m surprised you remember that.”

“I was hoping you’d
tell me I was wrong, that it wasn’t her. It would make it easier to buy your
story that you just ran into each other by chance.”

She knew Mike was
using this image to try and make Derek look bad, and unfortunately, it was
working. Given Mike’s biased opinion of Derek, she knew she couldn’t trust her
son to be honest about what he saw, but she didn’t know if she could trust
Derek either. Fifteen years was a long time. People changed, and she couldn’t be
sure that the honest, trustworthy guy she remembered hadn’t been replaced by a
bitter player with a penchant for well-endowed blondes.

He raked his hands
through his hair. “You’re sayin’ you don’t believe me?”

“Honestly, I don’t
know what to believe.” She was in the impossible situation of having to choose
between the man who claimed to care for her and the sons who were trying to
protect her from choosing the wrong man.

Derek started
pacing back and forth across the tile floor. “I can’t believe this. You’re not
even willing to give me the benefit of the doubt?”

She wanted to,
more than anything, but how could she take his word over her own son’s? “Did
you go home with her?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear his answer, but she
knew she had to ask.

He released a
gusty sigh before turning to face her. “Would I be here if I had?”

Just because he
was here now didn’t mean he hadn’t been in Heather’s bed last night.

“Why are you
here?” Pushing him away seemed like the safest option. She needed time to think,
and she couldn’t do that if he was here hovering, trying to convince her he was
telling the truth.

“I thought I’d
finish that fence for you.”

That was the Derek
she knew and loved. Always willing to help a friend or neighbor in need,
whether they asked for his help or not. “Look, I know you don’t owe me an
explanation. There’s nothing between us—”

He held his hand
up to silence her. “We both know that’s a lie. There’s been somethin’ between
us since the day we met. How long are we gonna go on denyin’ it?”

She knew he was
right, but she wasn’t ready to define it. Did she love him, like him, respect
him…? Was she willing to risk her relationship with her boys on the off chance
he may decide to abandon his life in Arkansas to try and build a life with her
in Tennessee? There were still so many unknowns, not the least of which was the
woman in the photo.

“I just need a
little time to think…”

He took a step
toward her. “I’ve given you fifteen years to decide how you feel about me.”

She knew if he
touched her now, she would still be putty in his hands, in spite of her
reservations. “Please, don’t do this,” she whispered.

He traced her
cheekbone with his index finger as her eyes drifted closed. “I could walk away
and let your kids win, or I could stay and convince you that I’m the man you’ve
always thought I was.” He brushed her hair off her face. “What do you want me
to do, sweetheart?”

Chapter Six

Derek had no
intention of walking away from her again. Her son could show up wielding his
weapon like a madman, threatening his life if he didn’t start walking, and
Derek would invite him to take his best shot. That’s how committed he was to
seeing this through. He’d walked away from her once before, but this time, they
were going to stay and face their fears together.

It would take some
time, but he would win Jay and Mike over eventually. He knew they were good
guys. They loved their mama and just wanted to protect her. Derek would have
felt the same way in their position, but he was determined to prove to them
that no one would ever love Ashley as much as he did.

“That’s not a fair
question,” she said, pressing her palms to his chest.

He’d missed the
little things, the feel of her hands on his skin, her husky voice rousing him
from a deep sleep, the smooth slide of intimacy when they finally connected. He
wanted her back, and this time, he wanted it to last forever.

“It’s the only
question that matters right now, honey. What do you want? Don’t think about
what your kids want, or what your ex wants, or even what I might want. The
question is… what do you want?”

She bowed her head
so he couldn’t see her face. “I want the same thing I’ve always wanted… you.”

Her quiet
admission sent him reeling. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d
fantasized about her saying those words to him over the years. There were too
many nights when he’d taken the wrong woman to bed, imagining she was Ashley.
But no matter how beautiful, smart, or sexy his date was, she didn’t have a
prayer of measuring up to his memories of the woman who stole his heart when he
wasn’t old enough to realize that a love like theirs only came along once in a
lifetime… if you were lucky.

“I want you too,
sweetheart.” He leaned in to whisper in her ear. “I want to be your lover, your
best friend, your rock. Do you remember what that was like when I was your
everything and you were mine?”

He felt the slight
tremor move through her, and like always, they were able to communicate without
words. He knew she was feeling it too, but her fear of the unknown was still
standing in their way.

“You have a life
in Arkansas.”

Arkansas was never
his home. It was a place to escape when living without her became impossible to
endure one more day. “What if I told you I’m ready to rebuild my life here,
with you?”

She wrapped her
arms around his waist and leaned into his chest. “I want that, I do, but we’d
have a long and difficult road ahead of us, trying to convince Jay and Mike to
forgive us.”

He clenched his
teeth in frustration. Everything he ever wanted was so close he could almost
reach out and grab it, but she was still just out of his reach. “I don’t need
their forgiveness or their approval. All I need is you.”

She sighed. “You
may not need it, but I do. As much as I care for you, I’m not going to do
anything to jeopardize my relationship with my kids. If I did and it didn’t
work out between us, I’d have nothing left. I’d be completely alone, and I’m
not going to lie; that scares me.”

He couldn’t
comprehend her position. He wasn’t a parent, but he was no stranger to
loneliness. Even when he was in a committed relationship with a woman, he still
felt alone. He knew Ashley was the only person who could fill the hole in his
life… and his heart. “Do you want me to try and talk to them again?”

She stepped out of
his arms and raked her hands through her hair. “I think we both know they’re
not ready to listen.” She pointed to the cellphone on the counter. “That proves
how serious they are about keeping us apart. They resent you. They think you
betrayed them and destroyed our family.”

Derek started
pacing the floor, just to put some distance between them. Whenever he was
within a few feet of her, he just wanted to pull her into his arms and make her
forget the world outside of their locked door. But he knew a temporary reprieve
wouldn’t help him earn the life he wanted.

“They were just
kids then. They couldn’t possibly understand what I felt for you or what it was
doin’ to me, bein’ in love with my best friend’s wife and knowin’ there wasn’t
a damn thing I could do about it.”

He stopped at the
French door leading to the patio. The pool was a reminder of the fun he used to
have, tossing those kids around on a warm summer day while watching Ashley out
of the corner of his eye, allowing himself to pretend, for just a moment, that
it was his family, not Josh’s. He hated himself for feeling that way, but every
time he tried to suppress his feelings, they just got stronger, until they
started to consume him, day and night.