Heartless (7 page)

His presence
didn’t make her feel stifled. He made her feel safe, protected… cherished. She
didn’t want him to go, but she knew she couldn’t ask him to stay under the
circumstances. If they made love again, she knew it would be impossible to let
him go back to his life in Arkansas. When or if she invited him back into her
bed, she needed to know that he was committed to building a new life in
Nashville, with her.

“Can I call you in
a few days? Maybe we can go out for dinner?”

She couldn’t
imagine waiting that long to talk to him. Knowing that he was in the same city,
a short drive away, would be torture. “Sure. School’s out for the summer, so
I’m pretty flexible.”

He pressed a
tender kiss to her lips as she brought her hands to his shoulders. She wanted
more. She wanted to know if he still tasted the way she remembered, if he could
still ignite her with just one kiss, even after all these years. But just when
she thought he was ready to take it a step further, he stepped back, just out
of her reach.

He chuckled. “That
was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but we both know what will happen if
I kiss you the way I want to right now.”

She did know what
would happen. They’d end up in her bed, and as much as she wanted to believe it
would be the start of something amazing, it could just as easily end in
heartache for both of them.

“Let me walk you
out.”

He laced his
fingers through hers as she walked him through the kitchen and foyer to the front
door. “Do you still have my number?”

He smiled. “It
hasn’t changed.”

She tipped her
head to one side. “How do you know that?”

“I’ve picked up
the phone to call you dozens of times over the years, Ash. Sometimes I’d hang up
before you answered, other times I’d get the machine and be afraid to leave a
message, or one of the boys would answer and I’d just hang up.”

She laughed. “I
can’t believe you did that. You’re the most confident guy I know. It’s not like
you to second guess yourself.”

He nodded.
“Usually, you’re right, but when it comes to you, all bets are off.”

She pressed a kiss
to his mouth because she couldn’t let him leave without touching his full, warm
lips just one more time.

He groaned and
bowed his head. “I’d better get outta here while I still can.”

She watched him
walk down the stone stairs leading to her paved drive, and she knew that sleep
would be fleeting tonight.

Derek drove
through the dark night, heading in the direction of his parents’ ranch house,
but the closer he got, the worse he felt. He needed a stiff drink, not a quiet
house filled with memories and tears.

He made a U-turn
and a sharp left, deciding his kid brother’s bar might be his best option. If
he wasn’t up to the long drive back, he knew J.T. had a fully equipped
apartment upstairs where he could crash.

J.T. hadn’t
changed the name of Jimmy’s when he bought it from the old owner, and as soon
as Derek walked through the door, he realized the bar may not have been the
best place to escape his nostalgia. Everything looked the same now as it had
the last time he’d been there years ago.

Dave had been home
on leave and he and Derek went to their favorite watering hole to catch up on
life and exchange war stories. Dave was stationed in the Middle East at the
time, while Derek was fighting a losing battle in his own backyard with the
drug dealers and pimps who were trying to take over the streets he called home.

Derek glanced over
to the booth in the rear corner where they last shared a beer. He half-expected
to see him sitting there, raising a pint, with a ‘gotcha’ grin on his face.
What Derek wouldn’t give to see that cocky smile one last time.

J.T. came up
behind his brother and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. “It helps, doesn’t
it?”

“What’s that?”

“Bein’ in a place
where we all raised a little hell. It reminds me of the good times.”

J.T. was right.
Maybe that’s what Derek had been looking for when he turned the truck in the
direction of Jimmy’s, a reminder of all the good times they’d shared over a
beer, game of pool, or just watching the football game on the big screen.
“You’re right, kid. It feels good to be back here.”

J.T. pointed to
the booth Derek had been preoccupied with earlier. “Let me buy you a beer.”

Derek smirked. “You
remembered.”

J.T. laughed. “His
favorite booth? Of course I remembered. He said that was the best one in the
house ‘cause you could watch the game or the band…”

Derek laughed.
“Yeah, he also said you could check out the hot chicks as soon as they walked
in, before any other guys beat ya to it. But you probably wouldn’t remember…
that was before he met Christine.”

“He really loved
her. Jesus, I feel for her… and the kids.” J.T. slid into the booth. “I mean, I
know how we’re feelin’. I can’t even imagine what they’re goin’ through right
now.”

Derek claimed the
spot his brother used to dominate. He could almost feel his presence, looking
down on them, sharing a laugh, raising a beer to the good old days. “Damn, I’m
gonna miss him, J.T.”

“I know, man. So
am I.” J.T. raised two fingers to the waitress. “I’m really glad you came home
when you did. We wouldn’t have been able to get through these last few days
without you.”

Derek had taken
responsibility for planning the service, reception, and helping Christine
handle the insurance claim. It had given him little time to think, which was a
blessing. He couldn’t bear to think about the man they’d lost. “It was the
least I could do. Mama and Dad are goin’ through hell, and Christine and the kids…”
He didn’t have to say it; J.T. understood.

The waitress set
two beers down between them. Budweiser. Dave’s beer of choice. Derek smiled as
he picked up the bottle. “Here’s to Dave. A better brother and friend than I
could ever hope to be.”

J.T. tapped his
bottle against Derek’s. “To Dave.” He took a swig of beer before setting it
down on the table between them. “But don’t sell yourself short, man. Dave may
have been your hero, but you’ve always been mine.” J.T. smiled. “Given what
happened… I just realized I never told you that. I should have.” He looked his
brother in the eye. “I’m glad I got the chance.”

Derek was taken
aback by the comment. Dave was the oldest, the strongest, the leader, and Derek
had always been happy to let him own that role. “Thanks.” He didn’t know what
else to say. He was humbled to know that his kid brother looked up to him as a
role model the same way he looked up to Dave.

“So you couldn’t
stand to go back to the house either, huh?” J.T. asked, peeling the label off
his bottle.

“I thought the
folks may need a little quiet time to grieve. The house has been full of people
for the past few days.”

“Yeah, I know.”
J.T. sighed. “I dropped Nikki off at her old man’s place and decided to crash
here tonight. In fact, I’m gonna be stayin’ here for a while, so you’re more
than welcome to use my place if you need a little space while you’re here.”

“That’d be great,
thanks.” Derek loved his parents, but he hadn’t lived under their roof since he
graduated from high school. “Why’re you stayin’ here?”

“I want to spend
as much time as I can with Nik before she hits the road again. The bar is
central. It’s an easy commute for her to the studio and local radio stations
when she needs to do her promo thing.”

Nikki and J.T.
hadn’t announced their engagement to family and friends yet, but they had told
a select few people, including her father and stepmother, Ty, and Derek. “Why
isn’t she stayin’ with you tonight?”

“She’s comin’ back
later. She just wanted to catch up with Luc and Marisa and pack a bag.”

Derek was happy
that his brother had finally found the right woman, but he couldn’t help but
envy the fact that he found her while they still had the promise of a long
future ahead of them. The possibilities were endless, including children,
travel, and the home of their dreams. The world was theirs for the taking. “I’m
happy for you guys. Nikki’s a great girl.”

J.T. grinned. “She
sure is. I’m one lucky man.” His smile fell. “I don’t know how the hell I
would’ve gotten through the last few days without her.”

“You’re tougher
than you think. You would’ve gotten through it.” Derek paid lip service to his
brother’s strength, but he knew that getting through life’s challenges without
a partner was enough to break even the strongest man.

“I don’t know
about that.” J.T. brought the bottle to his lips. “Before Nik came home, I was
out of control and missin’ her like crazy. When I found out about Dave, I was
in a pretty dark place. If Nik hadn’t helped me realize that I could still find
happiness on the other side of this mess, I may have gotten lost in this
stuff.” He tipped his bottle to indicate the alcohol swimming at the bottom.

Derek knew what
that was like. There had been too many times over the years when he’d turned to
alcohol to escape the fear, sadness, loneliness, and frustration that seemed to
plague him on a daily basis. He loved his career, but there was a void in his
life that job satisfaction would never be able to fill.

“Booze has gotten
the best of some good men. Look what it did to Trey.”

“Yeah, I know
you’re right.” J.T. shook his head. “So listen, I was talkin’ to Luc when I
dropped Marisa off at the house. He said he was thinkin’ about gettin’ some of his
artists together for a benefit concert to help the families of fallen soldiers.
How cool is that?”

Derek raised his
eyebrows. “That’s pretty damn cool.” They were lucky to have friends who could
pull together at a moment’s notice and make the kind of impact most people
could only dream about. “Speaking of Luc, it looked like you and your future father-in-law
were gettin’ along pretty well at the service.”

J.T. shook his
head. “Luc’s tough, but fair. I respect that. Besides, we both love Nik. We
just want her to be happy. I think Luc’s finally accepted the fact that I’m the
guy she wants to be with. He’s not gonna stand in our way anymore.”

Too bad Ashley’s
sons didn’t share Luc’s viewpoint. They were as stubborn as their old man, and
Derek knew Josh would take a bullet before he’d back down from a fight. He had
no doubt he’d raised his kids with the same fearless attitude, which made the
odds of Derek winning them over with reason slim to none.

“I’m glad to hear
that.” Derek laughed. “Luc Spencer is definitely a man you want to have on your
side.”

J.T. chuckled. “I
can’t argue with that.”

“So, what are your
plans when Nikki and Ty go back out on the road?”

J.T. inclined his
head toward a middle-aged man behind the bar. “I’ve got a great manager here.
That gives me the freedom to come and go as I please, knowin’ the bar’s in good
hands.” He smiled. “You know one of the things I loved most about ridin’ the
bulls was the travel. I’m thinkin’ I might hit the road with Nik and Ty for a
bit, see how the other half lives.”

“You’re just
afraid she might find someone to take your place if you let her out of your
sight for months on end.” Good natured ribbing had always been the basis of the
McCall brothers’ relationship. The three remaining brothers hadn’t felt much
like teasing each other in the days since they came back together. It felt good
to remind J.T. that even though Dave was gone, he could still count on him to
bust his chops.

J.T. laughed. “Why
do you think I plan to put a big ol’ diamond on her finger before she hits the
road again? You think I don’t know there are millions of guys out there who’d give
their right arm to be with my woman?”

Derek knew his
brother was right. Nikki was poised to become the next big thing in country
music, and given her talent, beauty, and appeal, she would undoubtedly have
legions of male admirers. “That’s probably a smart move.”

“What about you?
How long you think you’ll stick around the old homestead?”

“I don’t know. I
can afford to take about a month off. I’ve got a lot of unused vacation time,
but I was workin’ on a big case when I left. My team can handle things without
me for a while, but if there’s a break, I’ll need to head back.” Derek was
reluctant to tell his brother about the job opportunity in Nashville,
especially since he didn’t have any of the details yet. He didn’t want to get
their hopes up, only to realize that staying in Nashville, a stone’s throw from
the one woman he wanted and couldn’t have, would be harder than he thought.

“I noticed that
Ashley left with you.” J.T. raised his eyebrow. “Anything goin’ on there?”

J.T. had been
graduating high school when Derek left Nashville. He was too wrapped up in
partying with his friends to think much about his big brother’s inner turmoil,
and Derek knew J.T. didn’t have the life experience to relate back then. The
only person he chose to confide in at the time was Dave. His older brother
obviously took his secret to the grave, since the rest of his family had never
mentioned his indiscretion with Ashley. He told Ty about it some years back,
shortly after he told Josh, but he knew Ty was nothing if not discreet.