Heaven Cent (21 page)

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Authors: Piers Anthony

Tags: #Humor, #Fantasy, #Science Fiction, #Young Adult

BOOK: Heaven Cent
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“Curious,” Marrow observed.

As they drew close, they saw a sign that seemed to be formed of the substance of the isle. Carved in it were the words ISLE OF WATER.

Dolph assumed boy form, and Nada became a bare girl beside him. They laughed. “How can an island be water?” Dolph asked. “The sea is water!”

Then they saw something beside the sign. It looked like a worm, poking its snout out of a hole in the rock. So the isle was inhabited after all!

Dolph assumed worm form. “Ahoy, worm!” he called in vermiculish, which was the language of worms. “Is that sign correct?”

“Certainly,” the worm replied. “I am the water worm, here to welcome all to the Isle of Water. Come let me touch you, and you will understand.”

Dolph distrusted this, because of their experiences on the other isles. So far nothing much good had come of their explorations there. Still, he did not want to be impolite, so he didn't make any objection. “Is the Heaven Cent here? That's all we are looking for.”

“Come closer and I will answer,” the worm replied.

Then the prow of the boat nudged up against the isle. The worm touched the tip—and the tip dissolved into water.

“Get out of here!” Dolph screamed, hoping the skeletons would understand him.

The sail swung about, catching the wind at a different angle, and the boat skewed away to the side. Dolph and Nada changed quickly back to snake form and ducked low to avoid getting knocked by the boom. “My elbow bone!” Marrow's skull exclaimed. “It's gone!”

“The water worm turned it to water!” Dolph hissed. “Everything it touches turns to water! That must be why this is called the Isle of Water.”

“Then your Heaven Cent can't be here,” Nada pointed out. “It would have been turned to water.”

Yet Dolph wasn't quite satisfied. “Why hasn't the isle itself turned to water?”

“It is water, early birdfood!” the water worm called. Its words were hard to distinguish, because vermiculish differed significantly from snake talk, but that was the way Dolph understood it. He assumed worm form to talk back.

“But it's solid!” he called, poking his snout over the gunwale of the boat. He really couldn't see well at all in this form, but he could tell by the sound that they were leaving the worm, and therefore the isle, behind.

“It's solid water!” the worm explained.

“Ice?” Dolph asked. “It should melt in this sun!”

“Not ice! Dry water! It attracts the rays of the sun, and they dry it out until all that's left is dry water. I turn anything that comes here into more water, so the isle can grow. Come back and I will show you!”

“Maybe another day,” Dolph replied wryly. What a close call that had been!

Meanwhile Nada had assumed girl form and was inspecting Marrow's elbow-prow. “You poor thing,” she said. “Does it hurt?”

“Of course not,” Marrow replied bravely. “Skeletons don't hurt! We have no nerves. But I will look funny without an elbow bone.”

At that point the sail made a flapping in the wind that sounded very much like laughter.

Nada felt her own elbow. “I'm not used to this form, I guess,” she said. “Exactly where is the elbow bone?”

Dolph realized that he couldn't find it either. He had arm bones, but not elbow bones. “Can you grow a new one?” he asked.

“In time,” Marrow said with resignation.

They sailed on, their spirits somewhat dampened by the episode of the Isle of Water. But Dolph realized that it could have been worse: King Cumulo Fracto Nimbus could have shown up, and tried to turn everything wet.

“There is another isle ahead,” Marrow said.

“I'm sick of isles!” Dolph exclaimed, but in his worm form all that came out was a muted gurgle, as of dirt being digested. He changed to boy form. “Let's get it out of the way, before I decide to quit this Quest and go home to Castle Roogna.”

“I believe your mother thought that would happen some time ago,” Marrow's skull noted.

They sailed up to the isle, which was a conventional one with rocks and trees and grass. A sign on it said FAKE ISLE. Dolph did not like the look of that any better than he had liked the reality of the prior isles. Was it actually the back of a floating monster?

They drew up to it—and through it. There was nothing there! “It's illusion!” Dolph exclaimed, relieved.

Then something bumped the boat from below. Nada peered over and down. “Eeeeek!” she screamed in exactly the way girls did.

Dolph looked. There was a giant kraken weed organizing its tentacles for a good grasp on the boat. That was about as grotesque a monster as they could have encountered, next to an ogress. It was using the Fake Isle as a hiding place, so it could catch any creature who tried to walk on it.

There was only one thing to do. Dolph jumped into the water, changing into an even bigger krakan. “Mine! Mine!” he burbled in weed words.

“Well, now!” the krakan burbled back. Now Dolph realized that it was female, and actually a pretty attractive grotesquerie of her kind. “What say we tangle some tentacles, handsome?”

Dolph knew that even if he had been old enough, he would have hesitated to get entangled with her. But how could he turn her off without either angering her or letting her grab the boat? He couldn't think of anything.

“Uh, just a moment,” he burbled. Then he swam to the surface beside the boat, assumed boy form, and quickly scrambled in. “It's a krakan, and she wants to tangle tentacles with me. What do I do?”

“Use one of the forget seeds,” Marrow said promptly.

Of course! Dolph delved into his knapsack and pulled out the seed pack. He opened it and managed to draw out one of the tiny mustard seeds. “But how do I drop it on her? The water will carry it away!”

“Not on her,” Marrow said patiently. “On the boat.”

“Oh.” Dolph felt pretty stupid. Of course it wouldn't do to have them forget the kraken; the kraken needed to forget them. He dropped the seed to the bottom of the boat, exactly as he had seen Black Pete drop them on other things.

He looked into the water. The kraken seemed to have lost interest; she was drifting away. Meanwhile, they were coming out the other side of the pretend isle. Close ahead was yet another isle; they were thickly clustered here!

They moved on toward it. This one resembled a huge cake, with chocolate sauce and ice cream piled on top, and spicy colored sugar sprinkled over everything. “Look at that!” Dolph exclaimed, his mouth watering. “Decent food at last!”

“I'm hungry!” Nada said, joining him in girl form. “Let's eat it all!”

“No, no!” Marrow's voice cried. “That is not a suitable meal!”

Dolph glanced back, but couldn't remember exactly where Marrow had gone. But he has sure that just a little cake would not hurt anything, and indeed he was hungry, now that Nada mentioned it.

A sign on the cake said FOOD ISLE. Dolph saw little fish nibbling at the fringe. They looked happy and healthy, so it was probably very tasty. In a moment they would be close enough to grab some.

“I shall have to steer away!” Marrow's voice came. “Grace’l, change your angle!”

The boom swung around. Dolph and Nada, nervous about getting hit by it, jumped into the water and splashed toward the cake. They grabbed big handfuls and stuffed them in their mouths. The cake was delicious!

Meanwhile, Marrow's voice came from the background. “This is no good! You will get sick on that food! You must get back into the boat!”

Boat? Dolph looked at Nada, and she looked at him. Both shrugged, remembering no boat. Then they climbed onto the cake, ascending toward the ice cream. Every step of the way was excruciatingly tasty!

They reached the top where the chocolate sauce and ice cream were. Sheer delight. They both crammed as much as they could into their mouths, as fast as they could, afraid that some adult would arrive and issue a firm No. They kept gobbling with the kind of desperation any person has who fears interruption, but there was no interruption. They gouged out huge hunks of sauce-dripping cake and fed them to each other. Then, between mouthfuls, they made cakeballs and threw them at each other. They hurled chocolate cherries. Then they played pie-in-the-face with huge masses of ice cream. They lay on their backs in the icing and moved their arms and legs to make angel shapes. There was chocolate all over them, instead of clothing. Nada looked as if she was wearing a mud plaster on her hair. Dolph could not remember when he had had more fun!

Then, mysteriously, Dolph began to lose his appetite.

He was too full to eat any more! It was hard to believe, because he had never had his fill of cake and ice cream before, and had not realized it was possible.

Nada was looking a bit green, and she was not in her snake form. “I think—I ate—too much,” she said.

Dolph concluded reluctantly that this was possible, if incredible. His belly was uncomfortably distended. Delicious food was all around him, but somehow it no longer appealed. In fact, it turned him off. “Where's Marrow?” he asked.

“I'm not sure,” Nada wheezed. “The last I remember he was changing into a—I forget what. Oooo, my stomach!”

They sat side by side on the cake as the sun went down. Then Dolph had to do something private, so he walked across the cake, found clear water, and did it there. Nada went to the other side of the cake and might have done something similar. Dolph wasn't quite sure whether girls did it, but he guessed they might. After all, they ate, just as boys did.

At any rate, he was beginning to feel better, but he still didn't care for any more cake. He hated to admit it, but he really had had too much. Gorging on cake and ice cream had turned out to be less fun than he had expected.

“Do you think the Heaven Cent is here?” he asked.

“If it is, it's buried in cake,” she replied. “We'd have to eat our way down to it.” She grimaced. “The very thought makes me—”

“Me too,” he agreed, feeling green himself. “So I guess it isn't here.” He wasn't totally sure of the logic, but it seemed good enough for now.

Then, as dusk closed, Nada remembered. “Boat! They turned into a boat and—and—”

“Sail,” Dolph finished. “We were sailing! How could we have forgotten?”

“The forget seed! You dropped it, and—”

“And we forgot the boat! We made the kraken forget it, but the spell worked on us too! And since Marrow is the boat—”

“We forgot Marrow” she said. “We heard him, but just couldn't really remember him!”

“There he is now!” Dolph said, gazing down. He waved. “Hey, Marrow! Come close so we can get back on!”

“It's about time!” Marrow's skull called back.

Dolph realized that this was a deserved reproof. He and Nada slid down the side of the cake and splashed into the water. They washed themselves off, especially behind the ears, then clambered into the boat as it came close. How good it felt to be back in the company of the adults!

“Do you wish to explore the next isle now?” Marrow inquired.

Dolph groaned. “Do we have to?”

“Fortunately not,” Marrow said with the hint of a bony chuckle. “We sailed around a bit while you were occupied, and spied no more isles in this vicinity. We shall have to proceed on land for a while.”

“Oh, goody!” Nada said, lapsing into her natural form and curling up in the bottom of the boat. She looked as if she had just swallowed a rabbit whole. “I don't think I'll eat again for a month!”

“Yuck!” Dolph exclaimed. “Don't say that word 'eat'!”

“It certainly does seem to be food for thought,” Marrow said, satisfied.

Neither child commented. The remark was evidently intended as adult humor. It wasn't funny. Dolph changed to naga form and joined Nada at the bottom. He was still stuffed. It was easy to understand why snakes slept for a long time after eating a big meal; they couldn't stand the thought of food! Certainly he couldn't. If he dreamed of cake, he would know a night mare was responsible.

The boat sailed toward the mainland. By the time it got there, both children were asleep.

Xanth 11 - Heaven Cent
Chapter 12. Gold Coast.

In the morning they trekked south. Nada's digestion still wasn't well, and Dolph appeared distinctly uncomfortable, but neither complained. Nada wished she hadn't eaten so much cake and ice cream, but she had seen no good way to avoid it. She was playing the part of a child Prince Dolph's age, so was guided by his actions, and he had stuffed himself the moment he had the opportunity. If she had not joined him with seemingly equal eagerness, he might have been suspicious, and she could not afford that. So she had thrown herself into it, knowing the consequence—which consequence she was now experiencing. The liability of acting like a child was suffering the pains of childishness.

It was no good dwelling on her stomach, though. So she paced Dolph as the two of them slithered along in their matching naga bodies, and turned her mind elsewhere.

She really did not like this business of deceiving the Prince. On the other coil, she understood the need. Her people's situation was getting desperate, and they had to do what they had to do to save themselves. Her father had explained it to her five years before: the goblins were not much good at anything except breeding and raiding. Unfortunately, they were doing that in Mt. Etamin. Their breeding meant that their numbers were increasing, and that made their raiding worse. The recent business with Draco Dragon's nest had really pointed it up: never before had they dared do that. But they had so many of their kind now that they could afford to keep spies at all the key places, watching the dragon, so that they could strike the moment he was gone for more than a few hours. They were watching the naga folk similarly, and encroaching with increasing nerve. Her father, King Nabob, had held them off by judicious strikes, so that it was unsafe for goblins to penetrate naga territory. But the pressure was increasing, and one year the goblins would simply overrun the naga, and that would be that.

So her father had sent an emissary to the one creature who could solve their problem, six years ago. That emissary was Naldo, Nada's brother and heir to the crown. Naldo had gone to the Good Magician Humfrey, of the human folk, and asked his Question. Then he had had to serve a year as a guardian of the magician's castle, threatening to squeeze intruders in his coils without ever really hurting them, at times quite a challenge. Thereafter Naldo had returned with the Answer, which turned out to be a shock to them all.

It was: Marry what Draco brings.

They had spent months analyzing those four words. They knew that the Good Magician always spoke truly, but that his Answers were sometimes subject to interpretation. There was no question about Draco: he was the Dragon of the Mountain, hardly the best of neighbors. The King elected at once to cultivate relations with Draco, so that he would bring what was required, when the time came. The deal was that the naga would never raid the dragon's nest, and the dragon would never attack the naga folk. Draco had been glad to agree, because he was unable to hunt in their caves anyway, so was losing nothing. Relations had become amicable, as they had a common enemy in the goblin horde. Draco had promised to bring them anything he thought might interest them.

But marriage—who was to marry whom? It seemed most reasonable that this applied to Naldo, since he was the one who had obtained the Answer, and he was of age. But how could they know what female the dragon would bring? They slithered around and around this matter, and chewed on it, and digested it as well as they could, and concluded that it must be a young human creature. A naga could by nature marry only one of three creatures: naga, snake, or human. The naga lacked the power to hold off the encroaching goblins forever, so that Naldo's marriage to one of their own would not seem to help. They needed an outside alliance. The serpent folk could handle goblins, but preferred to live on the land's surface, avoiding the depths of the mountain, so that too seemed inappropriate. Thus the human folk were the only real hope; they could live almost anywhere.

But not just any human folk. Ordinary humans had little special power, and were just as wary of goblins as were the naga. It had to be a princess, for two reasons: she could command many other humans, bringing the strength of numbers, and she could do magic. For this was the peculiarity of the human kind: they required magic in their royalty. Not minor magic, which they all had to some degree, but formidable magic. Magician-class magic. If a child of the King lacked that kind of magic, she would not be termed a princess, but merely an offspring. Thus a princess was. by virtual definition, a Sorceress, capable of truly potent magic. That was the type of magic that could turn aside the goblins.

Satisfied at last about the answer, they had waited. They knew that no human princess would come voluntarily to these depths; human folk were just as protective of their kin as were naga folk. The dragon would bring her. That would enable the naga to pose as rescuers, and that would dispose the Princess favorably, so that she would agree to many one of her rank: Prince Naldo. Indeed, Naldo was quite handsome and accomplished in all his forms, a suitable match for any creature. So he held himself in readiness for the Princess, hoping to impress her, for the naga did not marry involuntarily; they had to have the union desired by both parties. The human Princess had to want to marry Naldo, or all would be for nothing. Because humans, like centaurs, had been known to be awkward about interspecies liaisons, Naldo knew he would have to make a good impression not only on the Princess, but on her family too.

There was just one human princess available: Ivy. She was then nine years old, and by all accounts quite cute and quite assertive, with a subtle but potent magic talent. She could intensify any quality she saw in another creature, whatever that might be. Certainly this could foil the goblins; if she saw Naldo as invincible against goblins, then he would be so. If she saw him as very intelligent, then he would be smart enough to figure out how to stop the goblins. So this was obviously the match the dragon had in mind.

Except for the matter of age. Nine was really too young for a princess to marry. She should be at least thirteen. So they knew they would have to wait for Ivy to grow up somewhat. Then she would somehow stray, and Draco would capture her, and for some reason instead of eating her would bring her to the naga. When that happened, Naldo would be ready with his charm.

The years had passed. Princess Ivy had grown. According to the reports, she was developing into a very pretty girl. They managed to conjure a picture of her, confirming it. Naldo was in love with her just from the picture and description. The goblins were pressing harder, but the naga had courage, knowing that their Answer was near.

Then Draco had come—and brought a boy. In a single flash of horror, King Nabob had realized their error. But in a second flash he had redeemed himself in the Kingly manner. He had summoned Nada, and betrothed her to the young Prince. The Answer had been implemented after all.

Nada had realized immediately what she had to do. She had been at the periphery of her brother's training, and had picked up snippets over the years. She was a princess herself, and knew the royal graces. She was also a young woman, who had ascertained to her own satisfaction that she could turn the head of any eligible male (and some ineligible ones too) she chose. Had this been an ordinary situation, she would have had little trouble.

But this was not ordinary. Prince Dolph was a child, just nine years old, while she was a woman of fourteen. Exactly the age of Princess Ivy, with whom she had always identified somewhat. Her brother had even practiced with her, letting her assume human form and play the part of a strange human princess, so that he could perfect his approaches. He was five years older than she, which was a fair differential for such a union. If he hadn't been her brother, she would have considered him an excellent match. It had been hard to see how Ivy could not be charmed. But by similar token, Nada was five years older than Prince Dolph, and that made all the difference.

Because, they had learned, Dolph hated his big sister. She bossed him endlessly, and no prince liked that. Also, girls were supposed to be more innocent than the boys they married. Boys were supposed to know everything, and the girls very little. Since it was manifest that girls were smarter than boys, the only way to get around this was for the girls to be younger. Then, after they were married, they could show their superiority. The boys were then either too stupid or too embarrassed to acknowledge the situation, so they ignored it. They did not even tell each other. That was the universal way of it. Everyone knew all about it, except the men, and of course no woman would tell. It was the mirror to the Adult Conspiracy, only in this case the victims did not know it existed until too late.

Nada was pretty sure she could handle the rest of it. She had never expected to have to play this role, but she was her father's child, and she generally had her coils in order. She could marry Dolph and make him happy and so save her folk from the goblin menace. Except for one thing: how was she to make the little prince believe she knew less than he? When not only was she female, she was five years older?

The answer had sprung from the question. She simply had to appear younger. Thus she had reduced herself in form and attitude by six years, and assumed the aspect of an eight year old. She had always been petite in her three forms, so that was no problem. She just had to modify her human form to be undeveloped, and this was possible because it was not her natural one; she could make it what she wanted, to a degree. It had only become womanly in the past two years, so it wasn't hard to revert. In one respect she remained a child: she had not yet discovered the secret of summoning the stork. She had approached the King about that a year ago, saying “Now I am grown up; see, my body is developed. Tell me how to summon the stork.” But her father had changed the subject. She regarded that as a breach of faith. It wasn't fair for the King to regard her as still a child when she was all of thirteen, and even fourteen. But now she was satisfied, because she was playing the part of a real child, and this made it easier. She had even remembered to forget how to kiss; she thought that was a nice touch.

Thus Prince Dolph had no suspicion, and they got along well. She would be satisfied if he never knew the truth, and never would she reveal how much more she knew than he. The welfare of her folk was at stake, and she would do her part. The loss of her personal happiness was a small price to pay for that honor.

But oh, she wished they had not encountered that Isle of Food! The other isles had been bad enough; she had not had to pretend her dismay when the ugly ghost had loomed, or when she had spied the kraken weed in the sea. She had had to be careful only at the outset, when they were rescuing Marrow Bones from the goblins. She had learned to play musical instruments only in the last three years, and could play much better than an eight year old. But the need for the wood wind had been great, so she had risked playing it well, trusting that the Prince would not know how much skill it required. The rest was easy: the exclamations when they were carried aloft, when they saw the great Gap Chasm, and so on. She had never before traveled like this, so her excitement really wasn't feigned. The truth was, it was fun being young again, especially with Dolph, who was a nice boy. She could be his friend, and later she would be his wife, though of course she would never love him. He was simply too young. By the time he was old enough, she would be too old. Not that it mattered; her father had explained that love was irrelevant in a marriage of convenience or alliance, and royal marriages seldom took note of it. What counted were the proprieties and the union, in that order.

“Hey! Gold!”

Delphi's exclamation brought Nada out of her reverie. She looked around. Sure enough, the landscape had turned golden.

“This would be the Gold Coast,” Marrow remarked.

“Almost everything is gold, here. We shall have to cut inland to pass it by, so that there will be food for you.”

“But those apples look good!” Dolph cried, slithering up to a golden tree with three bright gold apples on it.

“I don't think you should try those,” Marrow said, and hurried them on.

They cut inland, and the golden vegetation faded. Of course they ran the risk of missing an isle that might be off the Gold Coast, but that couldn't be helped.

In the evening Nada and Dolph shared a potluck pie from a pie tree, lacking appetite for more. They washed in a little stream, even behind their ears, under protest. Nada remembered how she had hated that, as a child, and of course she hated it again, now, to stay in character. It really was fun in its way, being a child again, letting the skeletons assume the adult responsibilities. They were very good at it, despite their rather alien nature.

Then Marrow and Grace’l assumed their cabin forms, and Nada and Dolph settled in for the night. These bony structures were surprisingly comfortable, because the air was filtered and maintained at an even temperature, and they were safe; no hostile creatures could intrude. The skeletons were form changers as much as any other creatures were; it was that their forms were always skeletal. Prince Dolph seemed to attract form changers; maybe that was an aspect of his Magician-class magic.

Magician-class. That was a concept to conjure with. Dolph was a child, and a pretty normal example of the type, with all the fun and frustration that entailed. But his magic put him in another category. She had dreamed of growing up and marrying a Magician, without ever formulating the image; obviously she had been thinking of a human man, since there were no Magicians among her kind. Perhaps she had been borrowing from her brother's destiny, as they had perceived it; if he could marry a human Sorceress, she could marry a human Magician.

Now it had come true, in its surprising fashion. Dolph's talent was certainly all that could have been asked; he was amazing in the way he not only assumed any form instantly, but assumed its ability to swim or fly or whatever, and its mode of communication. Even a ghost! His magic was like a boulder, compared to the grains of sand of ordinary folk.

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