Heavy Hearts (14 page)

“Oh.” I said with a hint of disappointment and I immediately wanted to stick my head in a pile of hay. I couldn’t have thought of anything better than “oh”?

We brushed in silence for a few seconds, but it felt more like hours as I combed through my thoughts to try and find something to say. I wanted to ask him what it was that was getting him so down. I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but I knew I couldn’t. Getting that personal so quickly could scare him off and I would never know if I sent him running for the hills. I had the next three months to become his friend to repair the
possibly damaged boy I saw in front of me so carefully tending to my horse. Just then I could imagine his hands on me again and I had to physically shake the thought out of my head.

“So… How did you get Ripley to take such a liking to you? Normally he won’t let anyone close to him.” I asked as I rubbed my palm down the center of Ripley’s dark brown face. He let out a soft whiney at my touch; his way of telling me he loved me.

“This big o’l teddy bear?” Finn joked as he gave Ripley a light smack on his horsey butt. “He just has impeccable taste is all,” he smiled his shiny smile again. “He really chose me one day as I was feeding the mares. He kept grabbing my hat off my head trying to get my attention until I brought him out and rode him around.” Ripley let out a loud whiney to confirm Finn’s story.

“You could say I am the boy who follows Ripley.” I was shocked to hear him say that. Not solely because the joke was kind of terrible, but it struck me as odd that this rugged boy read thrillers from the fifties. I didn’t meet many people that knew where his name came from, let alone anyone that had read more than the first book.

“You like Patricia Highsmith?” I blurted out in a condescending tone. Not meaning it that way I immediately regretted my tone of voice.

“Well yeah… they are such compelling stories. Who wouldn’t read them?” I could see his attitude shifting. He wasn’t looking at me like this cute little girl anymore; he now looked at me like a pompous spoiled bitch. I couldn’t have that… but I couldn’t blame him either.

“I’m sorry, of course. I didn’t mean anything by it honestly. It’s just most people ask me if I named him after the Alien movies. So I’m taken back by the fact that I didn’t have to explain his name. It’s nothing against you personally… I’m sorry,” I lowered my head in shame. I needed to remember that people who don’t live in the city are intelligent too. Sometimes the part of me that acted like my mother wanted to come out so very badly and I had to fight it away. 

“Hey…” he softly whispered, getting nice and close to me. He placed his index finger under my chin and lifted my head so I was looking into those dazzling stormy gray eyes once more. I thought he was going to kiss me. I willed for him to plant his lips on mine and never remove them, but he didn’t… “Don’t beat yourself up over it kid.”

My body shivered over his touch on my skin, but my heart dropped when he called me “kid”. I was just a child to him and nothing more. I should have given up right then and there. Hopped on Ripley and took off for the hills as far away as possible; far from the humiliation.

His smile warmed me and brought me back from embarrassment, but I could still see the pain lurking behind the dark pupils of his eyes. He was close enough for me to breathe in the same warm air that he was expelling and I held
my linger, silently begging for a kiss, but he pulled away.

“So… you want to go for a ride?” He broke the tension. Before I could even answer him he flaunted his immense strength and began to saddle Ripley up. I couldn’t lift that saddle up over my horse’s large body by myself, but Finn was able to execute the task with ease. I imagined the fabric to his shirt screaming as his biceps stretched it almost to the point of ripping. I felt my jaw drop and I wanted to reach my hand out and feel for myself what I could only imagine, but I forced my hands to my side and remained calm biting my lip to keep from drooling all over the place.

“We can ride up to the lake so I can let Perry know I’m done for the day,” is what I’m pretty sure he said, but all I heard was “I want you Lucy, I want you so bad.”

A blank stare was all I could offer…

“Hello? Is anyone home?” He tapped his index finger on my forehead. My eyes widened in some more embarrassment and I managed to find my words.

“
Uhh yeah, I mean, what?” My non-coherent words.

“We’re
gonna go see Perry, tell him I’m finished for the day. Come back down to earth kid,” he laughed. I needed to snap myself out of whatever this was. I had never felt anything like it before and I had zero clue on how to get a grip. I tried though.

“Okay, then I can say hi. It’s been a
while.” I replied like nothing had even happened in that awkward few moments. Once the saddle was secure Finn reached out his hand to offer his assistance for me to hop onto the massive beast. “Um.. that’s okay. I’ll just walk him over to the mounting block.” I reluctantly shied away from his offer. The mounting block was supposed to be used for kids who couldn’t get on the horse, but I was small enough to pass for a twelve year old and Ripley was just too tall for me to mount without it. It was a little embarrassing.

“Nonsense, you’re not a child. You can trust me, I’ve got you.” He laughed. So… now he wasn’t referring me as a kid?

He gave me a determined look like there was nothing that he wouldn’t do for me and there was nothing he would let happen to me. Like my life in his hands was the perfect place for it. I couldn’t help but begin to feel something strong for the boy that couldn’t decide if I was a kid or wasn’t. My newfound feelings were something I couldn’t quite understand and I needed to know more about them, and more about him. It was imperative that he opened up to me and trusted me like I already felt like I could trust him. I took his hand and held his gaze trying to silently tell him I was already falling in love with him. 

I probably weighed nothing to him as he effortlessly lifted me onto the saddle. His hand lingered on my thigh for just a little too long as he made sure the saddle was strapped tight in all the right places, but I was not complaining.

I was so swept away in his muscles and gaining his trust that I didn’t even think about the fact that he hadn’t brought out another horse yet. There were plenty to choose from in the stable.

“So, who are you going to ride?” I wondered as he grabbed a dusty old black cowboy hat off of a nail which stuck out of the wooden stable wall. I couldn’t help but drool as he placed the old thing on his longish messy hair; my tongue flopping out of my mouth like a panting dog. He really owned the hat and I just had to swoon over the delicious cowboy in my presence.

“Well,” he began, but before he finished his sentence I felt Ripley’s weight shift as Finn swung his leg up and over; nesting himself into the saddle behind me. He leaned in settling his face right next to mine and whispered into my ear “he’s big enough for the both of us, don’t ya think?”

My face grew hot and I knew my cheeks had to be the color of a shiny red apple. If Finn hadn’t been breathing his intoxicating breath down my sensitive neck I would swear that I had a fever. I nodded my head slowly and let a small “uh-huh” escape through my lips. Before I knew it Finn dug his heels into Ripley’s side and we were off. 

Chapter 17

Just as I knew we would, we found Mr. Collins
snoozin’ away under the big oak tree, while his fishing rod hunted for fish. If he wasn’t working he could almost always be found in that same exact spot, it never failed.

Finn stopped Ripley just a foot away from the sleeping old man. His leathery tanned skin looked worn out and his hair had grown grayer than I had remembered. I almost felt bad waking him from his slumber since he looked like he could use all he could get, but I hadn’t seen him in a while and I desperately wanted to kiss his scratchy old man cheek.

Ripley lowered his nose right into Mr. Collins’ snoring face and let out an alarming snort. I let my adolescent giggles go and Finn followed my lead with a brief chortle. Mr. Colllins perked up and tilted his tan Stetson back to see who was disturbing his peace. He was startled to find horse nostrils in his face and knocked his hat of his head as he tried to find his composure; arms flailing and all. 

“Hey old man,” Finn hopped off Ripley and kicked the bottom of Mr. Collins’ worn out old dark brown leather boots. “Get up, someone wants to say hello.”

He stood up and dusted the dried up dirt and grass of the seat of his blue jeans. His eyes creased as he smiled his welcoming grin revealing the deep set crow's feet in their corners. His dark gray mustache twitched and he opened his arms wide. I pushed myself toward him and let his arms fold around me keeping me safe from everything that was wrong in the world at that very moment.

It was always rare for Mr. Collins to show his emotions. He was a very reserved person who generally liked to keep to
himself, but with me it was a whole different story. He was so warm and loving, unlike my dad who was distant and uptight. My scraggly old man spent time with me while I was visiting. He taught me how to fish and how to properly care for Ripley. One summer he even took me hunting with him and I shot my first deer. Normally I don't embrace the fact that I have killed animals, but something about hunting with him made it feel like it was okay. He had a great respect for the animals and thanked them for the food they provided us with. It was hauntingly beautiful to watch him prepare an animal to be consumed.

"How have you been kiddo?" His voice was always raspy from years of smoking; plus filled with dry sleepiness. He kept me tight in his arms almost crushing me with no signs of letting go. It had been a long school year.

"I'm great. I'd be better if I could breathe though." I playfully said to get him to release me from his bear hug. He bellowed a low grunt of a laugh and let me go. Finn awkwardly stood behind us looking as though he just witnessed a car wreck. Like I said, Mr. Collins didn’t normally show his emotions often and it was probably a sight for Finn.

"
Yeaah... this is cute and all, but Perry..." Finn interrupted with a smirk smeared across his face. "I wanted to let you know I'm done for the day. I'm gonna take this little one around the property, show her what she's been missing while studying in the big city."

"Oh? Is that so?" My overprotective father figure glared.

"Relax pops. I ain't gonna try any funny business." Part of me was hurt because I wanted him to try something. I mean… I wouldn't have fought it.

The old man looked me in the eye and sternly said "You watch out for this one," but then with a smile he finished "he's trouble." He patted Finn on the back and the two of them shared a head nod. "Just be careful son, her daddy can be ruthless." I glared at him for that comment. Number one, he wasn’t that hard. Especially not on me because I always wondered if he knew I existed, but what did I know? Bringing around a boy could’ve brought out the fatherly figure that I knew had to be hidden inside the man that helped create me.

I also didn’t appreciate his comment because Finn didn’t need any more reasons not to touch me! I didn't need to push him away more, I needed to close the stranger gap between us and move into the more intimate zone.

"I can handle it," he smoothly said offering a sly wink my way; the kind that made you just
melt.

"Well, alright then. You kids have fun. I'm going to finish up here and then check on the horses in stable two before the sun goes down. Have a good night now."

"We'll catch up later. Tomorrow I'll help you out with the morning chores." I told Mr. Collins before attempting to get back onto Ripley. I usually spent a lot of time helping him around the ranch and I didn't want him to think I was going to give that up now that Finn was around to distract me.

"You got it
darlin'." He smiled back at me and wrapped me into another hug, or rather a squeeze. I pulled away feeling sad. I almost wanted to tell Finn to go away so I could hang out with Perry, but it would probably have hurt his feelings, and my girlish curiosity had to see where the night would take us.

"Alright little girl, let's get you back up on this horse." Finn ordered. His jab at my size still made me wince.

We were back up on Ripley; riding our way through the trails that came with the property. Someone spent a lot of time mapping out and creating these winding dirt trails that were spread out all over the landscape, in and out of the woods, around the pond and along the outer edges of the land. It was a very relaxing ride where it was easy to get lost in the simplicity of the country; which I often did. 

The scenery was straight out of a Thomas
Kinkade painting. Tall maple trees created a panoramic vibrant green display. Freshly cut dark green grass covered the meadows and poured into the forest floor. The rolling hills that ran up and down the land looked as though they were covered in broccoli tops. In the fall the scene was even more breathtaking when the leaves would change from green to browns, oranges, reds, and yellows. In the lower meadow and around the beaver pond there were gorgeous lilac plants that had sprouted up throughout the grassy areas. It gave the land that pop of calming purple that sent a soothing delectable scent straight up into the air. I loved to just lay in the meadow to write or think, but generally to nap.

As Ripley walked along the smooth dirt path I was suddenly aware of just how close Finn was to me. I mean, when he hopped up the first time I could feel my back nestled perfectly into his abdomen, and when he leaned in close to grab the reigns from my hands I could feel his breath on my neck. We might as well have been one person at that point with how close we were, but I was
not
complaining. Although I could be sure my face was bright red as I thought about just how close our lower halves were. What could I say? I was just a hormonal teenager after all.